Reputedly Jokes
83 reputedly jokes and hilarious reputedly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reputedly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Reputedly Short Jokes
Short reputedly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reputedly humour may include short jokes also.
- Well... there goes Ted's reputation Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do
Ted Cruz: Hold my milk
Trump: Wait, this isn't milk... - Why did the narcolepsy patient have boys lining up outside her front door? She had a reputation for sleeping around.
- I think my friend Ben has a bad reputation. Every time I tell someone that me and my other buddy are friends with Ben Ofitz, they give me a strange look.
- When hunters go ammunition shopping, they have a reputation for being cheapskates... They're always trying to get the best bang for their buck
- Now that the Wild Boars are all safe... ...Thailand maintains its reputation of happy endings.
- I knew Dortmund had a reputation ... ...for being explosive down the right flank but I didn't think *that* was what they meant!
- Michael Cera has a reputation for being just as awkward as the characters he portrays on the screen. He doesn't let what is said behind his back bother him. Que Cera, Cera is how he lives his life.
- Disney princesses usually have a good reputation. But Sleeping Beauty is mistaken as a bad influence because she is always under a rest
- Why did Nixon have a reputation for not being punctual? He is, after all, the late Richard Nixon.
- I was very nervous before my first visit to the proctologist... Thankfully there was nothing to worry about coz the doctor had a good reputation for rectitude.
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Reputedly One Liners
Which reputedly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reputedly? I can suggest the ones about and .
- I dated a lawyer once Makes sense.
She had a reputation for settling - They're re-making Gone in 60 Seconds It's a bio-pic about Kevin Spacey's reputation.
- Pedophiles have kind of a bad reputation... ...but they drive slow near schools
- For sale. Baby Shoes. Never Worn. —Any Reputable Baby Shoe Salesman
- It's hard when you work at Black Angus Your whole reputation is at steak.
- What piece of furniture can you always trust? A Reputable.
- Why did the cow go to the BBQ restaurant? She had her reputation at stake.
- Pirates developed a bad reputation... From dealing seaweed.
- My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable. I'd steak my reputation on that.
- What was it that completely broke the reputation of United Airlines? Nobody nose
- What's faster than Comcast's internet? Their bad reputation.
- That deli has a reputation for sub-par hoagies, ...but the one I had was exactly average.
Reputedly Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about reputedly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reputedly pranks.
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support. One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife handed the card over and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted. On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."
Work emails are like the gym.
You sign up for it thinking it will be loads of fun.
You get bored of it within hours.
You only keep going to keep up your reputation.
The more you stay away, the harder it is to go back.
You would never be able to live down to your reputation, but I see you're doing your best.
Just write spaghetti
For two years a married man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money to go to Italy and secretly have the child. He said, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18, and also pay for college. She ......agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back in the message area. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin. One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey' she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.' He said 'Just give it to me and I'll explain it later.' She gave it to him and then watched as her husband turned white, then fainted after he read the card. On the card was written: Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Please send extra sauce!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight...
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage of by women of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
An Irish boys confession
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose Woman."
The Priest asks, "Is that you, little Timmy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is. "
"And, who was the woman you were with," asked the Priest. "
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Timmy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Sheilah O'Brien?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Kathleen Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed. "
"Was it Fiona Grogan, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The Priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast Lad, Timmy ...And, I admire that. But, you have sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend Church Mass for three months. Be off with you now. "
Timmy walks back to his pew. His Friend, Sean, slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not Pregnant
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman takes her daughter to the doctor
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."
The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would not compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. I was hoping that they would show up again."
Joey the altar boy goes to confession and says...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
Little johnny
Ms. Apple was teaching her class of first graders the alphabet. She was going around the room to each student and would ask them recite the alphabet.
When she saw little johnny was next she was prepared for the worst, as johnny has had a reputation for acting up.
She cautiously asks johnny to say the alphabet and he says, "abcefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz".
Ms. Apple is relieved, since this is the first day she has taught the alphabet she is surprised that he only left out one letter. She lets johnny know that he forget one letter. To wich johnny responds, "sorry ms.apple I didn't realize you wanted the d.
Communism Joke (apparently it was one of Ronald Reagan's favorites)
A Soviet woman is trying to buy a Lada, one of the cheap automobiles made in the former Soviet Union. The dealer tells her that there is a shortage of these cars, despite their reputation for shoddy quality. Still, the woman insists on placing an order. The dealer gets out a large, dusty ledger and adds the woman's name to the long waiting list. "Come back two years from now on March 17th," he says.
The woman consults her calendar. "Morning or afternoon?" she asks.
"What difference does it make?" the surly dealer replies. "That's two years from now!"
"The plumber is coming that day," she says.
Spaghetti.
A man has an affaire with an italian woman, and gets her pregnant by accident.
Because the man didn't want to hurt his reputation or his marriage he made a deal with the woman. He would financially take care of the kid from birth to the baby's 18th birthday if she would move to Italy and have the baby there.
The woman agreed, but she asked how the man would know when the baby was born. He told the woman to send a postcard with just the word "Spaghetti" when the baby was born and he would make sure to start sending money.
9 months go by and the mans wife comes inside and mentions a very strange postcard from Italy came in the mail for him and hands it to him.
The man reads the postcard and faints.
His worried wife picks up the postcard which reads "5x Spaghetti, 3 with meatballs and 2 plain. Send extra sauce."
(My apologies for any erroneous spelling and/or grammar.)
An Italian Boy's Confession:
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'
An altar boy enters the box to confess...
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's holiday and five excellent Leads.'
Politican sees the scottish barber
A politician went to his Scottish barber and asked, "Cut the word 'yes' into my haircut in back so when I sleep they'll know my vote.".
A week later he comes back and asks, "What did you do? My wife stopped cheating, and I've now got a reputation for looking out for corruption."
Barber says, "Well ye do have an 'aye' in the back of yer head."
Spaghetti
For years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. 'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.
Confession
Matthew goes into a confessional box and says "Bless me father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says "is that you Matthew?"
"Yes father, it is I."
"Who was the woman you were with?"
"I cannot tell you for I do not wish to sully her reputation."
The priest asks "Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"No father."
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
"No father."
"Was it Ann Brown?"
"No father, I cannot tell you."
The priest says "I admire your perseverance but you must atone for your sins. Your penance will be five Our Fathers and four Hail Marys."
Matthew goes back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and asks "What did you get?" Matthew replies "I got five Our Fathers, four Hail Marys and three good leads."
A kid goes to church to confess...
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Isaac Newton, being the big p**... Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.
There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey.
"My dear friend," Newton says, "whatever is the matter?"
"Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!" DesCartes bemoans, "We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!"
"Nonsense!" says Newton, "Join me and we shall go have a romp at the brothel! Surely some woman of ill repute will catch your fancy!"
DesCartes considers, but returns to his drink; "Sorry my dear friend, but I cannot find the passion within me. Will you stay here and keep me company?"
Newton sighs, knowing that his night is ruined, but knowing his friend is in need. "Of course I shall stay my friend; sometimes you need to put DesCartes before the w**...."
One for us old guys
Lady opens a house of ill repute and hired 3 girls to work for her: a fashion model, a telephone operator and an elementary school teacher. She figured the model would be the most popular with the guys as she was so much prettier, followed by the operator then the teacher who was rather a plain Jane. To her surprise, after the second week, most of the guys wanted to see the teacher. Lady decided to stand out side the girl's doors and eaves drop on them.
She heard the model say, don't mess my hair, don't mess my makeup. She heard the operator say, you three minutes are up, deposit another $5.50 (told you it was for the old guys). BUT when she listened outside the teacher's door, she heard," I don't care how many times it takes, you are going to do it over until you get it right!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A very experienced man...
A man visits a house of ill-repute. He tells the woman, "I've seen everything and done it all. I need an experience I've never had before."
The madam summons a rather plain looking young woman and says, "This is Susan. She's for you."
The man seems unimpressed but resigns himself to the choice.
She takes him to her room, sits him down on the bed, and begins to f**... his manly bits.
After his interest is fully a**..., she pops out a glass eye, and uses her empty eye socket to gratify him.
As he's leaving, he says to the madam, "That was the most amazing experience! Can I come back tomorrow?"
The madams says, "Absolutely--I'll tell Susan to keep an eye out for you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wish people would stop giving british royalty such ill repute.
They are merely guitar enthusiasts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter is a good girl
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having s**... with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.
The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"
"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"
Tony, a man of criminal reputation, goes to a confession.
Tony, a man of criminal reputation, goes to a confession and tells the priest a couple of mild sins.
"Is that all?" asks the priest, surprised.
"Yes, that's it. There are no more sins."
"And who steals apples from my garden?" asks the priest.
"Father, the acoustics in here are terrible, I can't hear a word you say!" claims Tony.
"What do you mean? Tell me who steals my apples!" demands the priest.
"Everything you say, I can't comprehend it in here! Let's switch places if you don't believe me!" suggests Tony.
The priest comes into the chamber where Tony sat and Tony into where the priest sat.
"Father, who lies with my wife when I'm not at home?" asks Tony.
"You're right, Tony, the acoustics in here are indeed terrible," agrees the priest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Remember," said my boss, "It takes 20 years to build a reputation..."
"...And only a few seconds to say I had s**... with your daughter."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I have a reputation for being flakey but I get away with it because I'm hot"
You get away with it because you're a biscuit
Cheap parrot
A woman decides she wants to buy a pet so she heads down to the local pet store. After a bit of browsing, she fixes her attention on a lovely talking parrot on sale for only $10. The clerk tells her the parrot's going cheap because it used to live in a house of ill repute so it may not be the most family friendly of pets. Thinking this deal is too good to pass up, she buys it without hesitation.
She gets home and places the parrot near the entrance. The parrot looks around and says, "New house, new madame!" The woman is startled by this but laughs it off. Later, her two teenage daughters get home, the parrot looks at them and remarks, "New house, new madame, new prostitutes!" The girls are shocked by this but after some explaining by the mom, they all laugh it off. The woman is delighted and eagerly awaits her husband so she can see what his reaction will be.
The husband arrives moments later. The parrot looks at him and says,"Hello Keith!"
The Priest and the Altar Boy
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed Father.' 'Well then, was it Rosa DiAngelo?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'Four month's vacation and five excellent Leads.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes were driving along in a car...
...when they came across an open field with another blond sitting in a canoe and pretending to row it.
One blonde in the car says to the other, "See, it's things like this that gives blonde a bad reputation, if I could swim, I would go out there and bash her".
A Young Man in Confessional
A young man walks into confessional.
Tommy: "Bless me father for I have sinned. I've been with a loose woman."
Priest: "Is that you, Tommy? Who was it then?"
Tommy: "I can't tell you father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
Priest: "Was it Brenda?"
Tommy: "No, Father"
Priest: "Was it Fiona?"
Tommy: "No."
Priest: "Mary, then?"
Tommy: "No no."
Priest: "Very well then. Say five 'Our Fathers' and four 'Hail Marys."
Tommy went back to his pew. His friend leaned over.
Friend: "So, what happened?"
Tommy: "I got five 'Our Fathers,' four 'Hail Mary's,' and three good leads.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What was h**...'s philosophy on PR?
Weimar your reputation when you know you're in the r**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've never understood why Communists don't have the same reputation as the n**...
must be the Jews...
A bus breaks down and the driver pops the hood to investigate
A blonde passenger who is a certified mechanic comes out with her toolbox, eager to help and show off her training and also give blondes a good reputation for a change. She leans behind the bus driver and sees a loose bolt, so, helpful, she asks: "Fancy a screw driver?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
About the issue of celebrities getting their n**... leaked...
On one hand, I fell really bad for them as that's their reputation on the line and possibly their career.
On the other hand however, well, that hand was busy.
A Farmer Sends his Son to Town for Supplies
He tells him to visit the commons as there are sure to be reputable merchants selling their wares at this time of year.
But on the way the son gets waylaid by a strange man with big flashy signs advertising the latest in imported tools. All his neighbors are also there buying this man's tools, so the farmer's son goes along with what they are doing.
When the son gets home, he tries to fit his oxen with a newly acquired yoke but it doesn't fit right. When he finally gets it on the oxen and tries to plow the field, the yoke snaps in half.
The farmer tells his son "I hope you have learned a valuable lesson. The real yoke is always in the commons."
Vanilla Ice has no one to blame but himself for his reputation.
He created his own bad rap.
House of ill repute
There's a house of ill repute, up on a hill. There's a man going up the hill, there's a man coming down the hill and there's a man in the house.
What nationalities are they?
Man going up the hill- he's Russian
Man coming down the hill- he's Finnish
Man in the house- Himalayan
The entry requirements of the Polish Club are strict...
You have to have an untarnished reputation.
Why doesn't Mike Myers appear in many movies these days?
Because killing a bunch of teenagers in Haddonfield really strained his reputation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small town Pastor
Pastor William Fuzz had been the only minister in his small town for 30 years and had a wonderful reputation as a good man of God. However one day he took a beautiful 20 year old parishioner down the dead end lane by the river to make out. Suddenly the bright light of a policeman's flashlight illuminated the pair. Thinking he might be able to talk his way out of it, the minister said Officer it's okay I'm Pastor Fuzz. The cop replied, I don't care if your halfway up her a**..., get outta the car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cowboy & Preacher
A Baptist Preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.
After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was
brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.
Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be t**... and taken advantage
of by a woman of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."
Right away, the cowboy handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice
A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.
She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?
It was 1959 , says the pilot.
"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"
Pilot looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pitcher who held the record for walking batters had a reputation as a tough guy.
Because it took a lot of b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my son a bicycle for his birthday once.
I bought the bike from a reputed bicycle store and it was top of the line.
When my son's birthday came around, I unveiled it to him.
My son immediately started to cry and scream at me.
Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was taken to court by several people for spreading scandalous rumors about their s**... lives
The judge asked the man, "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
"Well your honor," responded the man. "I grew up on a very small land mass in the ocean and its just a part of our culture."
Not satisfied, the judge asked, "What culture could you possibly belong to that would lead you to besmirch these good people's reputations?"
The man shrugged and responded, "Islander."
(this just came to me)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A good reputation should be like a good f**...
It should precede before your presence and linger after your absence.
I had a job offer in Newark, but I heard it's dangerous...
So I called a friend of a friend who lives there. He said, "It has a bad reputation, but if you use basic caution and common sense, it can be a fun, vibrant place to live."
I said, "Cool! By the way, what do you do there?"
He said, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
little johnny finally got to the third date....
and knowing the reputation of the girl he was seeing, knew that he would "get lucky" on this one... so off to the drug store he goes to get a c**....
"i got a hot date tonight and i need a c**...!" he tells the employee there, who hands it over almost immediately...
"that'll be a dollar, plus tax" says the employee...
"tax?" little johnny asks...
"dont they stay on by themselves?"