Republican Jokes

Following is our collection of romney humor and nomination one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Republican puns for adults, dirty reelection jokes or clean gop gags for kids.

There is an abundance of libertarian jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on republican. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any congressional witze you can hear about republican.

The Best jokes about Republican

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.

(

Republicans are the true snowflakes...

they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools

EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!

its a joke folks. just a joke.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb just burned out; this is not the time to discuss it.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

...


Change? That's socialism.

What's the difference between a rapist and a Republican?

Hollywood won't work with a Republican.


People are really upset about how the cast of Hamilton treated Mike Pence.

I mean, the last time people were this upset about something an actor did to a Republican in a theater, the Civil War had just ended.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light-bulb?

None.

Trump lies, tells them it was changed and they sit in the dark.

I'm dressing as the Republican healthcare bill for Halloween.

I won't be leaving the house.


(Heard this on the podcast Fake the Nation and thought you all would like it.)

Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

A Russian spy, a Klansman, and televangelist walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry. Republican Convention is next door."

How do you hide money from a Republican?

Put it in a science textbook.


If A Democrat Wins, I'm Leaving,

If a Republican wins, I'm also leaving.

This has nothing to do with politics.

I just really want to travel.

Michelle Obama gave a great speech last night

I can't wait to hear it again at the next Republican National Convention.

What is the one thing that Democrats and Republicans can agree on?

They should allow guns at the Republican convention

A comedian was getting attacked for his routine being too sexist

So, he replaced the word "women" with "white, rich, republican women". The audience stopped complaining.

How can we get Republicans to care about climate change?

Blame it on the poor.

This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.

One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."

A little boy asks his mother what the difference is between a Democrat and a Republican?

The mother thinks hard and comes up with this explanation for the child.

A Democrat is like that very nice aunt you have that always promises to take you to Disneyland. But something always comes up and you never actually go.

A Republican is like a grumpy uncle. Every time you ask him about Disneyland he says absolutely not, we don't have enough money.

But then later you find out that he went with out you anyway.

- Corey Kahaney

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?

I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.


Obama Fans - Little Johnny

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again. Little Johnny said, "Because I'm not an Obama fan." The teacher asked, "Why aren't you a fan of Obama?" Johnny said, "Because I'm a Republican." The teacher asked him why he was a Republican. Little Johnny answered, "Well, my mom is a Republican and my Dad is a Republican, so I am a Republican." Annoyed by the answer, the teacher asked, "If your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

With a big smile, little Johnny replied, "That would make me an Obama fan."

Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

Recently, I was watching the Republican debate, and they were debating abortion.

Donald Trump was talking about how opposed to it he was, but I thought to myself, come on Don, you're a businessman. I bet you wouldn't be this upset if you could charge them an early termination fee.

The Republican primary race should be called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

It's way too long, and the protagonists are becoming more juvenile as it goes on.

There is a man drowning 100 feet from shore and is crying for help.......

A Democrat shows up and throws him 200 feet of rope. The excess rope weighs the victim down and he drowns.

A Republican shows up and throws out 50 feet of rope and demands that the victim take some responsibility for himself and swim to the rope. He can't and drowns.

A libertarian shows up and shrugs it isn't my problem and just goes away; the victim drowns.

A bunch of Tea Party types show up. One throws the victim a heavy rock; the victim drowns and all of the tea partiers cheer.

A Green Party member shows up. He yells at the victim for polluting the water. The victim drowns.

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

A Republican walks up to a Democratic with a face mask and say, do you know what I say to sheep like you?...

Whatever the Republican Party tells me too say.

If a Republican candidate who is hated by the GOP establishment and loathed by half the country just won the election...

...maybe Hillary should consider running as a Republican!

What's the difference between a gay person and a Republican?

The Republican gets butthurt when OTHER people receive sodomy

I heard that Monica Lewinsky voted Republican this year.

The Democrats left her with a bad taste in her mouth.

Donald Trump has been saying he will run for president as a Republican.

Which is surprising, since I just assumed he was running as a joke.

A Democrat, a Republican and a guy with hemmerhoids walk into a bar...

They're all butthurt.

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump just says it's fixed and the rest of them sit in the dark and applaud

After the recent wave of Trump primary victories, what did Nancy Reagan request for her funeral before she died?

To be laid to rest beside the remains of the Republican party

Why are there insulting names for liberals like libtard but none for Republicans?

Because calling someone a Republican is insulting enough

The Republicans keep saying we need more Jesus in our country.

So why they want to build a wall to keep them all out?

Why do Republicans hate lotion?

Because the directions say to apply it liberally.

I hear Harvey Weinstein's call sheet has been blowing up lately.

Apparently the Republican Party wants him to run for President.

I talked to my Republican parents about immigration.

The conversation really went south.

I try to reassure everyone I meet, Republican or Democrat alike - the cost of replacing Trump is actually not that high.

It is only 1 Pence.

Every wonder why Republicans use two hands when they're drinking out of a water bottle?

It's to prevent it from trickling down.

Why did the Republican get a sunburn?

Because the sunscreen instructed to apply liberally and he was unwilling to compromise.

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They only screw the poor.

I'm really disappointed after hearing about Trump and the golden shower thing.

I thought we had seen the end of republican trickle down economics.

Does anyone know if Jerry Falwell Jr. is still scheduled to speak at the Republican National Convention?

Or is he just going to sit in the corner and watch?

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat . . .

A Republican sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws the man a 25 foot rope, and expects him to swim half way.
A Democrat sees a man drowning 50 feet from the pier. He throws him a 100 foot rope. Then lets of of his end.

A man gets sick and, fearing he might have Covid, goes to get tested

When the results of his test come back he gets called in and the person asks him, first, are you a Democrat or Republican?

The man says, what? What does that have to do with anything?

Well, if you're a Democrat you've got Covid. But if you're a Republican it's just a hoax.

I feel sorry for Bruce Jenner.

He should have never admitted that he is a Republican. Some things are just better kept in the closet.

My grandmother voted Republican until the day she died.

Ever since then, she's voted Democrat.

Kid Rock announced he won't be running for the Republican Michigan Senate nomination .

This come as a great relief to Democratic challenger Kid Scissors.

TIL my mom isn't a member of any organized political party.

You see, she's a Republican.

I don't think Elon Musk's comments hurt his odds of being elected to public office

Now he just has to run as a Republican

I clicked "Submit a Joke" before thinking of what I'd say

Now I know how the Republican party feels.

A man walks into a shop...

He sees three brains sitting on the table a regular brain, a republican brain and a liberal brain.

Buyer: how much is each brain?

The seller: the regular brain is 200 dollars the republican brain is 300 dollars

But this here the liberal brain is 15,000 dollars.

Buyer: Oh Lord why is the liberal brain so expensive?

Seller: well it's never been used before!

Republicans and Democrats never agree on anything

Republicans said the temperature is -40° F
And democrats immediately said it was -40° C.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were whisked away to Venezuela.

The genie turns to the Republican and said, "And what is your wish?"

The Republican paused for a second and said, "You mean to tell me that all the Democrats in America are gone?"

The genie answered, "Yes!"

The Republican goes, "In that case, I'll take a beer."

What do Republicans use for birth control?

Their personality.

What is the favorite drink of the Republican Party?

White Whine.

A gay Republican impregnants a Lesbian Democrat at a crazy house party. They decide to share custody of the child.

It was a bi-party-son agreement.

Republicans: "We couldn't possibly lose Alabama!"

Roy Moore: "hold my beer kids"

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame liberals.

Why are republicans pro-life?

Can't molest what isn't born!

A guy walks into a store

He sees three brains on display.

One is a Libertarian Brain, priced at $250.

The second is a Republican Brain, priced at $275.

The third is a Democrat Brain, priced at $5,000,000.

The Guy asks the sales clerk, Man, why does the Democrat brain cost so much more than the other two? Clerk replies, Well, sir, that brain has never been used.

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky became a republican?

The democrats just left a bad taste in her mouth

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes