Responding Jokes
48 responding jokes and hilarious responding puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about responding that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover how to respond to jokes in a kind and meaningful way. Many believe that having the right response to jokes is pivotal to connecting with the people around us. Learn more about how to construct your response to ensure that the joke remains funny without hurting anyone's feelings.
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Funniest Responding Short Jokes
Short responding jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The responding humour may include short responds jokes also.
- The nurse hands a man his newborn and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." He responds "well give me the one my wife made."
- Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh... ... can you see Florida?
- A doctor hands a man his newborn baby and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it." The man hands the baby back and responds, "Well, bring me the one my wife made."
- Why do standup comedians perform poorly in Hawaii? Because the audience only responds in a low ha
- Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer One turns to the other and asks, "*does this taste funny to you?*"
The other responds, "*no.*" - A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- Barack Obama goes to a costume party while giving his wife a piggyback ride. Someone asks him what he's dressed up as and he responds I'm a snail! That's M'shell on my back
- A man gets pulled over by a female cop. He asks "what seems to be the problem, officer?", and the cop responds, "oh, nothing."
- A man and a woman are lying in bed late night... ...and the woman asks her man: "Honey, do you prefer smart or pretty women?" and the man responds calmly: "Neither, baby, I prefer you."
- A Neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for the price of a drink The bartender responds: "For you, no charge"
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Responding One Liners
Which responding one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with responding? I can suggest the ones about replying and reacting to.
- A samurai's wife asks him to go down on her He responded it's Bushydo
- Bert asks Ernie, "Ernie do you want to get ice cream?" Ernie responds "Sure Bert"
- I asked Siri why I'm single? She responded by opening my front camera.
- What did the gay guy say while parking? Wow, I'm not straight at all...
- My girlfriend asked me what color her eyes were today... I responded, "36C".
- I have ocd so whenever someone say "tho" I always respond with "ugh"
- My dog only responds to commands in Spanish He's Espanyol
- How did God respond to worldwide declining birth rates? Sending thots and players.
- How does a computer respond to a good joke? 101
- My therapist asked me how many times a day I act immature. I responded, "sixty-nine."
- What's a similarity between my dad and task manager? They both stopped responding.
- How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote? Please respond quickly!
- What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding? He force quit.
- Someone called me lazy today... I almost responded.
- My doctor says my DNA is backwards I responded AND?
Responding To Jokes
Here is a list of funny responding to jokes and even better responding to puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend once asked, if killing your father is patricide and killing your mother is matricide what is it called when you kill your spouse? I responded, pesticide
- My dad's joke was you know, I was named after Abraham Lincoln. (person is confused since his name was Jim.) He then responds, We'll, I wasn't named before him!
- A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."
- A kid asks his dad, "what's the difference between 'realistically' and 'potentially'"? His dad responds, "realistically you've heard this joke before, potentially, you will hear it again".
- The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street. I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"
Classic Denzel. - Two kids talking. One asks 'do you also pray before each meal'?
The other responds : no, my mom knows how to cook. - A boy says to his dad 'I'm considering a career in organised crime' His dad responds with 'Government or private sector?'
- 'I just feel like being black is a huge disadvantage no matter how much skill you have ' said my friend 'oh come on, it's just one move at the start of the game' I responded as I took his Knight.
- The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
- A man on one side of a river shouts to a man standing on the other side, Hey, how do I get to the other side of the river? The other man responds, You are on the other side of the river.
Delightful Fun Responding Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about responding you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean response time jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make responding pranks.
I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."
I responded, "How about now?"
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It's bec..."
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle
I responded, That's not right.
With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.
Precisely, I agreed. If the angle were right it would be 90°.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks Can you see me? and they respond
Yes
Oui
Si
Ja
An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer
The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"
A young boy is listening to the radio in the car with his father. Dad, what music did you like growing up?
I was a huge fan of Led Zeppelin, the father replies.
Who? the son asks.
Yeah, the dad responds, I liked them too.
Lenin was on the deathbed, with Stalin sitting by his side...
Lenin says: "Joseph... I'm not sure you're the right man to lead the country after me. I don't know if the people will follow you."
Stalin responds: "Don't worry, Vladimir Ilyich. Half of the country will follow me, and the other half will follow you."
"Who's Sisyphus?" she asks. You begin to respond: "it's this myth about a guy being punished in the underworld where he has to-"
Her phone rings.
"One second," she says. A few minutes later, she prompts you to continue: "I'm sorry, I cut you off."
You start again. "Sisyphus is a-"
Her phone rings again. "Sorry, one sec."
A man goes to a costume party wearing nothing but his underwear and a woman on his back.
His friends see him and say, Hey man, what are you supposed to be?
He replies, Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle.
His friends respond, A turtle? How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?
The man replies, Oh that's just Michelle.
Every day in Moscow, people buy newspaper, glance at front page, throw straight in trash.
Every day, same. People buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.
Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"
Man respond, "I check obituary"
"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"
"Putin obituary be on front page"
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.
An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.
The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural analysis and said "99.97% chance we'll make it across that bridge safely.
The anti-vaxxer responded, without even thinking "Forget that, I'm swimming!"
h**... dies and goes in front of a h**... gate...
St. Peter is waiting, judging him.
They stand in silence when h**... breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?"
"h**..., h**...." he responds.
"Ya, ya, Heil h**..., but where am I?".
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
An elderly gentleman was on his deathbed as his wife and three children and nurse stood close by
Then he spoke: Bill, you take the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, you take the offices in the Center Center. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are yours. To my dear wife, take all the residential buildings near downtown.
The nurse was really impressed. She said, Your husband must have been quite a man, amassing so much property to leave to all of you.
And the wife responded, What property? … the s**... had a paper route!!
An old fellow walking down the road and sees a frog sitting in the grass. The frog says...
"Hey there if you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman for ya."
The old man picks up the frog and puts it in his shirt pocket and keeps on down the road. About a mile down the road the frog looks up at him and says "Aren't you going to kiss me?"
The old man says "No I don't think so." The frog says"Dont you want a beautiful woman?"
The old man responds "At my age I would rather have a talking frog."
A woman is sitting at her husband's f**... listening to the eulogies being read...
A man in the pew behind her leans forward to ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?".
No, not at all, she replies.
The man stands and clears his t**....
Bargain", he says, and sits back down.
"Thank you", the woman responds, "it means a great deal."
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him…
How tall is a Penguin, this tall?
No, they're much shorter than that , he answers.
He looks to the man at his left- How tall is a penguin, this tall?
Nowhere near that tall! , says the other man.
The man puts his head in his hands.
The bartender, witnessing all of this asks the man Everything okay, Sir?
The man responds No, I just ran over a Nun .
