Resources Jokes
63 resources jokes and hilarious resources puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resources that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Find out how human resources, renewable resources and materials can be used to your advantage in the workplace. This collection of resources jokes is sure to add a bit of humour to your day! Get ready to make a joke out of assets, natural resources and even monetary investments. Enjoy a few laughs while learning a few facts in the process.
Quick Jump To
- Short Resources Jokes
- Resources One Liners
- Human Resources Jokes
- Natural Resources Jokes
- More Resources Jokes
Funniest Resources Short Jokes
Short resources jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resources humour may include short assets jokes also.
- Thankfully, someone created an online resource for everyone who suffered retinal damage watching the solar eclipse. It truly is a site for sore eyes.
- I'm always hard at work. But Human Resources keeps telling me that it's extremely inappropriate to have erections at the office.
- What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources? A Cache-Advance
- But are we sure Rishi will have the resources to pay the fine? Boris will clearly borrow it from a donor.
- Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime... Balloon prices are going to go sky high.
- According to the Time Honoured British Tradition... They are now outsourcing their problems to some Indian guy when they invest neither the resources or time or skill to resolve it themselves.
- I got fired from the banana plantation for "wasting resources" All i did was throw out the Bent ones
- San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event. But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.
- What's the best operating system? ThanOS. It maximizes its resources by periodically killing half of its processes.
- I've always preferred management over human resources I guess that's just a personnel preference
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Resources One Liners
Which resources one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resources? I can suggest the ones about tools and inventory.
- I like my women how I like my natural resources... Foreign and untapped
- Nature is so resourceful It can make dew with just water
- How does the Soylent Green factory deal with workplace misconduct? Human Resources.
- What do you call an ant who trades with other ant colonies for resources? Import-ant
- Girlfriends are similar to Chrome They use too much of your resources
- What's Frankenstein's favourite part of a company? Human resources
- Which part of his new job disappointed the cannibal? The human resources department
- The ministry of excessive resource usage called. Seventy-three times.
- What is a great resource to help us get about in the world? Pun Petrol
- What do we call of spill of the world's most abundant resource? A sunny day.
- Hi, I'm a geologist - I was wondering if I could explore your natural resources...
- Why did the businessman drown? Because he was swimming in a vast pool of resources.
- Can anyone point me to some resources about origami?
- Which area of Zelda: Ocarina of time uses the most resources? The long long farm.
- What did Santa ask for Cristimas? To r**... all >!resources for !
Human Resources Jokes
Here is a list of funny human resources jokes and even better human resources puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals? Human Resources.
- I've made a fortune through international human resource management! Or 'human trafficking', as some call it.
- I almost got fired last month because the word got out that I was intolerant... I had to explain all about lactose to the Human Resource department.
Natural Resources Jokes
Here is a list of funny natural resources jokes and even better natural resources puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Children are our greatest natural resource. I pray it doesn't come to that.
--heard it on the radio, can't remember the comedian's name. - Why is it that there aren't much natural oil resources in China? They ate all the dinosaurs
Heartwarming Resources Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about resources you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean supply jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resources pranks.
penny scales
A woman stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and put in a coin.
"Listen to this," she said to her husband, showing him a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," her husband nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
Hair Fragrance
Every day at the office, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "So what's s**... threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
A state trooper knocks on Mr. Smith's door...
"Mr. Smith," The officer goes on, "as you know, we have been searching for your missing wife for the last 10 days. We've put our best men and our most advanced resources into the search. The governor is going to call a press conference this evening to call off the search. I'm here to tell you that you should prepare for the worst."
So, Mr. Smith says, "alright, but you've gotta drive me to Goodwill to buy everything back!"
Women are alot like continents.
At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- v**... territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.
Did you hear about the resourceful proctologist?
He always used two fingers, in case his patients wanted a second opinion.
Resume
I walked into an interview for a new job and handed over my resume. The interviewer began reading the resume and stopped half way through. He looked up and asked, "Why did the resume start off printed, then ended in pencil?" I replied, "I used all of my resources."
If everyone contributes a small amount of their income...
Together we can pool the resources to defeat socialism.
In the Human Resources Department
The Manager has a big pile of applications on his desk.
He picks up the first 20 of them and throws them into the bin, saying
"Those guys have bad luck and we have no use for people with bad luck"
When trying to perform an inmate search in the Wizarding world, what online resource is helpful?
Ask-Haban
I keep getting fired...
...and every time it happens, I walk into the Human Resources manager's office to find an alien sitting there coring apples with its pharyngeal jaws. Starting to see a pattern, I've come up with a device that will let me know *before* I enter the office, so I can merely pack up my things and go. I call it the HR Giger Counter.
A resourceful woman...
A woman gets into a very busy restaurant around lunch time.
She is told the next available table would be free in an hour.
She holds her phone to her ear, and with a loud voice says:
"*Honey, you won't believe it, but your husband is having lunch with his girlfriend at so-and-so restaurant*"
Half the diners instantly get up and rush to the exit..
BREAKING NEWS: Snails in Puerto Rico losing their homes just as badly as the people.
But with limited relief resources, they will have to slug it out for awhile.
Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore.
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against the guy.
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"
"It's Bruce. The dwarf."
God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn
He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"
The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"
God was creating the countries when it became Brazil's turn
God: This land will be a land filled with natural resources, the women will be beautiful, there will be no hurricanes or tornados, they will also have a lot of forests.
The angels were thinking this was a little too much and asked God, Isn't this a little too good?
God calmly answered: Wait for their politicians
Teacher: Nitrogen isn't a renewable resource.
Me: Can we fix that?
(Came up with this joke just a few hours earlier when my Bio teacher said this.)
This pandemic has exposed how unrealistic the movie The Martian is.
Not because of the space travel to Mars, but there is no way the US government would spend so much money and gather the resources to save just one life.
ME: Dial 999. Police, please
POLICE: Police
ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.
POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.
ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.
POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...
The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.
When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."
Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished lumber therefrom.
And he saw that it was good.
The snakes were overjoyed when Noah picked them up and placed them on it. Noah and the snakes both knew that even adders could multiply on a log table.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine
He inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a s**... harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
A group of dwarves get jobs as coal miners
After a week or so, one of the workers really stood out and was getting special treatment from the supervisor, Moe. The other dwarves complained to HR and threatened to go on strike.
The supervisor was called into the office and reprimanded. He explained that he was only trying to keep the hardest worker motivated and asked exactly what he supposed to do, to which the Human Resources manager replied, Treat him like any mini miner, Moe.
