The Best 64 Responsible Jokes

Following is our collection of Responsible jokes which are very funny. There are some responsible guilty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these responsible liable puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

People can change

Even Hitler went from being an anti-semite to finally killing the person responsible for death of million jews.

I was down by the Niagara River...

and I saw a Muslim extremist fall in!

He immediately started to sink.

Being a responsible Canadian, I contacted the provincial police and the RCMP right away! They didn't respond in time, and the Muslim man inevitably drowned...

I'm starting to think that I wasted two stamps.

New to Baseball

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.

"You'll never believe it!" Billy said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"I dropped the ball."

Interview

Employer: This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible.

Applicant: I'm the one you want!

At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible.

Prisoners actually have a lot in common with Presidents...

They're both fed and housed by tax payers, surrounded by armed guards 24/7, neither can leave the gates without attracting attention, and both are often hated by the general public. It seems to me that the only difference between them is that we often catch the criminal that's responsible, but we keep putting the wrong guy in office.


A marijuana plantation was set on fire

witnesses claim a dragon is responsible.

Back in the days of the USSR, two men stood in a block-long line for cucumbers...

Suddenly one of them snaps, and yells "This is an outrage! Waiting for hours for a couple of lousy cucumbers! I'm going to the Kremlin to assassinate the fools responsible for this!" and stomps off. A couple hours later, he's back.
One of the other people in line asks "Did you kill the guy in the Kremlin?"
The first guy responds "You think *this* line is long?"

Two sociologists came upon a man lying distraught in the gutter after being beaten and robbed ...

As they looked down upon the battered and bleeding body one of them remarked- we must find the people responsible for this terrible attack, they're obviously in desperate need of our help .

New York record days without homicide is a lie. Turns out the guy responsible for updating the homicide-toll has been found dead at his desk with a knife in his back.

A Korean and a Jew

Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?

Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.

Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?

Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?

Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.

Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the difference?

I'm a responsible adult

Last night I had a salad for dinner. It was a fruit salad and had grapes. Lots of grapes. It was all grapes. It was wine

Top Responsible Puns and Funny Jokes

You can explore responsible interviewee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean responsible partially dad jokes. There are also responsible puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

I say two kids fighting the other day, and as a mature and responsible adult, I had to step in.

They didn't stand a chance.

Which US president is most responsible for unemployment in the US today?

Abraham Lincoln.

Sean Connery was in his private library.

He was sat down reading a book when a large encyclopaedia fell and hit him on the head. "Ouch!" He said. "What was that? Who is responsible for this?" He then looked down at the book and noticed what it was. "Oh well" he said. "I guess I've only got myshelf to blame".

Anatomy joke

What muscle is most responsible for lateral rotation of the neck?

The gluteus maximus

I saw a woman smoking in front of her little girl.

I said, "You aren't exactly being a responsible parent, are you?"

"If you had children you would understand," she replied.

"I do," I added, "They're in the park somewhere."

On the holidays I got quite drunk and being responsible decided to take a taxi home

It's still in my backyard what do you guys think I should do with it?

I'm a Responsible Gun Owner.

I did the right thing and got my gun neutered. Now it just fires blanks.


Ok Chicago, please be responsible. If the game doesn't go your way tonight...

At least act like you've been there before.

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

Everyone who kept saying they couldn't wait for this election to be over is responsible for Trump winning.

They were Russian it.

A local property owner is being charged after their 100-year-old oak fell and struck the son of the prime minister. They are deemed responsible for the accident after they failed to maintain the tree safely.

They were charged with 1 count of tree-son.

I had a lot of responsibility at my last job.

Whenever anything went wrong, my boss told me I was responsible.

Interviewer: "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

Me: "A lot of things went wrong at my last job and everyone said I was responsible. "

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"

I went for a job interview today and the manager said,"We're looking for someone who is responsible"

..."Well Im your man" I replied,"In my last job, whenever anything went wrong they said I was responsible"

My dad's pet rabbit died

My mom said he's almost responsible enough for a dog

Whats the difference between Indians and Middle Eastern people?

Indians are responsible for 7/11 not 9/11

What is the most useless job in the world?

The line workers responsible for making BMW turn signals

My grandfather was a World War 2 Vet

In a single day during the Battle of Britain he was responsible for the destruction of 8 German aircraft killing 32 German airmen.

Easily the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe had ever had.

I am Responsible

Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible..

How low is my self esteem?

Well, I'm pretty sure the fbi guy who's responsible for watching me put duct tape on his screen.

Kid and dad

A kid asks his dad, "What's a man?"

The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.

" The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!"

Whenever a job interviewer asks what my strongest trait is, I tell them I'm responsible.

Because at my old job whenever something bad happened my coworkers would always say, Eric is responsible.

Men who don't use condoms are more responsible than ones that do.

They have a baby to take care of.

Always remember that other people aren't responsible for your happiness.

They're responsible for your unhappiness.

A man decided to visit a fortune teller...

After looking into his hand and into the crystal ball, the fortune teller says in a dramatic tone:

You sir, will be responsible for the death of millions

Shocked and taken aback, the man goes back to his home. Along the way, he passes near a river and sees a small boy drowning helplessly.

Well, if millions of people are going to die because of me, I might at least save one life.

He jumps into the river and pulls the boy out. The shocked mother comes in tears and says:

Oh my dear god, thank you so much Mr., you are a saint. Adolf, you should thank this gentleman yourself.

A fat guy and a thin guy meet

Fat guy: When I see you, I'd think a famine broke out!

Thin guy: And when I see you, I'd think you're the one responsible for that!

I got drunk last night wnd decided to be a responsible adult and take a bus home.

It was awesome, never drove a bus drunk before.

What do you call the an ant in a colony who is responsible for establishing incoming trade deals with other ant colonies?

Import-ant

The only person responsible for dandruff prevention is you.

It falls on your shoulders.

Thanos wasn't completely responsible for all the deaths caused by the Infinity Gauntlet...

But he had a hand in it.

I was just reading about a guy who was arrested for a hate crime in the U.K. for suggesting that people with fare skin complexions are responsible for the degeneration of society.

That's a little beyond the pale.

Trump is really good about his ears.

He wears ear plugs at loud concerts.
He makes sure his ear wax doesn't build up.
He keeps the gray hairs growing out of his ears nice and trimmed.

He's quite possibly the most ear responsible president we've ever had.

The reason women are responsible for more accidents at intersections....

must be because they don't have as much experience pulling out as men do.

(OC I think? Thought it up when a woman pulled out right in front of me today, and then had a stupid "what did I do wrong" look on her face when I honked at her for it.)

The Heart-Shaped Herb has been responsible for granting superhuman powers to every King of Wakanda in the line.

It blessed the reigns down in Africa.

What does a brewery and a Nickelback concert have in common?

They are both responsible for a lot of boos.

What does Kellogg's have in common with Ned and Catelyn Stark?

They're both responsible for Raisin' Bran.

I like my women like I like my alcohol

Responsible for a fair majority of my terrible life choices

A questionable article on marine biology goes viral.

"**New study reveals migrating Crows' droppings may be responsible for great barrier barrier reef bleaching**"

The article receives widespread criticism from the scientific community. Marine biologists across the globe insist that coralation does not imply Cawsality.

Irony!!!

Every blonde thinking that every other blonde except her was responsible for blond stupidity.

GOD: "Hey, let's make Vampires REAL. . .!"

God: "They shall drink BLOOD!"

God: "They shall be responsible for the DEATHS of more humans in history than any other creature!"

God: ". . . And they can FLY!"

God: . . .But let's troll them so they can only make annoying high pitched whiny noises

God: . . .And are only 1/2" tall. At most.



\*Creates Mosquito\*

COVID reminds me a lot of my ex,

because my mom won't stop talking about it, and it's now responsible for quite a few infections.

Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want.
On my last job,
every time anything went wrong,
they said I was responsible."

My grandfather was responsible for 35 downed German planes in WWII.

Still to this day he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

One guy working at our local funeral home is supposed to be a necrophiliac.

He's responsible for the creamations.

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that's just being hippocritical...

I'm feeling quite confident about that job interview. The interviewer said they want somebody responsible.

***Oh I'm totally your man***, I told her, whatever problem came up at my last job, they always said I was **responsible!**

I got asked during a job interview if I was responsible.

I yes.

When asked to provide examples, I said anytime something broke, or a shipment went out late, I told them I was responsible.

There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box. The Female pencil got pregnant!! Which Male pencil is responsible?

The one without the rubber.

Women are responsible for roughly 45% of car accidents

Which is pretty high, considering the steering wheel isn't even on their side.

The Unconditional Love Test

In order to find out whose love is truly unconditional.... lock both your wife & dog in the trunk of your car for approximately 15-30 minutes. When you open the trunk, who is excited to see you? That's your answer.



*DO NOT try this at home. This is a joke and I cannot be held responsible for any idiotic attempts at the aforementioned Unconditional Love Test.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the responsible warfare jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working responsible oversee piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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