The Best 55 Resist Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Resist jokes. There are some resist cleavage jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these resist untapped puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Resist Jokes and Puns

"Oh honey, are you the Middle East?"

"Because you are one screwed-up mess, but I can't resist getting involved!"

I could not resist buying a skunk today at our local pet store.

It just made so much scents to me.

Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Because Jewish women can't resist anything 25% off

Resist joke, Why do Jewish men get circumcised?

Heard on the radio and could not resist repeating...

"My ex-girlfriend never asked me use a condom."

"Because she was on the pill."

"Ambien."

A greedy man, a rapist, and an alcoholic...

A greedy man, a rapist, and an alcoholic meet a genie. The genie says to them, "If you can resist your urges I will grant you each one wish. But should you fail, you will disappear" The three men agreed and tried to go a full day without alcohol, rape, and theft. The alcoholic's wife leaves him so he takes a drink, then he disappears. Later the greedy man is on the bus and a lady drops a dollar. The man bends down to keep it, and the rapist disappears.


Resistance is not futile...

It's voltage divided by current.

Why do Jewish fathers

have their sons circumcised?

They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off.

Resist joke, Why do Jewish fathers

What's your favorite dirty joke?

Mine is: Wht do Jewish men have their sons circumsised? Because they know Jewish women can't resist anything 10% off.

Why did the superconductor eat all the pudding?

It couldn't resist.

I got an electric shock yesterday.

I couldn't resist it

Why are wires addicted to electricity?

They can't resist.

You can explore resist irresistible reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean resist blatant dad jokes. There are also resist puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the golden male connector said when he plugged himself into the female

Sorry, i couldn't resist

How did the nucleus escape from prison?

Through the cell wall.

I'm sorry. This was just too wonderful to resist sharing.

An electrician was shocked by a live wire when he was asked why...

He said he couldn't resist.

Why did Hitler invade Hungary?

Because he can't resist a HungAryan :)

What did the fuse say when it blew out?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Resist joke, What did the fuse say when it blew out?

What did the resistor say to the capacitor?

Watt's up. ^^^I'm ^^^^Sorry

I do resistance training every day

It's called refusing to go to the gym

A bloke walks into a pub with a meat and potato pie balanced on his head

He walks up to barman and says:

'Can I have a pint of bitter, please.'

'Certainly,' says the barman and starts pulling a pint. But he can't resist asking. 'You do realise, sir, you have a meat and potato pie on your head?'

The bloke replies: 'Yes, I always have a meat and potato pie on my head on a Wednesday.'

'Ah!' Says the barman. 'But today is Tuesday!'

'Oh no,' says the bloke. 'I must look like a right twat.'


Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Because what Jewish woman could resist anything that's 20% off?

How much resistance can a Buddhist monk endure?

Ohmmmmmm............?

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.

He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"

David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"

Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."

"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."

Letter to a madman

Inside a hospice, a madman approaches the others with a blank paper, examining it with attention. The other crazy people can not resist curiosity and ask:

_ What is it?

The crazy one with the letter, responds

_ A letter from my brother

Even for the other crazy people, that was too absurd.

_ But the letter is blank.

The madman responds serenely

_ We do not talk anymore

I hear that mime crime is a big problem in Paris these days.

Apparently they do unspeakable things if you resist.

What did the resistor say to the capacitor after he beat him in a game?

I ohmed you!

(my 10 year came up with this when I was teaching him soldering)

Why do Jewish guys get circumcised?

Because they know Jewish girls can't resist something that's 30% off

My sister keeps trying to get me to have sex with her.

I keep refusing, but she's really incestant.

^(from a *GLORIOUS* typo spotted in AdviceAnimals. Couldn't resist.)

Why did the Jew jump off the cliff?

He couldn't resist a free fall.

What is a resistors favorite breakfast?

An Ohm-let

What was the name of the online barber?

E-Clips

.... Couldn't resist

Why do gay guys love coffee so much?

Because they can't resist a hot cup of Joe

A battery and a light bulb were in a race. Who won?

None of them:
The light bulb was blown away from the short circuit and the battery gave up because it couldn't resist it either.

Why are Jewish males circumcised?

Because they know Jewish females can't resist anything that's 10% off

Ferdinand

Ferdinand went to work in France for 2 years.
When he returned, he told his wife:
-I'm sorry Mary, France is full of hot chicks and I couldn't resist. But at the last minute, when I remembered you, I immediately got off the top of them.
She answered:
-I also remembered you a lot sweetheart, but you have to understand that it's easier to get off the top than to get off the bottom.

Why are more toddlers not in jail?

When it's nap time, so many resist a rest.

TIL Titles with unfinished sentences

...are hard to resist.

My friend Pierre tried to convince me to do drugs with him.

It was really hard, but I managed to resist Pierre pressure.

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

What does a resistance fighter eat for breakfast?

His Nom de guerre

Inner Strength

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can resist complaints and excessively loud people,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs...

If you can do all of these things, then you are probably a dog

You're at the mall when a security guard comes up to you.

He (falsely) suspects you of attempted shoplifting.

You try to explain to him that you're not, but he thinks you're getting aggressive and trying to resist arrest.

He pulls out his taser.

What happens next may shock you...

Just came back from Dubai where a sheikh offered me 30 camels for my wife.

I usually smoke Marlboro but who could resist an offer like that?

What's fowl and swine, but people can't resist shoving down their throat?

A turkey and ham sandwich.

I'll see myself out.

There are 2 types of people in this world.

Those who can resist completing unfinished sentences in their minds and those...

Army vs. Navy

An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.

Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.

Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snipe and says, 'Didn't the Navy teach you to wash your hands after peeing?'

The Navy guys replies, 'Nah! In the Navy they just taught us not to pee on our hands.'

I can't resist peeing on women.

It's my R. Kelly's heel.

I used to be in the Resistance.

But I got so good at it that I started resisting them.

Why did the conductor make a terrible train pun?

Because he couldnt resist

Ah, Perry the Platypus. Before I begin, I would like to assure you that this joke was absolutely not stolen. And of course by not stolen I mean COMPLETELY STOLEN! *activates trap*

Behold, My voice-changenator! This masterpiece has the power to modify people's voices across the tristate area! Watch as I merely post to my blog, and then any one who reads it is suddenly unable to resist even thinking in a voice other than my own!

I fell in love with an electrician

I couldn't resist her

You know what they say about German kids?

They're kinder over there

(yoinked from u/vatzhie04, it was too good to resist)

They say certain types of people can resist a good click bait.

Apparently you aren't one of them.

How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll all resist change even if it makes the world a brighter place.

What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?

Neither one can resist the urge to crack open a cold one .

The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"

Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.

The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the resist fend jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working resist circumsised piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes