Restrictive Jokes
54 restrictive jokes and hilarious restrictive puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about restrictive that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Restrictive Short Jokes
Short restrictive jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The restrictive humour may include short jokes also.
- Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
- Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4? They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.
- Due to COVID-19, The Seven Dwarfs have been restricted to gather in a group of no more than six. One of them is not Happy.
- Birth rates in Alabama have declined due to COVID19... ... restrictions prohibiting family gatherings.
- Why wasn't the elf allowed to use the step ladder to decorate the Christmas tree? Because of 'elf and safety restrictions.
- Political correctness has gotten so restrictive these days. Now I can't even say, "Black paint." I have to say, "Please paint that wall, Tyrone."
- Even before being President Joe Biden could access any restricted Area All those places are usually for Biden
- I heard that the flat earthers are against covid restrictions. It apparently drives them over the edge
- As of today it is legal for fruit to get married in Finland Sadly the new law restricts one type of fruit to large elaborate wedding ceremonies............
Cantaloupe - I'm having an Avengers themed party this weekend, but due to COVID-19 restrictions... ...it's going to be a Loki affair.
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Restrictive One Liners
Which restrictive one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with restrictive? I can suggest the ones about and .
- Due to travel restrictions this year... United States had to organize coups at home
- In what circumstance would a fan restrict airflow? When you are hanging from it.
- What's the biggest restriction with my current diet? My jeans.
- What do you call the STD that restricts arm movements? [Slow hand clap]
- What do you call a restrictive band dinosaurs wear? An ankyl bracelet
- What do you call a young Lord of the Rings fan on restriction? Lego-less.
- What do you call restricting access from Ctrl+Alt+Del Loss Aversion!
- What has 8 hands, 8 legs, and 8 eyes? A monster with oddly specific dietary restrictions
- Did you hear they lifted the restrictions on magazine size? It was all over the tabloids
Restrictive Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about restrictive you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make restrictive pranks.
Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
"You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's pay," said the officer.
"All right, sir," said the bright soldier, "I'll take the money."
Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
Marketing 101
A professor explained about marketing to MBA students.
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party, you go to her and say I am rich, marry me. That's direct marketing.
2. You attend a party and your friend goes to the girl to tell her, he's rich, marry him. That's advertising.
3. The same girl at the party walks to you and says, you're rich, do you want to marry me? That's brand recognition.
4. You say I'm rich, marry me and she introduces you to her husband. That's the demand and supply gap.
5. Before you say I'm rich, marry me, your wife arrives. That's restriction from entering a new market.
The parking spot on Richard III's grave was restricted...
Only two-door cars were allowed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Never argue with a woman
One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out herself.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read a book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish & Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that quite obvious?')
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I am reading!'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up a ticket.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
From the turn of the 18th century, to the mid 1960's b**... and w**... were legally forbidden from entering into i**... marriages. The reasoning behind this restriction?
It produced mixed results.
Life with me baby is like a rollercoaster
It's got a weight restriction.
(Stolen from a mock the week episode)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Indian said can eat
An Indian told me that using hands to eat is so much more convenient than knife and forks. Knife and forks impose so much restriction when eating and there is NOTHING that he can't eat with his hands, even soup!
I took him to hot p**....
Senate Republicans cancelled the vote on abortion restrictions. Does this mean they're going to try Plan B?
A man walks into a bell tower and shoots 16 people...
America responds by restricting access to bell towers.
Common scene
Q: Why are condoms transparent?
A: So that sperms can at least enjoy the scene even if their entry is Restricted!
Love is like a roller-coaster
It'll seem scary at first, it's happens fast, it has its ups, it has its downs, but what's most important is that you meet it's size restrictions.
Uber teams up with Lyft to fight ride-sharing restrictions in Germany
Deutschland Uber allies was probably a bad choice for the name of the coalition.
Don't worry about losing health care under the Trump administration
We won't need it after the EPA starts restricting oxygen
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...
and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"
"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."
The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic."
The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?"
"Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus."
"And where was He born?"
"In Bethlehem, in a manger."
"And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk.
"Because a s**... like you wouldn't rent him a room!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Soviet man is waiting in line to purchase v**... from a liquor store...
...but due to restrictions imposed by Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his composure and screams, "I can't take this waiting in line anymore, I HATE Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin right now, and I am going to kill him!"
After 40 minutes the man returns and elbows his way back to his place in line. One man asks him if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev.
"No, he responds. That line was even longer."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my women like I like my peanut butter.
To make me swell up and then restrict my breathing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are d**... like Diamonds?
Massive oversupply with artificial market restrictions in place. Everyone who has one thinks they are unique, and if one is in your hand you're expected to mention its size,
and fake ones are often just as good
Rabbi Schwartz and Father O'Malley were at a diner enjoying lunch
Father O'Malley put down his ham and cheese sandwich and commented, This sandwich is so good! Kosher dietary restrictions made sense in ancient times, but when are you going to join the modern age and eat delicious, wholesome food like this?
Without missing a beat, Rabbi Schwartz replied, At your wedding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mikhail Gorbachev started an anti-alcohol campaign in USSR in 1980s. People went crazy because of the restrictions on selling of alcohol. An old Soviet joke went like this:
A disaffected and angry citizen, fed up of standing in lines for v**..., decided to go assassinate Gorbachev. He soon came back and ruefully reported that the lines to assassinate Gorbachev were even longer than the lines for v**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked my doctor if restricting my diet would help my l**....
He just said there were no hard and fast rules.
So tired of all these restrictions...
I'm getting so tired of all these quarantine-related restrictions.
For example, I just found out today that when I'm in public the governor is requiring me to wear pants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The 12 Days of Corona
In the year 2020, the pandemic gave to me:
12 Cancelled Plans
11 Face Masks
10 Sanitizers
9 m**... Hornets
8 Zoom Calls
7 Mental Breakdowns
6 Feet Apart
5 Curbside Pickups
4 Quarantines
3 Travel Restrictions
2 Karens Complaining
And a massive shortage of Grocery Store TP
These Covid travel restrictions are getting a bit much..
.. things are so bad, the US had to organise a coup at home!
Covid restrictions...
I'm down with social distancing, but I think my local grocery store has gone too far.
They've put a big X on the floor to show where to stand in line at the register.
I've seen enough Roadrunner cartoons, I'm not falling for that.
A concert promoter walks into a bar
A concert promoter walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Now that they are easing the Covid restrictions have you been able to plan any big events?" the bartender asks. "Well, we're planning a Foreigner reunion concert for later this summer. But we're still going to require mandatory temperature checks for everyone that enters the venue," the promoter says. "If you're hot-blooded, they'll check it and see."