The Best 86 Rest Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rest jokes. There are some rest afloat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rest hours puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Rest Jokes and Puns

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar...

I don't remember the rest.

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

Rest joke, My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye

So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"


Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?

Because there's no rest for the wicked.

Rest joke, Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?

An old cowboy told his grandson...

An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure.

The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand

They wanted to know where the rest of her body was

I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

You can explore rest eternity reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rest avail dad jokes. There are also rest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I got so drunk the other night that I lost my glasses.

The rest is a blur.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

My daughter asked if I am going to die someday

I said "Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."

She looked relieved.

A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:

"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"

The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:

"Nah, the stakes are too high."

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

Rest joke, Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

Programming is like sex.

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.


Got an A on my paper...

Time to write the rest of it

Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you.

Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water?

In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"

If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

My life is just like Rihanna's new song.

Work work work work work and the rest I can't really understand!

A man lies naked on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully nude. The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would raise itself, if you weren't that ugly."

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

I got caught sniffing underwear...

I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day,

What made it worse was she was still wearing them,

Made the rest of her funeral really awkward.

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.



Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

A prostitute goes to the doctor

Prostitute: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"

Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"

She undresses and shows him.

Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"

Prostitute: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"

Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"

Police were called to a day care

Toddler was resisting a rest.

What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.

My best friend got mad at me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. Needless to say it made the rest of the funeral really awkward.

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

I used my knife to conserve ammo...

the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified

I like to tell girls I have my own private jet

But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

So a guy walks into a bar and sees three steaks taped to the ceiling....

He then asks the bartender why are there three steaks taped to the ceiling? The bartender says well you get one shot, if you jump up and touch one of the steaks then you get free drinks for the rest of the day, however if you miss, you must buy everyone else's drinks for the next hour. The guy ponders for a minute and then says, I would do it, but the stakes are too high.

Hitler walked in to a bar...

The bartenders says "whoa, hitler I thought you were dead"

Hitler says "no, just hiding. I'm planning to kill the rest of the Jews and 5 clowns"

The bartender asks "why the clowns?"

Hitler says "see no one cares about Jews"

Assist is 50% the letter "S"...

The rest are just there to help.

Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

I've got my own private jet...

...but the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mom.

I went to a restaurant.

It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day...

SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open don't panic

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it

I went drinking with a human centipede

The first guy could hold his liquor.

The rest if them got completely shitfaced.

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."

Imagine if the rest of the world changed from Kilograms to Pounds overnight

There would be a mass confusion

How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"

"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"

The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.

"Nah, the steaks are too high"

A horse walks into a bar...

... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.



See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott Lynch walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.

See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!

Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!

So the Pope slapped him.

Trump might finally get what he wants the most

He might get to be president for the rest of his life.

Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.

But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*

Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

What's the difference between retail workers and turkeys?

We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

β€ŸOn what grounds?

β€ŸGrounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.

β€ŸNo, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?

β€ŸYes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.

^(getting exasperated) β€ŸDoes he beat you up?

β€ŸNo, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.

β€ŸWHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?

β€ŸWe just can't seem to communicate.

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.

He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn't connect to the server

I went to a restaurant and they asked me "Do you mind waiting a bit?"

"Not at all", I replied.


"Good", they said, while handing me some menus. "Take these to Table 11."

I'm 25 years old and finally decided to tell my parents and the rest of my family that I don't want kids

The look on my mom and dad's face was pretty judgmental, but my wife and two children took it really, really hard.

When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony.

Turns out β€” that was just a stereotype.

So a man walks into a coffee house late in the afternoon and asks for a tall drink with 4 shots of espresso and the rest filled with milk.

The barista looks at him lightly concerned and she says,

Are you sure sir? That's a latte coffee.

Why shouldn't you eat mushrooms as an appetiser?

Because it leaves not-mushroom for the rest of your food.

The rest of my class complained when we were told we're getting the Classical Civilisation class, but I don't understand why.

It's such an interesting topic. I've always wanted to learn about my parents' childhood.

How many blonde jokes are there?

One. The rest are true stories!

The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest.

The rest are e-z.

What sort of monsters don't eat the crust?

I mean it's fantastic even if it doesn't taste like the rest of the watermelon

Around 50 million years ago, whales lived on land. Until some of them decided to go back to the sea.

The rest of them stayed on land and became yo mumma

I went to a restaurant called The Lord Giveth.

He also does takeaway

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rest relax jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rest uninvited piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes