Residence Jokes

30 residence jokes and hilarious residence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about residence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Residence Short Jokes

Short residence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The residence humour may include short residents jokes also.

  1. The devil asked his resident weatherman what the forecast was for the week ahead... "Hail, Satan"
  2. Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio. Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.
  3. Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem... The other 96% said "que dijo?"
  4. The day my wife found out she was pregnant, everything changed... My name, my phone number, my address, and my country of residence.
  5. Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person? Because 2 heads are better than one.
  6. I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.
  7. We've had about 7 or 8 Resident Evil games so far... when do we get our first Attending Physician Evil?
  8. In the Resident Evil series, how does one make a proper Jill Sandwich? You put it between two slices of Breadfield and then add some Weskershire sauce.
  9. Hurricane Joaquin This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.
    Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.
  10. Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl

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Residence One Liners

Which residence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with residence? I can suggest the ones about boarding house and retirement living.

  1. How can you tell it's a Millennial nursing home? All the residents have atrophy.
  2. My local night club has had to fire their resident DJ Apparently he wasn't up to scratch
  3. Which US state is happiest to see its Japanese residents wake up? Ohio.
  4. What's your favorite game as a resident of Chicago? Mine is "Gunshots Or Fireworks?"
  5. I'm moving to Canada Where all the sorry people reside
  6. My humor is so dark it doesn't have a residence permit
  7. What is Leon's (from Resident Evil 2) favorite number? 808 (ADA WAIT!)
  8. Which small drink is a favorite of Minneapolis residents? Mini soda
  9. What is a physicist's preferred city of residence? Velo City.
  10. Did you know the criminal spirit resides in the middle? Center con soul
  11. What distinguishes the US President from your regular US resident? A big pee.
  12. In what country do ties reside? Tiraq!
  13. Who was the first resident of Massachusetts? One achusetts.
  14. After the Swiss Idol, After the Swiss Idol, a Bern resident was found dead in his home.
  15. How do you greet residents of a fracking community? What's shaking?

Residence joke, How do you greet residents of a fracking community?

Cheeky Residence Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about residence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean retirement home jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make residence pranks.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Three men are discussing Adam and Eve

The Frenchman says "Adam and Eve must be French. They are beautiful, and n**..., and have all the world's beauty before them."
The Englishman says "Not at all. They are residing in the most beautiful, perfect Garden. They must be English."
The Russian says "They are without clothes, they are forbidden from eating, they are talked to by snakes, and they are being told it's Heaven. They are Russian."

I saw a cannibal at the nursing home the other day, he was walking around making fun of all the residents. I realized then that I actually had something in common with him.

I too find vegetables to be tastier if I roast them first.

President Biden visits a fully vaccinated senior home

After a heartful speech in which he thanked the staff for their effort and the residents for their sacrifices he was doing the hand-shaking round. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". Her response was simply, "No, but there's a nice woman at the front desk who can tell you!"

A Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet.

He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold beer right now!" He gets his beer and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." p**...! He's back in his government office.

A priest has a w**... dog which he loves.

One day when he woke up to feed him, the priest didn't find him. So he asked the local residents to come so he can ask about his dog.
He asked them:
"Does anybody have a w**...?"
So all the men stood up,
"No no that's not what I meant, has anyone seen a w**...?"
So all the women stood up
"Oh my god that's not what I meant.... Has anyone seen someone else's w**..."
Half of the women stood up
"For god's sake has someone seen my w**...?"
All the children stood up.

Recently the police were called to the residence of an elderly couple. The Chief radios the station that the wife has shot the husband.

The Sgt. at the station stammers "What? Why?" The Chief calls back "Well, apparently she warned him about walking on her freshly mopped floors one more time..." Sarge is in utter disbelief "Did you go and arrest her??" Chief said not yet. Sarge asked what the h**... he's waiting for. Chief radios back "The floor still isn't dry..."

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.
Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!
Plumber: Yeah. When I was a top surgeon in this city I also didn't make $800 an hour. Which is why I became a plumber.

A police officer knocks on a man's door.

The officer asks, "Is this the Sorkin residence?" The man nods.
"May I see a picture of your wife?" The man hands the officer a picture off a shelf.
The officer sighs, "It looks like she was hit by a train."
" I know, but she's such a nice lady and an excellent cook!"

Shower s**... in Detroit

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had s**... in the shower.In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, s**... in the shower. The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.

Inmates Running the Asylum

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye. Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

A couple at the nursing home

So two residents at the old age home are about to hook up. They're getting all hot and heavy in the woman's room.
Suddenly, she stops and says to the man, "Before we go any further, I should tell you I have acute angina."
To which the man replies reassuringly, "At my age, I don't care *what* it looks like."

Residence joke, Only 4 percent of Texas residents think there is an immigration problem...