Respectful Jokes

33 respectful jokes and hilarious respectful puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about respectful that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Learn how to make respectful jokes that contribute to a lively and enjoyable atmosphere. Discover what makes a joke respectful, from understanding when jokes are appropriate to avoiding disrespectful language. Get tips on how to make jokes about the bible and yo mama in a wonderful and hat-tipping way.

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Funniest Respectful Short Jokes

Short respectful jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The respectful humour may include short respectable jokes also.

  1. These bowling Green Massacre jokes are too soon Out of respect, we should at least wait until it takes place.
  2. The misuse of users' Facebook data has caused mark zuckerberg significant emotional distress. He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
  3. I like my women like I like my coffee. I have a deep respect for coffee and would never discriminate against coffee based on its gender.
  4. Buzz Aldrin is a man who demands respect. I saw him speak a while ago and he said I'm the second guy to walk on the moon... Neil before me
  5. My roommate just called my clothes gay.. Have a little respect man! They just came out of the closet
  6. My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet.
  7. If you can't handle me at my worst... Then good for you; I commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries.
  8. That World Series game was so long... When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.
  9. My daughter thinks I don't respect her personal boundaries Or at least that's what she wrote in her diary
  10. PETA should respect Steve Irwin PETA should respect Steve Irwin by eating him and using all his parts, not letting anything go to waste.
    That's how my uncle, a hunter, explains "respect" anyway.

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Respectful One Liners

Which respectful one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with respectful? I can suggest the ones about considerate and courteous.

  1. My roommate accused me of not respecting his boundaries.. Totally ruined our bath.
  2. His original name was John Kennedy They added the F later to pay respects
  3. Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.
  4. I have no respect for mules. Everything they do is half-assed.
  5. Respect people who wear glasses They paid money to see you.
  6. I respect all people Black people
    Asian people
    And normal people
  7. Did you know that JFK only had 2 names? The F was added to pay respects.
  8. John F. Kenndy's birth name was John Kennedy The f was added to pay respect
  9. Most people won't get this... Respect from their parents.
  10. My girlfriend thinks I don't respect her privacy That's what was written in her diary.
  11. Respect people who wear glasses. They paid money to see you and some have contacts.
  12. Which Russian author never paid his respects? Dusty F Key
  13. My galfriend and I role play "The Fast and the Furious" in bed. Me and her, respectively.
  14. Why is helium the most respected element? People speak very highly of it
  15. My pharmacist is very well respected... she's a real piller of the community.

Respectful joke, My pharmacist is very well respected...

Fun-Filled Respectful Jokes to Boost Your Mood

What funny jokes about respectful you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean no respect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make respectful pranks.

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?

You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ableist s**.... Anyone who disagrees with this is a burnt-out-bulbophobe and a darknessphobe. Thanks for being so understanding.

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won't take any part in it.

So wake me up when it's all over

Why does Florida have so many Conservatives and California have so many earthquakes?

California had first choice!
**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

A joke about golfers.

Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match a large f**... procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head in prayer. The second man retorts "Woah man, that was really respectful". "Well, we had been married for over 25 years" said the other man.

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his f**.... A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.

Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said, control yourself man.
I'm sorry, he replied, I was thinking about my own f**....
What's so funny about that?
I'm a gynecologist.

A tourist decides to visit a Native American Chief who is famous for his perfect memory.

"Okay, Chief..." says the tourist,
"Let's test that memory of yours. What did you eat for breakfast on May 9th, 1972?"
The Chief thinks for a moment, and responds "Eggs."
The tourist replies, "Wow, that's incredible! You really do have a perfect memory." and leaves.

Ten years later the tourist finds himself in the Chief's neck of the woods and decides to pay him a visit.
He enters the Chief's home and respectfully greets him, saying "Hau, Chief."
The Chief promptly replies, "Scrambled."

My neighbour banged on the wall at 430am this morning!!!!

Can you believe it. Lucky I was still awake listening to music.
They banged and shouted "Can we have a little respect please?"
I shouted back "I'm not a big Aretha Franklin fan but this ones for you"

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

My neighbour just banged on the wall at 4.20am, can you believe it!!? Luckilly I was still up playing music.

He banged and shouted ' can we have a little respect please!'
I shouted back..., 'I'm not a big Erasure fan, but ok this one's for you!'

Smith & Wesson Joke

A customer came in to where I work told me this one. Thought I'd share:
Have you heard Smith & Wesson is making a pair of revolvers to commemorate the government shutdown? They will be called The Congressman and The Senator respectively. They don't actually do anything and you can't fire them.

An American and a Russian were discussing their respective freedoms in the 1980's

American: We have more freedom. I can go over to the president and say "Mr. Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country".
Russian: What's the big deal in that? I too can go to my president and say "Mr. President, I don't like the way Reagan is running his country".

fishing by the river

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I'm alone. Can you create me one also?

God replied, Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always , and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg.
Adam thought for a second and said, What do you got for a rib?

Respectful joke, After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said,  You created all the animals and each one has a m