The Best 40 Residents Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Residents jokes. There are some residents townspeople jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these residents facilities puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Residents Jokes and Puns
I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.
I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.
Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.
Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
A couple at the nursing home
So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."
A new project has started in Egypt;
The government has begun to put more cars on the road, ordering them to beep occasionally. As a result, the familiar sounds of the city will be returned in order to calm the residents of Egypt.
They have called this operation toot-and-calm-em.
Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news)
As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to "Whoa Dude."
Birthday at the old-age home
So it's Phil's 90th birthday. All of the residents of the old-age home are there. Suddenly, two people come in with a huge "Happy Birthday" cake. The top of the cake opens up, and out pops a gorgeous busty blonde in a skimpy bikini. She goes over to Phil, sits on his lap, and says "It's your 90th birthday, and I'm here to give you super sex."
Phil looks at her and says "Please don't take this the wrong way, but at my age, I'd rather have the soup."
For my cakeday, a joke for you Connecticut state residents out there.
What's the difference between Bridgeport, CT, and Gotham City?
One's a post-industrial urban hellhole ridden with violent crime, corruption, and murderous psychopaths, and the other's Gotham City!
Shower Sex in Detroit
In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, sex in the shower. The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.
How do you greet residents of a fracking community?
What's shaking?
The tennis factory near me got closed down after local residents complained...
Apparently they were making a racquet.
Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem...
The other 96% said "que dijo?"
You can explore residents patients reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean residents rebuild dad jokes. There are also residents puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Hurricane Joaquin
This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.
Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.
Inmates Running the Asylum
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Why did all the residents of Flint, MI switch from the hip hop station to the classic rock radio station?
They wanted to get the lead out.
How did the residents of Fangorn Forest develop their website?
With some good old fashioned data ent-tree of course!
True story! I supervise medical residents and was told one's name was pronounced 'az-wee-pay'.
Embroidered on her lab coat: ASSWIPE
A small town has a factory which produces coffee scented skin creme.
The trucks which transport the cream are causing so much traffic in the small town that the mayor holds a town hall meeting to find a solution. The residents eventually vote to move the cream by train.
So there was a local motion for mocha lotion locamotion.
I'm thinking of starting a service to find out the heritage of West Virginia residents
I'll call it Incestry™
NJ Gov Elect Phil Murphy says he's going to legalize marijuana in his first 100 days. What's going to be higher than NJ residents?
Their taxes.
Which small drink is a favorite of Minneapolis residents?
Mini soda
Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire
Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl
This just in: A recent study has discovered that dolphins and humans are the only two species to have sex for fun.
In unrelated news: All Oklahoma residents are now banned from SeaWorld.
With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them.
The steaks have never been higher.
Apparently police choppers arent allowed in Rome
The residents get angry everytime they hear "wop wop wop wop wop" overhead
West London police wish to alert local residents about the activities of the infamous cross-eyed burglar.
If you see this man staring in your windows,
warn the people next door.
In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President...
Tiny mushrooms.
Why are auto mechanics flocking to San Francisco?
They heard how often residents there tend to blow trannies.
Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are there things that people in your city do that you consider to be wholly Toledo?
\^
A priest has a weiner dog which he loves.
One day when he woke up to feed him, the priest didn't find him. So he asked the local residents to come so he can ask about his dog.
He asked them:
"Does anybody have a weiner?"
So all the men stood up,
"No no that's not what I meant, has anyone seen a weiner?"
So all the women stood up
"Oh my god that's not what I meant.... Has anyone seen someone else's weiner"
Half of the women stood up
"For god's sake has someone seen my weiner?"
All the children stood up.
I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited.
Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.
The deliveryman in the elevator.
A deliveryman whose company has competitors such as FedEx, and who also happened to be born with an extra chromosome, was in an elevator along with one of the residents of the apartment.
The deliveryman was asked: "So, how are you liking your job these days?"
He replied: "Oh, you know, it has its UPS and Down's."
Joke translated from Romanian
A police officer goes to a Romanian town and asks one of the residents:
"So, where do you brew the liquor?"
The man replies:
"See that church over there? Everywhere except there."
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?
Because 2 heads are better than one.
How can you tell it's a Millennial nursing home?
All the residents have atrophy.
President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home
After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home.
Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Walking past a mental institution
I heard the residents chanting twelve, twelve twelve . As I kept walking I noticed a small hole in the tall wooden fence. Since the residents were still chanting twelve, twelve, twelve I decided to peek through the hole and see what was happening. As soon as I looked, a stick came through the hole and poked me in the eye. Immediately there was a roar of cheering before the residents started chanting thirteen, thirteen, thirteen .
After so long of Hell being just too hot...
The inhabitants decide to steal a/c units from Heaven and install them, making the place a little more comfortable. When the inhabitants of Heaven learn what's been done, they lash out in outrage. "How dare you! We'll sue you!" they cried.
To which Hell's residents replied: "You can try, sure, but where are you guys gonna find a lawyer?"
Which US state is happiest to see its Japanese residents wake up?
Ohio.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the residents residence puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working residents inhabitants piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.
