The Best 50 Resume Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Resume jokes. There are some resume career jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these resume interview puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Resume Jokes and Puns

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

What might a farmer put on his resume?

Works well with udders.

A man and his boss are playing golf...

one weekend when a funeral procession goes past. The man takes off his hat and stands silently with eyes downcast. He doesn't move until the procession is out of sight. The man's boss, an elderly gentleman, approves. "You don't often see respect like that much among you young folk these days" he says as they resume their game.
"Well, I thought it was only right." Replies the man. "After all, we'd been married for ten years."

Resume joke, A man and his boss are playing golf...

Paddy in New York


Paddy was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop at a busy intersection. The cop stopped the flow of all traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' When everyone had safely crossed the street, he would allow traffic to resume.

The officer had done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across ?'

A Winking Salesman!

A man with a winking problem applies for a position as a traveling salesman and goes in for an interview.

"Looking at your resume, I can see that you're more than qualified", says the interviewer. "Unfortunately, we can't have our sales reps constantly winking at customers, so we can't hire you", adds the interviewer.

"But wait", says the man. "If I take two aspirin, I stop winking".

"Then show me", replies the interviewer.

So the guy reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a pile of condoms in all different shapes, sizes, and colours before finally finding a packet of aspirin. He pops the pills and immediately stops winking.

"It's great. You stopped winking", says the interviewer, "but we can't have our salesmen womanizing all over the country".

"What do you mean?", asks the man. "I'm happily married".

"How do you explain all the condoms?" asks the interviewer.

"Oh, that", sighs the man. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"


After my grandfather recovered from his second heart attack at 64, he went to the doctor.

The doctor told him - "It's safe for you to resume normal sexual activity."

Without skipping a beat my grandfather replied - "Oh thank god, I was getting sore from the wife's kinky stuff."

I recently submitted my resume to Sony

But they canceled the interview

Resume joke, I recently submitted my resume to Sony

They keep telling me to submit a strong resume, but

RESUME is getting me nowhere!

Unexpected things

"It says here on your resume that you're good at saying unexpected things.."

"Yes I am"

"But I thought you were gonna say something unexp- ..oh you're good"

Resume

I walked into an interview for a new job and handed over my resume. The interviewer began reading the resume and stopped half way through. He looked up and asked, "Why did the resume start off printed, then ended in pencil?" I replied, "I used all of my resources."

A man goes to a job interview...

His resume was fantastic and his qualities was perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed.

"You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there's this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?"

"I went to Yale"

"Wow great! You're hired"

"Yay, I got a yob!"

You can explore resume applicant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean resume continue dad jokes. There are also resume puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

I was fired after falling asleep on personal documents.

Apparently you can't lie on your resume.

a guy got an Interview for a job with EA

Boss: the second part of your resume is missing

Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$

Boss: welcome on board

The interviewer said to me...

The interviewer said to me, "On your resume, it says you're a man of mystery."

"That's correct."

"Would you like to elaborate?"

(Long pause) "No."

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...

Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."

Resume joke, Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...

I wanted to apply for a job at the NSA

They asked me to email myself the resume

What does a prostitute's resume list as her top attribute?

She's a consummate professional.

Why shouldn't you lie on your Resume?

It's less comfortable than your bed.


I went for a job interview at EA Games today.

The interviewer said to me, The second part of your resume is missing.

I said, For the second part, you have to pay $20.

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?

The applicant responds, I went to Yale.

Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!

The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!

Interviewer: your resume says you're very literal

Me: my resume talks??

My favorite quote is: "Kill it with fire"...

Shouldn't have wrote that on my resume when I applied for a fireman.

Interviewer: How do you explain the five-year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that was when I went to Yale.

Interviwer: Amazing! You're hired.

Me: Yay, I got a yob!

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why the clown?"

The police chief replies, "Fantastic attitude, you're hired!"

Just put Toys R Us General Manager on your resume.

Who are they gonna ask?

When the surgeon came to see his young female patient on the day after her operation, she was slightly embarrassed.

So the doctor she asked "What's wrong?"

"Well this is a bit embarrassing for me, but just how long will it be before I can resume my normal sex life.

"Uh" stammered the doctor, as he thought pensively.

"Uh, I hadn't really thought about it" replied the stunned surgeon.

"You're the first patient to ever ask me that after a tonsillectomy."

My local police station were looking for a rapist

I gave them my resume but they didn't accept me

Interviewer: It says here on your resume that you're extremely fast at calculations. What is 25 x 14?

Candidate : 39!

Interviewer: What? That's not even close!

Candidate : Yeah, but it was quick!

A man is having a job interview

Interviewer: What is this 3 year gap in your resume?

Applicant: Oh, that's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Wow, Yale! That's impressive, your hired!

Applicant: Thanks, I really needed this yob.

Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you

Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print

A guy is in a job interview...

And the interviewer says to him "your work history looks good on your resume, but notice there's a four year gap between FedEx and your secretarial job. Can you explain that?" The guy says "oh yeah, thats when I went to Yale."

The interviewer is impressed and says "wow, very cool! You're hired!" The guy breathes a sigh of relief and says "oh good! I really need this yob."

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied, "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed, "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says, "Yay, I got a yob!"

Interviewer: "How do you explain the three year gap on your resume?"

Dave : "Oh! That was when I went to Yale!"

Interviewer: "Amazing! You're hired!"

Dave: "Hurray! I got a yob!"

Job interview

Job interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That's when i went to yale.

Interviewer: That's impressive. Your hired

Me: Thanks i really needed this yob.

Why don't A.I. engineers need a resume?

They just let their projects speak for themselves.

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: That's when I went to Yale...

Interviewer: That's impressive. You are hired.

Me: Thanks. I really need this yob.

Interviewer: Please explain this 4 year gap in your resume

Me: That was the time I was in Yale

Interviewer: Very impressive, we'd like to offer you the position

Me: Thanks, I really need this yob!

How would you write I changed a light bulb on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

My daughter has decided to become a poll worker this election year...

She decided it sounded better than putting "stripper" on her resume.

Don't know much about history. Don't know much biology. Don't know much about a science book.

Donald Trump's resume when he applied to be a presidential candidate.

Interviewer: Your resume says that you are extremely literal.

Me: Holy shit. My resume is talking now?

Interviewer: Your resume says you take things too literally.

Me: When the hell did my resume learn to talk?

For my 3rd cake day I'd like to re-re retell

Resell, retail, retale, resail reset preset presume resume
Assume retell

That my favorite joke is good ol' #788

It says here on your resume that you were a m-misogynist?

"Yes, I used to give massages."

"OHH! I was confused because--"

"Because you're a woman?"

Job Interview

"It says here you are fluent in Spanish."

"Oui, Oui."

"Ok, that's french."

"Better add that to my resume as well."

Interviewer: How do you explain this 4 year gap on your resume?

Me: Oh, that's when I went to Yale. Bit embarrassed about that.

Interviewer: Damn, embarassed about Yale? You're definitely hired!

Me: Thanks! I REALLY needed this yob.

Job interviewer: So, how do you wish to explain this four year gap on your resume?

Interviewee: That is because I went to Yale

Job interviewer: Oh, that is impressive! You are hired!

Interviewee: Thanks! I really needed this Yob

An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position

Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.


Applicant: Yes


Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?


Applicant: 250!


Interviewer: That's way off.


Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.

A Swedish man shows up to a job interview

The interviewer says, "Mr. Gustafson, could you explain the 4 year gap in your resume?"

"I went to Yale", he replied.

"Outstanding! What did you go to Yale for?"

"Yacking off in the library"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the resume qualifications jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working resume employment piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes