resolution Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious resolution puns

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her new year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you".

So I'm pretty excited for 2019.

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Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was.

She said "fuck you". So i'm pretty excited about 2017.

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I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.

It's my new year's resolution.

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My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape

Maybe I won't stick with this one either.

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My resolution this year is the same as last year.

1920x1080

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I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018

It's my new year's resolution.

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So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

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Today i asked this hot girl at my gym what her new years resolution was...

She said "fuck you" so I'm pretty excited about 2018

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Today I asked a hot girl at work what her New Year's resolution was...

She said: "fuck you". So I'm pretty excited about 2018.

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What resolution does a racist shoot his videos in?

3K

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Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas.

Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.

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I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what.

It's my new year resolution.

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Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people.

So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.


Happy new year!

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My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds

Only 13 more to go

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Im so poor...

That my new years resolution is 144p

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My New Year's Resolution was to stop masturbating

Well I guess there's always next year

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I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds

I only have 15 more to go.

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I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution

My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

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Are you a new years resolution?

Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two

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What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution?

1280x720

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My new year's resolution is to be more assertive...

...if that's OK with you guys?

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In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg...

That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

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I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was.

He said, "1920x1080".

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New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

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My new year resolution is

1024x768.

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I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.

3840x2160

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At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds....

...Only 15 pounds to go.

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I came up with my New Year's resolution. I will be more of an optimist

But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.

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For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed.

But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

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10 things for my new years resolution:

1. Stop being lazy.

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My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language.

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.

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My New Year's resolution for 2017 was to lose 10 pounds.

Only 12 more to go.

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What to Wear

A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. 'Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.'

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. 'Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.'

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. 'Let me tell you a story,' replied the rabbi. 'A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.'

The man protested: 'What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?' The rabbi responded: "'No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed"

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Today I asked Jane, the hot girl at my gym, what her New Year's resolution was. She said "fuck you"

it's June

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My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

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What are the most funny Resolution jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Resolution? Well, here are the best Resolution dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Resolution pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes