Restaurant Menu Jokes
51 restaurant menu jokes and hilarious restaurant menu puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about restaurant menu that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Restaurant Menu Short Jokes
Short restaurant menu jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The restaurant menu humour may include short restaurant jokes also.
- Jay Leno walked past a painting of Simon Cowell surrounded by his dogs during AGT. And said: Cowell looked at the dogs like they were on the menu at a korean restaurant.
- At a restaurant.... Guy: hey can i ask a question about the menu please?
Waitress: the men i please is none of your business - What will be a the menu of a restaurant named karma? There will be no menu you will get what you will deserve
- Do you wanna go to a restaurant? You cant spell menu without me n u
I'm gonna lose all my karma. - Dinner So, I'm having dinner with my Uncle at this chic restaurant. As he closed the menu shut, he says to the waitstaff I'll have the turtle soup and make it snappy!
- So I am opening an Italian style restaurant. Every item on the menu is going to be medication themed.
I am gonna call it.... Big Parma. - I wish restaurant food looked like the pictures on the menu.
A hostess asked me how everything was.
I said, "My compliments to the photographer." - The local Chinese restaurant has creme brulee, but it's not on the menu. It's Secret Asian Flan
- I was looking at the menu in a restaurant wondering what the "Jeremy Clarkson Special" was Then it hit me
- The restaurant's menu said "Breakfast Any Time" So I ordered steak n' eggs from the Renaissance Period.
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Restaurant Menu One Liners
Which restaurant menu one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with restaurant menu? I can suggest the ones about restaurant server and themed restaurant.
- The most unappetizing thing in the world ...Is a restaurant menu with outrageous prices.
Restaurant Menu Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about restaurant menu you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean seafood restaurant jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make restaurant menu pranks.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress.
"About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
A man goes to a restaurant
He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them. He asks the waiter, "How much is the fettucini alfredo?"
The waiter says "A penny."
The man exclaims, "A penny?? How much for a steak?"
The waiter says, "A nickel"
The man is astonished, "Are you serious?? Where's the man that owns this place? I'd like to shake his hand!"
The waiter answers, "He's upstairs with my wife."
Confused, the man asks, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The waiter smiles and says, "The same thing I'm doing down here to his business."
An African-American lady called Betty came into my restaurant.
She proceeded to look at the menu for about half an hour before asking "Is there any chicken on the menu?"
Exasperated I replied "No black Betty, it's ham or lamb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
Poor elderly couple in fastfood restaurant
A Poor elderly couple walk into a fastfood restaurant and order one value meal. They quietly go to their table And the man gets a knife and cut the hamburger in half, gets a plastic cup, And proceed to equally divide the drink that came with the menu drop by drop. He then divide the fry's one by one so they both get exactly the same amount.
Another costumer noticed this and gets to the couple: "It seems you can't afford to get a meal for both. I be happy to buy you an additional meal". The man replies: "No its OK. we are used to sharing. We share everything since we are together.", and the costumer go back to his table but still observe the couple.
He sees how the man drinks half of their drink.
He sees how the man eats his part of the fry's
and he sees how the man eat his half of the hamburger, he noticed his wife haven't eat a single bite.
He goes back to the couple and ask the wife:"Well what are you waiting for?",
The wife replied:"the teeth"
Trying out a new restaurant...
A new oriental restaurant opened down the road from my house a few weeks ago, so last Friday I thought I'd go and try it out. As I arrive, I'm served promptly, and the waiter sits me next to a couple. As the waiter hands me my menu, I look to see what the couple next to me are eating. Nothing looked too fancy until I noticed a little basket between them. The lid of this basket kept popping up, and two small eyes we be looking at me! Shocked, I asked: "What did you guys order?". The man takes a look at his basket and replies "Oh, that? That's the Peking duck".
When Bob Seger was an up-and-coming musician in Detroit...
He used to celebrate a successful gig by going out to eat at this popular fusion restaurant in town that did a blend of Moroccan and Thai food. All the Detroit elites dined there, and their menu had all kinds of exotic dishes from Thailand and Morocco. But Seger, being a working-class guy, loved their free bread rolls more than anything else.
After they closed, he was so distraught that he wrote a song about it, and started his path to stardom. That song? "I Like That Old Thai-Moroccan Roll."
Chinese restaurant
A man goes to a restaurant and without letting the waitress give him the menu says "I want a Medium Rare Ribeye steak with Roasted Potatoes in Marinara sauce." The waitress timidly responds "Sir. This is a Chinese restaurant." To which the man replies "Oh! I'm sorry. I want a Medium Lale Libeye steak with Loasted Potatoes in Malinala Sauce."
A lion walks into a savannah restaurant (made this one up while brushing my teeth this morning!)
A lion walks into a restaurant on the savannah and asks what's on the menu. "We can cook anything you want," replies the host, "elephant, wildebeest, hippo -- if it lives here, we can grill it up for you." The lion thinks for minute, then asks, "Do you have giraffe? I've really been hankering for some giraffe."
"Sorry man," replies the host, "that's a tall order."
any suggestions / help with delivery welcome!
A lion goes into a restaurant
He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... could have simply avoided the Holocaust...
If he mandated a law for restaurants to include pork/bacon in all menu items.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a panda walks into a restaurant....
sits down and begins looking at the menu. The waiter quite taken aback by this panda decides he doesn't look dangerous and takes his order. The panda eats his meal, takes out a handgun, shoots a few rounds off and gets up to leave.
The waiter now freaking out asks the panda "Why would you do that?!?" In which the panda replies "look it up" and hands him a really c**... looking dictionary. The waiter thumbs through it and finds the word "Panda"
It says:
Panda: a bear-like mammal that Eats, shoots and leaves.
An old rabbi feels his time on earth is coming to an end...
He takes stock of his life and thinks about all the things he's done, and all the things he wishes he'd done. He thinks to himself, "I've always wanted to try pork!"
So the rabbi, being a cautious man, travels a few towns over and looks for a restaurant. Finding a likely place, he reads the menu and sees what he's looking for - a whole suckling pig. He sits down and places the order. Soon the pig arrives, skin crisp and glistening, with a big red apple in its mouth.
The rabbi is just about to tuck in when a member of his synagogue walks in and spots him. "Rabbi!" he exclaims, aghast, "What on Earth are you *doing*?!".
The rabbi looks at his plate, looks at the guy, and says "This restaurant! I order a baked apple, look how they serve it!"
Girls are like restaurants...
Just because you can't order doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
A blind man walks into a restaurant, sits on a table and...
...the waiter hands him the menu.
My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant and our German friend tagged along with us. I get the impression he eats a lot of calves.
There wasn't any meat on the menu, but he kept saying he felt like a third veal.
French toast
I saw on the menu at a small restaurant 10% more French in your toast and I asked the waitress what that meant and she said. "We swear at it"
I went on a date with a girl that I had a one-night stand with.
We arrived at the restaurant, sat down at our table and I scanned her face. She wasn't as attractive as I remembered.
As she looked through she menu, she said, "What are you having?"
I said, "Second thoughts."
At the French restaurant I recently visited, my meal was filled with contempt (and cheese!) I could practically taste the hatred of the chef.
No wonder the menu item is called "The Crepes of Wrath"
I really like European food...
...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
A fancy Indian restaurant just hired me to redo their entire menu...
I wish I could tell you more but I signed a naan disclosure agreement.
Cannibal restaurant
I went to a cannibal restaurant once, I asked for the menu and they gave me a phonebook...
What does Hillary always do when she goes to a restaurant?
Asks for the Children's Menu..
:-|
See to find out
I was sitting on my own in a restaurant, when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket. I wrote back, Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.
First Date
A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne...the works. Finally he asked her, "Does your Mother feed you like this at home?" "No," she said, "but my Mother's not looking to get laid, either."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out n**... with the menu painted all over her body.
She asked if I was ready to order, I said I know what I want, but I just can't put my finger on it.
A business is at a hotel in NYC.
Ah the Big Apple! He is excited and goes down to get breakfast at the hotel restaurant before his meeting. He looks over the menu and the waiter comes after an slightly extended wait.
I'll have the short stack of pancakes the business man says with interest.
Very good remarked the waiter.
Oh ... glancing at his watch the business asks will they be long?
The waiter quickly responds No sir , they'll be round ...
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Here's a Gaelic joke translated...
3 vampires are in a restaurant: rich, middle class, and poor. They asked for a menu, and later on told the waiter that they're ready to order.
Waiter: What can I get for you?
Rich Vampire: Fresh blood please.
Middle Class Vampire: Blood pudding please.
Poor Vampire: Erm.. just give me cup of hot water. I found a t**... on the way here...
I'll just have tea.
Ordering octopus at a restaurant
A man goes into a restaurant and he orders octopus from the seafood menu. The waiter says that's all right, but he has to warn the guest, it takes four hours to prepare.
"Why does it take so long to prepare octopus? Is it hard to cook?"
"Not really, but the octopuses keep turning down the gas."
To impress his date, Ron took her to a very chic Italian restaurant.
After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered for the both of them. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said.
"That's the manager." said the waiter.
Donald and Melania Trump walk into a restaurant
They sit at a table and peruse the menu, and the waiter comes over.
Good afternoon, can I take your order please?
Can I have the chocolate fudge dessert, and Melania will have the sorbet
Just desserts Mr President?
Yes, Just Desserts
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An orthodox Rabbi walks into a restaurant...
It's not a kosher place, but he thinks what the h**..., why not? He asks for a seat outside.
He looks at the menu, and decides if he's gonna eat non-Kosher food, he's going to do it in the biggest way possible. He orders a whole, roasted suckling pig, complete with multiple sauces and an apple in its mouth.
The dish comes out, and just as the waiter is setting it as his table, the rabbi sees one of his congregants walking towards him on the sidewalk. The rabbi is terrified of being caught.
Panicking, he shouts out would you look how they serve an apple here??
Source: my grandpa's joke, told almost every Rosh Hashanah
An American goes to a restaurant in Italy for breakfast.
After the meal he looks at the coffee menu and orders an Espresso Ristretto, because the name sounds good. The server brings him a tiny coffee cup with a little coffee at the bottom. The American takes the cup, dumps the content in his mouth, makes few slushing sounds with his tongue and says to the server: "Yes, it's good. I'll have this".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sat down in a restaurant to eat dinner last night, and the waiter asked if I'd like to hear today's special.
I said yeah
He said, today is special.
I said, I can appreciate a good dad joke, but can you tell me about the menu please.
The waiter slams his notebook down on the table, and says, sir the men I please is my own private business.
**EDIT**
Thank you for the awards!!
Octopus dinner
I recently went to a sea food restaurant and I had a look at the menu , I said to the Waiter
excuse me can I have the octopus please
No problem sir he replied
But there is an issue he said
And what's that then ??
He said
you can have it but it takes 4 hours to cook
4 hours ??? Why on earth does it take that long ??
Simples ,Because we cook them when they are still alive , but they keep turning the gas off
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cannibal was walking through the jungle
and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry,he sat down and looked over the menu.
*Grilled Tourist: $5.00
*Broiled m**...: $10.00
*Fried Explorer: $15.00
*Baked Politician: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and
asked, "Why such a high price for
politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you
ever tried to clean one? They are so full of
s**... that it takes all day!"
A blind person tripped on his way into a restaurant and crashed onto the floor.
The waiter rushed up and asked if he was ok. The blind man said "Fall...awlful..." And the waiter said "sorry we don't have that on the menu but there's a Mediterranean place next door."
A man sat down in a restaurant and the waiter came over to the table.
The man says, "I'd like tomato juice, scrambled eggs with spinach, and some cherry pie."
"But you haven't looked at the menu yet," said the waiter.
"No, but I've looked at the tablecloth," replies the man.