The Best 51 Resort Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Resort jokes. There are some resort vacation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these resort motel puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Resort Jokes and Puns

I would never hit someone with a musical instrument...

I don't like to resort to violins

I would never resort to plotting revenge on an ex.

Just her having to acknowledge that she slept with me is punishment enough.

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To the parents astonishment when his reportcard arrives he has an A in math!!

They asked Elisha what the difference was and he replied," When I saw what they did to the poor guy on the plus sign I knew they were serious!!"

Resort joke, Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...

The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."

What do you call it when you second guess your decision to book a stay at a Native American resort?

A reservation reservation reservation.

Credit to Brian Regan, this is my favorite joke of his!

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move here."

The other two nod, slightly sympathetically.

The second man says, "Similar story here. I used to run a jewellery store back in LA, but unfortunately one night there was a massive break in. I collected the insurance that I had on the jewellery and moved down here to settle."

They look at the third guy. He says, "I used to run a small fishing business on the East Coast. Last year unfortunately the entire thing was ruined by a hurricane. I collected my insurance and moved here."

The first two guys look at each other for a minute. Finally, one says, "How do you start a hurricane?"

What do you call a summer resort for helping kids with ADHD?

A concentration camp.

Resort joke, What do you call a summer resort for helping kids with ADHD?

Santa and his reindeer crash and land in the mountains, they are starting to starve and decide they have to resort to cannibalism.

Who do they eat first?

Answer: Donner!

Autocorrect is like a cheap hooker

Your last resort and you end up having to do it yourself anyways.

God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out.

So he had to resort to Plan Bee.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

You can explore resort jamaica reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean resort upbringing dad jokes. There are also resort puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Three men go to a ski resort...

there aren't enough rooms left so they all share one room which only has one bed. In the morning the three men wake up, the one on the left says "I just had the most amazing dream" The man on the right replies "Really what happened?" "Well I just had the best dream hand job" "No way! I just had the same dream." To which the man in the middle responds "Hmm that's weird, I had a dream about skiing."

What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays?

This is my last resort.

Why'd the baker resort to prostitution?

Because they knead the dough.

Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction?

It's called Lake Flaccid.

Did you hear about the couple's resort that burned down?

Not a single person died.

Resort joke, Did you hear about the couple's resort that burned down?

Late term abortion now offered in Florida

Free with stay to any Orlando resort

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines.

All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing.

Obama begins by saying "American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"

Putin laughs and tell them "Stupid globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."

Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts "Heil Hitler! We need fuel!"

What's the difference between my GoPro and my girlfriend?

I wouldn't spend hours looking for my girlfriend at a ski resort if I lost her on the mountain.

So, the God decides he needs a vacation...

He goes to meet his travel agent:
"We have a special on Andromeda, Cthulu resort." - Nah it's way too hot...
"How'bout skiing in Pillars Of Creation?" - Maybe something cheaper, this time?
"Well, You may try the Earth, Solar System new Spa, great price".
- ... Been there like 2000 years ago, mate, made one chick pregnant.
They still keep talking about this...

My local ski resort was ripped off last week for around $900.

The robber stole a burger, two beers, and some chips.

I had a name idea for a retirement home

Last Resort.

When you resort to insults, you've lost the argument.

Throwing dirt is losing ground.

The Jones and the Smiths decided to try swinging…

… so they left for the week-end to a mountain resort where they rented two cabins, and they swapped partners for the night.

The next morning, Joe Smith woke up, and said let's go see how the ladies are doing …

A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...

Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.

Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.

Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"

Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?

Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."

Thinking of becoming a cannibal.

If I had to resort to cannibalism, I would want the person I'm eating to be a vegetarian. I like irony and prefer grass-fed steak.

I met my wife in a travel agency.

She was looking for a holiday and I was the last resort.

Cannibalism was the last resort but I had no other choice

I'm just bummed I cant walk anymore

Friend wanted a summer job, I told him about my friend who works at a Four Seasons Resort

Friend: No I don't wanna work for Four Seasons! Just this summer.

The world's first gay golf resort opened in Mexico today.

A man has already enjoyed a hole-in-juan.

If it's hard to come up with a joke...

Yew can always resort to tree puns; I hear they're pretty poplar these days.

The CEO of a dwindling hotel chain shows up in court to save his company from bankruptcy

It was his last resort.

My brother asked if i could help him come up with a way to advertise the new vacation resort he was opening up.

I said "Brochure."

Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?

He had no morel compass.

Catskill resort joke

Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says,
"Boy, the food at this place is really terrible."
The other one says,
"Yeah, I know; and such small portions."
Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.”

An idiot goes walking through the woods...

After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.

Poorly paid UK surgeons

Yesterday I found out that NHS surgeons are so poorly paid that they have to resort to crime.

I saw a sign, it said "Thieves operate in this area."

Did you hear about the stubborn lion who refused to resort to cannibalism?

He ended up swallowing his pride.

If Papa Roach goes on their final vacation

is it to their last resort?

5 men and 1 woman are shipwrecked...

...on a deserted island. Food and water is aplenty so with nothing else to do they resort to sex as the only recreation.
After a month of constant sex the woman says:
"I've had enough of this" and kills herself.
After another month the men decide:
"Enough of this necrophilia" and bury the woman.
Another month passes and men decide:
"Enough of this sodomy" and dig up the woman...

I just booked a vacation at the Sandal Resort and Spa

It's the singles version of Sandals.

A stranger gave me a really old metal box...

He said it was supposed to contain gold coins, but the lock and the hinges were so rusty which made it very hard to open. I tried a hammer and a crowbar, but the box just won't budge.

So, I'm thinking of trying to open this box with a stick of dynamite, as a last resort. I'll update you guys later if it works or not.

I used to be a prostitute at a Mexican golf resort.

They called me hole in Juan.

On his first day at a resort in Greece, George and his wife went down to the beach.

Later when he went back to his room to get something to drink, he found the chambermaid making their bed. He grabbed his cooler and was on his way back out when he stopped at the door and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"

"Sure." she replied. "Let me finish the rest of the rooms first."

My girlfriend and I have been really stressed and having some issues so we decided to take a mini vacation, a weekend trip to a ski resort.

Everything started off well, but things went downhill really fast.

If ever society collapses and we resort to cannibalism...

Vegans meat will be the most expensive because they're grass fed.

A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.

They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They'd been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.

Someone would shout out 24 or 13 and everyone would laugh.

This went on for a long and then one person yelled 52 and they all laughed harder than normal. One of the newbies to the group, who was completely lost, asked why that joke was so funny.

Oh, that was a new one.

Trump will move to Mar-a-Lago once his tax returns go public

That will be his last resort

Sandbox games

The newlyweds and young parents in town discover that the fine sand in the nearby nature resort makes for excellent sandbox sand. So people go in to get a big cart of sand and make some cheap garden sandboxes for their children. The park rangers forbid this and nobody can steal sand anymore. This guy sneaks in with a big cart and scoops it full but on his way out he sees a park ranger and starts to quickly shovel the sand out of his cart. "Oh no sir! You won't get away with it that easily!" the park ranger barks,

"You can't dump that here so take it right back home with you!"

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don't become angry and resort to violins if you don't notice.

I was walking down the street today, and noticed a woman screaming at her son. How do you lose a cello, it's as big as you are? Where could you have possibly lost it, tell me or so help me.

I walked up to the woman, and said for the sake of your son, please do not resort to violins.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the resort destination jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working resort inn piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes