Required Jokes
93 required jokes and hilarious required puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about required that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Required Short Jokes
Short required jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The required humour may include short requirement jokes also.
- I was applying for australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, Do you have a criminal record? I said, No. Is that still required?
- What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas? The Taliban requires women to wear mask
- The best beginner pet is a Hamster. They live for 5 days and don't require any food or water.
- How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service. - My daughters favorite joke... What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment. - When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
- Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
- Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder. Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
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Required One Liners
Which required one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with required? I can suggest the ones about urgent and request.
- I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive
- Why didn't the polite coder get hired? The job required SASS
- Why are glasses required to do math? because you need it for davision
- All pirates medics were required to be certified in C. P. ARRRRRR.
- Stands, tables, meatballs, sofas and Sweden It's an IKEA joke...some assembly required
- What kind of house requires a lot of water? A house on fire
- Are vegetables required in every sentence? Not nececelery
- I have a joke on Bitcoin But it requires so much energy to get it.
- Mumble rappers and Japanese Anime are the same both require subtitles.
- (homemade) what did the frog do to the paper? Veteran dad here, no applause required.
- Pub Landlord Required.... Must Have Own Pub...
Apply with Inn. - The box said 'Requires Windows 10 or better'. So I installed LINUX
- Why couldn't Superman find the local playground as a kid? Adult supervision was required
- What skill requires 90 percent arm strength and 10 percent groan noises Tennis
- What are sometimes moist, smells bad and requires going down to get in it? Basements.
Required Wear Jokes
Here is a list of funny required wear jokes and even better required wear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required
- Walmart has announced it will now require shoppers to wear masks in its stores. However, pants will still be optional.
- I was invited to an event that requires causal dress. Should I wear a time machine or a syllogism print?
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Required Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about required you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean essential jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make required pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
An elderly woman decides she wants a husband...
An elderly woman decides its time she starts looking for husband, so she puts out and ad in the local news paper stating:
LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND HE MUST:
•not beat me
•not leave me
•be good in bed
So with these simple requirements she waits a few days with no response, but then one morning she hers her doorbell ring and goes to answer it. Standing at the door is a man with no arms and no legs. She asks him, "Are you here about the ad?" he replied, "Yes, I meet all the requirements see, I have no arms therefor I cannot beat you, and I have no legs therefor I cannot leave you." she asks, "well are you good in bed?" the man responds, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
I wanted to move to Australia for a new job
The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Another Pirate joke?
Ok, so this three part one which requires a little build up:
Ask, "what a pirate's favorite letter?"
Usually people get the "Rrrr"
Ask, "What's a pirates favorite restaurant?"
Wait for a response: "Harrrdees" or "Arrrbys"
and lastly, ask "What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?"
At this point you should get "the ARrrrrmy" and you reply
"No it's the Navy s**...!"
What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?
one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'.
i'm sorry.
At my high school graduation I saw a bowl of fruit punch...
So I told a bunch of my friends "I want to make a joke which requires some audience participation."
Then, I proceeded to instruct them to stand, single file, in front of the bowl. Once they had, I told them "Here's the punch line."
This is a completely true story, so I do not regret it.
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
A man in a job interview.
Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."
Why couldn't Marco Rubio register on a web forum?
The website required him to prove that he is not a robot.
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision
I only had regular vision
What's the difference between Tinder and the PokemonGo app?
Nothing, it both requires swiping to find monsters in your area.
So I recently went to Australia...
I want to Australia for holiday.
I was at the airport and one of security people asks me: "Do you have a criminal record?"
I responded: "Oh. I didn't realise that was still a requirement."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Virginity and candy are a lot a like.
They require minimal force to take from a child.
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset
But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just started a job that requires me to sew two people's anuses together
Not a dream job, but it makes ends meet.
When I heard my new job required passing a drug test.....
Boy was I excited. Finally a test in a subject I know about!
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I said that was impossible..
Because that would require 2 women to find me attractive.
What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?
Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week.
They issued a government mandate.
Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.
With patches all over their suits telling us who their sponsors are.
The police officer inspected my drivers license carefully.
"Driver, I see you have a class 3 license that requires you to wear glasses whilst driving. I can't help but notice you are not wearing glasses."
"I've got contacts," I explained.
"I don't care who you know, driver," declared the officer. "You're under arrest."
:-P
My dad just called a family meeting.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password.
I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required s**... misconduct training...
Harass was two words
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years
Therefore, if you c**... two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
PornHub now requires all visitors to watch at least 5 minutes of dwarf m**... content before accessing other videos.
That's the bare mini mum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
WANTED: Large amount of rats, mice and bed bugs
… as my current rental agreement requires me to leave the apartment in the condition it was when I moved in.
Interview for Australian visa for first time mostly be like:
A : Do you have criminal record?
M: No, I didn't knew it's still required?
Biden has won so many times in Michigan now
he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?
Reptiles require sunlight.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.
Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu ?
Bird flu requires tweetment and swine flu requires oinkment.
A man moves in an old apartment
He notices the place is ridden with moths. Not knowing what to do, he calls his mother who tells him to buy some mothballs.
He goes to a nearby store and buys a pound of mothballs. The next day, he goes back and buys another pound. That same day he returns and buy yet another pound.
The seller stops him. Man, how many moths are you dealing with? I've been working here for so long and I've never seen an infestation requiring more than half a pound of mothballs
Well, replies the man. Not everybody has such a good aim.
My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"
I commented on that post
"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hear that soon Reddit will require all redditors to don a cowboy hat / boots, and dance a j**... in order to log in…
I'm not a big fan of Two-Step Authentication.
Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler.
"No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter.
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
I got pulled over by a state trooper the other day.
Trooper: Your license states that you're required to wear corrective lenses. Where are your glasses?
Me: It's ok. I've got contacts.
Trooper: Listen pal, I don't care who you know!
In Egypt they require a priest to be at every airport 24/7
to bless the planes down in Africa
God and the devil chat about music
The god and the devil were chating, as they usually do when the concept of music came up.
With a bit of intrigue God asked the devil how he'd managed to get into every genre of music, from rock & rap to hip hop & metal ect .
The devil chuckled no no no , music is too special, too human for me to infect. it requires a soul to create music .
The devil leans back, now the music-industry, that's some of my finer work
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."
The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"
The man asks, "Why, is it required?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My uncle is mad that he lost his job to an i**... immigrant
It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.
What's the difference between a fetus in the US and a politician in the US?
The fetus is legally required to become a human being.
On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement...
"Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal".
Two hours before landing, another announcement was made. "There are still 80 meals available if anybody is hungry".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it
Help
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
What requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, you can't quit and people's lives are on the line?
_*Motherhood.*_
I recently rejected a junior software dev job at IKEA.
I kinda know java, kotlin and some php but unfortunately Assembly was required.
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an investigation into the matter, which will conclude within 4-6 business weeks.
