Required Jokes
97 required jokes and hilarious required puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about required that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Required Short Jokes
Short required jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The required humour may include short needed jokes also.
- I was applying for australian citizenship and the interviewer asked, Do you have a criminal record? I said, No. Is that still required?
- What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas? The Taliban requires women to wear mask
- The best beginner pet is a Hamster. They live for 5 days and don't require any food or water.
- When I visited Australia, the immigration officer asked me if I had a criminal record… Confused, I replied, Oh, is that still required?
- How to win the war on drugs 1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service. - My daughters favorite joke... What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment, and the other requires oinkment. - When i was a boy, i had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to stay alive... It's a good thing my brother told me about it
- Wife: If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Husband: That is true - wars require strategy and logic.
- Parking a single car doesn't require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.
- A Briton flies into Australia and is asked by the immigration officer, Do you have any felony convictions?
The Briton replies, Sorry. I didn't realize that was still a requirement.
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Required One Liners
Which required one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with required? I can suggest the ones about requirement and demanded.
- I could never cheat in a relationship That would require 2 people to find me attractive
- Why didn't the polite coder get hired? The job required SASS
- Why are glasses required to do math? because you need it for davision
- All pirates medics were required to be certified in C. P. ARRRRRR.
- Virginity and candy are a lot a like. They require minimal force to take from a child.
- Stands, tables, meatballs, sofas and Sweden It's an IKEA joke...some assembly required
- What kind of house requires a lot of water? A house on fire
- My body is a temple. It requires frequent animal sacrifice.
- Are vegetables required in every sentence? Not nececelery
- you might think babies are delivered by storks but fat babies require cranes
- I have a joke on Bitcoin But it requires so much energy to get it.
- Mumble rappers and Japanese Anime are the same both require subtitles.
- (homemade) what did the frog do to the paper? Veteran dad here, no applause required.
- Pub Landlord Required.... Must Have Own Pub...
Apply with Inn. - The box said 'Requires Windows 10 or better'. So I installed LINUX
Required Wear Jokes
Here is a list of funny required wear jokes and even better required wear puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required
- Walmart has announced it will now require shoppers to wear masks in its stores. However, pants will still be optional.
- Muslim women are now being required to wear special gloves. They call them hanjabs.
- I was invited to an event that requires causal dress. Should I wear a time machine or a syllogism print?
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Required Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about required you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean urgent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make required pranks.
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you r**...?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
No problems
A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.
An elderly woman decides she wants a husband...
An elderly woman decides its time she starts looking for husband, so she puts out and ad in the local news paper stating:
LOOKING FOR A HUSBAND HE MUST:
•not beat me
•not leave me
•be good in bed
So with these simple requirements she waits a few days with no response, but then one morning she hers her doorbell ring and goes to answer it. Standing at the door is a man with no arms and no legs. She asks him, "Are you here about the ad?" he replied, "Yes, I meet all the requirements see, I have no arms therefor I cannot beat you, and I have no legs therefor I cannot leave you." she asks, "well are you good in bed?" the man responds, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"
I wanted to move to Australia for a new job
The immigration officer started asking a few questions.
Officer : What is your name?
Me : Joke Teller.
Officer : How old are you?
Me : 22
Officer : Any criminal convictions?
Me : I didn't know that was still a requirement.
A British man goes on holiday in Australia...
After getting off the plane in Sydney, the man waits to go through Australian customs.
"Do you have anything to declare?" asks the Australian customs officer.
"No" replies the British man.
"Do you have a criminal record?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know that was still a requirement."
Importance of Planning
Why planning is important?
One night four college students were playing till late night and could not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.
See below for the question paper.
Q.1. Your Name…….. ………
(2 MARKS)
Q.2. Which tyre burst?
(98 MARKS)
a) Front left
b) Front right
c) Back left
d) Back right
So an old Jewish man dies
So an old Jewish man dies and as per his last wish, his son goes to the newspaper publisher and asks, "How much for an obituary in your newspaper?"
Publisher says, "$5 per word".
The son says, "Publish 'Jacob Goldberg Dead' ".
The publisher says, "We require minimum 6 words".
So the son says, "In that case make it 'Jacob Goldberg Dead, Wheelchair For Sale' ".
What's the difference between Swine flu, and Bird flu?
one requires 'oinkment' and the other needs 'tweetment'.
i'm sorry.
A man is going through customs entering Australia
The man behind the desk asks him "do you have a criminal record?"
The man replies "No, I didn't know that was still a requirement"
A man is applying for Australian citizenship when the clerk asks "Do you have a criminal record?"
"No" the man says. "Is that still required?"
A British man visits Australia
A British man visits Australia. The customs officer asks "Do you have a previous criminal history?"
The visitor replies "I didn't realize that was still a requirement"
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
Husband send a text to his wife
Husband's text:
>Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office.
Paula brought me to the Hospital.
Doctors presently doing tests and taking X-rays.
Severe blow to my head but not likely to have any lasting effects. Wound required 19 stitches.
I have three broken ribs, a broken arm and compound fracture in the left leg. Amputation of my right foot is a possibility.
Love you.
Wife's response:
>Who's Paula?
A man in a job interview.
Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."
I actually heard a joke the other day about an alternate ending to the movie Hook
where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter back to London in a body bag. It's a good joke, if a little dark, but it does require a dead Pan delivery.
A mexican kid tells D. Trump:
I want to be President!
Trump says: are you s**...? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you r**...?
Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.
I had a rough childhood. I couldn't play with toys that required supervision
I only had regular vision
When I went to Australia, I was asked if I had committed any felonies back home...
I hadn't realized that was still a requirement to get in
So I recently went to Australia...
I want to Australia for holiday.
I was at the airport and one of security people asks me: "Do you have a criminal record?"
I responded: "Oh. I didn't realise that was still a requirement."
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport...
An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport. The officer asks, Do you have any felony convictions?
The Englishman replies, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was still a requirement.
I saw a veteran begging in the street which made me very upset
But then I remembered I wasn't required to give the military quarters.
Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder.
Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.
I was going from London to Australia for a holiday...
I was passing the security check at the airport and the man working there asked
"Sir, do you have a criminal record?"
"No, sorry. I didn't know it was still a requirement."
A Mexican boy meets Donald Trump
The Mexican boy says "One day, I'm going to be President of the United States!"
Donald Trump replied "Are you crazy?" "Are you r**...?" "Are you out of your mind?"
The Mexican boy pauses for a second and says "That's too many requirements for being President."
A British man is visiting Australia for vacation.
The passport lady at Australian customs asks him, "Have you been convicted of any crimes in the past?"
The Brit replies by asking, "Is it still a requirement?"
What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?
Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.
My girlfriend said, "If women ruled the world, "there'd be no wars."
"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.
"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"
Revitalized, we picked up the pace.
"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."
A british tourist arrives to the Sydney airport.
The australian duty officer checks the tourist's passport before letting him enter the country, then asks:
"Have you ever been sentenced?"
"Wait, is this still a requirement?"
A Brit lands in Sydney, and is awaiting passport control
His turn comes and he steps to the agent.
The agent asks his name, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks his occupation, and the Brit gives it.
The agent asks, Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"
The Brit responds, Right, so that's still a requirement?"
Politicians should be required to dress like NASCAR drivers.
With patches all over their suits telling us who their sponsors are.
I read a joke about an alternate ending to Peter Pan where Captain Hook wins the duel and sends Peter Pan back to London in a body bag.
Not very funny and quite dark, but it requires a dead Pan delivery
A British man is visiting Australia.
The man at customs asks him : "Do you have any criminal record?"
he replied : "I didn't know this was still a requirement"
My dad just called a family meeting.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
I sure like that my car insurance requires a 10 character password.
I sure would hate it if someone ..... paid my car insurance?
My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required s**... misconduct training...
Harass was two words
One gallon of gasoline contains roughly the amount of energy required for a human to live 56 years
Therefore, if you c**... two gallons of gasoline you'll never have to eat again!
If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days
just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements
So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
I was applying for citizenship in Australia, and the interviewer asked, "Do you have a criminal background".
I replied, "No, is that still a requirement".
A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.
1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"
Biden has won so many times in Michigan now
he's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing?
Reptiles require sunlight.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 81, your two hour rental period is up, please return to the dock.
Boat rental intern to manager: uh, sir, we only have 60 boats.
Boat rental manager over loudspeaker: boat number 18, do you require assistance?
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu ?
Bird flu requires tweetment and swine flu requires oinkment.
A man moves in an old apartment
He notices the place is ridden with moths. Not knowing what to do, he calls his mother who tells him to buy some mothballs.
He goes to a nearby store and buys a pound of mothballs. The next day, he goes back and buys another pound. That same day he returns and buy yet another pound.
The seller stops him. Man, how many moths are you dealing with? I've been working here for so long and I've never seen an infestation requiring more than half a pound of mothballs
Well, replies the man. Not everybody has such a good aim.
A new law
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at least once a week," one of the guys answers the bartender. "Well it's not a law really," the other guy corrects him. "It's more of a mandate."
Was offered a bowl of dinosaurs to eat from my toddler.
"No thanks! I'm allergic to dinosaurs, they make me break out in Dino sores"
Audible groan and required "I hate you" from their babysitter.
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
A man calls up the White House and tells the receptionist, "I would like to become the next president of the United States."
The receptionist asks, "What are you, an idiot?"
The man asks, "Why, is it required?"
My uncle is mad that he lost his job to an i**... immigrant
It took him forever to find a job that neither requires a third grade education nor a background check.
What's the difference between a fetus in the US and a politician in the US?
The fetus is legally required to become a human being.
On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement...
"Due to a terrible mistake by the airline's caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing to give up their meal".
Two hours before landing, another announcement was made. "There are still 80 meals available if anybody is hungry".
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it
I tried to join the Marines.
But I fell short of their physical requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
Help
Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.
What requires no experience, gives no training, pays nothing, you can't quit and people's lives are on the line?
_*Motherhood.*_
What is the difference between avian flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
I recently rejected a junior software dev job at IKEA.
I kinda know java, kotlin and some php but unfortunately Assembly was required.
The best pet for beginners is a mouse.
They only live 5 days and require no food or water.
How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an investigation into the matter, which will conclude within 4-6 business weeks.
