reservation Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious reservation puns

Why did the Native American sleep in the hotel lobby?

He didn't have a reservation.

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I went to view a house on a Native American reservation.

"I like it" I said. "Does it come with running water?"

"Fuck off" He replied. "Get your own wife."

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I once went to a Native American restaurant but was turned away.

They told me it was reservation only.

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Why does the Native American always get a table at the nicest restaurants?

He has a reservation.

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"Yes, I have reservations, but I'll eat here anyway."

- my dad to every hostess ever

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Hotel Indian.

Did you hear about the Indian who had to sleep in the hotel lobby because he didn't have a reservation?

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A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"

"Piston broke", he replied.

"So are we. Get in."

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The Indian with a great memory

When I was a kid, everyone all over the country would come to visit the Indian reservation to meet one person. He was the only man in the world to have a perfect memory, but people were only allowed to ask one question. My family decided to go visit him for ourselves, and when we got there I had the perfect question.
"Excuse me sir, what did you have for breakfast when you were 15 years old?"
He replied, "Eggs." and that was that. I was disappointed by his answer, but there was nothing I could do.
Ten years later I recognized the man sitting by himself in a park. I walked up to him, held my hand up with the palm up, and said "How". He said "Scrambled."

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I'm starting to have second thoughts about the hotel room I booked at the Indian Casino this weekend.

simply put, I'm having reservations about my reservation on the reservation.

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The Native American Weatherman

A director is shooting a movie in a desert near an Indian reservation. One day, a native american comes up to him and says "Rain today."

The director doesn't pay much attention, but towards the middle of the day, it rains. The director is now impressed, and instantly hires the native american to predict weather for him.

The cycle continues until the director is about to shoot the most important scene of the film. He asks the native: "What's the weather like today?" He says "Don't know."

"What? What do you mean you don't know?"

"Radio broken."

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Why you should never end a sentence with a preposition.

On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a
nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4'," he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved and took a spoonful of the medicine. Then he invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. Then she asked, "What was the '1-2-3' for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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There was a guy on a road trip who stopped at a rest stop at an Indian reservation

While paying for his items he asked that clerk about a strange man standing out front. The cashier said that's Running Wolf, he remembers everything. On his way out the man deciding to try out the Indians memory asks him what he had for breakfast. The Indian replies "Eggs". The man is slightly impressed but decides he has no better questions and leaves. Years latter the man unknowingly stops at the same rest stop and when he sees an old Indian man he greets him by saying "How". The Indian replies "Scrambled".

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Grammer is important

On his 75th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man, and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say '1-2-3.'

When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform as long as you want."

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"

"Your partner must say '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"

Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.

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I'm having second thoughts about booking time to visit an Indian community.

I guess I'm having reservation reservation reservations.

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A man walks into a hotel with his family...

...and talks to the receptionist.
After checking in their reservation, his family starts walking toward the elevator to unpack their luggage in their room. The man stays behind to ask a question.

"Hey, is the porn here disabled?"

Then receptionist looks appalled and harshly replies back.

"It's just regular porn, you sick fuck!"

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An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel...

An Indian man arrives at the reception of a hotel and asks for a room for the night. The receptionist says "of course, sir, do you have a reservation?"
To which he replies "I'm not that kind of Indian!"

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A pharaoh makes a reservation in a restaurant:

"Can I reserve a table for two?"

"Sure just give me a name."

"Semerkhet."

"Would you spell it for me?"

"Bird, double triangle, wavy line, another bird, dog head, sun, scarab..."

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A Pharoah makes a reservation at a ski resort...

Pharaoh: I'd like to make a reservation for two please.

Attendant: Absolutely. Can I get your name please.

Pharoah: "Neferneferuaten"

Attendant: ...can you spell that out for me?

Pharaoh: Bird, double triangle, wavy line, dog head, more bird, flames..."

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What is it called when you're having second thoughts about booking a room at a Native American casino?

A reservation reservation reservation.

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A fine wine

The Navajo woman accepted my offer of a lift to the reservation, but didn't seem inclined to say much more. I noticed a look of ill-disguised disapproval as she got in the car, lingering for a moment on my exposed cleavage, but that was all โ€“ she gazed stonily ahead while the car pulled away, leaving a trail of hot Nevada dust in the rear view mirror.

After a few failed attempts at small talk, and my knowledge of her culture exhausted, I kept quiet, and concentrated instead on the evening ahead: a quick bath before Jim returned from work, followed by a dinner with Michael, his boss, at Bon Vivant, the new French restaurant.

The Navajo woman eyed the silk-wrapped bottle of expensive Cabernet Sauvignon I'd bought, as it rattled gently on the dashboard, and said, 'What is in parcel?'

Though a bit surprised by her directness, I was pleased at the conversation, and I replied, 'A bottle of wine โ€“ I got it for my husband.'

She nodded thoughtfully, seeming to approve, and then replied, 'A good trade.'

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Indian chief

So there's this Indian reservation, and the food stamps are 3 days late. People are starting to get uppity about it. So the local chief has to leave and go talk to the government people about it. He doesn't know English very well, so he is scared. But he makes sure not to let other see fear on his face. He goes down to the office, gets in line, and an old woman yells to him from the side of the room "hey! What's your name?"

He answers "Red Eagle Circle Water."

The woman replies "You don't hear a name like that every day."

The chief is confused, and he says back "Yeah I do."

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If you were to second guess your decision to stay at a hotel on a native american reserve...

....that would be a reservation reservation reservation

-credit to Brian Regan

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All the good restaurants are racist.

Apparently they only serve native americans, because every time I ask for a table they tell me I need to have a reservation.

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If you were to second guess your decision on booking a trip to a Native American community...

That would be a reservation reservation reservation!

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A black man gets lost on an indian reservation

So he stops at an old general store for directions. Upon pulling up to the store he is met by an old, wise Najavo man sitting in a rocking chair on the porch. He approaches the man and asks "excuse me, but how do I get back onto the interstate?"

The old sage thinks for a moment, and in traditional Najavo style he points with his lips instead of his hands. "Go down that road, take a left, past the barn. Ya can't miss it"

The black man smiles and decides to play along. "I get it. Down that road, left, past the barn", he says proudly, pointing with his lips.

"No", replies the indian. "Not that far".

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Kylie Jenner Walks into a restaurant

Kylie Jenner walks into a restaurant where she has made a reservation. The waiter greets her politely, and says, "Right this way Mrs. Jenner" and begins leader her to her table. "Please," she says, "Mrs. Jenner is my father. Call me Kylie.

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How do you get into a Native American restaurant?

You make a reservation

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Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation

i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!"

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A catholic priest and an Indian named John...

One Friday afternoon on the reservation John and his family were starving. John, being a great hunter, went out and killed a deer to feed his wife and kids.

A catholic priest sees this and says, "John! What are you doing? You cannot eat meat on a Friday!"

John says to the priest, "It's not meat, it's fish!"

The priest couldn't believe his ears. He quickly replied, "It is meat and you should not tell lies, John!"

John says, "I assure you father, it is fish."

Cofused and curious the father ask John, "Why do you say it is fish?"

John says, "I sprinkled water on it and I said from meat you become fish."

The priest yells at John, "You cannot do that!"

John says, "Why not father? When I met you I was Mapuche, then you sprinkled water on me and I became John."

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Why did Batman make a dinner reservation for one?

Because he was planning a family dinner.

Sorry if this joke has been repeated

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What a Night

This morning, as I lie on my bed thinking about you, I have this strong urge to grab you... because I just can't forget about last night. Late in the balmy night, unexpectedly, you came to me in my bed and what happened there still leaves a tingling sensation in me.

You appeared out of nowhere and shamelessly, without reservation, you laid on my naked body without guilt or humiliation. You drove me crazy until you had sucked me dry. Only after you were finally satisfied did I fall asleep, but today, when I woke up, you were gone. I've searched for you everywhere, to no avail. My sheets still bear witness to last night's events, as does my body, which still shows your mark, making it that much harder to forget you.

Tonight I promise to remain awake and wait for you and as soon as you appear, I will grab you and never let you go. This time you won't disappear. And I won't rest until I squeeze the life out of you and destroy you once and for all, you damned mosquito!

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A Native American walks up to the Chief of the reservation and asks him...

"Chief, why do you name the babys of the tribe what you do?"
The Chief replied "Ah, yes. Well before every birth I go deep into the forest and wait for the Gods to give me a sign on what to name it. For example, if I see a soaring eagle fly by, then I name the infant Soaring Eagle, if I see a bear I name him Great Bear... But why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

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Family vacation

A family walked into a hotel. as they were looking for their reservation, the father tells the man in the front desk "the porn better be disabled"
The man in the front desk exclaimed "it's just regular porn you sick-fuck!"

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Why was the Native American pissed at the maรฎtre d'?

He gave his reservation to a white man

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If someone...

If someone is having second thoughts about booking a trip in native American territory, you could say they are having a reservation reservation reservation.

...

Good thing self posts don't grant negative karma >.>

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What are the most funny Reservation jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Reservation? Well, here are the best Reservation dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Reservation pick up lines to share with friends.

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