Reptile Jokes
116 reptile jokes and hilarious reptile puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reptile that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh it up with this collection of hilarious reptile jokes that will have you in stitches! Whether you're looking for some cheesy reptile puns or a hilarious snake joke, this article has it all. From stories about an investigator who didn't believe in the existence of caimans, to quick one-liners about lizards, you'll be sure to find something to chuckle about!
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Funniest Reptile Short Jokes
Short reptile jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reptile humour may include short lizard jokes also.
- My pet snake just lays around and won't move I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction
- Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights? An Insti-Gator
- Why was the lizard upset with her husband? Because he had a reptile dysfunction. ...
Okay bye now - What do you call it when a Dinosaur can't perform in bed? A reptile dysfunction.
Thank high me for that one. - Did you know most reptiles can tell exactly what you weigh just by looking at you? They have built in scales
- Why as it important for Ted Cruz to be in Cancun while Texas is freezing? Reptiles require sunlight.
- How do you call it when a turtle doesn't do what he's supposed to do? Uh, reptile dysfunction.
- What do you call a large reptile that shows up out of nowhere to start a fight? An insta-gator!
- What do you call it when a lizard loses its tail and it doesn't grow back? A-reptile dysfunction
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Reptile One Liners
Which reptile one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reptile? I can suggest the ones about dinosaur and crocodile.
- What's it called when a chameleon can't change its colors anymore? A reptile dysfunction.
- What do you call a limp snake? A reptile dysfunction.
- My 12 yr old nephew: What do you call a reptile that always starts drama? An instigator!
- Why did the female crocodile leave her husband? He had a reptile dysfunction.
- Some lizards are unable to reproduce It's called a reptile dysfunction
- How did dinosaurs decorate their bedroom? With rep-tiles!
- What do you say to a man with a broken lizard? Sorry about your reptile dysfunction.
- Why couldn't the snake get the other snake pregnant It had a reptile dysfunction.
- I love talking to kids Adults never ask me what my 3rd favorite reptile is.
- What do you call a reptile wearing a hoodie and holding a knife? An alleygator.
- What do you call a reptile that sits between two buildings? An Alleygator
- Why couldn't the snake charmer charm his snake? He had a reptile dysfunction
- What do you call it when a snake gets tangled up? A reptile disfunction
- What do you call a reptile lawyer who lives in the swamp? Alitigator.
- Why do reptiles have so many scales? Because they're paranoid about their weight.
Reptile Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about reptile you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tortoise jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reptile pranks.
What did the lizard get at home depot?
Reptile.
Man to Lizard: "So I hear you are in flooring sales"
Lizard: I am more in promotion
Man: What do you do?
Lizard: I rep-tile.
Why did the T-Rex go extinct?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
I think something's wrong with my bearded dragon. :(
He's got a reptile dysfunction.
I have a pet snakes, turtles, and lizards. I'd like to think they are a family but they don't seem to like each other.
I think I might have A reptile dysfunction.
Iguana...
tap it, but I have a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a malady effecting reproduction in turtles?
A reptile dysfunction
What do you call a reptile wearing a vest?
An investigator. Ba dum tss.
The Snake Handler
The snake handler suffered from a reptile dysfinction
Today I found out I have a reptile dysfunction
Apparently my trouser snake quit growing
Is your lizard not working?
You may have a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a reptile that loves putting things in groups?
a segreGATOR
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a mentally disabled lizard said to be diagnosed with?
A Reptile Dysfunction
*ba dum tss*
I'll be here all night folks
What do you call a reptile detective ?
An investigator
Sorry
What's the coldest type of reptile?
Blizzards.
I met a lizard who couldn't get it up in bed.
Turned out he had a reptile dysfunction.
A lizard that can't walk: From what is it suffering?
Reptile Dysfunction
I brought a pet iguana home from the pet store...
I think there's something wrong with him because he's very lethargic and I can't get him up. It must be a reptile dysfunction.
How does a reptile climb a mountain?
It scales it
What's wrong with your pet lizard when you tell him to come but he won't listen?
A reptile dysfunction
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a homosexual reptile?
Alligaaaaaaytor
Why did the snakes get divorced?
Because of a reptile dysfunction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when you misidentify a reptile?
A h**... derp.
What reptile spends the most time in the bathroom?
A Commode-o dragon.
What kind of reptile doesn't kill or eat its own prey?
A dela-gator
What does a reptile with a problem have?
A-reptile dysfunction.
I was reading an article that said alligators aren't mating this summer
Scientists blamed it on reptile dysfunction
What do you call a reptile with a belly button and a good sense of direction?
A navelgator
Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week!
What do you call a reposting, colour-changing reptile?
Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon.
I have a reptile in every room but one
Everything but the kitchen skink
I saw a lizard with two tails
It was a case of reptile dysfunction
Paleontologists have determined that there once was a genetic mutation millions of years ago that resulted in the creation of a five-legged dinosaur.
As far as we know, this is the first evidence ever seen of a reptile dysfunction.
Walking along a pond a heard a turtle ribbit
I guess you could say he has a reptile dysfunction
I'm starting a YouTube channel about my fixation with lizards and snakes. What am I going to call it?
A Reptile Dysfunction
What do you call a flaccid snake?
A reptile distinction.
What does a reptile drink when she goes to the bar?
Crocktales
What do you call a reptile that gives sound financial advice?
An Invest-i-Gator .
Courtesy of my 8-year old daughter. :)
Why did the Iguanas break Up?
A reptile dysfunction
This weekend we saw a crocodile that had trouble swimming,
Does anyone know where we can find medication for a reptile dysfunction?
My pet gecko wouldn't move
Vet says he has 'a reptile dysfunction'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call Italian food made by a reptile?
**Turtl**ini.
Next Halloween I'm going dressed as a prehistoric flying reptile.
It'll be pterofying.
My friend has this really weird obsession with snakes, it's not right....
i think he has A Reptile Dysfunction
There was a lizard that lived in my back yard who lost his tail. After weeks of observation, the tail just wouldn't grow back.
I'm not sure what the science is behind this, but I'm sure it was just a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a reptile that goes to a poetry slam?
In a recent interview, Mark Zuckerburg's wife stated she wasn't bothered at all about being married to a lizard person.
But rather, she only took issue when Mark would drink heavily and behave erratically, calling it a reptile dysfunction.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just got a pet lizard and it can't have s**....
I think it has a reptile dysfunction :/
Why was the herpetologist bad in bed?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
What advice would a south american reptile give for surviving snowstorms
Belizards
We have a problem in the White House...
A reptile dysfunction.
What's the most observant reptile?
An investi-gator
What do you call a crocodile with no teeth and three legs?
A reptile dysfunction
What do you call it when an iguana has intimacy issues?
A reptile dysfunction
My lizard shrunk
It was a reptile dysfunction
What happened to the pet owner who lost his lizard?
He had a reptile dysfunction
What did the large reptile say to her child when it kept nagging her to listen to the song Chandelier?
We will listen to Sia later alligator.
Two men are talking in a Louisiana bar.
One says to the other, "I had the strangest encounter last night. An alligator crept into my room, climbed into my bed next to me, and just stayed there all night hissing away."
"Weren't you scared at all?", said the other man.
The first man replies, "Well I guess because of the fact I was married to a cold-blooded reptile for 20 years, it didn't really bother me that much."
Have you guys heard about the cobra who couldn't raise its head off the ground?
He had reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a reptile in a four piece suit?
An in vest a gator...
One of my friends wants to be a turtle breeder, but he can't get the turtles to mate.
He has a reptile dysfunction.
What do you call an aquatic reptile that solves crimes?
An investi-gator.
What kind of reptile does PI work, and works in personal finance on the side?
An investigator
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a reptile shaped p**...?
A turdle
Can I have Reptile Assitance?
A: what?
B: you know, reptile assistance.
A: what are you talking about?
B: Reptile assistance. you know, crocodile help
A: WHAT!?
B:...
A:...
B: can I have a Gatorade?
A: \*flips table\*
What do you call a large reptile who's great with directions?
A good navi-gator.
