Respective Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead..

A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead decide to check their daughters bags,

All 3 of them found condoms in their respective daughters bags.

The Brunette was stunned and said :" We're a catholic family, It is a sin to have premarital sex "

The Redhead said "Its Good to see my girl is using protection, Because prevention is better than cure !".


An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's

American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".

Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".

U.S. Navy Seals just freed thousands of ISIS sex slaves ...

All the goats have been moved to an undisclosed location and are awaiting to be reunited with their respective farmers.

Wartime meeting

At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts. When the meeting ends, Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking mustachioed piece of shit." It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a good servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. To which Stalin replies, "get him back here."

Two minutes later, Zhukov is back in Stalin's office.

"Comrade Zhukov," begins Stalin, "would you please repeat what you said when you left the room?"

"I said 'fucking mustachioed piece of shit' Comrade Stalin."

"And who were you talking about?

"I was talking about Hitler, Comrade Stalin."

Stalin then turns to Poskrebyshev,

"And you, Comrade Poskrebyshev, who did *you* have in mind?

A rich man and a poor man are sitting by a frozen pond one December

They come to discussing the Christmas presents that they've bought for their respective wives. The rich man says "I got my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedez Benz". The poor man is astounded at his rich friend's largess. He asks "why did you get her the jewelry *and* the car?" The rich man says "Well, if she doesn't like the necklace, she can take it back to the jeweler's in the Mercedes." The rich man then asks his less wealthy chum about the gifts that he's bought. The poor man says "I got my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man is surprised, and asks his friend why he got his wife a dildo, of all things. Without missing a beat, the poor man explains "I got it so that if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself."

Three women decide to compare their husbands to soft drinks.

Three women are out to brunch, and they're talking about who has the best husband. One of them decides they should compare their respective husbands to soft drinks (sodas).

First woman: "My husband is like 7UP, because he's 7 inches and he's always up."

Second woman: "Well my husband is like Mountain Dew, because when he's mountin' me, he knows what to do."

Third woman: "Well my husband is like Jack Daniels."

First woman: "That's not a soft drink!"

Third woman: "I know, but he's a hard licker."

the case for the lost bicycle

A Methodist preacher and a Baptist preacher live in a small southern town. Every day, they pass each other on their bycycles as they ride to their respective churches. One day, the Methodist notices the Baptist walking.

He says "Brother, where is your bicycle?"

"My heart is heavy, for I fear that a member of my congregation has stolen it" replied the Baptist.

"That's horrible." Thinking for a moment, the Methodist has an idea. "I know how we might get your bike back. This Sunday, you should preach the ten commandments. When you get to thou shalt not steal, really bear down on it. Maybe the theif will feel guilty and return your bike."

"That's a great idea, I'll try it!"

Sure enough, the following Monday, the Methodist preacher sees the Baptist Preacher riding his bike.

"I see my plan worked" said the Methodist.

"Well, not exactly" replied the Baptist. "I did like you said, and gave a real fire and brimstone sermon on the ten commandments. However, when I got to thou shalt no commit adultery, I remembered where I left my bike."

Alien Sex

An alien couple come down to earth and goes to a swingers party.

They swap partners and go to their respective bedrooms. The alien takes off his clothes revealing a one inch cock.

The human woman says, "I'm not impressed with this at all."

The alien then twists his right ear and and his cock grows ten inches.

"Now I am impressed! says the woman.

The alien then twists his left ear and his cock becomes 2 inches thick and he gives the woman the best time of her life.

Afterwards, she meets up with her husband and asks, "How was it for you, darling?"

"Fucking shit", he replied, "All she did was keep twisting my ears!"

An Englishman, a Welshman and a Pakistani man...

are waiting in a hospital for each of their respective wives to give birth. Obviously they are quite nervous, pacing up and down etc when a rather red faced doctor comes out. he turns to the three men and says "I'm afraid we an issue, there's been a bit of a mix up with your newborns and we aren't sure whose is whose."

As this is a joke, instead of calling their lawyers immediately the three men decide between themselves that they will go into the room with the babies one by one to see if they feel any connection with any of them to get an idea as to which baby is which. The Englishman goes in first, as is his right, and is in there for quite a while. After 15 minutes he comes out with a child who is for various reasons, clearly the Pakistani's child. The Pakistani turns to him and says "I'm not being funny but I'm pretty sure that baby is mine."

The Englishman turns to him, looks him in the eye and replies "I know mate, but one of the others is Welsh and I'm not taking any chances"

A minister, priest, and a rabbi....

Are all playing golf for money... They decide that they should give some money to their respective churches, but are unsure as to how to do it.

The priest gets an idea....walks over to the ball drop area, stands inside the circle and says, "I'm going to throw my money into the air. Whatever lands INSIDE this circle, I'll give to my church."

The minister, then goes over, stands inside the circle and says, "Ok. When i throw my money into the air, whatever lands OUTSIDE the circle is what I'll give away".

The rabbi then goes over to the circle, gets his money out, and says, "I'm going to throw my money in the air, and whatever God wants, He'll keep!"

Trump and Putin...

...get cryogenically frozen after their respective deaths, and are re-woken 200 years later.

They decide to take a walk through the city together. Suddenly, Putin stops and bursts out laughing, pointing at the headline at a newsstand: "USA in worst financial crisis in history"

They walk on through the futuristic city, when Putin once again bursts out into laughter pointing at the headline of another newsstand: "EU votes against fourth humanisitic intervention in US-Crisis"

Trump is pretty downcast. They decide to finish their walk, when suddenly it is Trump who is crying from laughter pointing at yet another newsstand: "Skirmishes at German-Chinese border continue"

An American soldier, English soldier, and Chinese soldier and standing together on top of their respective submarines...

The English soldier says, "The English have phenomenal subs. We can stay under for a week without coming up!"

The Chinese soldier quickly replies, "A week! Our subs can stay under for a month, easy."

The American lets out a chuckle and says, "With our nuclear power subs, we can remain underwater for over three months!"

All of a sudden, a U-boat rises from the water and a man comes out. He asks, "Did we win the war?"

Dandruff in the Elevator

A blonde and a brunette get into an elevator and punch in two of the highest floors. They do not know each other, so they stay to themselves.

About halfway up to their respective floors, a balding gentleman enters the elevator with them, with some of the most atrocious dandruff either of the women had even seen gracing the shoulders of his suit. He didn't seem to notice, but they were practically revolted for the trip.

His floor came up quickly and as the door shut from his exit, the brunette looked up to the blond and commented That man needs to get some Head and Shoulders.

The blonde got really confused before asking,

Wait, how do you give shoulders?

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are at a bar.

They are arguing over who is the best at what they do. So they decide that to prove who is the best, they will go on their own into the woods and convert a bear to their respective religion. A week later, they are again at the bar. The priest say, "I saw a bear by the river and started talking to him about the Lord's word. He liked so much that he now comes to mass every week." The pastor says, "Well, I found a bear in a clearing. I started reading the bible to him. He loved it so much that he is now going to be baptized in about a week." The priest and the pastor turn to the rabbi, who has a broken arm, a collar, and several bruises. He says, "You know what, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have had started with circumcision."

Albert the 75 year old was in a nursing home....

Every day he walked into the gardens and sat on a bench. Soon after he sat down Doris would come and sit next to him - he would take his penis out and she would hold it for about an hour. After a while they stood up and walked back to their respective rooms. The staff turned a blind eye to this - after all a bit of older love wasn't really upsetting anyone and it went on for about 2 years. One day they looked out into the gardens and saw Albert sitting on the bench - but this time it was another old lady - Mavis - holding him. Doris was in another corner of the garden in floods of tears. As Albert walked back to his room - a nurse questioned him..."I see Mavis is your girlfriend now and you have left Doris....what does Mavis have that Doris doesn't?"
Albert replied "Parkinson's"

Two guys are on a camping trip...

and are at each others throats. Seeing as they've been best friends for years, they know how to handle the situation. Both agree to sleep on it, part ways in the morning and meet for dinner after blowing off some steam.

So later that night, they tell each other about their respective days. "Mine was unreal," said the first. "Went on a hike over the bluffs, came to a waterfall and had a family of deer get within ten feet before scurrying off. Just a really peaceful day with nature, y'know? How was yours?"

"Well, I headed down the hill until I found some train tracks," began the second. "So I just followed those East for a good few miles. About noon I found this girl tied to the tracks, so I undid the knots and we fucked for hours. Barely had enough strength to make it back."

"Damn," said the first jealously. "Did she give you a blowjob, too?"

"Nah," replied the second, "I couldn't find her head."

Carpet matches the curtains

10 year olds Andy, Ben, and Chuck are having lunch at school on Monday morning and Andy says, "My Pa said that Mrs. Jones carpet doesn't match the curtains. What does that mean?"

Ben informs him that it is when a lady's pubic hair doesn't match the hair on her head.

Chuck proposes that they see if their respective teachers, Mrs Adams, Ms Brown, and Mrs Carter have matching carpet and curtains.

The boys spend the week trying to peek up their teachers' skirts. They meet up at lunch on Friday to discuss their discoveries.

Andy says, "It's a scandal: Mrs Adams bleaches her hair blonde, she's actually a brunette."

Ben says, "It's so crazy: Ms Brown dyes her hair red, she's actually a blonde."

Chuck says, "That's nothing: Mrs Carter wears a wig!"

An Englishman, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German...

An Englishman, a Spaniard, a Frenchman, and a German are watching a street performer do some amazing juggling, but they don't have a good view. The street performer then moves and asks them:
"Can you guys see me now?"


Hint: Say out loud with respective accents.

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister

A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing what they do with donations to their respective religious organizations. The minister says that he draws a circle on the floor, throws the money up in the air, and whatever lands in the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands outside the circle, he keeps. The priest uses a similar method. He draws the circle, but whatever lands outside the circle, he gives to God, and whatever lands inside, he keeps. The rabbi has a slightly different method of dividing the money. He throws all the money up in the air. Whatever God wants, he keeps...

Three Men Brag About Their Sons.

Three men are in a bar. They are talking about how great their sons are to their respective girlfriends. The first man says my son is an amazing pilot. He gave his girlfriend a plane as a gift he is the best. The second man says well my son happens to be a great carpenter he actually built his girlfriend a three story house. The final man says my son is gay but his boyfriend must really like him, he got a plane and a three story house from him.

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl, seeing that nobody was wearing any white shirt, asked the only guy obviously waiting for somebody. "Are you the guy I was supposed to meet from Tinder?" The girl asked. "Am I wearing plain white tees?"

Competition at the UN

At the UN, three representatives from Italy, France and Russia place a bet that they can recognize the nationality of a woman while being blindfolded. They have their assistants hire three prostitutes from each respective country, blindfold the reps and present the girls.

First goes the Italian, and he examines each girl's breasts for about 15 minutes and recognizes the Italian prostitute because of her soft pear like breasts. Next, the French spends 10 minutes examining the girls asses, and identifies the French prostitute. Next, goes the Russian.

He only spends 2 minutes and identifies the Russian prostitute. The other two are amazed, and one asked "How did you do it?". He replies: "She stole my watch!"

Kudos if you get the joke

A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician each have their respective problem-solving skills tested by a group of researchers. They are each placed in separate locked 4x4 cells with walls made of cement and given a can of food. They are told to open the cans and get the food out using no other outside materials. The researchers leave the three to their own devices, then come back after an hour.

The physicist is first to be checked on. The researchers find him mouthing out complicated formulas in his head. After a moment, he swings his can into a wall with the proper amount of force and at the correct angle to split the can open.

The engineer is next. His cell is covered in dents, and he is eating from the remnants of a banged-up and broken can when the researchers find him.

Finally, the researchers visit the mathematician's cell. They find him huddled in a corner, cradling the can in his arms, and muttering, "Assume a can opener, assume a can opener, assume a can opener..."

The Devil Makes a Deal with 3 Addicts Sentenced to Hell

Three sinners are sentenced to Hell for their various addictions. One is addicted to drinking, one is addicted to sex, and one is addicted to smoking. The Devil tells them that he is going to lock them in a room with their respective desires for a thousand years, and if they manage to resist temptation they will be allowed to go to Heaven.

The alcoholic is locked in a room with the best beers in the world, the sex addict is locked in a room with the most beautiful women in the world, and the smoker is locked in a room with the all the cigarettes a man could want. After a thousand years, the devil opens the doors and checks how they did.

He opens the first door, and finds a room full of empty bottles. The alcoholic drank everything in the room. To punish him, he gives him a never-ending hangover.

He opens the second door, and finds the man slept with all the women. To punish him, he removes his penis.

He opens the third door, and finds all the cigarettes in tact. He finds the man on the floor, weeping in a fetal position. "Why are you crying?" The devil asks. "You've resisted temptation and can go to Heaven now."

The man turns and looks at the devil, wiping tears from his eyes. "Is this your idea of a joke? You lock me in a room with cigarettes and don't even have the courtesy to give me a lighter?"

A blond, a brunette and a redhead, all three pregnant, are in the waiting room of their OBI-GYN . . .

and they are chatting about what motherhood is going to be like. The talk drifts to whether they think their respective babies will be boys or girls. "Well," said the redhead, "I wouldn't be surprised if I had a boy, since whenever my partner and I have sex, he's always on top and I heard that makes for a boy." The brunette says, "If that's the case, then I must be going to have a girl, since when my partner and I have sex, I'm always on top." The blond starts to sniffle, then bursts out crying. The other two ask her what's wrong. "Oh no!" the blond wails. "I'm going to have a puppy!"

Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping in their respective hotel rooms when a problem with the hotel's electrical system causes sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the wastepaper basket.

The engineer wakes up from the alarm, sees what is going on and runs to the bathroom. He fills a bucket with water, which he throws onto the wastepaper basket. Relieved that the fire is out, he goes back to bed.

The physicist wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. He then goes to the bathroom and fills a bucket with the precise amount of water he needs (accounting for measurement error), and proceeds to put out the fire. He then goes back to bed.

The mathematician wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire.

"Aha! A solution exists!" And he goes back to bed.

*Alternate ending*

Later that night the hotel's electrical system fails again, causing sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the bed sheets. The mathematician wakes up, considers the fire, and then takes the still-burning sheets and puts them in the wastepaper basket.

"Aha! I've reduced the problem to a previously-solved form!" And he goes back to bed.

Two young lady friends hadn't seen each other in a long time and decided to meet for lunch. Their conversation got around to their respective love lives.

Marcy confessed there really wasn't anyone in her life at the moment. Heather started smiling like crazy when talking about her new beau. "He's perfect. He's so sweet. Then last night he said those four little words I've been waiting to hear."

"What? He asked you to marry him?" Marcy asked.

Heather said, "No, he said 'put your money away.'"

French Joke (translated)

A Frenchman, an American, and an Arab are on a hot air balloon.
The hot air ballon wouldn't lift-off as there was too much weight, so the three friends agree on throwing off anything that is plentiful in their respective countries. The rich American goes forth and throws away piles on piles of dollars, stating that "There are too many in my country".
The Arab goes next and throws off tons of gold, his gold watch, bars, etc. stating that "There is too much of it in my country!"
Next goes the Frenchman...
He pushes the Arab off stating that "There are too many sulking in the streets of my country!"
The hot air balloon then wafts through the air majestically.

Heard this one seems kind of old.

Three strangers strike up a conversation in the passenger lounge in the Bozeman, Montana airport, while waiting for their respective flights...One is an American Indian passing through from Lame Deer, another is a Cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show, and the third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived at Montana State University from the Middle East ....Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face, and lights a cigarette. Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly he speaks, 'At one time here... my people were many... but sadly, now we are few.' The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, 'Once my people were few,' he sneers, 'and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?' The cowboy removes his cigarette from his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a smooth drawl . . . 'I reckon that's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'.

A rabbi, a priest and an imam...

... are walking in the forest and find a large amount of golden coins. They decide to split the treasure in 3 equal parts, but they also decide to share their parts with their respective communities.

-I'll draw a circle on the ground, and throw the coins it the air. What falls in it is for me, what falls outside of it is for my community, says the priest.

-I'll draw a line on the ground, says the imam, and throw the coins in the air. What falls exactly on it is for me, the rest is for my community.

-I'll just throw the coins in the air, says the rabbi, if God wants money he'll just take it, I keep what falls on the ground.

A Greek and an Italian...

are arguing the virtues of their respective cultures in antiquity.

The Greek says, "Us Greeks had great armies and built a great empire that expanded throughout the Mediterranean and Asia Minor."

The Italian says, "And the Romans had greater armies and a much bigger empire, encompassing most of Europe and parts of Asia and Africa."

The Greek says, "But the Greeks made great advances in art and philosophy!"

And the Italian says, "Yes, and the Romans made even greater advances in architecture and science!"

The Greek is getting frustrated now, and blurts out, "Well, we discovered the pleasures of love and sex!"

The Italian responds, "Yeah, but we introduced the concept to women."

Greeks versus the French.

A Greek and a Frenchman sit down at the same bar one evening, and after a few rounds of beer, they begin amicably chatting, first about the occasional state of things in their respective countries.

Eventually as the night progresses they descend into debating which country has done the most for the rest of the world and, naturally, slide into sniping back and forth into ever greater and more magnanimous gestures toward the end.

At last, the Greek shoves up to his feet and announces before the rest of the bar, "My people invented sex!"

Stunned silence descends upon the environment at this, and for several seconds the Frenchman gives it some thought, before smiling and nodding his head and then answering,

"And mine introduced it to women."

There was a contest to see who can...

...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.

The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks of life. The minimum time was 5 hours and the goat carcass has been in that room for 2 weeks, without any proper ventilation.

The American went in first and was able to stay for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The Englishman went in and stayed for a bit longer, 1 hour and 15 minutes. The Russian beat them both with 2 hours and 35 minutes. The Chinese man went in and retreated after 27 minutes. The judges were hoping for someone to at least last the 5 hours so they asked for random volunteers from the audience. And Indian man stood up and accepted the challenge.

The Indian man went in the room and after a few seconds, the goat went out of the room.

Father Sullivan and Rabbi Cohen were sitting on a park bench discussing the differences and similarities of their respective religions.

After some time, a young boy rode by on a bicycle. Father Sullivan leaned over and whispered to Rabbi Cohen, wow look that kid, I'd really like to screw him.

To which Rabbi Cohen replied, what do you mean 'screw him'? Screw him out of WHAT?

Arab work ethic vs Chinese Work ethic...

(in their respective accents...)

Chinese Work Ethic:

If one man can do it,

Then I can do it.

If no man can do it,

Then I MUST do it.

Arab work ethic:

If one man can do it,

Then, let him do it!

If no man can do it,

Then, habibi, how do you expect me to do it?!

I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport

We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|

Two widows go to the cemetery everyday...

... One of them spends all her time crying by the grave of her late husband. The other one just stands on the gravestone of her respective husband and urinates all over it.
So, the first one found the behaviour of the second one weird, went to her and asked:
"Did you hate him that much that you come here everyday just to piss on his grave?"
The second one answers:
"One must cry from where one misses him the most"

Sunday, March 4, 2017:

World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer.

Ronaldo and Messi will finally both meet each other during the World Cup...

at an Airport as they return their respective home countries.

a sociologist finally solved the mystery of why men tend to die earlier than their respective wives

they want to.

My two favorite presidents are Jefferson and Lincoln

The respective "Hit it and Quit it" of American slavery

Three gay men...

each have recently lost their gay lover and have met at the funeral home to pay their respects and collect the ashes. They begin discussing what they will be doing with their respective lovers' ashes. The first man says 'my jimmy loved to fish, so I'll dump his ashes in his favorite lake." The second man said "my bob loved to fly, so ill dump his ashes from his plane while it sors through the air. the third man says "my john was such a great lover...I'll dump his ashes into a pot of chili so he can tear my ass up just one more time"

The Three Thieves (TTT)

One day three hungry men went into the king's fruit garden without permission and stole some fruits to eat. The guards caught them and brought them in front of the king. The king ordered that the thieves should be punished by shoving the respective fruits they stole up their asses. So the guards took the first one, who stole plums from the garden and sticked a plum up his ass. The poor guy started screaming in agony. After they were done with the first one they brought in the second thief. He stole apples so they shoved an apple up his ass, but the man did not make a sound at first and then instead of screaming he started laughing hysterically. The guards were baffled and asked him:
-How come you are not feeling any pain, when we shoved a big apple up your ass? The first thief was screaming and shouting from a mere plum.
The second thief hardly containing his laughter answered:
-Well, I was just thinking about the poor third man, who stole watermelons.....

A 'Cold War' joke I tought up today...

It's early September, 1984. Children around the world are going back to school. Despite living on opposing sides of the Iron Curtain, two Mathematics teachers, one in the United States and the other in the Soviet Union, ask their respective classes the same question.

"OK class." Said the American teacher, "If I had three oranges, and I divided them fairly between four children, how many oranges would each child receive?"

Most of the children in his class answered with pretty much the same thing. "It's easy." Replied the class, "One child gets two oranges, the second gets a half, the third gets an eighth, the fourth gets nothing, and we keep the rest to throw at our enemies."

On the other side of the world, in Russia, the Soviet teacher asks the same to her own class.

"Students." She asked, "If I had three oranges, and had to distribute them fairly to four children, how many oranges will each child have?"

The Russian class asked their teacher "What are oranges?"

Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can't can't get an erection no matter what. He's depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, one, two, three- uuump! all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, how was your night?

It was so embarrassing. I couldn't get it up no matter how hard it tried.

The second award shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I couldn't even get on the fucking bed.

A Rabbi, A Preacher and A Muslim leader get together to see whose religion is real

To prove whose religion is the real one they all decide that whoever can convert a bear to their respective beliefs will have the one true God. So they all go to the forest and agree to meet back at the end of the day to share their results. The Muslim leader and Preacher get back at the same time and the leader says that he didnt get far and that he might need more time, and the preacher says he got about as far. They wait for the Rabbi, when all of a sudden he burst from bushes sweating and out of breath. They asked what happened and he said "I probably shouldn't have started with circumcision!"


A man has three daughters. One day all of their boyfriends to stayed over, with permission from dad. The three couples went to their respective rooms and after a while the father went upstairs to check on them. In the first room he could only hear his daughter giggle, in the second he heard his daughter say 'ouch, ouch', but in the third it was completely silent.

The next morning the father asked the first daughter why he could only hear laughing to which she replied: 'My boyfriends penis is so small it tickles me when we have sex'. Then dad asked why he could only hear 'ouch, ouch' coming from the second daughters room, her answer: 'My boyfriends penis is so large it hurts me a little when we have sex'. The father then asks why he couldn't hear anything from the third daughters room, so she says:

'I've always been taught not to talk with my mouth full'

A Muslim and a Catholic priest walk into a bar.

The two start talking casually about their respective religions. The Muslim says, "I believe that when I die, Allah will bless me with 72 virgins."

The priest's eyes get wide. "Really? That would be awesome, but unfortunately the church can only have 3 altar boys at a time."

What are the funniest respective jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Respective? Well, here are the best Respective puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Respective pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes