Responds Jokes
126 responds jokes and hilarious responds puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about responds that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Responds Short Jokes
Short responds jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The responds humour may include short complies jokes also.
- Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh... ... can you see Florida?
- Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha
- A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail! That's M'shell on my back
- A man gets pulled over by a female cop. He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
- A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
- A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink The bartender responds: "For you, no charge"
- My dad's joke was you know, I was named after Abraham Lincoln. (person is confused since his name was Jim.) He then responds, We'll, I wasn't named before him!
- A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."
- A kid asks his dad, "what's the difference between 'realistically' and 'potentially'"? His dad responds, "realistically you've heard this joke before, potentially, you will hear it again".
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Responds One Liners
Which responds one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with responds? I can suggest the ones about reacting to and responses to old.
- Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"
- What did the gay guy say while parking? Wow, I'm not straight at all...
- My girlfriend asked me what color her eyes were today... I responded, "36C".
- I have ocd so whenever someone say "tho" I always respond with "ugh"
- My dog only responds to commands in Spanish He's Espanyol
- How does a computer respond to a good joke? 101
- My therapist asked me how many times a day I act immature. I responded, "sixty-nine."
- What's a similarity between my dad and task manager? They both stopped responding.
- How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote? Please respond quickly!
- What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding? He force quit.
- I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day.. None of them responded
- I asked my horse if he could talk. He responded "Nay!"
- Why did the Russian dictator take so long to respond? He was Stalin.
- e and i have an argument e says to i: get real
i responds: be rational - Son asks "Dad, do you die if you lose your head?" Dad responds "That is a no-brainer"
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Responds Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about responds you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean appears jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make responds pranks.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?
I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... dies and goes in front of a h**... gate...
St. Peter is waiting, judging him.
They stand in silence when h**... breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"
"h**..., h**...." he responds.
"Ya, ya, Heil h**..., but where am I?".
An old fellow walking down the road and sees a frog sitting in the grass. The frog says...
"Hey there if you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman for ya."
The old man picks up the frog and puts it in his shirt pocket and keeps on down the road. About a mile down the road the frog looks up at him and says "Aren't you going to kiss me?"
The old man says "No I don't think so." The frog says"Dont you want a beautiful woman?"
The old man responds "At my age I would rather have a talking frog."
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him…
How tall is a Penguin, this tall?
No, they're much shorter than that , he answers.
He looks to the man at his left- How tall is a penguin, this tall?
Nowhere near that tall! , says the other man.
The man puts his head in his hands.
The bartender, witnessing all of this asks the man Everything okay, Sir?
The man responds No, I just ran over a Nun .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mom finds a large number of b**... magazines beneath her sons bed.
Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"
A man and a woman meet in heaven and fall in love.
They walk up to God and ask to be married.
God says give me some time and I'll get back to you.
Three or four years pass and God finally tells the man and woman that he can have them married.
A few more years pass and the man and woman fall out of love. They approach God once more and this time they ask for a divorce.
God responds, "It took me four years to find a priest in this place. How long do you think it'll take me to find a lawyer?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer
One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"
The other responds, "*no.*"
So God creates Adam...
...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.
God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."
God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."
Adam hesitates..
"What is this gonna cost me?" Adam asks.
God responds "An arm and a leg."
Adam retorts "What can I get for a rib?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A boy walks in on his dad m**......
He asks him, "Daddy what are you doing?"
His dad responds, "Don't worry son, you'll be doing it soon."
The boy then asks, "Why's that daddy?"
His dad answers, "Because my arms getting tired.."
A Priest working in a remote parish in Greenland gets his yearly visit from his Bishop.
The Bishop asks him, "How are you managing with the loneliness?"
The Priest responds, " If it wasn't for my Rosary and my whiskey, I couldn't make it. Would you like a shot of whiskey?"
The Bishop nods his head yes.
The Priest yells out, "Hey Rosary, bring us two shots of whisky "
A woman has two admirers.
One of them is a doctor, and the other is a deaf guy.
Every day, the doctor gives the woman a rose.
And every day, the deaf guy gives her an apple.
One day, the woman says to the the deaf guy: "Hey, that doctor gives me a rose every day, and I get the symbolism of that. But why do you give me an apple a day?"
To which the deaf guy responds: "WHAT?"
Worms
Four earthworms are placed in four separate test tubes:
1st in beer
2nd in wine
3rd in whiskey
4th in mineral water
The next day, the teacher shows the results:
The 1st worm in beer, dead.
The 2nd in wine, dead.
The 3rd in whiskey, dead.
The 4th in mineral water, alive and healthy.
The teacher asks the class:
- What do we learn from this experience?
And a child responds:
- Whoever drinks beer, wine and whiskey, does not have worms.
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang! The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol' days
They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary's high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner".
Hillary responds "No, Bill, if I'd married him, he'd become the President of the United States".
2 bats were sitting on a bench in the middle of the night and one turns to the other and says - I'm really thirsty for some blood
So he goes off into the darkness.
After a while he comes back with its mouth full of blood and the second bat says "wow where did you get so much blood in the middle of the night?!"
Then the first bat says "do you see that lantern pole there?"
"Yes" responds the second bat
"Well I didn't" says the first bat.
I hadn't seen it posted here yet so I gave it a try.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a w**.... The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have s**... "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having s**... the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a p**... who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have s**... the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have s**... the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have s**.... She's surprised to find that it's just regular s**...! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had s**... with me, the most expensive h**... in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
A Blonde and Condoms
The most beautiful blonde woman you've ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms. He decides to see if she needs any help. He says, "Did you find the extra large condoms?" She responds, "Yes, now I'm just waiting for someone to buy some."
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
Man and his wife join a weight loss club. They're told to try and lose at least 2 pounds by the next week.
When they return after a week the mentor asks them how much they lost.
The wife begins, "I lost 10 pounds".
"That's amazing! Well done, and you?" He says, pointing at the husband.
"Well, I actually gained 10 pounds", the husband responds.
"Oh, that's no good at all. How did that happen?" asks the mentor.
"I bet my wife a tenner she wouldn't lose any weight this week".
Olympic Condoms
A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*.
"What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?" He asks her with a grin.
She simply responds,
"Why don't you try out the silver and come second for a change"
Another interview joke
During a job interview, the interviewer asks, I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?
The applicant responds, I went to Yale.
Excited, the interviewer says, Yale?!? You're hired!
The applicant replies, Yay! I got a yob!
A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.
"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.
Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."
A young, extremely perky woman gets into an elevator with an older man...
The woman smiles broadly and says, "TGIF"!
The man slowly turns to her and deadpans, "S.h.i.t."
The woman, thinking that he didn't hear her, slowly repeats "T.G.I.F."
He simply responds, "S.h.i.t.", just as slowly.
Exasperated, she laughs and says, "TGIF stands for Thank God It's Friday!, Silly!"
The man replies, "I know that but Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."
A woman in her twenties sees a large black man walking by and decides to flirt with him. So is it true what they say about black guys?
He responds, Sure is. Then he punched her in the face and stole her purse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two r**... are having a beer together...
One r**... asks the other, "If I slept with your wife and we had a child together, would that make us kin?" The other r**... responds, "I ain't sure, but it would at least make us even."
A man goes to the dentist with some broken teeth...
The dentist asks the man what happened, to which the man responds saying:
"My wife cooked some chicken and roti (Indian flatbread) but the bread was very hard and stiff."
The dentist replied: "You should have told her the bread was too hard and refused to eat it"
To which the man responds:
"Man, that's exactly what I did!"
(A joke originally told to me by my grandfather in Urdu)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Proctology exam.
A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.
The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.
Alright Brian, it's your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an e**... the doctor says.
The patient awkwardly looks back and says but my names Dan.
Doctor responds oh I know, my names Brian.
A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."
The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"
Two kids talking.
One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook.
A bar is burning to the ground, and a team of firefighters rush in to put it out.
A bar is burning to the ground and a team of firefighters rush in to put out the fire. When they get inside they see an Irishman passed out from smoke inhalation. They drag him out of the bar and eventually the Irishman comes to. The firefighter says "you were there, how did this whole thing get started?!" The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in"
A woman walks into a dry cleaner...
and says "I've got another dress for you"
The man behind the counter, whose a little hard of hearing, reply "come again?"
The woman responds with "No this time its mustard"
An elderly man thinks his wife is losing her hearing so he calls their doctor.
The doctor tells him "We need to figure out how bad her hearing is. Using a normal tone, talk to her at various distances until she can hear you."
That night the man decides to try this. He estimates he is sitting about 30 feet from his wife and asks her, "What's for dinner?"
He hears nothing so he moves a little closer; about 20 feet away. He asks her again, "What's for dinner?" Still nothing.
Finally, he gets right next to her and asks, "What's for dinner?"
She finally hears him and responds "For the third time, chicken!"
A snail walks into a car dealership...
And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:
"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"
The German dream
The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"
The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."
A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap...
and spots a speeder.
He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."
The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and s**... rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about h**...! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Iranian man comes home to his wife
He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"
The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"
Heard this joke at school. Thought I might share it with y'all
There is a lady called Mary who has 3 children: Violet, Rose and Brick.
So Violet goes to her and asks: Mom, why am I called Violet?
And Mary responds: Because when you were born, a violet fell on your head
Then Rose comes and asks: Mom, why am I called Rose?
And Mary responds: Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head
Then Brick goes and asks: CjfbjabMandmabwlbdkabNbskdbslonvibcdhovtcbxtblvocbjfshkvgdvynv?
A boy knocks his father down the stairs in a freak accident.
The father breaks his neck and dies, leaving his son to mourn for days. However, one night, the boy wakes up to see an apparition of his father before him. All at once, he breaks down crying, and screams out, "I'm sorry!"
His father responds, "Hi Sorry, I'm dead!"
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library...
A Dictionary and a Thesaurus are in a library. The librarian who has taken good care of them for years and years is retiring. Understandably, the Dictionary and Thesaurus are both sad.
The Thesaurus says to the Dictionary "I can see how distraught you are."
The Dictionary responds "You don't even know the meaning of the word."
The Thesaurus then says "But I know what it's like."
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
Two brothers live together, and one of them makes tennis equipment for people with gigantism.
Late one night, he is up, hard at work, when his brother knocks on the door. He gets up from his desk, and answers the door.
"What do you want?" he asks.
His brother responds: "Hey, I'm trying to sleep. Can you stop making a huge racket?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Christian, a Muslim, and a Jew are sentenced to death. The warden lets them choose the method.
The Christian says "a firing squad would be painless. I choose that." In comes a firing squad and *bang* they kill him.
The Muslim says "yes, that does seem to be quick. I also choose the firing squad." *Bang*. He, too, is killed.
The warden says to the Jew, "and how do you want to die?"
And he responds "old age".
A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"
And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."
Lindsay Lohan got her blouse dirty...
..and had to take it to the dry cleaners. She says "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter. The man who was hard of hearing replies "come again?", Lindsay responds "No, mustard".
A man is rushed to the hospital and is given blood.
When the man gets worse, a nurse goes running to the doctor, saying "We gave him the wrong blood!"
The doctor responds "Ah, must've been a Type-O!"
Two women named Rachel meet and fall in love.
They decide to get married and go to the baker's to pick out a wedding cake. The baker inquires about their story and appalled, refuses to bake them a wedding cake. They are very upset and accuse the baker of narrow-mindedness and bigotry. "Oh, no, no, no," the baker responds, "I don't have a problem with gay marriage, I just can't support an inter-Rachel marriage!"
Happy Valentine's, everyone!
Eyes
Two men are sitting in a bar, talking to eachother. One asks the other if he ever looks his wife in the eyes while making love. "I did once" the other responds, "But I saw a lot of anger in her eyes". The first, looking confused: "Why was that?"
"Because she was looking from outside through the window!"
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
A teen is telling his parents what he wants to major in
"I want to be a history major," he says.
The dad responds, "No you don't! There's no future in it!"
A child tells the make a wish foundation.
So a child is ill and the make a wish foundation asks "what do you want more than anything" the child responds "to trade places with Donald trump!"
They interpret as he wants to know what it's like to be president for a day.
So they ask trump, he obliges.
Trump meets the child and says "so you want to know what it's like to be president?"
The child retorts "no I just wanted you to have cancer"
Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
The widow ask the doctor "Why did my husband die?"
Doctor responds: "Heavy drug use, ma'am"
Widow: "But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"
Doctor: "I know, but I did"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is m**....
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
In a national park, a woman stopped to watch a deer.
A man walked over to her and said, "This is red deer, Cervus elaphus, it's pleased to meet you."
Then she watched him continue to other visitors and say the same thing.
She catches up with him and asks, "Why are you doing this?"
The man responds, "The ranger told me this species hadn't been introduced here."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man and his wife are trying to spice up their marriage
So the husband comes home with a packet of flavoured condoms. He says to his wife;
"We'll play a game. I'll turn the light off, I'll put on the c**... and you try and guess the flavour".
His wife goes down on him and after a few moments she calls out, "Cheese and Onion" as the husband responds,
"I've not put it on yet"
Einstein walks into a bar...
The bartender asks "What's the deal, Einstein? You look like you're out of energy tonight."
Einstein responds: "Eh, no matter."
[BTW this was original]
Lemonade
A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"
"This one has the antidote."
Joke translated to English from German
A blonde is driving home when she gets pulled over by a police officer.
"Mam, may i see you driving license?!"
"What's a driving license? "
"You know this thing in your purse with your face on..."
She starts digging through her purse, finds her cosmetic mirror, and hands it over to the policeman.
The policeman takes a look at the mirror and responds-
"Should have told me right away your a police officer too "
A young woman walks into a dry cleaner
She asks the elderly owner inspecting her blouse how long it would take to clean.
Hard of hearing the man asks, "come again?"
She responds, "No, it's yogurt"
A Blonde Takes a Test
The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."
An Asian man goes to rent a car, and the clerk sees the man's name is Herschel Leibowitz
The clerk asks him how an Asian man like himself got the name Herschel Leibowitz. He responds in a heavy accent "When I was going through immigration, we were in a line in the area where we give our names. The name of the man in front of me was Herschel Leibowitz. When they call for me to ask me what my name is, I said "Sam Ting"
Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.
"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.
"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.
"No, mustard," Monica replies
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked
Little Johnny was in class and his teacher asked "how many of you guys are trump fans?" since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands. Well except little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "why are you being different again Johnny....." so little Johnny says "well because im a democrat. My mom is a democrat and my dad is a democrat, so im a democrat!" so then the teacher responds with "well what if your mom was a m**... and your dad was an idiot what would that make you?" well little Johnny says, "a trump fan!"
A Newcastle girl goes into a hair salon
The stylist says "Why aye lass, what do yee want?"
"Can I have a perm please?" says the customer. The stylist responds:
*Ah wandered lernley as a cloud that flerts on high oer vales an' hills...*
