Retriever Jokes
53 retriever jokes and hilarious retriever puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about retriever that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Want to make your pup chuckle? Check out these hilarious retriever jokes! From lab retrievers, to terriers, to loon puppies, these canine-themed puns will have everyone in the dog house smiling.
Quick Jump To
- Short Retriever Jokes
- Retriever One Liners
- Golden Retriever Jokes
- Retriever Dog Jokes
- Lab Retriever Jokes
- More Retriever Jokes
Funniest Retriever Short Jokes
Short retriever jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The retriever humour may include short rescue dog jokes also.
- My neighbor claims his Golden Retriever dog can bring a ball back from half a mile away.. That seems a bit far-fetched to me..
- Would you believe me… Would you believe me if I told you that I think a dog could retrieve a stick that's been thrown over a mile away? Or would you say that idea is…
far fetched? - My friend said his dog could retrieve a stick from 5 miles away. That just seems a little far fetched to me.
- A week after my wife went missing, the police told me that I should expect the worst case scenario. So I went back to the charity shop and retrieved all her old clothes.
- Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon... But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.
- Did you hear about the dogs that can retrieve a ball from over a mile away? Seems a little far fetched to me.
- Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this, ...but curiosity killed it.
- Did you hear in the news that a 747 recently crashed in a cemetery in Poland? The Polish officials have so far retrieved 2000 bodies.
- New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. It's called "Ear Bud."
- My dad told me that on their walk today my dog was able to retrieve a tennis ball that landed 2 miles away Sounds far fetched
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Retriever One Liners
Which retriever one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with retriever? I can suggest the ones about hunting dog and rescuers.
- What do you call a smart blonde? A Golden Retriever.
- what do you call a blonde with brains a golden retriever
- What dog breed always arrives in 2nd place? Silver retrievers.
- Would the man who lost his hearing aid PLEASE come and retrieve it at the lost and found
- What do you call an intelligent blonde? a Golden Retriever
- My Dog .. can retrieve a stick from up to a mile away, or does that sound far fetched ?
- What's the fastest way to retrieve forgotten password? @CIACustomerService
- What do you call a smart blonde? A Labrador retriever
- So, I was on Gfycat the other day..... Unable to retrieve joke
- What dog breed do Jewish pet owners desire most? A Golden Retriever
- What do you call a Golden retriever at a costume party? A Golden deceiver
- Why did Lionel Messi cross the road? to retrieve his penalty kick
- For Sale: Golden Retriever, had for 9 months, has yet to retrieve gold.
- The most motivated dogs are retrievers. They're real go-getters.
- I just had a window fall into my incinerator It was a pane in the ash to retrieve
Golden Retriever Jokes
Here is a list of funny golden retriever jokes and even better golden retriever puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between a pitbull and a Golden Retriever? A Golden Retriever can sing better.
- I'm trying to remember that movie where the golden retriever becomes an audio technician... Was it... Ear Bud?
- If you want a girlfriend but don't want your wife to know... ...date a blonde and get a Golden Retriever.
- I recently found out my wife Nicole is allergic to Toby, my golden retriever It was really hard leaving the pound without Nicole
- Golden Retriever. ...for sale. Has not yet retrieved any gold. May be a faulty model. Should of just bought a metal detector.
- I bought a Female Golden retriever and named her Sophia... Because she's my Golden Girl.
- Chicks dig golden retrievers One can even say they are "Gold Diggers"
- A friend told me they saw a blind person abseil down a skyscraper. I thought "Wow, that must have been one brave golden retriever."
- What happens when you pick up your golden retriever? You become the golden retriever.
- What's the smartest kind of blonde? Golden retriever
Retriever Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny retriever dog jokes and even better retriever dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a dog that always fetches the ball? An over-retriever
- What's the best dog to retrieve data? A Labragoogle
- Why does this dog like to run into mines? Because it's a golden retriever
- What does one dog say to the other when he just broke up with his girl friend? Go and retrieve her!
Lab Retriever Jokes
Here is a list of funny lab retriever jokes and even better lab retriever puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who got eaten by his own retrievers? I guess Freddie Mercury was right; too much lab will kill you.
- Be careful about teaching lab retrievers to play fetch. He almost blew us both up with a m**... bomb.
Fun-Filled Retriever Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about retriever you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rover jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make retriever pranks.
Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...
...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.
Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, plus $50 interest.
Banker says, "Thanks for doing business with us. But, while you were away, we did a bit of research and discovered you are an extremely wealthy woman. Why did you need a loan?"
She replied, "Where else can I park my vehicle for $50 for a week in NYC?"
Granddad could tell a tale
He used to say that as a boy he had the strongest arm in the county. He said he could throw a stick so hard that it would take his dog an hour to retrieve it.
To me that always seemed far-fetched.
The Story of Creation as told by Dog
On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy, and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.
Oh, you!
A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."
Raisin Bread
A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"
My wife made up this joke in a dream and woke herself up laughing...
Q: How do you tell the difference between a Golder Retriever and a Dalmatian?
A: You get down on the floor and spin them around real fast. One of them is yellow and the other one is gray.
A man goes to see a film alone...
...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.
The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.
As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".
The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.
The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'
A golden retriever walks into a bar
Stop reading if you heard this one before. The dog sits at the bar, locks eyes with the bartender and wearily says "One beer, one shot, please."
The bartender says "Holy moly! A talking dog! You should be in the circus, buddy!"
The goldie says "Why? Do they need an electrician?"
I was walking down the street with my friend when we noticed a large Golden Retriever l**... its b**...
My friend said: What I wouldn't give give to be able to do that!
I told him…
If I was you, I would pet him first..
A Golden Retriever mixed with a Poodle is called a Golden Doodle.
Aren't you glad they didn't call it a p**... Retriever?
