rest Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious rest puns

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

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Cardi B and Bill Cosby walk into a bar...

I don't remember the rest.

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My best friend got mad at me because he caught me sniffing his sister's panties

It didn't help that she was still wearing them.

Or that his whole family was there.

That made the rest of his sister's funeral kind of awkward.

And who thought you could make the funeral for such a small child more awkward than it already was..

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Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor,
so I took the entrance exam to go to medical
school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy
asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS" into
the name of "an important human body part which
is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.

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Vladimir Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon. The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said...

"No. That's why we want to go to the moon."

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A friend got mad at me for smelling his sister's underwear.

I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or because the rest of the family was there. Either way it made the rest of the funeral very awkward.

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I need you to masturbate.

Employee : Sir, you called me?

Boss : Yeah, I need you to go to the rest room and masturbate.

Employee : (After a few minutes) Done, sir. Anything else that you'd like me to do?

Boss : Do it again.

Employee : (after a few minutes) Done again, sir. Anything else?

Boss : Do it once more.

Employee : I'm really sorry sir, but I don't have any stamina left now. I can't do it anymore.

Boss : Very good, here are my car
keys, drop my daughter home.

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Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

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Give a man a plane ticket...

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

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I celebrate 4/20 on January 5th...

Because I know how to reduce fractions unlike the rest of you morons.

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The other day i walked in on my grandmother sucking my grandfather's dick.

I just find it weird why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him.

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Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

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Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times and she won't believe you.

Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

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Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet?

Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

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A poker player wins one million dollars first price in a tournament

Interviewer: Congratulations on your win! If you don't mind me asking, how will you spend you $1 million winnings?

Poker player: I owe some people some money so I will be paying my debt to these guys.

Interviewer: and what about the rest?

Poker player: Well... I guess they'll have to wait..

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I went to a restaurant.

It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

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Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

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If your parachute doesn't deploy don't worry..

You have the rest of your life to fix it.

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A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint.

The barkeeper says "you're in here pretty often. Think you might be an alcoholic?", to which the horse says "I don't think I am.", and vanishes from existence.

See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think therefor I am", but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be to put Descartes before the horse.

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Why couldn't the candle get any sleep?

Because there's no rest for the wicked.

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A man walks into a bar

and sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender what the deal was about:

"Anyone who can jump up and slap the meat earns free drinks for the rest of the night", the bartender answered. "But, if you miss you pay everyone else's drinks for the next hour. Would you like to try?"

The man thought about it for a moment, and then answers:

"Nah, the stakes are too high."

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Assist is 50% the letter "S"...

The rest are just there to help.

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I looked at my bank account and found I could live the rest of my life comfortably without working...

... as long as I die on Thursday.

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I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night.....

....He hypnotized 7 guys...then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled "FUCK ME".....what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life

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One soldier

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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I was at a restaurant....

and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

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Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

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I was at a restaurant and my waitress had a black eye

So I ordered really slow, because she obviously doesn't listen

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I was at a restaurant when I noticed my waitress had a black eye...

So I ordered really slowly, because she obviously doesn't listen well.

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

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Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

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I used my knife to conserve ammo...

the rest of the paintball tournament were horrified

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TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world.

While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

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I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand

They wanted to know where the rest of her body was

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Got caught smelling my sisters underwear yesterday.

Made the rest of her funeral very fucking awkward.

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What are the most funny Rest jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Rest? Well, here are the best Rest dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Rest pick up lines to share with friends.

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