Heartwarming Resources Jokes that Make You Laugh
A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...
"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."
So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"
What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?
A Cache-Advance
Women are alot like continents.
At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- v**... territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.
What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?
Human Resources.
Resume
I walked into an interview for a new job and handed over my resume. The interviewer began reading the resume and stopped half way through. He looked up and asked, "Why did the resume start off printed, then ended in pencil?" I replied, "I used all of my resources."
I'm always hard at work.
But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...
Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.
I got fired from the banana plantation for "wasting resources"
All i did was throw out the Bent ones
Girlfriends are similar to Chrome
They use too much of your resources
In the Human Resources Department
The Manager has a big pile of applications on his desk.
He picks up the first 20 of them and throws them into the bin, saying
"Those guys have bad luck and we have no use for people with bad luck"
I keep getting fired...
...and every time it happens, I walk into the Human Resources manager's office to find an alien sitting there coring apples with its pharyngeal jaws. Starting to see a pattern, I've come up with a device that will let me know *before* I enter the office, so I can merely pack up my things and go. I call it the HR Giger Counter.
You can explore resources monetary reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean resources ohms dad jokes. There are also resources puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.
But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.
I've always preferred management over human resources
I guess that's just a personnel preference
I once worked in a Chinese restaurant and I got in trouble...
I had to report to Hunan Resources.
BREAKING NEWS: Snails in Puerto Rico losing their homes just as badly as the people.
But with limited relief resources, they will have to slug it out for awhile.
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Bruce. The dwarf."
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
God was creating the countries when it became Brazil's turn
God: This land will be a land filled with natural resources, the women will be beautiful, there will be no hurricanes or tornados, they will also have a lot of forests.
The angels were thinking this was a little too much and asked God, Isn't this a little too good?
God calmly answered: Wait for their politicians
I like my women how I like my natural resources...
Foreign and untapped
What do you call an ant who trades with other ant colonies for resources?
Import-ant
Which part of his new job disappointed the cannibal?
The human resources department
What's the best operating system?
ThanOS. It maximizes its resources by periodically killing half of its processes.
What did Santa ask for Cristimas?
To r**... all >!resources for !
This pandemic has exposed how unrealistic the movie The Martian is.
Not because of the space travel to Mars, but there is no way the US government would spend so much money and gather the resources to save just one life.
ME: Dial 999. Police, please
POLICE: Police
ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.
POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.
ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.
POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.
What's Frankenstein's favourite part of a company?
Human resources
But are we sure Rishi will have the resources to pay the fine?
Boris will clearly borrow it from a donor.
According to the Time Honoured British Tradition...
They are now outsourcing their problems to some Indian guy when they invest neither the resources or time or skill to resolve it themselves.
How does the Soylent Green factory deal with workplace misconduct?
Human Resources.
