The Best 87 Resolution Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Resolution jokes. There are some resolution participate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these resolution conflict resolution puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Resolution Jokes and Puns

I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.

It's my new year's resolution.

10 things for my new years resolution:

1. Stop being lazy.

Our Xmas dinner also happens to be my New Year's resolution

Bone-less turkey

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was.

He said, "1920x1080".

jokes about resolution

My New Years Resolution

New Year's resolution- Date more models.

Revised- Date more.

Revised again- Get a date.

Revised one last time- Stop crying while masturbating.

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution?


So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

Resolution joke, So to celebrate the Halloween season...

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.

Happy new year!

My new years resolution........

Hopefully 4k 55''

My resolution this year is the same as last year.


My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

You can explore resolution solution reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean resolution feature dad jokes. There are also resolution puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes.

He hugged my sister and I :(

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Wife just got me a new tv for Christmas!

Looks like my New Years resolution is 1080.

At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds....

...Only 15 pounds to go.

I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.


Resolution joke, I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.

My New Year's Resolutions

320 x 320

800 x 600

1440 x 900

1920 x 1080

My resolution last year was to lose 25 lbs.

Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?

My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds

Only 13 more to go

[OC] Alright, here's my new year's resolution...

Stop being late

Why do smart people wear glasses?

Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.

This is a little bad but....

I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds

I only have 15 more to go.

For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m.

It's a decent resolution.

My new year resolution is


Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas.

Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.

What is every gamers New Years Resolution?


Resolution joke, What is every gamers New Years Resolution?

New Years Resolutions

Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"

I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more sex."

"Oh great!" my wife sighed.

"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."

For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed.

But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

Im so poor...

That my new years resolution is 144p

My boss asked if I accomplished my years resolution

Nope, I'm still working here

My New Year's Resolution was to stop masturbating

Well I guess there's always next year

In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...

That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what.

It's my new year resolution.

What resolution does a racist shoot his videos in?


I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution

My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

Whats a low-end PC's New Years Resolution?


I was trying to fix a problem with my DNS

But I couldn't come to a resolution

Why were the console wars started?

Because neither side could find a clear resolution

I've been reading so much about alcohol being really bad for you. So I've decided on my New Year's Resolution...

No more reading!

I came up with my New Year's resolution. I will be more of an optimist

But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.

Are you a new years resolution?

Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two

My new year's resolution is to be more assertive...

...if that's OK with you guys?

My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.

I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018

It's my new year's resolution.

My New Years resolution for 2018 is...

My wife wants me to lose 180 pounds this year for my new year's resolution.

I'm serving her with the divorce papers on Tuesday.

New Years resolution to recycle water

I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don't care what everyone else at the gym says.

My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants

Roll on 2018

My new years resolution is to lose my virginity

I think its time after 85 years

New year's resolution - give up smoking and wanking.

It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.

How to quit smoking

Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after sex. As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.

A New Years Resolution is..

Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym

+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area

My big New Years resolution is to…

…get a 4K TV.

Two men are talking about their new year's resolutions

Man #1: My new year's resolution was to get my wife pregnant.

Man #2: Woah, that was my resolution too!!

Man #1: Really? I didn't know you were married...

Man #2: I'm not.

Man #1: Then how was your new year's resolution to get your wife pregnant?

Man #2: I was talking about your wife

My new years's resolution was to lose 10lbs

Only 14 more to go!

A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine.

I never knew my real machine. 😒

My 2018 New Year's resolution is to procrastinate this year.

This is my most successful resolution so far.

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often.

But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.

Why did we leap from 2k to 4k resolution?

Because 3k is racist.

Next January I will only be watching videos on 1080p

It's my new years resolution

My New Year's Resolution was to lose 30 lbs. by the end of summer

I've only got 40 lbs. to go

I just bought an 8K monitor...

It's quite a lot of money for a 1920x1080 resolution.

I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.

Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.

What's the worst new years resolution?


Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was

She replied, "to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same stupid joke."

My resolution this year will be the same as last year

360p, internet is still shit

My New Year resolution is the same as last year..


Ever since 2017, my New Year's resolution has been to work on my novel.

Four years going and I've almost finished reading it!

My New Year's Resolution is to be more humble...

Which should be easy as I'm already *really* good at it!

What's your New Years resolution?

Mine is 3120x1440. I got a new phone.

My New Years Resolution is to get a girlfriend

After what happened in 2020, i didn't get the chance to, but 2021 will be the year.

~~After what happened in 2019, i didn't get the chance to, but 2020 will be the year.~~

~~After what happened in 2018, i didn't get the chance to, but 2019 will be the year.~~

~~After what happened in 2017, i didn't get the chance to, but 2018 will be the year.~~

~~After what happened in 2016, i didn't get the chance to, but 2017 will be the year.~~

~~After what happened in 2015, i didn't get the chance to, but 2016 will be the year.~~

My new year's resolution is I'm gonna be less condescending.

(Condescending means talking down to people btw )

When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.

She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"

My New Year's Resolution

Stop procrastinating.

I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.

My feet have never looked better.

What would high definition be called if invented in Paris?

The French resolution!

What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection?


For my New Years resolution I promise to never steal money out of my wife's purse

But then I just remembered she's got a birthday coming up

My New Year's Resolution is to stop being so condescending!

(Condescending means talking down to people)

During a job interview....

... for a position with an international company that prided itself on workplace diversity, Tony was asked how he viewed gay relationships in the workplace.

Apparently, "In 4K resolution" wasn't the right answer.

What did Yoda say when he first saw himself in 4k resolution?

HD, am I?

I'm finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K this January

It's my New Years resolution.

I bought a treadmill as part of my New Year's resolution to get in shape.

I've been using it for months and still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

UPDATE: tried to return it but customer service is giving me the runaround.

There are only two kinds of people in the world...

The kind that doesn't need a resolution,

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the resolution new year resolution puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working resolution new years resolution piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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