Restaurant Server Jokes

Uptime

Two techies are in a restaurant discussing how to get out of an overpriced hosting contract. As the waitress approaches the table, one emphatically says to the other, "Yes, g**..., I want the server to go down on us!"

Was talking religion over at a Chinese restaurant with some friends when...

one friend pondered if there were any Chinese Jews.. Nobody at the table had ever heard of one so we decided to ask our server. We called him over and inquired if he knew of any any Chinese Jews.,. He looked a little perplexed and said he would go and ask his manager. He returned some minutes later declaring that to his knowledge there were no Chinese Jews.. He only knew of Orange, Pineapple and Cranberry....

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

A guy walks into a restaurant with his friend. The server ask what he wants to drink and he say H2O. His friend says he will have H2O to. His friend is no longer alive.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.
So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

We were at a local restaurant waiting for a server, she finally came over and says "sorry for the wait"....

I say you look perfectly skinny to me!

Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say.

I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server.

Why was Hillary thrown out of a restaurant?

She trashed the bill.
Alt punch line 1 (u/Causative): She demanded her own private server and tried to have her meals removed.

What did Hillary Clinton say when she got to the restaurant?

"Can I have a private server?"

Jesus at a restaurant in Heaven...

"Holy cow!"
"Yes, Lord. I am both you server and your steak. How would you like me cooked?"
"Well done, my good and faithful sirloin."

Hillary Clinton got sick from eating at a high end restaurant...

she claimed her server had a virus

A Man walks into a Japanese Restaurant

Man:Hello, Can I have some chili?
Server:I'm sorry sir, This is a Japanese Restaurant
Man: thinks for a few second
Man: Herro, Can I havo some Chiri?

What is the difference between a website and a h**... restaurant?

At the h**..., it'd be nice if the servers went down on you.

Why couldn't the restaurant owners open a new data center

They just didn't have enough servers...

I went to a Snow White themed restaurant where the servers were all dwarves and the service was terrible.

I didn't mind, though. I could see they were short-staffed.

A man and woman go out to a fancy restaurant

When they walk in, they see the host is an attractive young man. The woman walks up to him and says "I'm interested in a q**...." The young host is flustered and quickly finds them a table. Just as they sit down, the server walks up to take their order. Again, the woman says "I'm interested in a q**...." The server is also flustered, quickly takes their drink orders and leaves. When he returns with the drinks, he's accompanied by the manager. Once more, the woman says to them both "I'm interested in a q**...." The manager is stunned, but before he can say anything, the woman turns to her date and says, "See? I told you it was pronounced quiche!"

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out n**... with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said I know what I want, but I just can't put my finger on it.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches.
The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"
The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn't connect to the server

An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.

After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".

Not very hungry

Me: "I'm not very hungry, I just want something easy"
Server: "... maybe the chicken strips for $6?"
Me: "... maybe it does, but that doesn't help with my hunger."
Random dad across the restaurant: "GOOD ONE!"

A kangaroo was dining in a restaurant.

The server stopped by and complained: "Sir! Everytime I stop by you order soup!"
The kangaroo replied: "Why yes! That's because I'm a morsoupial!"

I ordered a beer at a restaurant that was served with an orange slice.

I told the server "i dont always put an orange in my beer, just once in a Blue Moon.