Resurrected Jokes
28 resurrected jokes and hilarious resurrected puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resurrected that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Resurrected Short Jokes
Short resurrected jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resurrected humour may include short revive jokes also.
- What is it called when a Cowboy dies and then is resurrected into a new life? Reintarnation.
- I just finished a long article about the different myths behind Jesus' death and resurrection. There was a lot of ….. cross referencing.
- A priest asks a little girl what she knows about the resurrection She says "I don't know much other than that if it lasts for more than four hours then you should call a doctor"
- Why did Jesus speak to women first when he was resurrected? Because he wanted the news to spread as quickly as possible.
- Did you know, the cave where Jesus was resurrected... contained a large quantity of hydrating body lotion? He was moist-jew-rising.
- A minister started his Children's sermon with a question. Who knows what the Resurrection is? Without missing a beat a young boy says, "If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician."
- If Jesus was born on Christmas and was resurrected on Easter, what happened on Black Friday? Sales at K-Mart
- Why did Jesus appear to women first after the resurrection? He wanted to be sure the news spread quickly.
- What did Jesus say when he sat by the fire after his resurrection? I'm a warm again Christian.
- Trump's last two chances to save his election campaign at the second debate: 1. Be endorsed by Dave.
2. Bring out a resurrected Harambe on stage.
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Resurrected One Liners
Which resurrected one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resurrected? I can suggest the ones about resurrection and reincarnated.
- Why did Jesus start doing P90X after he was resurrected? Crossfit was killing him
- What did Jesus say after he was resurrected? Nailed it
- What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection? ADHD
- What do you call a pink flower that resurrects itself? A rein-carnation.
- Why does the necromancer resurrect cows when he plays poker? He always raises the steaks.
- What do you call someone who resurrects dead people to kiss their necks? A Neckromancer.
- If a necromancer resurrects secretly gay people Does he have skeletons in the closet?
- Step 1: Die Step 2: Be resurrected
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Prophet - What was the first thing Jesus said after he was resurrected? April Fools.
- Why did Jesus Christ go to the doctor? His resurrection lasted more than four hours.
- What did Jesus get as a present when he was resurrected? Hole repair kit.
- Which Greek god has to resurrect every time he's been ice skating? Dionysus.
- Why did jesus take 3 days to resurrect? He got hammered with his buddies.
- It's official. There is now sufficient evidence for the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
- What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified? (OC) YORO
(You only resurrect once)
Giggle-Inducing Resurrected Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about resurrected you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean recovered jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resurrected pranks.
Four insurance companies are in competition.
One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."
The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the w**... to the tomb."
Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the s**... to the worm."
The fourth insurance company really thought hard and almost gave up the race, but finally came up with, "From the e**... to the resurrection."
I got my kid baptized yesterday
Priest: Do you believe in the Holy Spirit and the holy Catholic church?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the communion of saints and the forgiveness of sins?
Me: I do.
Priest: Do you believe in the resurrection of the body and life everlasting?
Me: I do
Priest: Do you hereby indemnify and hold harmless the Catholic church for any s**... misconduct to you and your family for ever and ever amen?
Me: I do--- wait! Hold on!
Priest: Too late! You said it!
Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday school on Easter
The Sunday school teacher said "Today is all about the resurrection, does anyone know what that is?"
Little Johnny raises his hand....
"I do! And if it lasts more than 4 hours you're supposed to call a doctor!"
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..
...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.
After the resurrection, Jesus was hanging out with Peter, fishing.......
Jesus says, "I feel like performing a miracle. What should I do?"
Peter says, "How about the walking-on-water gig?"
Jesus agrees, steps out of the boat, and slowly starts sinking as he walks around.
Peter helps him back into the boat and asks, "Why didn't it work this time?"
Jesus replies, "I'm not sure, maybe it's the holes in my feet."
What's it called when a h**... gets resurrected?
Reintarnation
Why didn't Jesus walk on water after his resurrection?
It's a h**... of a lot harder to with holes in your feet...
Resurrection day
Children at Sunday school were asked what resurrection meant. One boy replied, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts for more than 4 hours you should call a doctor." Happy Easter!
