Retreat Jokes
44 retreat jokes and hilarious retreat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about retreat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Take a break from the daily grind with these hilarious jokes about retreats. From a French retreat to silent retreats, retirement and warships, these jokes will have you rolling. Whether you are in need of a good laugh or just some lighthearted fun, Retreat Jokes will bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Retreat Short Jokes
Short retreat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The retreat humour may include short withdrawal jokes also.
- My hairline is like the French Army... It's been ordered not to retreat, but nature is taking its course anyway
- Everyone had fun at the new nudist retreat this summer! Now they're clothed for the winter.
- A train carrying republicans to a retreat crashed into a garbage truck. It's all ok everybody. The trash was completely unharmed.
- What did the Ottoman General say to the Sultan after the Battle of Vienna? "Sir, we must retreat! We're Otto-men!"
- Did you hear about the tragedy at the Hipster company's work retreat? There were several hundred casual tees.
- Hey! You know, they've started offering free meditation retreats at the North Pole! Turns out the Christmas elves are really present minded.
- Why do New Age retreats only have single-ply toilet paper? So you're in touch with your inner self.
- Why did the French invent smokeless powder? So they could remain hidden after shooting to allow more time for a retreat.
- I wonder if french soldiers ever thought it weird that people would thank them for killing then by crying Mercy! Mercy! Just kidding. The only thing the French ever thought about was retreat.
- True story, I was walking chatting with my buddy telling him I was going to visit a concentration camp on Poland. He asked me if it was a type of yoga retreat.
(millenials...)
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Retreat One Liners
Which retreat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with retreat? I can suggest the ones about getaway and retirement.
- What would happen if Vladimir Putin retreats? He would become Vladimir Pullout.
- How do you get a Russian soldier to retreat faster? Give him a full tank of gas
- What do you call a French vacation? A retreat.
- What's a German soldier's favorite vacation spot? A French retreat.
- Why did Barbie go to a yoga retreat in Australia? She heard about all the Ken gurus
- where do the French go during a battle? An all inclusive Retreat
- What's a Frenchmen's favorite vacation? A retreat.
- Hear about that Jazz Retreat? You can get R&R at a B&B listening to R&B
- What do you call a group of French rabbits running backwards? A retreating hare line.
- What hotel did Blockbuster rent for their corporate retreats? Hotel Rewind-a.
- What do the French say when they retreat from a battle? Vive la France!
- What is an Olympic pre race pep talk for a French competitor? Retreat that way!
- Why are all french soldiers bald? Their hairline only knows retreating.
- I met my wife at a silent retreat. It's the only time she's been quiet.
- What do you call a secluded Catholic retreat in the mountains? A molestery.
French Retreat Jokes
Here is a list of funny french retreat jokes and even better french retreat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The french never go on holidays They only go on retreats
- Why do french doctors always book followup appointments? Because they have a knack for retreat-ing
- Why didn't the French soldier fight in the battle of France? He was on a summer retreat!
Cheeky Retreat Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about retreat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean refuge jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make retreat pranks.
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
The Lost Bible
One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry.
Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of p**... on the floor that do not belong to her!
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"
The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."
"Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear p**....
Builder
A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where he worked. "What did you take? " his priest asked. "Enough to build my own house and enough for my son's house. And houses for our two daughters and our cottage at the lake. " "This is very serious," the priest said. "I shall have to think of a far-reaching penance. Have you ever done a retreat? " "No, Father, I haven't," the man replied. "But if you can get the plans, I can get the lumber. "
So dad said he went on a business retreat with the guys for the weekend .
Well I decided to call him and a lady picked-up so I told mum about bit. Boy was she upset!
When Dad returned they got into a very big fight as dad denied ever meeting another woman all weekend. Finally mum told me," tell this cheat what the lady said when you called his line!"
I turned to them expressionlessly and said, "she said, " the number you are calling is not available at the moment please try again later"
I wonder why they have both been muderously chasing me for twenty minutes now!
s**...' and 'Love' ....;)
At the retreat, a couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words s**...' and 'love.'
The woman wrote:
When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and they respect each other very much, just like my hubby and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act physical s**... with one another.
The Husband wrote: I Love s**....
A brunette and 9 blondes are rock climbing...
and get stuck, unable to continue their ascent and also unable to safely retreat. Upset at themselves for not taking safety precautions, they begin discussing any possible ways of getting help. Eventually, the brunette makes a moving speech about why she should be the one to drop down and seek help, potentially injuring herself. Moved by her selflessness and eloquence, the 9 blondes start clapping...
An elderly couple visits their friends
After a fine dinner, the men retreat into the library to smoke cigars and to have a conversation.
"Last week me and my wife ate at this great restaurant."
"Really? What was it called?"
"Let me think....what's that flower with a yellow center and white petals?"
"A daisy?"
"Yes, that's it. DAISY! What's that restaurant we went to?"
Not my p**...
A wife goes on a retreat for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of p**... in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!"
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These p**... don't belong to me. I don't even wear p**... just ask your husband!"
I went to an adrenaline j**... camping retreat.
It was in tents.
