Reporter Jokes
125 reporter jokes and hilarious reporter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reporter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Do you think reporters have funny and witty jokes? Read this article to find out the types of funny jokes reporters can tell. From court reporter puns to journalist gags, you won't want to miss out on these humorous reporter jokes!
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Funniest Reporter Short Jokes
Short reporter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reporter humour may include short journalist jokes also.
- A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case. - My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
- Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- "I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!" He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle. They plan to call it the iVan.
- Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him
- When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
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Reporter One Liners
Which reporter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reporter? I can suggest the ones about news report and news reports.
- "Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!" "Copy that"
- I had to report my stolen amazon package The police are still looking for a prime suspect
- Why was the student's report card wet? Because his grades were below C-level.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- There are multiple reports claiming that Kim Jong-Un is dead. Another Un bites the dust.
- What happened when the reporter fell into the water? She became an anchor...
- What did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs!
- Why did Thor file a police report? Because someone stole his thunder
- An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery The police reports over 3.500 dead people
- Local man reportedly addicted to brake fluid, Says he can stop whenever he wants.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
- Professor: I'm going to have to report you for plagiarism. His words, not mine.
- How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None, reports say he fell
- Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline What would you like to report, Peter?
- Why was King Triton angry over Ariel's report card? Her grades were under the C.
Weather Reporter Jokes
Here is a list of funny weather reporter jokes and even better weather reporter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've just been sacked as the weatherman at the local radio station Apparently I was too 'cheerful' when giving out the really bad weather reports!!!
That's it!! No more mist and ice guy. - My wife filed for divorce because I am a weather reporter. That was not what I predicted
- Do you know what happened to the man who reported on dangerous weather, but his reports started to tell people to farm? His warnings went amish.
- What did Santa Claus say to his wife after he watched the weather report? It's going to rain dear.
^Yeah ^I'm ^sorry ^its ^late ^guys. - Why do peasants watch the Weather Channel? To get the serf report
- Google Weather reported today is a cloudy day. But it is a clear sunny day. Something must have happened to Google clouds.
- What was the name of the Native American weather reporter? Apache Cloud.
- Weather report calls for partially sunny I wonder if that's due to clouds or the moon.
- What do you call a weather report about thunderstorms? Current events
- Weather reports are like girls Never accurate
Court Reporter Jokes
Here is a list of funny court reporter jokes and even better court reporter puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short... I lost the case.
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Reporter Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about reporter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean investigator jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reporter pranks.
A weather report for you
I just got off the phone with a friend living in North Dakota near the Canadian Border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been coming down, it is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
RIP Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind" statement, but followed it by several remarks, including the usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts, and Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, [they found] there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5, in Tampa Bay, FL, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26- year-old question to Armstrong. He finally responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, Neil was playing baseball with his brother in the backyard. His brother hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbors' bedroom window. The neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky, "o**... s**...? o**... s**... you want? You'll get o**... s**... when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
An apple
A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
Probably already been said, but it made me chuckle when I thought of it.
A man has been found dead in central London this evening, reports confirm the man died due to being stabbed with a triangular knife.
Police are calling it an isoscelated incident.
My Favorite Stalin Joke
Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No answer. "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At last a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says,
"Bless you, Comrade!"
Cops come to house to report my dogs.
The cops came to my house and said "We received a couple of calls saying that your dogs are chasing people on bikes."
I replied "Well that's a lie, my dogs don't have bikes."
A drunk is walking around downtown...
When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
Mafia florists
Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."
This is a very old joke that I'm sure most people have heard.
One day George W. Bush was walking through Washington when he spotted a boy selling week old "Republican Puppies", delighted he resolved to come back with reporters in a few weeks for his campaign. When he came back the boy was now selling "Democratic Puppies". Disgruntled he asked why and the boy said,
"They used to be Republican Puppies, but now they've opened their eyes."
George W. Bush was sitting in the Oval Office when...
...his secretary walks in with a phone in his hand.
He says, "Three Brazilian soldiers were killed today in Iraq."
Upon hearing this The President says, "Oh my God!" and he buries his head in his hands.
The entire Cabinet was stunned. Usually George Bush showed no reaction whatsoever to these types of reports.
Just then, Bush looked up and said, "How many is a Brazilian??"
I just saw a bmw driver using his indicators correctly on the motorway. Twice.
Should I report the vehicle as stolen?
They are serious!
A boy is getting all Ds and Fs in math so his parents send him to Catholic school. On his first report card, his parents are shocked to see their son getting straight As. When his parents ask him why, he says, Well, when I went into the chapel and saw that guy nailed to a plus sign, I knew they were serious.
The Mystery of Childbirth
A boy is writing a paper on childbirth and asks his parents, "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers, "The stork brought you."
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper, "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down...
No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman.
"And what is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....
A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.
A reporter comes up to them and says,
Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?
The Saudi says, excuse me , what is this word shortage?
The Russian says, excuse me, what's meat?
The North Korean says, excuse me, what's an opinion?
The New Yorker says, excuse me, what's excuse me?
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.
A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with s**... people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."
Police report: There was a robbery in the s**... shop.
Judging by items that were stolen, perp was alone. Alone for a long time
s**... after Surgery
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
Sheep
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
A woman goes into a pharmacy
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having s**... with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago...
...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!
Saudi TV Mistake
Saudi Arabia TV reported the Brussels attack 15 minutes earlier than it actually happened. Saudi TV sincerely apologizes for this innocent mistake.
A sheepdog
.... gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer:
*"All 40 accounted for"*
*"But I only have 36 sheep"* says the confused farmer
*"Yeah I know"* says the sheepdog. *"I rounded them up".*
So a holocaust survivor wins the lottery...
So Moishe wins the lottery, reporters start asking this Holocaust survivor about his plans for the money. without hesitation he says he is going to commission a statue of adolf h**...... the reporters are stunned and ask why a survivor of such an atrocity would do such a thing. Moishe rolls up his sleeve - "he gave me the winning numbers"
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
My dad beat my brother when he showed him his report card. So, I gave my report card to my mother.
Let her take the beating.
Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen?
Because the thief was spending less than his wife.
A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man
... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
Sad to report that the inventor of predictive text has passed away
His funfair will be held next Monkey
"I'm not a fool..."
An illiterate man loses his cheque book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it.
Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your cheque book, because anyone can forge your signature.
Man: I am not a fool... I already signed all the cheques, so there is no space to forge my signature..
A soldier finds a scorpion in his tent...
In the Marines, he kills the scorpion.
In the Army, he calls his CO and reports the presence of the scorpion.
In the Air Force, he calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.
If you're genuinely asking me to choose between my career as a reporter and our relationship
Well then I've got some news for you
Trump receives a message
Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the FBI.
The Director of the FBI suggested Trump should turn the message upside down.
My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay.
She said she wanted more A's.
So I told her "okaaaaay".
It is my sad duty to report the death of my granddad, who was run over by a boat whilst swimming in a canal in Venice...
Thank you to those of you who have already sent your gondolences...
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
Apple is reportedly buying Shazam for some $400m.
Couldn't they just download it from the App Store for free?
My stolen card
Police : why didn't you report the stolen credit card ?
Me : The thief was spending less than my wife
It has been reported that there is a hole in the ground.
We are currently looking into it.
Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Falcon Heavy rocket.
I guess the real joke is in the comets.
I called the police to report a m**... in my front yard but they refused to respond
They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself
When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English
It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.
Trump in a conference
A reporter asked Trump, "What does the J stands for in Donald J Trump?"
Trump replied, "The J stands for Genius."
My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen
Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!
"Dad, your credit card has been stolen for 3 months and you haven't reported yet!
- Shut up kid, the thief is spending less than your mother.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card.It sends the message that education is a priority in our household.
And it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright.
An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.
'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
Police are looking for a man selling m**... to birds.
Eyewitnesses report he left no tern unstoned.
I don't know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police
All I asked was, "How much for one night stand?"
Doctors treating President Trump for COVID-19 at Walter Reed Army Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland,report that he is delusional, combative, argumentative, and seems to have lost touch with reality.
It's nice to see that Mr. Trump is feeling his old self.
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Just got back from the doctor... he said I can touch myself inappropriately whenever I want to!
Wife: Grabs report "This says you could have a s**... at any time"
A mother asked her son to lose their cat somewhere in the jungle.
The boy obeyed. The boy returned home and reported to his mom.
Son: Mom! I led the cat far into the jungle. I even got lost!!
Mother: How were you able to come back home?
Son: I followed the cat.
My s**... neighbor told me her underwear keeps going missing from her clothes line and that shes going to report it to the police.
I almost s**... her pants
"Hello police? I'd like to report a m**..."
"For the last time sir, a bunch of crows sitting in a tree isn't a threat to your security"
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
On a weather forecast in Russia reporter said it was -50C in Yakutsk.
A guy from Moscow says to his wife:
Guy:- They are overreacting, I'll call my cousin who lives there, and he'll tell me the truth.
He calls his cousin and asks,
Guy:- What's the weather like where you are?
Cousin:- It's around -20C I would say.
Guy:- I knew the news were lying, they said it was -50C.
Cousin:- Oh, well it might be outside.
A woman who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
Reports say the child didn't look surprised.
Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.
The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.
Russell Crowe & Sheryl Crow walk into a bar…
The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted m**...!"
