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Request Jokes

151 request jokes and hilarious request puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about request that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a break? Get a few chuckles by reading through a fun selection of jokes related to Pull Requests, Friend Requests, and Facebook Friend Requests. Everything from pleas to the translator to the final comment has been included, so read on and get ready to laugh!

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Funniest Request Short Jokes

Short request jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The request humour may include short seek jokes also.

  1. When I die, I have but 2 requests. The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.
    The second, I don't want to be cremated.
  2. As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests. My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
  3. I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
  4. A horse walks into a bar and requests "Hello, I'd like some anthropomorphization please" The bartender replies: "I think you've had enough already"
  5. So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool. I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".
  6. On my way for the latest porsche presentation.. the airport officials requested the purpose of my flight.
    I wrote down "I'm here for the newest 911".
    Best regards from Guantanamo.
  7. Request for a punchline I'm not sure if this is the sub for it. Went through the rules but couldn't find anything on the matter.
    So here goes.
    Why did the skeleton carve the pumpkin?
  8. Why did the accordion player get so many requests to perform? Because he always pulled out all the stops.
  9. [THIS IS A REQUEST; DO NOT UPVOTE] Does anyone have a joke where the audience of the joke says the punchline? If this isn't the right place for this, kindly redirect me.
  10. How many Indians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Your laughter is important to us.
    You punchline will be delivered in the order in which it was requested.

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Request One Liners

Which request one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with request? I can suggest the ones about required and search.

  1. Today I learned that "wet Floor" signs… …are not a request…
  2. Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods... It could be spam.
  3. AMA Request: Ellen Pao
  4. Who sent Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel a friend request on Facebook Darkness.
  5. What happens when a plant tries to add you on social media? You get a fern request.
  6. Do not accept a friend request from Lizzie Borden.... You will get hacked.
  7. What is a tuba for? 1 1/2" by 3 1/2" unless you request "full cut."
  8. When I get a lot of Myspace requests my fax machine goes crazy.
  9. [AMA request] A person living in an electricity-free Amish community.
  10. I want to die peacefully in my sleep That's why I requested the gas chamber
  11. AMA REQUEST: An Illiterate Oh wait
  12. How does a chemist refuse a request? With sodium bromate.
  13. What did the server say when the customer requested something they didn't have? 404
  14. [AMA Request] TheLegend27 Please help us contact the best Game of War player
  15. [IAmA request] UPS delivery man. I hope OP delivers.

Friend Request Jokes

Here is a list of funny friend request jokes and even better friend request puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My pornstar friend recently passed away. Per his request, we had his ashes scattered over his wife's face.
  • It's so annoying when you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them and... they don't accept your friend request.
  • Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence. So I sang, "Hello darkness, my old friend...."
  • If you get a Facebook Friend request from the Saudi Embassy, Do not accept it! You will get hacked.
  • You gotta be careful on social media these days. I mean, just today I accepted a friend request from Xerox. Turns out it was a scan.
  • TIFU after my wife requested foreplay. I asked which of her two friends we should invite.
  • I got a friend request from Hormel Foods today Turns out it was just Spam.
  • jomomma.ninja Jo Mamma is so Ninja, that even Chuck Norris sent her a Friend request.
  • DC sends a friend request to Capacitor. Capacitor blocks DC.
  • What is Facebook? Its a Place where Boy posts a JOKE and Gets no Response & If a Girl Posts the same JOKE , She gets Hundreds of likes , comments and Friend Requests and Lots of PM's .

Pull Request Jokes

Here is a list of funny pull request jokes and even better pull request puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How does Santa request a reindeer sleigh ride? Uber Pull
  • How do you ask a Silicon Valley p**... for a h**...? Submit a pull request.
Request joke, How do you ask a Silicon Valley p**... for a h**...?

Facebook Friend Request Jokes

Here is a list of funny facebook friend request jokes and even better facebook friend request puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I hate when someone I had s**... with in High School sends me a friend request on Facebook. Request denied, Principle Anderson.
  • Pro Tip - If a hot s**... female sends you a friend request on facebook.. REJECT HIM.
Request joke, Pro Tip - If a hot s**... female sends you a friend request on facebook..

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about request can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of request puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Request Jokes

What funny jokes about request you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean fetch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make request prank.

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, If I told you, you would only laugh.
No, I wouldn't, he said.
She said, I sell tampons.
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, See, I knew you would laugh.
That's not what I'm laughing at, he replied. I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

Request: Jokes for my five year old son

My son is starting to get into jokes and it's surprisingly difficult to find joke books that are appropriate for his age. Most recycle old jokes with outdated references that he doesn't even understand. Some of the references are so musty I don't even get them. Does anyone have good jokes/riddles I can pass along?

A Vampire walks into a bar....

And orders a cup of hot water from the bartender. Upon hearing this request the bartender asks "Why just water?" To which the Vampire, pulls out a used t**... and replies "I'm making tea."

REQUEST: Jokes about Italians

I vaguely remember a joke about Italians talking with their hands, maybe while driving and/or on cell phones. If anyone remembers a joke like this, I will give them all of my upvote.

I need your best jokes about mammals. Can you guys help me out?

I need a good, clean, short joke about a mammal. I know this is an odd request, but maybe some of you will enjoy the challenge, or maybe you have some good ones you're just waiting to share. Let me have em.

Thank goodness for AT&T

Thanks goodness for AT&T. Apparently the NSA called AT&T officials to request that they, too, provide call records of their customers. But halfway through the conversation, the call dropped. The NSA called back six times, but AT&T officials could never get more than two signal bars and the request was never completed.

Why didn't the NSA request AT&T's phone records?

Because they can't monitor all those dropped calls!

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit tim tebow hired by mistake.

After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.

Just in time for the holidays

A guy goes back to his home town for Christmas, and he stops by the local diner to get his favorite breakfast, eggs Benedict. But he has a special request, he wants it served on a big shiny metal plate. The waiter doesn't understand why, so he asks him "Sir, why do you want eggs Benedict on a shiny metal plate?" And the man says "Because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise."

Request: Your best British vs American jokes

Reading jokes it occurs to me how different humour is on the other side of the pond. What's your favourite British vs American jokes?

Upon request of a signature, a nurse reaches into her pocket only to find a thermometer...

she exclaims, "Some a**...'s got my pen!"

A Belated Teachers' Day

A Belated Teachers' Day
Its A Humble Request
"80% Of Teachers r
Suffering From t**...
Pain By Teaching Students."
So Plz
.
.
.
.
BUNK d Classes As Much
As Possible
And
Save Our Teachers :D

The U.N. initiates a poll...

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."
The poll was a total failure.
The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

What song did Kim Jong Il request be played at his f**...?

Journey - Don't Stop Bereaving.

LPT Request: My 2 year old son drew in permanent marker all over the walls

So I took a shower earlier today and left my 2 year old son in the living room with the TV on thinking he would be ok. I come out 20 minutes later and he covered the entire living room in green permanent marker that he somehow got a hold of. As you can imagine, I flipped out and immediately ran to the store to buy cleaning supplies. I tried at least five different types, and scrubbed for at least half an hour but the stain was still there. Does anybody have any good methods for getting blood out of the carpet?

(Joke Request) A joke about penicillin

I'm looking for a joke about penicillin to start off a presentation on a light note anything PG will be appreciated :)

An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.

They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".
The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"

Request: A joke involving an Indian, an Irish, an Aussie and a Brazilian

This resumes the current setup at home, whenever I tell someone it sounds like I'm starting a joke... please help me finding a real joke to use.

Chuck Norris and Superman

Chuck Norris and Superman fought each other on a bet. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
(Submitted at the request of my 10 year-old son.)

[AMA Request] WWII Veteran who went kamikaze

AMA request: Floyd Mayweather

I wonder if he'll see this

Diminishing Return Joke (request)

Salesman: Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your house cleaning time in half.
Woman: Great, Gimme two of 'em!
*Does anyone know of any other jokes that demonstrate the Law of Diminishing returns? Its for a project I'm working on...

A man approached the check in counter

A man approached the check in counter, he had a flight booked to Miami. He leaned over to the lady and said "Miss I have a special request, I would like my green bag to go to London, and my red bag to go to Hawaii"
Confused, the check in lady said "I'm sorry sir we can't do that"
The man responded "Thats great news, because thats what happened last time"

Preacher

A preacher said, "Anyone with a special request who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar ."
With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.

A mathematician walks into a pizza shop...

They request one pie. Upon getting a full pizza, they exclaim, "You gave me twice as many radians as I asked for!"

AMA Request: Kim Davis.

I would like to hear her answer this question, for she seems uniquely qualified to do so:
If a man and woman from Kentucky get a divorce, are they still brother and sister?

I received a request to go and fix a broken handle on a window.

It turned out to be a crank call.

I have a plan to make bathrooms more gender inclusive

This post has been archived.
If you would like to view this post please request it from user /u/Herschel_Frisch.
The reference ID of the post is Submission: 3mpofc.

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?

Last request...

A blindfolded man is about to be put to death by firing squad. The general walks up to him and asks if he has a last request.
"I would like to sing the song of my people one last time."
The general agrees and takes a step back.
"One million bottles of beer on the wall! One million bottles of beer!"

I want to start a charity where terminally ill people can request to sleep with hollywood celebrities...

I'll call it "Make A Wishbone"

Request for a months worth of jokes for a cancer patient.

A friend of mine will be in the hospital for a month because of her cancer treatments. We are telling her jokes to cheer her up and were hoping you could help, Thanks.

I have two requests for my f**...

1) be scattered at Disney Land
2) not to be cremated

I have only two requests for when I die. #1. I want my remains scattered around Wrigley Field.

\#2. I don't want to be cremated first.

After the recent wave of Trump primary victories, what did Nancy Reagan request for her f**... before she died?

To be laid to rest beside the remains of the Republican party

[Joke Request] A great mother's day joke I can write on a card, give to my mom, and take credit for

Example: What did the mama buffalo say to her son when he left for college?
"Bison"

[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old...

Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?

Last request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.
The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

Last requests

After I die, I have 2 requests on what shall happen to me.
1) I want my remains spread around Disney world.
2) I do not wish to be cremated

AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix.

Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password.

A man walks into a library

And sheepishly asks the librarian behind the counter "excuse me, but do you have that new book for men with small p**...?".
The librarian acknowledges the request and starts typing away on her computer to check the database, she turns back to the man and says "It's not in yet..."
"That's the one!" The man says.

Honest Husband

A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

A boy was b**... groceries at a supermarket.

One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice.
Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied.
Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

Requests for balloon animals in parties

are almost always inflated

A man goes to jail.

A man was sentenced to death. By tradition, the man can request one last meal
"So what will it Be?" the executioner asked
"Instead of food, can I request to sing one last song? But you must let me finish the song"
Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing
The man begins "1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall..."

During church the preacher asked the people in line what they needed prayer for.

One man request prayer for his hearing. The evangelist spit on his finger, put it in the man's ear, prayed for him and asked
him, "How's your hearing?" The man replied, "I don't know. It's not until next Tuesday."

The Bet

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says: "I want to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely n**...."
They agree to her unusual request and she strips n**... from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams: "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away.
For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says: "What did she roll, anyway?"
The second dealer says: "I don't know. I thought *you* were watching."

A man is up for m**...

A man is up for m**... and discovers his friend a member of the jury
He asks him with great glee "will you please try and get me sentenced with manslaughter"
His friend decides to take up the request.
The mans day in court comes up and he is sentenced with manslaughter, delighted he turns to his friend ans says "was it difficult to get everyone else to go with manslaughter"
His friend replies "it wasn't easy the rest of them didn't think you were guilty at all"

Man Request Prayer In Church

Church begins and the preacher ask "Is there anyone who has a prayer request?"
A guy stands up and says "I need prayer preacher, it's for my hearing"
The preacher says "Come down to the alter son we will pray right now that it gets better"
So the church prays fervently over the man, afterwords the preacher says "Is your hearing any better son?"
The guy says I won't know until next Tuesday that is when I go to court.

Some things just ruin your day...

The old woman was about to die so she calls her husband to her side. With some difficulty she says, "Dear, I have but one final request. Please let my mother ride in the first car with you at my f**.... It will give a good impression.
The husband things for a bit and responds, "All right, but it'll spoil my whole day."

Back in the Sovjet days a guy wants to buy a car

The guy goes up to the counter at the Ministry of buying cars.
Guy: I would like to buy a car.
Clerk: Sure thing but it will take 10 years for processing your request. Come back then and your car will be ready for you.
Guy: Ok, morning or afternoon?
Clerk: Huh? what difference does it make, it´s 10 years from now?
Guy: Well, the plumber is coming in the morning.
Credit goes to Ronald Reagan

The Physics department in a university submits a request for an expensive piece of equipment

The university president is not pleased. "You people in the Physics Department always ask for money. You always need costly technologies. Why can't you be more like the Mathematics department? All they need is paper, pens, and trash cans. Or even better, like the Philosophy department, they need only paper and pens."

A bottle of Scotch

An old Scotsman is lying on his deathbed, and he gasped out one last request. He says to his friend who's at his bedside:"Remember that fine old bottle of Scotch me father bought on the day I was born, that I've saved all these many years?". His friend shakes his head "yes". The old man says:"Would ya do me a great favor, and pour it over me grave when I'm gone?". His friend replies:"Surely lad, but do ya mind if I strain it through me kidneys first?".

An elderly man told his doctor

An elderly man told his doctor, "I'd like you to give me something to lower my s**... drive."
The doctor said, "That's an odd request for a man your age. Your s**... drive is too high?"
"That's right," the man replied. "It's all in my head. I'd like it to be three feet lower."

When the nurse declined his request...

He simply said
**"When I donate blood I don't extract it, the nurse does"**
And walked out of the s**... bank.

The Bank just rejected my loan request to start a magnet themed attraction park.

They were repelled by the concept.

Request - can someone explain this joke?

> In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'

Apparently there was a Problem with a request to put Trump's Face on Mount Rushmore

It seems granite isn't a dense enough substance to accurately portray his head

A husband's last request to his wife

*on my death bed*
Me: One thing I want you to do for me...
Wife: Name it?
Me: I want you to marry Larry.
Wife: (pause)You sure? I thought you hated Larry?
Me: I do.

I call the sunshine c**... company every year at this time and request they sell Cheez-its shrunk to 1/4th their original size.

I request they market them as "Sweet little baby Cheez-its."

A request for Fish Jokes

My girlfriend really likes and jokes and fish. But when looking for fish jokes on the web i did not find anything except:
"What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod"
"Why don't fish play basketball? because they are afraid of nets"
"What did the fish say when he posted bail? I'm off the hook!"
Does anyone have any good fish jokes to share?

[Warning: s**...] What dessert did N'Sync always request on tour?

Pie, pie, pie...

I requested the flight attendant to switch my seat as I was next to a screaming baby.

Apparently you are not allowed to do that if the baby is yours.

What do you do for a living?

\- I'm an o**... dealer.
\- Oh god! Don't you have a heart?
\- Is that criticism or a request?

Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other

r**...

A letter to Keyboard Manufacturers

Dear Keyboard Manufacturers,
I'm writing to request a redesign so that 'g' and 't' wouldn't be right next to each other.
r**...,

If I were on Death Row, my last meal request would be a clean burger from McDonald's

I'd be kept alive forever.

Request joke, If I were on Death Row, my last meal request would be a clean burger from McDonald's

jokes about request

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these request jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.