Resist Jokes
77 resist jokes and hilarious resist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about resist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Resist Short Jokes
Short resist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The resist humour may include short endure jokes also.
- A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments. That has left scientists scratching their heads.
- Glad to see my Buddhist friends join and chant in the protests Everyone knows the more Ohms- the greater the resistance.
- Yttrium-barium-copper oxide walks into a bar The bartender tells him, "We don't serve superconductors here."
He leaves without resistance. - A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here. The superconductor left without resistance.
- Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance*
- Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
- Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones.... Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
- An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why... He said he couldn't resist.
- Just came back from Dubai where a sheikh offered me 30 camels for my wife. I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that?
- They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait. Apparently you aren't one of them.
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Resist One Liners
Which resist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with resist? I can suggest the ones about survive and refrain.
- Why does France have so many river? Water follows the path of least resistance.
- Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest.
- How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time... are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I was arrested for being awake too long The cops said i was resisting a rest
- I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
- A guy was thrown into the jail for refusing to take a nap He was resisting a rest
- Why did the insomniac get thrown into jail? He was resisting a rest.
- They say revolution breeds revolution. Resistance is fertile.
- A cop once told me to take a nap... I wasn't tired, so I got jailed for resisting a rest.
- Why was the baby put in jail? For resisting a rest.
^^^^I'll ^^^^take ^^^^my ^^^^coat - Why are wires addicted to electricity? They can't resist.
- Why did the Jew jump off the cliff? He couldn't resist a free fall.
- Why did the circuit get arrested?? Because it was resisting!!!
- Why do cops hate insomniacs? Because they are always resisting a rest
Comedy Resist Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about resist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prevent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make resist pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Oh honey, are you the Middle East?"
"Because you are one s**...-up mess, but I can't resist getting involved!"
I could not resist buying a skunk today at our local pet store.
It just made so much scents to me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Heard on the radio and could not resist repeating...
"My ex-girlfriend never asked me use a c**...."
"Because she was on the pill."
"Ambien."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic...
A greedy man, a r**..., and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, r**..., and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the r**... disappears.
Resistance is not futile...
It's voltage divided by current.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are all comic book readers drug addicts?
They just can't resist the heroine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does China care so much about money?
They can't resist all of the cha-'ching'.
Why did the superconductor eat all the pudding?
It couldn't resist.
I got an electric shock yesterday.
I couldn't resist it
What did the golden male connector said when he plugged himself into the female
Sorry, i couldn't resist
Liquids with high viscosity...
Why can't liquids with high viscosity get insurance?
They resist Flo.
Why did North Korea tell South Korea not to crow about the recent agreement?
Because they'd rather see them raven.
Obligatory apology: saw a headline and couldn't resist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
John goes to Josh's apartment...
... but he wasn't home, and the person who answered the door was Kate, Josh's wife. She just got out of the shower, so she had a towel around her s**..., s**... body when she answered the door. After a little bit of small and awkward talking, John couldn't resist and told her:
"I will give you a thousand dollars right now if you drop that towel"
She thought about it for a second and thought "hey, a thousand dollars is a thousand dollars". She did what he asked, and was given the cash and John went back home.
A few hours later, Josh came home.
"Hey sweetheart! John dropped by earlier today."
"Oh, good! Did he bring the thousand dollars he owed me?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did h**... invade Hungary?
Because he can't resist a HungAryan :)
What did the fuse say when it blew out?
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
What did the resistor say to the capacitor?
Watt's up. ^^^I'm ^^^^Sorry
How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?
Ohmmmmmm............?
An Englishman marries a Chinese woman
The bloke just couldn't resist having Chai all night long
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**... should have known before attacking Russia
that the ones who resist the cold the best are strong independent women in miniskirts.
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
Letter to a madman
Inside a hospice, a madman approaches the others with a blank paper, examining it with attention. The other crazy people can not resist curiosity and ask:
_ What is it?
The crazy one with the letter, responds
_ A letter from my brother
Even for the other crazy people, that was too absurd.
_ But the letter is blank.
The madman responds serenely
_ We do not talk anymore
Why does a photographer use full-power on his flash?
He simply couldn't resist.
What did the resistor say to the capacitor after he beat him in a game?
I ohmed you!
(my 10 year came up with this when I was teaching him soldering)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My sister keeps trying to get me to have s**... with her.
I keep refusing, but she's really incestant.
^(from a *GLORIOUS* typo spotted in AdviceAnimals. Couldn't resist.)
What is a resistors favorite breakfast?
An Ohm-let
What was the name of the online barber?
E-Clips
.... Couldn't resist
Why do gay guys love coffee so much?
Because they can't resist a hot cup of Joe
A battery and a light bulb were in a race. Who won?
None of them:
The light bulb was blown away from the short circuit and the battery gave up because it couldn't resist it either.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Ferdinand
Ferdinand went to work in France for 2 years.
When he returned, he told his wife:
-I'm sorry Mary, France is full of hot chicks and I couldn't resist. But at the last minute, when I remembered you, I immediately got off the top of them.
She answered:
-I also remembered you a lot sweetheart, but you have to understand that it's easier to get off the top than to get off the bottom.
LPT: If you've got toddlers at home, and you're going to take them out...
You can probably get away with using a light sedative. Save chloroform for children 12 and older.
TIL Titles with unfinished sentences
...are hard to resist.
My friend Pierre tried to convince me to do drugs with him.
It was really hard, but I managed to resist Pierre pressure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
What does a resistance fighter eat for breakfast?
His Nom de guerre
Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...
If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog
You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.
He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.
You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.
He pulls out his taser.
What happens next may shock you...
How tough are you?
I can resist an itch for 30 seconds
Thank you thank you very much *bows
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their t**...?
A turkey and ham sandwich.
I'll see myself out.
There are 2 types of people in this world.
Those who can resist completing unfinished sentences in their minds and those...
What's the similarity between a road and a girl?
You can't resist to honk when you finally get on them.
There is always resistance,
but it is futile.
Why don't Amish people fear lightning...
They resist electricity.
Two Muggers and a Pedestrian
A man was walking home from work at midnight through a dark alley. Two Muggers attack him and demand that he gives up every valuable he got. The guy wouldnt so they start fighting. So after fighting for about 10 minutes, everyone was exhausted, the Pedestrian gives up.
The Mugshots search his pockets and find only about $5.
They ask him "Why would you resist that hard for that long to defend only five bucks?
The Pedestrian answers: I was defending the Two Grand that I hid in my Boots you idiots.
Army vs. Navy
An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.
Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.
Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'
The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'
I used to be in the Resistance.
But I got so good at it that I started resisting them.
Why did the conductor make a terrible train pun?
Because he couldnt resist
Ah, Perry the Platypus. Before I begin, I would like to assure you that this joke was absolutely not stolen. And of course by not stolen I mean COMPLETELY STOLEN! *activates trap*
Behold, My voice-changenator! This masterpiece has the power to modify people's voices across the tristate area! Watch as I merely post to my blog, and then any one who reads it is suddenly unable to resist even thinking in a voice other than my own!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know what they say about German kids?
They're kinder over there
(yoinked from u/vatzhie04, it was too good to resist)
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
A German soldier, Japanese soldier, and Italian soldier were interrogated
A German soldier said he would not speak, but he did. The Japanese soldier said he would resist, but he spoke, and the Italian soldier was the only one who did not speak. When they asked him how he resisted, he said "my hands were tied"
What's the solar system's favorite type of egg scramble?
Sunny-Side up…
I couldn't resist
The founder of autocorrect has died.
May he resist in piece.
Why is it so drafty in the Microsoft Store?
Because it's lined with open windows
Saw the other dad joke about the apple store and couldn't resist
My neighbor got a boat, so I had to get one, too.
I couldn't resist the pier pressure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:
"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"
"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."
Inner Peace
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without alcohol,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
And you thought I was going to get all spiritual ...
