The Best 35 Rescue Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Rescue jokes. There are some rescue lifesaver jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these rescue rescuer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Rescue Jokes and Puns

I'm glad the cave rescue is complete....

Now when I google Thai boys I can get back to normal results

I was clinging for dear life on the edge of the cliff...

As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"

So I started smiling...

After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.

After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.

Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.

Okay, the good news is the patient in the next bed has offered you a very generous amount for your slippers...

Rescue joke, After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into

I rescued a dog that belonged to a blacksmith.

As soon as I brought it home, it made a bolt for the door

BREAKING: Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.

The steaks have never been higher.


A guy's wife is stuck in a toilet.

He tries getting her out - nothing, she's still stuck, unable to get out. So guy calls the plumbing company to come to rescue. They say that they'll be there in half an hour. While waiting, the guy covers his wife's private parts with a sombrero, so she doesn't get embarrassed any further.
Half an hour later plumbers come, look at the situation and the more experienced looking one says "We'll get the lady out - no problem. As for the Mexican - I'm sorry, but we think he's beyond saving..."

Tragedy in Poland

The worst air disaster in Poland's history occurred today when a two-seat Cessna 120 crashed into a cemetery.

So far 374 bodies have been found.

Polish search and rescue officials indicate that the number will probably rise as they continue to dig.

Rescue joke, Tragedy in Poland

My rescue dog has no legs, so I named her cigarette...

and every night we go out for a drag.

A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house

He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.

'Is it moving?' they asked.

'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'

Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning

when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

You can explore rescue summit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rescue saviour dad jokes. There are also rescue puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A Christian man ends up on a deserted island...

He is stranded there for a few years until a rescue boat finds him. When the rescuers get onto the island, they are amazed to see what the man has built to survive. The man had built three different structures out of bamboo and leaves. They asked the man what the first structure was. The man said, That's my house. They then asked about the second structure. That's where I go to Church. The man replied. Then they asked about the third structure. A scowl came over the mans face as he told the rescuers, That's where I used to go to Church.

Why did the lifeguard fail to rescue the hippie drowning in the ocean?

Because he was too far out, man.

Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland. Polish search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Bear with me

please send a rescue team to the forest now!

I adopted a rescue dog early this morning...

But she hasn't saved anyone all day and she's peed in the house twice. This is bullshit.

Rescue joke, I adopted a rescue dog early this morning...

Tragedy in Eastern Canada

Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.

A Russian, a Brit and an American are stuck on a mountain

While they wait for rescue to arrive, they get together for a meal. As everyone is taking out their kits and prepping, the Russian starts boasting "in the soviet army, they feed us 2000 calories of food a day". The Brit turns and scoffs at him, then he says " in the royal army, we are fed 4000 calories of food a day". The American waiting for his turns goes and says "in the us army we are fed 8000 calories a day". At that point, the Russian jumps up and yells at the American "NON SENSE. NO ONE CAN EAT THAT MUCH CABBAGE IN ONE DAY".

Breaking news

This morning saw what will probably become the worst air disaster in the Midwest. An ultralight single-seater plane crashed into a cemetery in Stockholm, Wisconsin. So far, the search and rescue teams have recovered 1736 bodies and as the digging continues into the night, we can only expect that number to climb.


Air tragedy in Newfoundland...

A two-seater single engine Cessna 152 crashed in foggy conditions near the Gander airport, crashing into the nearby cemetery.

Newfie rescue squads have recovered 385 bodies so far, and that number is expected to climb as digging continues.

An Englishman is stranded in his broken down boat,..

...but luckily another boat comes up to help. The rescue boat has a man and two women in it. "I say old chap, could I borrow one of your oars?"...."These are not me oars, these are me sisters!"

German ocean rescue radio headquarter

*A call comes to the radio*

"German Ocean Rescue, what is your problem?"
"Help, we are sinking, we are sinking!"
"What are you sinking about?"

I went deer hunting with my older brothers when I was a youngster

It was in a mountainous area and I got separated from the group. Hopeless and lost I remember them telling me what to do: fire 3 shots in the air and they would come rescue me. Every 20 minutes I did that until I was accidentally found by a group of hunters that just happened to be passing by. I told them I sure was glad to see them! I was down to my last 3 arrows!

Lone Survivor

The rescue team finds the crashed airplane. The lone survivor is chewing on a bone,with a huge pile of bones next to him. The rescuers are shocked. He says "You can't judge me for this, I had to survive." The rescue leader says "But, Christ, man ... your plane went down two days ago!"

To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash.

I'm sorry that I asked if he was a rescue

Minnesota's worst air disaster occurred earlier today...

...when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a Norwegian cemetery there early this morning.

Ole and Sven, working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Now that Neymar's out of the World cup, he's heading to Thailand.

To rescue those kids, no better diver in the world.

A man and a woman get stuck in an elevator and after a long time, it seems there is nobody to come to their rescue.

Desperate, the woman whispers: "Oh when this is the end, please let me really feel like a woman, for a last time."

The man immediately tears off his shirt,............


....

throws it to the ground and yells:

"Wash and iron, and hurry up!"

A cop, a firefighter, and a bureaucrat are at a elementary school career day...

The cop brags, I'm the fastest one out of the three. I can respond to a threat in one minute

The firefighter says, That's nothing, I can run into a burning building and rescue someone in 30 seconds

The bureaucrat responds, pfff, I can work 9-5 and be home by 2

Yo Mamma so fat...

Yo mamma so fat, that when you were being delivered at the hospital the doctor had to send in a rescue diver. He pulled out you, 11 other kids, and a soccer coach.

Canada's worst air disaster occurred earlier this morning when a Cessna 152 (a small two-seater plane) crashed into a cemetery in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 825 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field.

The steaks has never been higher.

Railway Rescue

The other day I rescued a woman who was tied to a railway track. After I untied her we made love. We tried everything except oral 'cause i couldn't find her head.

Brazil have sent star player Neymar to Thailand to help rescue the young footballers in the cave

...they heard they needed someone to teach them how to dive

It is taking much longer to rescue the boys trapped in the Thai cave.

All the diving experts are participating in the World Cup in Russia.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the rescue help jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working rescue salvation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes