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Rescue Jokes

115 rescue jokes and hilarious rescue puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about rescue that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Bring some light-hearted humor to your next search and rescue mission with these hilarious jokes about rescue dogs, rescue animals, and other rescue teams. Whether you're a volunteer fire and rescue crew, a professional cave rescue team, or just an everyday Neymar fan, these rescue jokes will have you reaching the summit of laughter.

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Popular Rescue Short Jokes

Short rescue jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The rescue humour may include short revive jokes also.

  1. I'm glad the cave rescue is complete.... Now when I google thai boys I can get back to normal results
  2. I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff... As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"
    So I started smiling...
  3. When I heard the news that 12 Thai schoolboys had been rescued from underground... I had to run home and make sure my basement was still padlocked.
  4. I rescued a dog that belonged to a blacksmith. As soon as I brought it home, it made a bolt for the door
  5. BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field. The steaks have never been higher.
  6. My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette... and every night we go out for a drag.
  7. A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.
    'Is it moving?' they asked.
    'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'
  8. Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.
  9. Why did the lifeguard fail to rescue the hippie drowning in the ocean? Because he was too far out, man.
  10. My friend was surprised when I said I hadn't heard about the kids in Thailand being rescued Where have you been? Living in a cave?

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Rescue One Liners

Which rescue one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with rescue? I can suggest the ones about refuge and recovery.

  1. How do you rescue a dying monitor? With a screen saver
  2. Bear with me please send a rescue team to the forest now!
  3. To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue
  4. I was just reading up on how they rescued the Chilean miners most of it was just boring.
  5. Sadly I had to leave my job at the cat rescue centre. They cut meowers.
  6. What do you get when you cross an Indian smoothie with a rescue dog? Mango Lassie
  7. Why didn't Superman rescue Princess Diana? Because he was in a wheelchair.
  8. What did Jonah say to the Japanese man? "Thanks for the rescue."
  9. Support Search and Rescue Get lost
  10. What is worse than being kidnapped by the Talibans? Being rescued by the Americans
  11. What did Cher say to the orphan pig she rescued? Babe, I got you babe.
  12. I work in a arctic rescue, but we never get any emergencies. We only get cold-callers
  13. How do you know if your friend's new dog is a rescue? Don't worry. They'll let you know.
  14. I adopted a pet rock from the rescue shelter... They told me he's had a hard life.
  15. I'm going to be a hero tonight... by rescuing beer trapped in bottles! Who's with me!?

Rescue Dog Jokes

Here is a list of funny rescue dog jokes and even better rescue dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I would never get a dog from a breeder. Rescue dogs taste just as good and can be had for a fraction of the price.
  • A german guy rescues a dog from drowning then the owner of the dog says to him: "Thank you so much! Are you a vet?" to which the german guy responds with "I'm not just vet! I'm soaked!"
  • What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog? Deciding which to tell people first.
  • If someone is a vegan, does crossfit, and has a rescue dog.... which one do they tell you about first?
  • It ain't right If you go by the pound to pick up a rescue dog you are treated like a big hero, but go by the women's shelter to find your next girlfriend and...……...
  • I adopted a rescue dog early this morning... But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is b**....

Search And Rescue Jokes

Here is a list of funny search and rescue jokes and even better search and rescue puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A training plane with 4 people crashes into a graveyard. 79 victims were found dead in the first hour of search and rescue. Authorities fear that the number may rise.
  • Why did the wife of an airplane c**... search and rescue worker leave him? He couldn't find her black box
Rescue joke, Why did the wife of an airplane c**... search and rescue worker leave him?

Rescue Team Jokes

Here is a list of funny rescue team jokes and even better rescue team puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • ¾ of the A-Team have just launched a valiant rescue mission I heard they were just trying to save Face after their last failure, though.
  • A Japanese tour bus drove off a cliff, and landed in a popular fishing spot A rescue team was sent in. But all they could find were crushed Asians

Rescue Animal Jokes

Here is a list of funny rescue animal jokes and even better rescue animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A cat walks into a bar And it is then rescued and killed by Peta. Stray animals are a threat in all situations
Rescue joke, A cat walks into a bar

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about rescue can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of rescue puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uplifting Rescue Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about rescue you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean emergency jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make rescue prank.

Lone Survivor

The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.
So far 374 bodies have been found.
Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

America

How to rescue the economy:
Dear President Obama,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force;
pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.
All this and it's still cheaper than the "bailout".

The prince, after a long and arduous battle, slew the dragon. He then ascends the mountain to an ominous castle holding the damsel. The prince makes his way to her room to rescue her. He enters and asks

What's your wifi password?

I was rescued after being exposed to the elements...

I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, so I got the doctor to tell it to me straight.
His reply: "Once they go black, they never grow back."

A man is lost in a forrest and encounters a Yeti

Terrified, he screams, "Don't hurt me!"
But the Yeti approaches him closer and closer, bearing its claws.
The man starts praying to God to rescue him.
God comes down and says, "Well, well, well. You never believed in me, why are you praying now?"
Flustered, the man exclaims, "I didn't believe in the Yeti either yet here we are!"

One knight a king, a queen, and a dog sailed on a boat. The queen and king fell off and drowned. The dog tried to rescue them but was eaten by a shark. Who survived?

The knight.
(It's a better o**... joke since knight and night are interchangeable)

Tragedy in Eastern Canada

Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.
Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.

Standing at the u**...

I was in a public restroom earlier today and another man came in and commented that the some of the lights were burnt out. Then he said "I used to come in here for show and tell, but now it's more like search and rescue!"

BREAKING NEWS: A small, four-seater Cessna has crashed into the Smithville cemetery...

Emergency crews have recovered 236 bodies so far, with more expected as rescue efforts continue into tomorrow.

The stranded man

A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? he asks.
That's my house, says the castaway.
What's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third hut?
Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. That's the church I used to go to

Ireland has suffered its worst aviation disaster in history after a 2 seat Cessna crashed in a graveyard this evening...

Irish Search and Rescue say they have recovered 835 bodies so far and expect to find far more as digging continues throughout the night.

Why did the lifeguard have to rescue the hippy at the beach?

Beacause he was too "faaaaarrrrr oooouuuuttt, maaaaan!"

A religious man is on his boat at sea

A religious man is on his boat at sea. Hes all alone when his boat starts to sink. Luckily a nearby boat sees that he is sinking and goes over to rescue him. The rescuer shouts from his boat "climb aboard, ill save you". The religious man shouts back "no thank you, god will save me." So the rescuer continues onward.
1 hour later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by to save him. Again, the religious man says "No thank you. God will save me." The rescuer continues onward.
Another hour passes and the water level is now up to his neck when yet a third boat arrives to help him out. But again the religious man says "No thank you. God will save me".
Soon after that, the water raises over his head and he drowns and dies. When he gets to heaven he goes up to God and says "hey God, why didn't you save me?". And God says "dude i tried. I sent three boats".

Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.
Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.

RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water...

Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Radio from an American boat: Mayday, mayday. We are sinking!

Radio back from a German rescue ship: What are you sinking about?

"You're alone, stranded on an island. What's your favorite song?"

The one playing on my rescue boat.

Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.

Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...

...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.
Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Cessna 152 has c**... landed into Newfie cemetery.

85 bodies recovered in the rescue effort so far!

German ocean rescue radio headquarter

*A call comes to the radio*
"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?"

What is worse than a biscuit drowning in the tea ?

Answer - The second biscuit deployed on a rescue mission drowns too

Why do Germans make terrible marine rescue dispatchers?

Because when you call them saying you're sinking, they'll ask you "What are you sinking about?"

Air Force One Vanished

The Air Force One vanishes somewhere over a remote farm. Quickly, a rescue party is sent to the last known location. Instead of the plane, they just find a farmer on a bulldozer.
Rescuer: "Have you seen the presidents plane anywhere?"
Farmer: "Yeah it crashed on my field about an hour ago"
Rescuer: "Where is it?"
Farmer: "It was totally wrecked and everyone inside was dead, so I pushed the whole lot in a hole and buried it."
Rescuer: "The president is dead?"
Farmer: "Well he kept saying he was still alive, but you know how he lies..."

A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.

What's worse than your biscuit falling into your tea? (GB JOKE)

Your biscuit falling into your tea on the rescue mission.

They've written a sequel to The Martian where a hundred rescuers attempt to rescue a stranded man on mars, only to fail.

It's title.
101 Dull Martians

To the lady at Tesco who had her kid on a leash...

I'm sorry I asked if he was a rescue, and very thankful you didn't sicc him on me.

I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster

It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!

Did you hear about that two seater plane that crashed into the cemetery?

Rescue workers already found 87 bodies, and the numbers are expected to rise as they continue to dig.

What did the Thai soccer player say to the rescue diver?

I didn't want to follow the coach but I eventually caved in

An Englishman is stranded in his broken down boat,..

...but luckily another boat comes up to help. The rescue boat has a man and two women in it. "I say old chap, could I borrow one of your oars?"...."These are not me oars, these are me sisters!"

It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

Now that Neymar's out of the World cup, he's heading to Thailand.

To rescue those kids, no better diver in the world.

The best diver has been sent to Thailand to rescue the boys trapped in the cave

Neymar has left the World Cup and on his way there

Since the cave rescue is going so well casting has already been announced for the movie

All Thai children to be played by Scarlett Johansson

Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive

The Thai rescue divers were given tight trunks to wear as they maneuvered through the narrow caves

So they wouldn't Bangkok.

Yo Mamma so fat...

Yo mamma so fat, that when you were being delivered at the hospital the doctor had to send in a rescue diver. He pulled out you, 11 other kids, and a soccer coach.

The news said that the Thai boys trapped in the cave system had no idea about the world outside following the happenings of the rescue, so I guess you could say that....

They were in the dark about their situation!

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute
The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds
The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

Railway Rescue

The other day I rescued a woman who was tied to a railway track. After I untied her we made love. We tried everything except o**... 'cause i couldn't find her head.

If Chippendales goes to a national park and rescues the park rangers..

Would the headline in the newspaper be Chippendales rescue rangers?

A man once got locked inside a mailbox. Everyone rushed for his rescue,

Because he was a priority male.

What do you say to your "friend" that stole your copy of Yogorilla to the Rescue?

Yogo fuckyourself

Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.

Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.
Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."
"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.
"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"

A man and a woman get stuck in an elevator and after a long time, it seems there is nobody to come to their rescue.

Desperate, the woman whispers: "Oh when this is the end, please let me really feel like a woman, for a last time."
The man immediately tears off his shirt,............

....
throws it to the ground and yells:
"Wash and iron, and hurry up!"

rescuers find a dead body floating in a lake in july

They take him out of the water and immidiately start resuscitating him. After an hour has passed another rescuer who has stood silent finally says
Boys I think you can stop now. You see, he has his skates on

Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.

Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven

Two dogs and a cat appeared in heaven and were seeking admission. God Himself decided to hear their appeal from His judgement seat.
The St Bernard said "I was a valued rescue dog and helped find those nuns after the avalanche."
"Fine then, you're in," said God.
The collie said, "I was always faithful to my master and brought the family together when they were down."
"Sounds wonderful," said God. "Welcome."
Then it was the cat's turn. "Why should we let you in?" asked God.
"Well actually, I think you're in my chair."

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain

While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".

A ship, sailing past an island, finds a man there who had become stranded alone years earlier. The commander disembarks to rescue the man and sees three huts.

"What's that first hut there?", he asks.
"Oh, that's my house", replies the castaway.
"What about that second hut there?"
"That's my church."
"And what about the third one over there?"
"That?", replies the man, disdainfully. "That's the church I used to go to."

After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.

After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.
Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.
Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...

Rescue joke, After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into

jokes about rescue

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these rescue jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.