It's my new year's resolution.
Maybe I won't stick with this one either.
1920x1080
It's my new year's resolution.
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
3K
Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.
It's my new year resolution.
So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy new year!
Only 13 more to go
That my new years resolution is 144p
Well I guess there's always next year
I only have 15 more to go.
My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two
1280x720
...if that's OK with you guys?
That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!
He said, "1920x1080".
Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution
1024x768.
3840x2160
...Only 15 pounds to go.
But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.
But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.
1. Stop being lazy.
I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.
Only 12 more to go.
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'
The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed"
And I plan on sticking to it.
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
I think its time after 85 years
New Year's resolution- Date more models.
Revised- Date more.
Revised again- Get a date.
Revised one last time- Stop crying while masturbating.
Looks like my New Years resolution is 1080.
It's a decent resolution.
I never knew my real machine. 😢
But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.
He hugged my sister and I :(
Because neither side could find a clear resolution
Pore resolution
800x600
This is my most successful resolution so far.
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
No more reading!
320 x 320
800 x 600
1440 x 900
1920 x 1080
Man #1: My new year's resolution was to get my wife pregnant.
Man #2: Woah, that was my resolution too!!
Man #1: Really? I didn't know you were married...
Man #2: I'm not.
Man #1: Then how was your new year's resolution to get your wife pregnant?
Man #2: I was talking about your wife
Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.
This is a little bad but....
It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.
Hopefully 4k 55''
Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more sex."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."
Only 14 more to go!
Stop being late
Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?
Nope, I'm still working here
I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don't care what everyone else at the gym says.
I'm serving her with the divorce papers on Tuesday.
…get a 4K TV.
Bone-less turkey
Roll on 2018
But I couldn't come to a resolution
I've decided to go full Vegan. I won't be eating animals anymore. *Just* Vegans.
I guess I already failed.
AD4K
I don't go in my kitchen anymore.
3840x2160
Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable.
Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after sex. As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.
If that's okay with you guys.
I only have 30 pounds to go!
•no headphones jack
•no wireless charging
•no curved screen
•no 4K resolution (or even full HD) screen
•no VR headset support
•no 360 camera support
•no expansion storage slot
It is true revolution in scamming people to upgrade from old iPhones!
is 1920 x 1080!
Lucky for me, round is a shape
Buying bitcoin in 2011!
Girlfriend: What'cha doin'?
Boyfriend: Watching the ball drop on my laptop.
Girlfriend: Cool. What's your New Year's resolution?
Boyfriend: 1080p
3k
2K, and 16 extra pixels.
If 2014 is anything to go by, I've quit.
But I don't think I can give up cold turkey.
That's why I made a new, firm New Year's resolution: NO MORE READING!
I said 1440p.
I hope I can keep the streak going
To exorcise more.
The resolution was bad
One fifth a day, max.
It'll be a great threesome.
First step: write down the resolu
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Resolution? Well, here are the best Resolution puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Resolution pick up lines to share with friends.