Resistance Jokes
109 resistance jokes and hilarious resistance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resistance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A hilarious look at the many kinds of resistance - from antibiotic resistance to air resistance and resistance to change - and how it applies to every day life. Learn why greater resistance means greater strength and how ohmless resistance is found in a superconductor and in resistance bands.
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Funniest Resistance Short Jokes
Short resistance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resistance humour may include short resistant jokes also.
- A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
- What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common? Neither one can resist the urge to crack open a cold one .
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance. - A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here. The superconductor left without resistance.
- How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll all resist change even if it makes the world a brighter place.
- Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
- Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?
They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off. - Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
- If electricity always follows the path of least resistance Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
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Resistance One Liners
Which resistance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resistance? I can suggest the ones about friction and tension.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Why are there so many rivers in France? Water takes the path of least resistance
- Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I was arrested for being awake too long The cops said i was resisting a rest
- What is it called when a kid refuses to sleep during nap time? Resisting a rest.
- I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
- A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap He was resisting a rest
- When kids don't want to take a nap, can they be charged with resisting a rest?
- Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women can't resist anything 25% off
- Why did the insomniac get thrown into jail? He was resisting a rest.
- They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile.
- Why did the insomniac get arrested? He resisted a rest.
- A cop once told me to take a nap... I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.
French Resistance Jokes
Here is a list of funny french resistance jokes and even better french resistance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If electricity is always directing itself to the least resistant, where would it go? The French
- Why are the Eiffel Tower lights so bright ? French resistance is low.
- Why do french people never go to space. Because in space there is no resistance !
- Spanish pigs say "oinc-oinc". French pigs say "Oinque"
Japanese pigs say "Oinku"
American pigs say "STOP RESISTING" - Why did the German cross the French road? The road had the least resistance when crossing.
- What was the favourite dish of the french resistance? An Ohm-lette
(du fromage) - Lightning follows the path of least resistance No wonder blitzkrieg worked so well against the French
- I failed my physics exam today. They asked me to give examples of superconductors. Apparently 'The French Resistance' was not an acceptable answer.
- Although some countries may argue against this, we the french know for a fact that the best Orchestra conductors come from France Well, we offer the least resistance.
- What is the French Resistance to the n**...? An occupational hazard.
Air Resistance Jokes
Here is a list of funny air resistance jokes and even better air resistance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A falling Borg has no terminal velocity... ...Air resistance is futile.
- Why could the Fire Nation defeat the Air Benders so easily? Because wind resistance is negligible
- I had to do a problem involving air resistance for my physics homework this week. It was a huge drag.
- Why'd the air resistance committed s**...? Because he's always being neglected
Resistance To Change Jokes
Here is a list of funny resistance to change jokes and even better resistance to change puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When you try to change the current flowing through a solenoid and it resists Weird flux but OK
Ridiculous Resistance Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about resistance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean immunity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resistance pranks.
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.
A police officer was called to a child care center.
It seems that a three year old child was resisting a rest.
That's some solid advice!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin?
*A tempted m**...*
I got an electric shock yesterday.
I couldn't resist it
Masked man robs a s**... bank...
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a s**... bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is s**...!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair?
He was resisting.
Police were called to a daycare yesterday...
Police were called to a daycare yesterday because a 5 year old was resisting a rest.
Why are wires addicted to electricity?
They can't resist.
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Why was the baby put in jail?
For resisting a rest.
^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat
The moist finger
As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, at first encountering resistance but then plunging in, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter.
I took my finger back out and within seconds, before I knew it, she was going down on me.
And I thought to myself..... "I really need a new freakin' boat."
A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap.
He was resisting a rest.
An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...
He said he couldn't resist.
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
Why is their always lightning in France?
Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.
The Force Awakens could have been much shorter.
All the First Order had to do to get rid of the Resistance was to use a superconductor.
Physicist, Engineer and Statistician are out bow-hunting.
They see a stag about a hundred feet away. The Physicist takes a shot, but he forgets to allow for wind resistance and the arrow falls five feet short. The Engineer takes his shot, but he adds too much of a fudge factor and the arrow's five feet too far.
The statistician goes "Nice job guys, we got him!"
My 5 yr old son was just imprisoned for skipping naptime
He was resisting a rest
Engineering students are always confused by women...
....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?
Why are Jewish men circumcised?
Because what Jewish woman could resist anything that's 20% off?
In a stunning case some call an a**... of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap
The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.
A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.
Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones....
Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town.
They call it resisting a rest.
When I heard that my toaster wasn't water resistant...
I was shocked!!
Lice have become resistant to most conventional treatments.
Scientists are scratching their heads.
Why do Jewish guys get circumcised?
Because they know Jewish girls can't resist something that's 30% off
Why did the Jew jump off the cliff?
He couldn't resist a free fall.
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
Why do cops hate insomniacs?
Because they are always resisting a rest
Just came back from Dubai where a sheikh offered me 30 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that?
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
I was extremely tired and walked into a police officer the other day.
Ended up being guilty of resisting a rest.
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting...
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.
The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.
The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.
The statistician yells "We got him!"
They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.
Apparently you aren't one of them.
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a
car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.
A superconductor walks into a bar.
The bartender shouts, "Hey, we don't serve superconductors."
The superconductor didn't put up any resistance.
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:
"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."
Why did the circuit get arrested??
Because it was resisting!!!
I'm the scientist who just discovered that goose-down pillows are NOT resistant to sulphuric acid.
Although, apparently that's not what my wife meant when she said we need to experiment in the bedroom
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...
The three see a buck a little distance away.
The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.
The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding in wind resistance and adding a fudge factor to include wind variations, Coriolis forces, and other, unknown variables. He fires, and the round lands 10 meters behind the buck.
The statistician jumps up and yells, "We got him!"
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
Adolf h**... is begged by his supporters to return to power after they discover he is still alive.
After resisting, h**... says: "I'll come back, but on one condition ... next time I'm going to be evil."
Why was the accordion player always late for practice? He couldn’t resist stopping to squeeze in a few extra notes.
Why did the accordion player get a standing ovation? They played a polka that nobody could resist dancing to.
Why did the polka band start playing during the parade? They couldn’t resist the urge to polka around!
