Resolution Jokes
127 resolution jokes and hilarious resolution puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resolution that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out these resolution jokes! From conflict resolution to dispute resolution and beyond, you'll love these chuckle-worthy puns and incongruity resolutions. They are sure to bring a smile to your face and help you resolve any widescreen solutions.
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Funniest Resolution Short Jokes
Short resolution jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resolution humour may include short resolve jokes also.
- I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 1080p and above. It's my new year's resolution.
- My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape Maybe I won't stick with this one either.
- I have 11 New Year Resolutions... * Never make resolutions
* Be accepting of paradoxes
* Use the binary number system more often - I'm starting a new business tomorrow. It will be a gym for two weeks in January, and then a beer and burger place for the rest of the year.
I'm calling it, "Resolutions." - My new year's resolution is I'm going to be less condescending. And by the way, condescending means talking down to people.
- Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average, which means you have met your New Year's resolution.
Happy new year! - The average person has s**... 90 times a year. Man this going to be an epic new years eve!
- I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
- I came up with my New Year's resolution. I will be more of an optimist But I know that won't happen. Something will go wrong, and I'll fail.
- My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language. I don't have a clue how I'm going to get all that done by tomorrow.
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Resolution One Liners
Which resolution one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resolution? I can suggest the ones about solve and dimension.
- My resolution this year is the same as last year. 1920x1080
- I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.
- What resolution does a racist shoot his videos in? 3K
- Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas. Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.
- I need to buy a 4k TV, no matter what. It's my new year resolution.
- My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds Only 13 more to go
- Im so poor... That my new years resolution is 144p
- This year in going to watch everything in 4K It's my new year's resolution.
- Are you a new years resolution? Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two
- What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution? 1280x720
- I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was. He said, "1920x1080".
- My new year resolution is 1024x768.
- I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution. 3840x2160
- 10 things for my new years resolution: 1. Stop being lazy.
- What's your New Years resolution? Mine is 3120x1440. I got a new phone.
New Year Resolution Jokes
Here is a list of funny new year resolution jokes and even better new year resolution puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- New Year resolutions: (1) Stop making lists
(d) become more consistent
(VII) learn how to count - My New Year's Resolution is to be more humble... Which should be easy as I'm already *really* good at it!
- My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.
- My new years resolution is to lose my virginity I think its time after 85 years
- What are your New Years resolutions? I'm upgrading to 2460×4820.
- A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine. I never knew my real machine. 😢
- For the New Year, I vow to take a selfie at 720p.m. It's a decent resolution.
- Wife just got me a new tv for Christmas! Looks like my New Years resolution is 1080.
- My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often. But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.
- My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :(
New Years Resolution Jokes
Here is a list of funny new years resolution jokes and even better new years resolution puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K this January It's my New Years resolution.
- Whats a low-end PC's New Years Resolution? 800x600
- Ever since 2017, my New Year's resolution has been to work on my novel. Four years going and I've almost finished reading it!
- My New Year's Resolution was to lose 30 lbs. by the end of summer I've only got 40 lbs. to go
- My 2018 New Year's resolution is to procrastinate this year. This is my most successful resolution so far.
- My New Year's Resolution is to exercise more I hope it works out...
- A New Years Resolution is.. Something that goes in one year and out the other.
- I've been reading so much about alcohol being really bad for you. So I've decided on my New Year's Resolution... No more reading!
- My New Year's Resolutions 320 x 320
800 x 600
1440 x 900
1920 x 1080 - My new year's resolution for 2023 Is to accomplish the goals of 2022 which I should have done in 2021 because I promised them in 2020 and planned them in 2019
Conflict Resolution Jokes
Here is a list of funny conflict resolution jokes and even better conflict resolution puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why are sumo wrestlers so effective at conflict resolutions? They're meaty asians.
Hilarious Fun Resolution Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about resolution you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean width jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resolution pranks.
Our Xmas dinner also happens to be my New Year's resolution
Bone-less turkey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My New Years Resolution
New Year's resolution- Date more models.
Revised- Date more.
Revised again- Get a date.
Revised one last time- Stop crying while m**....
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
My new years resolution........
Hopefully 4k 55''
What do you call it when you can't see your skin?
Pore resolution
My resolution last year was to lose 25 lbs.
Anyone know how I can lose 50lbs in an hour and fifteen minutes?
[OC] Alright, here's my new year's resolution...
Stop being late
Why do smart people wear glasses?
Because as resolution goes down performance goes up.
This is a little bad but....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New Years Resolutions
Me and the wife were having Christmas drinks with friends when one asked, "what's everyone's new years resolution?"
I said, "Mine's going to be, to have more s**...."
"Oh great!" my wife sighed.
"Don't worry, love" I assured her, "it's not going to affect you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more w**....
But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.
My boss asked if I accomplished my years resolution
Nope, I'm still working here
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My New Year's Resolution was to stop m**...
Well I guess there's always next year
New Years resolution
Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution
I was trying to fix a problem with my DNS
But I couldn't come to a resolution
Why were the console wars started?
Because neither side could find a clear resolution
My New Years resolution for 2018 is...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife wants me to lose 180 pounds this year for my new year's resolution.
I'm serving her with the divorce papers on Tuesday.
New Years resolution to recycle water
I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don't care what everyone else at the gym says.
My New Year's resolution is to stop using aerosol deodorants
Roll on 2018
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
New year's resolution - give up smoking and w**....
It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to quit smoking
Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after s**.... As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.
Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
My big New Years resolution is to…
…get a 4K TV.
Two men are talking about their new year's resolutions
Man #1: My new year's resolution was to get my wife pregnant.
Man #2: Woah, that was my resolution too!!
Man #1: Really? I didn't know you were married...
Man #2: I'm not.
Man #1: Then how was your new year's resolution to get your wife pregnant?
Man #2: I was talking about your wife
I have only two new years resolutions: To get back into the shape I was before the accident...
....and to stop referring to the fact that I eat too much junkfood, 'the accident'
I just bought an 8K monitor...
It's quite a lot of money for a 1920x1080 resolution.
I found a way to solve the Gif vs Jif debate.
Just pray to Jod and Gesus for resolution.
What's the worst new years resolution?
288p
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year's resolution was
She replied, "to get people on reddit to quit repeating the same s**... joke."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Last year, one of my new year resolutions was too stop being so arrogant and c**...
Realised a week into January I didn't need to bother because I am already perfect
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My resolution this year will be the same as last year
360p, internet is still s**...
My New Years Resolution is to get a girlfriend
After what happened in 2020, i didn't get the chance to, but 2021 will be the year.
~~After what happened in 2019, i didn't get the chance to, but 2020 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2018, i didn't get the chance to, but 2019 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2017, i didn't get the chance to, but 2018 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2016, i didn't get the chance to, but 2017 will be the year.~~
~~After what happened in 2015, i didn't get the chance to, but 2016 will be the year.~~
When I woke up on January 1st, I was surprised to see that my wife looked very pixelated.
She saw the expression of confusion on my face and said, "oh, don't worry honey, this is just my new year's resolution"
My New Year's Resolution
Stop procrastinating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and his friend were talking about their New Year's Resolutions.
Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?
Man: Well of course! I've swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.
Friend: Neat.
Man: Scaled Mount Everest n**...!
Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?
Man: Well, there is one I still haven't completed.
Friend: And that is?
Man: Break my habit of lying......
What would high definition be called if invented in Paris?
The French resolution!
My friend Jack …
… woke up on January 1st 2021, glanced over at his wife Edna and was suprised to see that she looked weirdly pixelated.
Oh my god! he yelped with a look of confusion and growing concern on his face, What happened last night?!
Seeing his expression, Edna reached over to give him a hug saying, Oh don't worry honey, this is just my New Year's resolution!
What do you call a high resolution video taken during Jesus' resurrection?
ADHD
For my New Years resolution I promise to never steal money out of my wife's purse
But then I just remembered she's got a birthday coming up
A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions
So it's best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd
During a job interview....
... for a position with an international company that prided itself on workplace diversity, Tony was asked how he viewed gay relationships in the workplace.
Apparently, "In 4K resolution" wasn't the right answer.
A coworker told me to live every day like it's a brand new year
I said I already do that
I wake up hung over.
I contemplate all the decisions I made the year before.
And I try to make resolutions and I always break them.
I bought a treadmill as part of my New Year's resolution to get in shape.
I've been using it for months and still don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.
UPDATE: tried to return it but customer service is giving me the runaround.
