The Best 71 Repost Jokes

Following is our collection of Repost jokes which are very funny. There are some repost reddit jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these repost disclaimer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Repost Jokes and Puns

When a woman wears a bikini, she has 90 percent of her body exposed

Men, being the gentleman that we are, only look at the other 10 percent. (Hopefully not a repost)

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost)

...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. "That's boxing, from Las Vegas."

The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goes back to his drink. The big guy also sits back down, but after a few minutes he gets back up and kicks the little guy who slides all the way to the end of the bar. "That's karate, from Japan."

Again, the little fellow just quietly gets up, goes back to his seat, and resumes drinking. A few more minutes go by and the big fella gets up a third time, grabs the little dude, and throws him right into the door of the bar. "That's kung fu, from China."

This time, however, the little guy gets up and just walks out. After some time he walks back in, right up behind the big guy, and cracks him over the head, laying him unconscious in the floor. The little guy looks at the bartender and says "You tell that sonofabitch when he wakes up that that was crowbar, from Sears and Roebuck."

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor.

Asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

Tiger Woods playing golf.

Sorry if this is a repost, but I found this one quite funny.

Tiger Woods is practicing golf one day, surrounded by fans and media. While he's practicing, an amateur
golfer confidently walks up to him and challenges him to a match. Tiger knew he'd win, so he agrees thinking that it would be a fun break from serious practice. "OK," the amateur says, "Since I'm an amateur and you're a pro, you'll have to allow me two gotchas". Tiger didn't know what a gotchas is, but he didn't ask because he thought he'd win regardless of what handicap is placed on him. The fans and media leave the two alone so they can play in peace.

A few hours later, the two come out of the golf course and it turns out that Tiger Woods lost. The fans and media surrounded him wanting to know what happened. Tiger says, "I was starting the first hole, concentrating to tee off, you know, deep in thought. Right when I was about to drive the ball, he ran up from behind, grabbed my nuts and squeezed them tight while loudly screaming 'GOTCHA!!' can you imagine me trying to play eighteen holes waiting for the next gotcha?"


Hitler walks into a room... (sorry if repost)

...and says to his staff, "I want you to organise the execution of 10,000 Jews and 1 kitten."
Everyone looks around the table and after a long silence, Goering pipes up, "Mein FΓΌhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?"
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table, "You see, no one cares about the Jews."

Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)

One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"

Offensive (possible repost but I made it up myself)

A pedophile drives up to his friend in a van and says "I'll trade you two fives for a ten".

A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)

A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small penises.

The other 50% are women.

A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)

While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.

When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.

She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.

When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"?

Because women have no rights.

*Sorry of this is rude/offensive and if its a repost, I just wanted to share.*

You can explore repost unoriginal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean repost tumblr dad jokes. There are also repost puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Jimmy and Joey (never seen this here so sorry if repost)

One day Jimmy and Joey were walking through their neighborhood looking for something to do.
Jimmy then shouted, " JOEY LOOK A NAKED LADY"
Joey looked and sure enough there was a woman sunbathing by her pool naked.
Joey then screamed very loudly and ran away in a panic.
Jimmy was very puzzled at why Joey ran, so he chased down Joey to see what happened.
He catches Joey and asks him, "Why are you running away? We finally got to see a naked lady."
Joey responded, "My mamma always told me that if I ever saw a person naked I would turn to stone, and back there I felt something get hard.

You know your life sucks...

when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't.

- Sorry if it's a repost.

My car started making this whining noise...

So I took it to the shop and had the mechanic look over it. Turns out all he had to do was take the Taylor Swift album out.

Sorry if this was a repost, I took a quick browse and didn't see it anywhere.

A drunk walks out of a bar...(not sure if a repost. New to this sub)

He stumbles along the sidewalk and comes upon a nun walking toward him.
He sees her and his eyes grow big and he lurches at her and begins to wail on her.
He throws her to the ground and stomps and pummels her until she is no longer moving.
He gathers himself, stands up and dusts himself off.
As he turns to walk away, he says " not so tough tonight are you, Batman?"

Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)

Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.

Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."

Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."

David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Hope it's not a repost, heard this on the radio today...

Cheech and Chong are partying down in Tijuana, when they spot a dog up the road a ways.

Looking closer, they see the dog is frolicking about in the intersection, having a great time licking himself.

Cheech exclaims, "Man! I wish I could do that!"

Chong replies, "well... maybe you should try to pet him first, man."

Blonde Joke

Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?

Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)

A pirate goes to a doctor...

A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.

"It's ok," he says. "They're benign."

The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"

(sorry if repost, haven't seen it on this sub)


A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor...

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "make me one with everything".

Sorry if this is a repost. Saw it on an IMDb movie discussion thread a while back, thought it was pretty good

Did you hear about the paperboy who masturbated on the job?

It was all over the news!

(Can't remember where I heard this, so sorry if its a repost)

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

Met a hooker who said she'd do anything for $5

So I had her repost a joke for me that's been posted 5,000 times in the past week

I know this is probably a repost and I'm sorry, but I had to write this joke again.

This joke again.

If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country.

Not a political repost I'm just getting deported

Today I was helping a friend install his fence, but I put in one of the stakes upside down so we had to do it over.

Sorry for the repost.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed to death?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

Repost.

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

Scientists have deciphered hieroglyphics thought to be 5,500 years old. The first full sentence says

"This is a repost."

I was going to repost this really condescending joke I read, but...

you guys didn't get it last time, and probably wont get it this time either.

I bought my son a trampoline

But all he wanted to do was sit and cry in his wheelchair

- This was a repost but I thought it was too funny not to share

A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy...

(Sorry if repost, I did a search)

A woman gives birth to a bouncing baby boy and the doctor hands him to her, remarking, "That's a cute baby!"

Mom says, "Oh I bet you say that about every baby you deliver."

Doctor says, "No no, only when they're really cute."

"What do you say when they're ugly?"

"He looks just like his mother!"

It seems highly unlikely that the Romans would have built a new cross for every execution, which means...

Jesus was a repost.

The new Call of Duty just got released in Iraq

They call it the Sims

Note: this technically a repost

Did you hear about the retired soldier that got mustard gassed and pepper sprayed by the police?

He's now a seasoned veteran.

Not sure if this is a repost, one of my friends told me this

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three.
One to screw in the lightbulb. The second to tell you they are vegans.
The third because I don't want this to be a repost.

Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny

Judge: What?

Lawyer: He's in a cent

Judge: You're going to jail with him

^^^^Totally ^^^^my ^^^^own ^^^^work ^^^^and ^^^^not ^^^^a ^^^^repost ^^^^by ^^^^any ^^^^mean

What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician

Sherlock Ohms

Is this the right sub? Need help repairing my fence.

It seems everyone knows how to repost here.

If I got a dollar every time a joke was reposted

Somebody would repost this joke and be richer than me

Garlic powder $5.99. Steak seasoning $14.99. Pepper shaker $9.99.

Forgetting to grab your shopping bag at the grocery store counter.......spiceless.

(The most common first comment I see for every joke is "repost". I just made this one up. If someone came up with the same punchline before, guess what, it's a coincidence. Great minds think alike)

What happens when you put Nutella on Salmon?

You get salmonella
Sorry if it's a repost. My friends just told me it:)

How do you call a bouncy airplane?

A Boing.

P.S. I came up with this on my own, yet have a feeling it mist've been here already, so please tell me if it's a repost. Thanks!

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.

The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.

The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

What do you call a green bat that walks across a yellow bridge?

I don't know, but at least it isn't a repost

Don't ever buy flowers from monks.

Only you can prevent florist friars.

(Sorry if repost.)

Teach a man to joke and he'll be funny for a lifetime,

tell a man a joke and he'll repost it every day.

To the guy that's bad at building fences...

Oops, wrong place for this post.

Figured i'd put it in the right place and re-post it for you.

A man walks into a costume party

Wearing nothing but underwear, and with a girl wrapped to his back with silver tape.

A friend of his welcomes him and asks "So... What are you dressed as?"

"I'm a turtle", answers the guy.

"And who is this on your back?"

"Oh, that's just Michelle."

(Probably a repost, I know, but the joke is just too good)

If I had $1 for every repost in this sub...

I'd have the same dollar given to me over and over again.

A lot of people complain about reposts, but I ran the numbers and only about 0.2% of people actually repost jokes here

Earth has ~7 and a half billion people; this sub only has ~14 million

A man was walking through town when he noticed a guy working on a fence by their house. "Making a new fence?" the man asked. The guy responded "Nah."

"Just a repost."

What does the Freudian monk chant while meditating?

MOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

(Sorry if repost, I just thought of this, but I can't be the first)

I've just searched for half an hour to see if the joke I was going to post was a repost

It wasn't, so I'm going to have to think of another one.

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What's the difference between an octopus and a squid?

A squid has TEN-TICKLES!

One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.

Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about Hitler. Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?

Why is it called Almond Milk?

Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.

What does Vlad the Impaler do when he runs out of victims?

Repost.

Teach a man a joke and he will laugh for a day

Teach a redditor a joke and they will repost it for a lifetime!



What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!

Its cake and y'all know the rules!

Bless you son!!!

(Perhaps a repost, but I heard it for the first time. So here it goes)

A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.

Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.

Mom: 3 girls!! But why son?

Boy: One to cook food for me, one to do my laundry and one to clean my home.

Mom: Ohh ok... But which one will sleep with you?

Boy: (innocently) But of course you mom. I never want to sleep with anyone other that you.

Mom: Ohh bless you my son!!! You love mommy so much. But what will happen to the 3 wives of yours.

Boy: They can sleep with Dad.

Dad: Bless you son!!!

Why are there two "d"s in Reddit?

The second one's a repost.

For my first cake day I was just going to do a repost of someone else's cake joke.

But then I thought....

Nah, I could do batter.

Teach a man how to joke and he'll get 6 upvotes

Teach a man how to repost, and watch him get loads of awards

I guess the Jokes on me...

I post a Joke on reddit and my joke gets 7 upvotes.

Days later... other people RE-POST my exact joke and get 6.7k upvotes.

My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.

A man is pulled over for speeding.

Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?

Man: No sir.

Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.

Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to say it?

Officer: I guess I can.



\*In the courtroom

Judge: How were you going 420 on a 45?!?

Nobody will upvote a cake joke on my cake day.

I feel desserted


Shoutout to u/sse2k for letting me repost this joke.

Reposting my favorite joke for cakeday!

So a string walks into a bar, bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." The string walks out, parts and ruffles his hair and walks back in. The bartender asks "Aren't you the same guy from earlier?". The string replies "I'm a FRAYED KNOT".

Reposters are the opposite of liars

Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.

Give shampoo to your real friends.

And real poo to your sham friends.



(Repost, because it turns out, you can mess things up even before 2AM)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the repost edit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working repost blog piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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