Research Jokes
144 research jokes and hilarious research puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about research that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you a research student looking for a laugh? Discover some great, funny jokes about research methods, research papers, research and development, research scientists, research analysts, research articles, clinical research, inquiry, genealogy, and biological research. Get ready to lighten up the lab with some great laughs!
Quick Jump To
- Short Research Jokes
- Research One Liners
- Research Scientist Jokes
- Research Shows Jokes
- Market Research Jokes
- Research Paper Jokes
- Research Methods Jokes
- More Research Jokes
Funniest Research Short Jokes
Short research jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The research humour may include short study jokes also.
- I was going to finalize my research as to why vaccines are bad today But all of the research sites are down.
- The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
- How many antivaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb? \-
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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research. - New research shows 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. This is my first time. Please be gentle.
- What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale? Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.
- I've been researching some useless facts... Want some examples?
I have found out that there are over 10,000 different types of lice.
And that's just off the top of my head. - After extensive research I've come to the conclusion that 10 is smaller than 5! I finally understand factorials!
- After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives
- What do we want? More research into a cure for ADHD! When do we want it? Let's play swingball!
- Research shows that the people of Saudi Arabia don't like "The Flintstones"..
But the people of Abu Dhabi do.
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Research One Liners
Which research one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with research? I can suggest the ones about science and review.
- I researched about LGBT on internet today Just couldn't get a straight answer.
- Where do djs do their research? Wiki-wiki-wikipedia
- from my dad-where does a DJ get all his research? wikiwiki-pedia
- 5 out of six researchers conclude, Russian roulette is complete safe.
- A research shows that 96.86% of people in the sea are sailors. The rest are πrates
- What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society? Sieze the day
- How many anti-vaccers does it take to change a lightbulb? >!DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH!!!<
- I know a botanist who does research on nuts. He works in macademia.
- Why did the 2 stem cell researchers get a divorce? Because they grew a part.
- A research says that 75% of the people are good at Math. I am probably the remaining 35%
- Our crack team of experts has done the research They need more crack.
- I had plans to start researching sinkholes But they fell through
- How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb? Do your own research.
- Research Show that 1 in 3 people cheat... Not sure if it's my wife or my girlfriend...
- I just watched a documentary about anorexia. The research was a little thin.
Research Scientist Jokes
Here is a list of funny research scientist jokes and even better research scientist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After decades of intense research, scientists have finally figured out what a woman wants Unfortunately, she's since changed her mind.
- After years of research, scientists have concluded that dogs cannot use MRI machines. But catscan.
- Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.
- Researchers in Texas have cured diabetes in mice without side effects. I bet the scientist that are trying to cure diabetes in humans are so jealous right now.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- Historically, the Inuit are one of the few groups of people who never lose their temper. After decades of research, scientists were able to figure out why... They're nomads.
- What is the high scientist researching. Isodopes.
- A scientist conducted a research on smartphone protection gear. It was an interesting case study.
- After a thorough research and survey scientists claim that the thicker your thighs, The more snacks you can lay on your lap.
- After MANY years of research, scientists have found that it is possible for humans to be immortal. "All one has to is drink some of Ash Ketchum's blood to become immortal", say experts.
Research Shows Jokes
Here is a list of funny research shows jokes and even better research shows puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
- New research shows that birthdays are good for your health Studies suggest that people with the most birthdays live the longest
- A New research shows us that the main cause of dry skin is.... Towels.
- New research shows there are no Ginger Bankers... Survey results suggested that although many wanted to work in finance, they wern't able to sell their soul to Satan...
- New research Shows Amish people have lower rates of cyber bullying
- Research shows that, on average, men tend to write longer sentences than women. They don't get periods.
- Research shows that the number one cause of divorce in America is Marriage
- Guy I think I'm a hypochondriac I've done the research and I'm showing symptoms...
- Research from China shows the Coronavirus really attacks the Lungs As well as the Chans, Wongs, Lees and Lins.
- Research shows that Amish people have the lowest rates of being scammed online
Market Research Jokes
Here is a list of funny market research jokes and even better market research puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm doing market research for a telescope manufacturer, I run the focus group.
- Ritalin and Adderall Market Research says they both tested well among focus groups.
- "A market researcher said 'can I ask you 10 questions', I said 'go on', she said 'question number 1, have you ever had a b**...?' I said 'no', she went...and finally, question number 10."
Research Paper Jokes
Here is a list of funny research paper jokes and even better research paper puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A research paper should be like a women's skirt. Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.
- I was reading a research paper on why there's such a high child mortality rate in China. Apparently it's something to do with the youth in Asia.
- I wrote a research paper on tuberculosis titled TB Instead of a grade next to the title he just added a D.
So I guess that means it's still to be decided.... - Did John Knott mind being the only cited author on his group's research paper? Knott, et al.
- Why did the researcher take his paper to the harbour? To get it pier reviewed.
- Why can't you tell a Philosophy Student a good joke? You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on "What is 'good'?" first.
- I did my research paper on acid. The topics I came up with..
- Research Papers s**... I hate having to cite sources when I'm writing research papers. Sometimes it makes me so depressed that I just want to end et al.
- What do you call a collection of research and papers on a child m**...? A p**... file
Research Methods Jokes
Here is a list of funny research methods jokes and even better research methods puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A former vice president has been researching a new method of making music It's called an Algorithm
- Braces at 22 isn't so bad When I talk to people and they notice my braces I just casually say "I'm researching and method acting a roll for Jaws from James Bond".
Hilarious Fun Research Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about research you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean theory jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make research pranks.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a v**...."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get s**...."
If you steal ideas from only one person, it is called plagiarism.
If you steal from many people, it is called research.
A cow joke
Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.
Science Joke
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."
Researchers have discovered that diarrhea is influenced by genetics.
Their evidence: It runs in your jeans.
OCD
A Stanford Medical research group advertised for participants
in a study of obsessive-compulsive disorder. They were
looking for therapy clients who had been diagnosed with this
disorder. The response was gratifying; they got 300 responses
the day after the ad came out.
All from the same person.
A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital s**......
phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of i**..., you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"
"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be until the mortgage is paid off."
I'm thinking of investing in cancer research...
I hear it's a growth industry.
Said to a cashier the other day...
So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"
I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"
I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic.
Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?
I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with m**... today.
To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times.
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from s**....
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in i**..., but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have s**....
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have s**... with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
I was recently asked to be a part of a biological experiment. The researchers said they would mutate me with an extra chromosome and give me $10 000 for it.
I'm down.
A farmer invested $10 million of his own money for a research on 'effects of m**... on cattle'.
The steaks were high.
A man is in an airplane from Miami to Paris
And a stunning gorgeous woman seats by his side. He's the eager to start a conversation.
"So, what are you doing in Paris?"
"I'm a scientist, I research s**..."
The man is now tempted:
"What have you discovered about s**... in your research?"
"I came to find that Native Americans have the longest p**... and Spanish can last the longest in bed. By the way, I'm Carol, what's your name?"
"I'm Sitting Bull Hernandez, nice to meet you"
I was researching the Jackson family tree.
I got back as far as the civil war and then I hit a stone wall.
Research shows that m**... is one of the main causes of acne.
Also, acne is the main cause of m**....
Have you heard the old one about a woman doing a survey on s**... attitudes?
She stops an airline pilot and asks him, amongst other things, when he last had s**... i**.... He replies 1958. Now, knowing airline pilots, the researcher is surprised and queries this. Well, says the pilot, it's only 2110 now.
(Credit, John Cleese c. 1991)
I'm pretty sure that I am related to Albert Einstein.
However despite all of my research into my family tree, I just can't prove my theory of relativity.
Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?
After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!
Researchers used CRISPR to encode a movie onto DNA
Time to create some viral memes
Researchers have discovered that excessive m**... can cause dyslexia.
However, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.
Nine out of ten people...
...at least according to the University of Incomplete Researches.
A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research...
you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.
An old lady, after a long life of loss and agony, was going to commit s**... by shooting herself in the heart with a crossbow. She researched human anatomy and learned her heart was just under her left breast.....
She was just admitted to the ER with an arrow to the knee.
There was a major research project to find out how men became gay
They found that 17 percent of them felt they were born gay, the other 83 percent were s**... into it.
I went out to find the big dipper constellation but couldn't find it. I went back inside and did some research before trying again.
The difference was night and day.
Researchers rolled an assortment of vegetables down a hill to see which would travel fastest
Stephen Hawking won by a landslide
What do we want?
Increased funding for Alzheimer's research!
When do we want it?
When do we want what?
I thought I might be an alcoholic, so I did some research. It turns out the first sign of alcoholism is denial...
So I guess I'm not an alcoholic.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
Anti Vaxxers.
We should be fascinated in the way anti-vaxxers cling to the phrase the research . It must be something they all pass around to each other.
You know, like measles.
Breaking News: Japanese researchers have developed a camera with a shutter speed so fast...
It can actually capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
I think I just disproved gravity!
This research is going to have Issac Newton floating in his grave.
A renowned scientist is frustrated with the popularity of misinformation. In an interview, he tells the press my research is meaningless if taken out of context!
The next day, the public is taken by storm as headlines spread that Renowned Scientist Claims That His Research is Meaningless!
April Fools Day............
The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.
What do you call a short Mexican researcher in Antarctica?
A Burrito
First joke I've ever come up with. My Hispanic wife laughed her b**... off.
Trump just suggested that injecting sanitizers like bleach might have a cleansing effect on the body
I think medical research would agree that injecting bleach definitely cures stupidity.
I've been doing some research into my family tree, and it turns out my Great Grandfather was a terrible dictator.
Apparently none of his secretaries understood a word he said.
"What do we want???"
"Increased funding for Alzheimer's research!!!"
"When do we want it???"
"When do we want what???"
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project
It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine
Since vegans can't beat their meat what do they call m**...?
Stem cell research.
So I did some research...
and Chinese people like listening to music on their phones with earbuds, black people like portable speakers, Mexicans prefer cheaper systems in their home with big speakers and white people like higher end but compact systems...
Sorry, I guess I shouldn't be discussing racial stereo types.
The effect of p**... on shore birds...
On the beach yesterday I saw a researcher blowing clouds of p**... smoke on shore birds to study the effects of m**... on their flying. He was very thorough, making sure he dosed every single one he saw.
It was his intention to leave no tern unstoned.
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?
A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.
I tried to research what the term confirmation bias means
All I found was a bunch of fake news, so I stopped reading
I'm planning on starting a s**... club....
... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.
I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.
The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".
The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.
Ronald Reagan asks a mathematician: "What is two plus two?"
The mathematician replies "Four, Mr President."
Unsatisfied, Reagan asks a statistician. "What is two plus two?"
The statistician says "Based on our research, most people think it's between 3.8 and 4.3."
Still unsatisfied, Reagan asks an economist: "What is two plus two?"
"What do you want it to be, Mr President?"
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.
RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.
The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that
6 out of 10 people
Teacher: Please provide the ethical definition of copying.
Student:
From one person it's cheating.
From many people it's research.
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
What's the difference between a magician and a psychology researcher?
A magician pulls rabbits out of hats, a psychology researcher pulls habits out of rats.
