The Best 81 Result Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Result jokes. There are some result examiner jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these result effect puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Result Jokes and Puns

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014 at 10:37 am.

The full time football result is in:
Real Madrid - 4...

Surreal Madrid - fish

It's time for dirty limericks!

There once was a lady from Decatur
Who got laid by a large alligator.
But nobody knew
The result of that screw
Because after he laid her, he ate her.

Result joke, It's time for dirty limericks!

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

Not exactly a joke, butthe usually get a great reaction. Caution: not for use with those who lack basic math skills.

Pick a number from 1 to 9, but don't tell me what it is. Multiply that number by 9. If the the result is a two digit number, add the two digits together. Now subtract 5.

Where the letters of the alphabet correspond to the numbers 1 though 26, pick the letter associated with the number you have left. Think of a country that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the country, and think of an animal that begins with that letter. Take the last letter of the animal, and think of a color that begins with that letter.

Now.... How many orange kangaroos are there in Denmark?


What is the difference between a BMW and a baby carriage?

The baby carriage is the result of last year's fun on wheels.

Romney spent $750m to not be President...

I spent nothing for the same result. Who's the better business man now?

Result joke, Romney spent $750m to not be President...

A man so poor...

A man is so poor that he is unable to pay his exorcist. As a result he was repossessed.

What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had sex?

Convirgin.

5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.

Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller

Flight attendant landed this one on us yesterday

We just landed on the runway and the flight attendant annouces a message over the speaker.

"Hey folks...um yea sorry about that rough landing...

...wasn't the captains fault,

...definitely wasn't my fault,

...it was the asphalt."

The result: a perfect mix of laughs and groans.

You can explore result end reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean result recount dad jokes. There are also result puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A chef accidentally put yeast in his broth

The result was soup rising

What's the definition of irony?

An incongruity between expectation and result.

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own genitals.

Nobody likes dictators

I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What happened to her as a result will change your life forever!

Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.

Stop clicking on click-bait!

(note/edit/whatever: I know this joke is a big gamble in terms of possible downvotes, but I just made it up and thought it was too good to not share with at least 1 person that might like it. Happy belated Halloween. I guess I chose trick.).

Result joke, I overheard some guy tell his sweet, old grandmother a joke about click-bait at her deathbed. What h

Do you know what the last result of the World Cup was?

Spain - 8 Ethiopia - didn't

Why are dicks like quantum particles

Measuring them changes the result

Man: "Doctor I want to do the vasectomy. Could you help me?"

Doctor: "Well... thats a hard decision... Did you talk with your family to see what they think about it?"

Man: "Yes and the result was 16-9"


If you know an Arab, you don't have to steal...

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery.

The Arab steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, "See how good I am? The owner didn't see anything."

The Jew says to the Arab, "That's typical of you dishonest Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one.

The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

The Jew replies, "Look in the Arab's pocket....."

Where is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of a Google result.

Yeah It is Result of Marriage

Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside.

Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husband's hair.

But Larry's still alive.

I know, but his hair is gone.

They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

This is my 56th time posting this joke.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

Q:Why Do Russian Students Always Turn in Their Homework Late?

**A:Because, all they ever learn about is Stalin.**

Q: What did the student's get as a result of never turning in their homework on time?

**A: Bad Marx.**

Rick Astley's releasing a new song lamenting the 'Brexit' result...

It's titled:

Never Gonna Give EU Up

What is the only result for Ear-rape?

Hearing AIDS.

What's the result of tossing a live grenade into a French kitchen?

Linoleum blown apart.

Football game between Jamaica and Ethiopia. Final result?

Half the grass eaten, half the grass smoked.

A woman was trying on her new fur coat.

Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.

"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"

The woman looked strictly at her daughter.

"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."

*Spoiler* US Presidential Election Result Leaked

The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins.

A guy was writing a script in which two characters were plotting against each other. Do you know the result?

Error: Characters can't be plotted in C++. Try with numbers please

Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game?

Egypt: 8.

Ethopia: Didn't.

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Einstein famously said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

But doing the same thing over and over again and actually getting a different result - that's called Computer Programming.

The pros and cons of being overly literal

PROS:

People who profit as a result of their occupation.

CONS:

People found guilty of a criminal offense.

A friend of mine was recently accused of having sex with one of his clients...

As a result, he has been publicly humiliated, and is probably going to be indicted any day. On top of that, a wonderful marriage, not to mention years of schooling and training, wasted for a moment of weakness. It's such a shame, for he was truly a nice guy, and an absolutely gifted mortician.

An English teacher is giving a lesson on double negatives

He says to the class: "One of the curious conventions of the English language is that two negatives always result in a positive statement; however, never do two positives result in a negative one."

A voice from the back of the room says, "Yeah right".

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia?

Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking…

The result was staggering…

I searched Google for "How to cheat on my girlfriend."

The first result was "I hope you used the left hand to type that."

Too many letters in the alphabet

A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.

She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!

Turned out that she had two p.

I was just diagnosed with colorblindness

The result came completely out of the purple

I once Googled, "How to commit murder and get away with it"...

The first result was, "Don't Google how to commit murder and get away with it."

IQ result

Psych Admin: "Sir, your IQ results are in, you scored 91."

Me: "Wow, my first A+"

I wanted to make a new color

So I combined red and yellow

But the result wasn't very

Oranginal

In the gym I have worked for 10 weeks and i am surprised at the result

I have lost 70 days

The results for The Disaster Artist are in.

Overall, it's received Hi Marks.

A woman, tired of living alone, decides to put an ad in the local paper.

She asks for three things:

1. A man who will treat her nicely,
2. A man who won't leave her, and
3. A man who is good in bed.

Several weeks go buy without a result, and the woman is resigned to life without a man who can embody those qualities. Then, the doorbell rings and she opens it to find an armless, legless man in a wheelchair. He says, "I'm here about the ad in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms, so I can't beat you, and I have no legs, so I can't run away from you." The woman is skeptical, and asks, "Yeah, but are you good in bed?" The man answers, "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

What's the result of unprotected ear sex?

Hearing AIDS.

I tried using a thesaurus to find synonyms for useless.

The result was futile.

Why did the scientist's results show that the Earth was flat?

Rounding error.

If I made a Mobius strip out of black and white dog fur,

would it result in eternal dalmation?

Your results are back, Joe.

What is it, doctor?

You have to stop masturbating, Joe

But...but why, doctor?

Because we are having a conversation.

Joke credit to u/Measuring_Words

I'm strongly against elephant poaching.

It makes the meat stringy and tasteless, roasting at a medium heat for 40 minutes per pound yields a much better result.

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

The result of a silly mistake...

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!

Reverse joke challenge

This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:

Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!

Keep in mind these take me a long time to "solve" but I can almost always come up with a passable answer.

For example:

Q: What do you call a polar bear with a banana?

A: A peeler bear.

As a result of the ongoing pandemic, my sexual orientation has changed.

I am now homesexual.

A woman goes to the doctor to ask how she can get bigger boobs...



The doctor says: "just rub a piece of toilet paper between your boobs every day"

1 month later she still has no result despite doing exactly what the doctor asked. The woman goes back and asks angrily: "doc, i rub a piece of toilet paper between them every day, yet my boobs are still the same size! How is this possible?"



The doctor says:" Well, i dunno it worked with your ass..."

Guns aren't lethal!!!

I did a survey of people who got shot and the result was that gunshots have a 100% survival rate

Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

Doctor: Exactly.

The results of a 3-year trial for a drug that prevents diabetes are in.

A scientist walks into his boss's office to brief him on the results.

"How did you conduct this study?" asked the boss,

"We gave a group of 300 participants our drug, at 3 doses a day, and another 300 a placebo. We then found the number of people in each group who had diabetes." replied the scientist.

"What did you find?"

"If you give a control group sugar pills 3 times a day for 3 years, they'll all get diabetes."

An Asian student's mom was reading the test result

"Why do you only get a B- ?! You bring shame to our family"

"But mom, it is a blood test"

I was certain that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result...

but every dictionary I check says something else.

A Jew living in the Soviet Union applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

I see that you applied to move to Israel? asks the KGB officer. The Jewish man nods.

Here in the USSR, don't you have food to eat?

Yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have place to live?

Yeah, yeah, I can't complain.

And here in the USSR, don't you have job to work at?

Yeah, I can't complain.

So, Jew, why did you apply to move to Israel?

Because There I can complain!

Oddly both my iq test and my Corona test came back with the same result

Negetive

The results of the election are in!

Oops, sorry, that info is only for us Russians.

I was going to make a joke about the result of the US election

But I don't think you would ever get it

As a Syrian, I don't know why America is taking so long to get a definitive result from their election.

We know our results months in advance!

Two prisoners are talking in a Soviet gulag...

One says: "We're really cut off from the news here. For instance, I never found out the result of the Fischer-Spassky chess match."
The other one replies: "Oh, I lost."

TIL that Austrian physicist Erwin Schrodinger suffered from a debilitating bowel condition that would often result in him soiling himself unexpectedly.

However, it was impossible for him to tell when he had had an accident, and lived in a perpetual state of both being soiled and unsoiled simultaneously.

This became known as Schrodinger's Scat.

As his Presidency comes to an end, I think it's important to reflect on the one positive result of Donald Trump's term.

His Covid19 test result.

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant. He is shown to his seat and orders some food. When he is done eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. The chef runs out of the kitchen and asks the panda "what did you do!?!?" The panda responds, "I'm a panda, look it up" and walks away. the chef looks on his phone and looks up panda. The first result says "pandas eat shoots and leaves"

This was an actual conversation that took place between my wife and my 7 yr old son just now.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

My friends and I had a competition to see what the most difficult to put on accessory was.

The end result was a tie.

I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'...

The result was 'This page cannot be found.'

What did the lazy algorithm say to the next iteration upon receiving an interim result?

Calc you later!

A soldier's wife has just returned from her insurance provider and is looking very, very unhappy

"What's the matter?" Her friend asked.

"I went to get my husband covered privately, but the fine print stated: no payouts when the holder dies as a result of an explosion and/or from injuries sustained in an explosion," she replied.

"Oh? So why would that make you unhappy?" Her friend asked.

"Well, it's too late to stop the freaking timer now!"

A boy was riding his toy firetruck down the street

A passerby saw that the firetruck was being pulled by a dog. The rope used to pull it was tied around the dogs privates, and as a result the boy was being pulled along rather slowly.
The passerby suggested that perhaps the boy would be able to go faster if he tied the rope around the dogs neck.
The boy responded:
"But if I did that, then I wouldn't have a siren."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the result outcome jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working result demonstrate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes