JokoJokes

Rest Jokes

144 rest jokes and hilarious rest puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rest that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Put your feet up, relax and get ready to laugh with the funniest rest jokes! From bed rest to day of rest and all the way to eternity, these jokes will have you agree that everyone needs a bit of rest now and then! Need a nap? Let these rest jokes bring you a little peace and beauty.

Funniest Rest Short Jokes

Short rest jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rest humour may include short sleep jokes also.

  1. How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
    One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
  2. Trump might finally get what he wants the most He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
  3. How many Karens did it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.
    She just holds the lightbulb in the socket and expects the rest of the world to revolve around her.
  4. Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and you feed him for the rest of his life.
  5. If you buy a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a day… If you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life
  6. Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day. But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
  7. Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
  8. Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.
    Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
  9. I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th... Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.
  10. Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day. Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

Share These Rest Jokes With Friends




Rest One Liners

Which rest one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rest? I can suggest the ones about repair and resume.

  1. Cardi B and bill Cosby walk into a bar... I don't remember the rest.
  2. The three most well-known spy agencies are the CIA, KGB, and MI5. The rest are good.
  3. If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry.. You have the rest of your life to fix it.
  4. Why couldn't the candle get any sleep? Because there's no rest for the wicked.
  5. Assist is 50% the letter "S"... The rest are just there to help.
  6. I used my knife to conserve ammo... the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified
  7. Got an A on my paper... Time to write the rest of it
  8. I'm so dumb and out of shape My resting heart rate is higher than my IQ
  9. My wife said I'm the only one she's ever been with The rest were eights and nines.
  10. I got so drunk the other night that I lost my glasses. The rest is a blur.
  11. Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
  12. The first four letters of the alphabet are the hardest. The rest are e-z.
  13. I've got my own private jet... ...but the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mom.
  14. What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
  15. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Day Of Rest Jokes

Here is a list of funny day of rest jokes and even better day of rest puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.
  • I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
  • Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day... SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
  • I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.
  • Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Give a man a puffer fish and he will eat for the rest of his life
  • Build a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day. Set a man on fire, you'll warm him for the rest of his life.
  • Which days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are week days.
    My daughter just told me this joke and I'm busting with pride.
  • Did you know Saturday and Sunday are the strongest days? The rest are just weekdays...
  • Confucius once said... "Buy a man an airplane ticket, and he flies for a day. Throw a man out of a flying plane, and he flies for the rest of his life."
  • "Give a poor man a fish and you will feed him for a day Give a poor man a poisoned fish and you will feed him for the rest of his life"

Rest Home Jokes

Here is a list of funny rest home jokes and even better rest home puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap. He was resisting a rest.
  • A man comes home to his wife from his job... ...with a happy smile on his face.
    – Hey, i just got fired!
    – Then why are you so happy?
    – The rest were imprisoned!
  • What did the gamer say when they were told they had to spend the next year inside their home, physically isolated from the rest of the world? What's the catch?
  • Learning English So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.
    Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.
    Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.
  • A joke my grandpa told me... Men start their life from between a woman's thighs, and they spend the rest of their life trying to get back...
    Talk about home sickness...
  • My friends were disappointed that I decided to stay home after work instead of going out with them... I said, "Yea, I'm really into resting, aren't I ? "
  • Men are born from between a women's legs and spend rest of their life to get back between them. Why?
    Because there's no place like home.
  • What did the rest of the periodic table say as gold went home at the end of the day? Au revoir!
  • My trany came out on my way home last night... So I pulled over and told he/she/it that they could walk the rest of the way home and pick up their belongings.
  • I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town. They call it resisting a rest.
Rest joke, I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town.

Bed Rest Jokes

Here is a list of funny bed rest jokes and even better bed rest puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Before our marriage when my wife told me that she's a cat person, I should have realized that... ..... for the rest of my life she's gonna sit on the other side of the bed & ignore me all day.
  • Did you hear they caught the monster that was under my bed? He was under a rest
  • Why are tall people always so well rested? Because they sleep longer in bed.
  • Why did the suicidal kid cover his bed in legumes? So he could rest in peas.
  • We should say RIB to people before they sleep Rest In Bed
  • What did the cop say to the kid that was hiding under his parents bed while they were napping? You're under a rest.
  • What do Asians listen to before bed? Kanye Rest
  • Why does a montonegran man keep a chair next to his bed? So he can have a rest after he gets tired from waking up.
  • What did the cop say to his bed after a long day at work? You under a rest!

Beauty Rest Jokes

Here is a list of funny beauty rest jokes and even better beauty rest puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
  • Why do dominatrixes get so much beauty rest They just love to hit the sack
  • Why did Sleeping Beauty go to jail? She was under a rest
  • You are so selfish!
    You're going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
  • Disney princesses usually have a good reputation. But Sleeping Beauty is mistaken as a bad influence because she is always under a rest
  • French People and France When god created France it was beautiful, and great. The rest of the world was so jeaulous...so to make it equal god created French People.
  • It's important to get 8 hours of beauty rest... 9, if you're ugly.
Rest joke, It's important to get 8 hours of beauty rest...

Hilarious Fun Rest Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about rest you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean relax jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make rest pranks.

My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's p**...

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.
Or that his whole family was there.
That made the rest of his sister's f**... kind of awkward.
And who thought you could make the f**... for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye

So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

An old cowboy told his grandson...

An old cowboy told his grandson "The secret to a long, healthy life is to put a pinch of gunpowder in your oatmeal every morning." The grandson took this advice to heart, and everyday for the rest of his life put a pinch of gunpowder in his oatmeal every morning. When he died at the age of 132 he left behind 5 children, 12 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren, 78 great great grandchildren, and a 50 foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

My daughter asked if I am going to die someday

I said "Don't worry sweetheart. I promise I'll be alive for the rest of my life."
She looked relieved.

A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:
"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"
The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:
"Nah, the stakes are too high."

Did you hear Mike Tyson was just arrested for nearly beating a Pizza Hut waitress to death?

As he was finishing eating, she asked "Hey, mister, you wanna box for the rest of your pizza?

Programming is like s**....

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water?

In Flint, the waiter asks you, "Regular or Unleaded?"

My life is just like Rihanna's new song.

Work work work work work and the rest I can't really understand!

A man lies n**... on the beach...

But because his private parts aren't as tanned as the rest of his body, he place a hat on it. A few minutes later a lady walks by, fully n**.... The lady jokinly said to the man "Well, if you were a gentleman, you would raise your hat for me..." The man answered in return "Well, m'lady, the hat would raise itself, if you weren't that ugly."

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

A man walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

The guy asks, "What's this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drink for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replies, "Nah the steaks are too high".

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.
See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

A p**... goes to the doctor

p**...: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
p**...: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"

My best friend got mad at me sniffing his sister's p**...

It didn't help that they were still on her. Or that all of his family was there too. Needless to say it made the rest of the f**... really awkward.

I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

I went to a restaurant.

Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."
9 girls left their seats for me.

A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?
Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.
Interviewer: and what about the rest?
Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this o**....

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

I like to tell girls I have my own private jet

But I always forget to mention that my mom owns the rest of the jacuzzi

A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the f**... very awkward.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

I went to a restaurant.

It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.
One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when e**...."
Those who answered "spine" are now doctors
The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open don't panic

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling.

The guy asks "what's this about?". the bartender replies, "well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You want to have a go?" The guy replies, "No thanks, the steaks are too high."

Imagine if the rest of the world changed from Kilograms to Pounds overnight

There would be a mass confusion

A man walks into a bar and sees 2 steaks hanging from the ceiling.

He sits down and orders a beer, and asks the bartender
"what's the deal with the steaks?"
"It's a competition. If you can jump up and slap both steaks at the same time, one with each hand, you win the bar. If you try and fail, though, you pay for everyone's drinks for the rest of the night"
The man sits and thinks it over, and a couple minutes later the bartender asks if he wants to have a go.
"Nah, the steaks are too high"

A horse walks into a bar...

... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.

See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

George R. R. Martin, Patrick Rothfuss, and Scott l**... walk into a bar

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint

The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.

The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!
Trump replies, I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!
So the Pope slapped him.

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you s**... it up.

I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections

\*Professor grading my test\*
Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.

A woman says to her lawyer "I want to divorce my husband."

‟On what grounds?
‟Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.
‟No, that's not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?
‟Yes, we've a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.
^(getting exasperated) ‟Does he beat you up?
‟No, I'm up by 6:30 and sometimes he does not get up until after I've left for work.
‟WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?
‟We just can't seem to communicate.

Everyone knows about Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer..

But few know about Harold the Brown Nose Reindeer.
He was as strong as the rest, and could fly as high..he just couldn't stop as fast.

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn't connect to the server

I went to a restaurant and they asked me "Do you mind waiting a bit?"

"Not at all", I replied.
"Good", they said, while handing me some menus. "Take these to Table 11."

I'm 25 years old and finally decided to tell my parents and the rest of my family that I don't want kids

The look on my mom and dad's face was pretty judgmental, but my wife and two children took it really, really hard.

When I was young, I thought rich people bought Bose products and the rest of us had to settle for Sony.

Turns out — that was just a stereotype.

What's the difference between R Kelly and a Tiger?

No one wants to see a tiger in a cage for the rest of its life.

When I was younger one of my favorite jokes to tell was about a 4,000 lb. elephant. I tried to convert it to metric to share with the rest of the world.

But, it never got a laugh. Just these looks of mass confusion.

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the
tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you
mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

When I was 16 my bestfriend got super mad at me once and wouldnt talk to me for nearly 4 months for smelling his sisters underwear.

Idk if it was because she was still wearing them or that there was a lot of people around us, but either way, it made the rest of the f**... super awkward

When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products.

Turns out those were just stereotypes.

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was:
'Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world? The survey was a failure.
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant;
in India they didn't know what 'honest' meant;
in Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant;
in China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant;
in the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant;
in South America they didn't know what 'please' meant;
in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.

I went to see a psychiatrist today..

Told me I had a split personalty and charged me $80 for the diagnosis. I gave him $40 and told him to get the rest from the other guy,

Rest joke, I went to see a psychiatrist today..

jokes about rest