The Best 70 Restroom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Restroom jokes. There are some restroom washroom jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these restroom crapper puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Restroom Jokes and Puns

You're American when...

(if you're not American, feel free to replace it with whatever you are)

After drinking a ton of liquids you go to the bathroom. You're American before you enter the restroom, and you're American after you exit the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

European

Where do senior citizens often go to the restroom?

Depends.

What is another name for the disabled stall in a restroom?

A handicrapped zone.

(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert?

Because there is no John.

jokes about restroom

Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex.....

his father sees him, but instead of saying anything, he gives Johnny a huge grin and thumbs up, then starts to really give it to the old lady. The next night, the father gets up to go to the restroom, and he hears noises coming from Johnny's room. He looks in the door, and Johnny is on top of his grandmother, really giving it to her. Johnny looks at his father, gives him a grin and says, "not so funny when it's your Mom, is it?"


A guy walks in to a restroom.....

and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking.

The guy: what are you talking about?

Obama: How we are going to start world war 3.

Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant.

The guy: why an it-consultant?

Putin says to Obama.

Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!

A priest is in the confessional box...

A priest is in the confessional box and he has to go to the restroom, so he grabs an alter boy and says, "Take over for me for a couple minutes."

A man enters the box. "Bless me father for I have sinned..."

The boy says, "The priest will be back in a few minutes."

The man replies,"I'm in a bit of a hurry. Do you know what Father Daniels usually gives for oral sex?"

The boy says, "Well, he usually gives me a candy bar and a five bucks."

Restroom joke, A priest is in the confessional box...

BREAKING NEWS: hole blasted into women's restroom

Officers are looking into it

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom..

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.

A man goes to the restroom, and leaves his drink with a note "I spit into it", to avoid it getting stolen

He comes back and finds another note: "me too"

Why did the soldier salute the occupied restroom?

There was a loo tenant inside.

You can explore restroom stall reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean restroom bar dad jokes. There are also restroom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was in in the public restroom

I was in in the public restroom
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the other stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

Sign over the urinal in Dad's favorite bar

We keep this restroom clean because we aim to please ... so, you aim too, please.

While at the mall with my infant son, I was glad to see the men's room had a baby changing station...

โ€ฆso I took the kid right in there and strapped him into it.

Imagine my disappointment when we left the restroom and he was still the same foul-tempered, demanding and inarticulate little brat I walked in there with.

[Edited for clarity]

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the restroom?

Because they're extinct

I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."

And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.

Restroom joke, I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the

Why can't you hear Michelle Pfeiffer use the restroom?

Because her pee is silent.

Why is it so quiet when pterodactyls use the restroom?

Their P is silent.

Christmas Day accident

Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.

His gums aren't itching, but now, he can't get his underwear off!


Gender fluid

I'm gender fluid. Some times I'm a man, and some times I'm a woman. It depends on which restroom is available.

There was a peephole found in the women's restroom at work

the boss is looking into it

Excuse me, there's a large rat in your restroom.

Me: Excuse me, there's a large rat in your restroom.

Starbucks Employee: I'm sorry, what was that?

Me, leaning in: I said there's a large rat in your restroom.

Starbucks Employee: I'm sorry dear, I didn't quite get that.

People In the Store: *Look at me like I'm an idiot*

Me: *sigh* There's a *VENTI* rat in your restroom!

My self-confidence is at all time high now, I was asked to go outside by 15 girls.

I was at a girls restroom.

Peter and John walk into a Japanese bar

Peter and John are sitting at the bar. Peter orders some rice wine, and John orders a beer. Peter gets up to go to the restroom. A few moments later, their drinks arrive.

John says to the bartender: this is chilled, can I get a hot cup to keep it warm?

The bartender replies: For your beer?

To which John replies: No, for Pete's sake!

An Army general and a Navy admiral are both in a public restroom.

The admiral finishes peeing, and leaves without washing his hands. The general also finishes up, but washes his hands.

On the way out the door, the general asks, "What, did they not teach you to wash your hands in the Navy?"

The admiral replies, "No, they taught us not to pee on our hands."

Too many letters in the alphabet

A teacher was going over the alphabet with her students. As they were counting the letters they kept getting 27 instead of 26. After a few more times counting and getting the same result, she realized she needed to use the restroom.

She went to the restroom and then returned to the alphabet lesson. Again she counted the letters and this time she got 26!

Turned out that she had two p.

Restroom joke, Too many letters in the alphabet

What do you call a bathroom where police send people to jail?

A restroom

How attractive are you in the restroom?

You're an eight!

what do you call an occupied restroom in an airplane?

a hypotenuse


My boss is a doctor...

and the other day he came down on me for leaving a patients file on my desk while i went to the restroom. This was only days after he accidentally used unencrypted email to send other patients' records through our office.

So I called him a HIPAA-crit

I asked my French teacher if I could use the restroom.

"Oui, Oui"

"No, no. Poo poo."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the restroom?

"because the P is silent!"

"No, it's because they're extinct"

A kid gets out of his seat to leave class

"I'll be right back."

He's known for being a bit of a troublemaker, but the teacher can't deny him if he needs the restroom. The teacher says, "Alright, you can go. But first, spell today's vocabulary word, 'pterodactyl'."

He spells out, "T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-Y-L."

She says to him, "Good job. However, you left out the P. Because it's silent?"

"Yeah," he goes, "and it's dripping down my pants."

I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".

They don't care who pees in what bottle.


Restrooms.

Why are they called "restrooms" if I'm not even allowed to sleep on the floor?

I walked into a public restroom

and saw a guy staring into a filthy toilet with a quarter at the bottom. He stood there looking conflicted for a minute, then pulled a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and threw it into the toilet. Then he reached into the muck and pulled out the twenty dollar bill and the quarter.

I asked him, "Why on earth would you throw twenty dollars into a filthy toilet?"

He replied, "Well, there's no way I was going to stick my hand in there for a lousy quarter!"

You could be a 1, you could be a 10, but in the restroom...

... yer an eight.

It's pretty nice how people offer elderly people seats

Must be pretty weird in the restroom though

I got asked out by SO many ladies today. My secret?

I was in the ladies restroom.

On a scale from 1 to 10 on how bad you need to use the restroom...

I'd say urinate.

What does a female snake do after using the restroom?

Viper stuff

We all know what the buffalo said to his son on the first day of school, but what did he say to his son as he was murdering him with a restroom hand dryer?

Dyson.

What did the Italian man say to the poor British man using the restroom?

European

A teacher asks a class of 1st graders

"If you're on a date how do you politely say you are going to the restroom?" A little girl says "Please excuse me while I go to the little girls room" the teacher says that's perfect, anyone else? A little boy says "If you'll excuse me for a moment, I need to shake hands with a dear friend of mine that I hope to introduce you to later."

When I'm in public I always like to use the women's restrooms instead of the mens.

It's always quieter in the women's restroom, especially when they know I'm in there...

You're American right before you enter a restroom but what are you once you're in there?

European.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the restroom?

Cause they are dead

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

Actual conversation that took place in front of me today while waiting for my food at a chicken place...

There were 4 teens standing in front of me, 2 boys and 2 girls. One of the girls walks off to go to the restroom...

Guy A Hey man, is that your sister?

Guy B Yeah

Guy A I can tell, y'all look just alike. This is my sister and we don't look nothin' alike. I look just like my daddy... and she looks just like her daddy!

I laughed.

Ed Christie, CEO of Spirit Airlines, walks into a bar.

He says to the bartender Can I have a draft beer?"

The bartender says "Sure thing. That'll be .50ยข"

He replies "50 cents? That's really cheap!"

The bartender looks up and finishes with ."....and it'll be $3 for the glass, $4 if you just stand, $8 if you want to sit down, and $3 each time to use the restroom"

It is never ok to ask a woman why she is taking her purse to the restroom

Period

Yesterday, 4 women asked me out

I went in the wrong restroom

Pete goes to a masturbation addiction meeting

The meeting had been going on for hours and he really had to pee.

He raised his hand and asked "May I use the restroom?"

The host said that it was alright, once Pete had turned around he heard a voice saying "Ya need a hand?"

What do you call the numbers on the door to the restroom near IT?

The IPee address

Just recalling the great toilet paper shortage and my Walmart experience.

I couldnt find toilet paper anywhere at Walmart, so I finally found an associate wearing the signature yellow vest, and asked, " Is there toilet paper anywhere in this store?"

She looked me up and down and said, "We've been out of toilet paper for over a week."

Imagine my embarrassment as I waddled back to the restroom with my pants around my ankles.

I got asked out by 15 different women today

Oops, wrong restroom...

In a a gents restroom, a man is sitting in a stall doing his business.

Suddenly the man in the next stall starts a conversation:

"Hello there!"

"Umm... Hello"

"How are you?"

"I'm uhh..fine... How about yourself?"

"I'm doing great. What are your doing right now?"

"Uhhhh..... Nothing much.... Just sitting here...."

"Shall I come over?"

"*Nervously* Noooo!! That would be so awkward"

"Alright man I'll hang up now, the idiot in the next stall is responding to everything I say."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the restroom?

Because they've been dead for millions of years.

Walmart Bathroom

I was in Walmart using the restroom and just as I closed my stall door, a voice from the next stall said, Hi! How are you?
Embarrassed... I said, I'm ok!"
The voice said, "So what are you up to?
I said, Ummm... Just trying to handle a little private business over here!
Then I hear, Can I come over?
Annoyed... I said Excuse me?!?!."
Then the voice said, Listen, I will have to call you back, there's an idiot in the next stall answering all my questions!"

Embarrassed!!

My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

Just got screamed at by a feminist for the last 10 minutes because I held the door open for her.

Totally embarrassed me in front of everyone inside the women's restroom.

You walk into a restroom American, you walk back out of the restroom American, but while you're in the restroom...

European

When you enter a public restroom, what do you call the fifth sink in the row?

Cinco.

I came up with this last night, while tired. Forgive me.

How does captain Jean-Luc Picard excuse himself from a conversation with Will Riker so he can use the restroom?

I have to go, Number One.

A bearded man walks into a bar

"Everybody's drinks are on me tonight"

He then drank his beer, went to the restroom and shaved his beard

later he went to the bartender and asked : "how much should I pay ?"

"no sir, a bearded gentleman has paid for your drink tonight"

"ok", and he left

I just created an app you can use to find the nearest restroom

When you use it, it generates your I P address

Why did the sailor get a promotion when he went to the restroom?

Because he became a loo tenant.

What does hummus and a women's restroom have in common?

Chickpeas in 'em

Two recent college graduates walk into the mens room at the same time.

They proceed to the urinals to relieve their bladders. When they finish one walks to the sink and washes his hands.
The other about to exit without washing his hands.
Sink guy- at Harvard they taught us to wash our hands after using the restroom.
Other guy- at my college they taught us not to piss on our hands.

You're American when when you are not in the restroom...

But while you're in there, European.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the restroom toilet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working restroom pee piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes