Resistance Jokes
106 resistance jokes and hilarious resistance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resistance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
A hilarious look at the many kinds of resistance - from antibiotic resistance to air resistance and resistance to change - and how it applies to every day life. Learn why greater resistance means greater strength and how ohmless resistance is found in a superconductor and in resistance bands.
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Funniest Resistance Short Jokes
Short resistance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resistance humour may include short resistant jokes also.
- A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance. - A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here. The superconductor left without resistance.
- Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
- Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
- Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones.... Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
- An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why... He said he couldn't resist.
- Just came back from Dubai where a sheikh offered me 30 camels for my wife. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that?
- They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait. Apparently you aren't one of them.
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Resistance One Liners
Which resistance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resistance? I can suggest the ones about friction and tension.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I was arrested for being awake too long The cops said i was resisting a rest
- I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
- A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap He was resisting a rest
- Why did the insomniac get thrown into jail? He was resisting a rest.
- They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile.
- A cop once told me to take a nap... I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.
- Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest.
^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat - Why are wires addicted to electricity? They can't resist.
- Why did the Jew jump off the cliff? He couldn't resist a free fall.
- Why did the circuit get arrested?? Because it was resisting!!!
- Why do cops hate insomniacs? Because they are always resisting a rest
French Resistance Jokes
Here is a list of funny french resistance jokes and even better french resistance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If electricity is always directing itself to the least resistant, where would it go? The French
- Why are the Eiffel Tower lights so bright ? French resistance is low.
- Why do french people never go to space. Because in space there is no resistance !
- Spanish pigs say "oinc-oinc". French pigs say "Oinque"
Japanese pigs say "Oinku"
American pigs say "STOP RESISTING" - Why did the German cross the French road? The road had the least resistance when crossing.
- What was the favourite dish of the french resistance? An Ohm-lette
(du fromage) - I failed my physics exam today. They asked me to give examples of superconductors. Apparently 'The French Resistance' was not an acceptable answer.
- Although some countries may argue against this, we the french know for a fact that the best Orchestra conductors come from France Well, we offer the least resistance.
Air Resistance Jokes
Here is a list of funny air resistance jokes and even better air resistance puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A falling Borg has no terminal velocity... ...Air resistance is futile.
- Why could the Fire Nation defeat the Air Benders so easily? Because wind resistance is negligible
- I had to do a problem involving air resistance for my physics homework this week. It was a huge drag.
Resistance To Change Jokes
Here is a list of funny resistance to change jokes and even better resistance to change puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When you try to change the current flowing through a solenoid and it resists Weird flux but OK
Ridiculous Resistance Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about resistance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean immunity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resistance pranks.
Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.
It's my P.S. de resistance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard on the radio and could not resist repeating...
"My ex-girlfriend never asked me use a c**...."
"Because she was on the pill."
"Ambien."
It's funny because it's true. It's frustrating because it's true.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Police, open up, you're under arrest
"Police open up you're under arrest" who?
Alright, now you're charged with resisting arrest too.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That's some solid advice!
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.
There was a horse who was a genius at arithmetic...
...which it learned with no difficulty. Algebra was a breeze, and it could even prove theorems in Euclidean geometry. However, when someone tried to teach it analytic geometry, it would rear back on its hind legs, kick ferociously, neigh loudly, and make violent head motions in resistance.
The moral of this story is that you can't put Descartes before the horse.
Resistance is not futile...
It's voltage divided by current.
Charlie the Street Car Conductor
Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."
Why did the superconductor eat all the pudding?
It couldn't resist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a flock of crows who are resisting the urge to sin?
*A tempted m**...*
I got an electric shock yesterday.
I couldn't resist it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Masked man robs a s**... bank...
... He approaches the safe with a gun and yells at the nurse,
"Open up this safe!"
Nurse replied in fear, "But sir this is a s**... bank, we don't have any money here."
I said open up this safe now!" he yelled again and the nurse opened it up.
"Now drink this viel!"
"But sir this is s**...!"
"I said drink!" and the nurse drank with disgust.
"Drink another!" and she emptied another viel with less resistance.
The robber reveals his face and nurse found out that the robber was actually her husband.
"Now Sharon, was it really that hard?"
Why did the police beat the black man after he was executed in the electric chair?
He was resisting.
Why does lightning always strike trees?
They are the path of leaf resistance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apple CEO announces he is gay
Samsung CEO announces he is way more gay AND water resistant
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An escaped prisoner enters a house...
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?
They know resistance is a waste of energy.
Yesterday I saw a little kid who kept refusing to go home for a nap.
He was resisting a rest.
Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?
Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.
A mother called the police on her 6 month old baby for not taking a nap.
He was resisting a rest.
A guy meets his friend on the street
but his friend has a horribly swollen face, is missing teeth, has scratches on his arms, blood all over his shirt and he looks scared and disorientated. Of course his friend gets extremely worried and asks:
"Are you all right?! What happened dude?"
"I just buried my mother-in-law..."
"So?"
"Well she resisted".
The Force Awakens could have been much shorter.
All the First Order had to do to get rid of the Resistance was to use a superconductor.
My 5 yr old son was just imprisoned for skipping naptime
He was resisting a rest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Engineering students are always confused by women...
....why do the ones with the most streamlined bodies put up the most resistance?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a stunning case some call an a**... of power, a local police officer charged his own son with a crime, simply because the kid wouldn't lay down for his nap
The officer said the boy was resisting a rest.
The personal trainer at the gym advised me to try some resistance training. So far it's going really well.
I've resisted going to the gym for six days now.
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just found out insomnia is i**... in my home town.
They call it resisting a rest.
What criminal offense do college students commit the least?
Resisting a rest.
An old man gets on a crowded bus. A police officer offers him his seat. The old man declines.
Last I heard he was in jail for resisting a rest.
I robbed an ohmless man last night.
There was no resistance
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
I told my son if he didn't take a nap I would have the cops put him in jail. . .
For resisting a rest.
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.
Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.
"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.
"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"
Did you hear about the musician who played through the silent part of a song?
He was charged with resisting a rest
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
I was extremely tired and walked into a police officer the other day.
Ended up being guilty of resisting a rest.
Mentally tough people are better at this important skill:
>!Resisting clickbait headlines.!<
Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common...
They all follow the path of least resistance
What do you call it when a kid is fighting going to sleep?
Resisting A rest.
(yup! Lamest. Joke. EVER!)
Laws of physics vs the law
Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the trunk. He comes back to the front and asks them why they have a dead cat in the trunk and Shrodinger responds, "because you opened the trunk you fool!!". The cop, now visibly irritated promptly moves to arrest all three. Ohm, resisted.
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a
car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, a**...!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.
My son kept chewing on electrical cables so I finally had to ground him
Of course he denied the charge first, but later I found him coiled up in his room.
He's conducting himself better now, so I think that worked out.
Well that's the current situation anyways, but there's definitely potential for greater resistance.
Some days I just feel like I don't have the capacity for raising kids.
He can be a real live wire sometimes.
Local Man Killed After Being Struck By Lightning
Statement from police: he would have been fine if he had stopped resisting
A superconductor walks into a bar.
The bartender shouts, "Hey, we don't serve superconductors."
The superconductor didn't put up any resistance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:
"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."
I'm the scientist who just discovered that goose-down pillows are NOT resistant to sulphuric acid.
Although, apparently that's not what my wife meant when she said we need to experiment in the bedroom
A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician go hunting...
The three see a buck a little distance away.
The physicist makes a quick, back-of-the-envelope calculation, assuming an ideal bullet and neglecting wind resistance, and then fires. The bullet lands 10 meters in front of the buck.
The engineer has been doing his own calculations, adding in wind resistance and adding a fudge factor to include wind variations, Coriolis forces, and other, unknown variables. He fires, and the round lands 10 meters behind the buck.
The statistician jumps up and yells, "We got him!"
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... is begged by his supporters to return to power after they discover he is still alive.
After resisting, h**... says: "I'll come back, but on one condition ... next time I'm going to be evil."
Why did the accordion player get a standing ovation? They played a polka that nobody could resist dancing to.
Why did the polka band start playing during the parade? They couldn’t resist the urge to polka around!
