Reportedly Jokes
39 reportedly jokes and hilarious reportedly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reportedly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Reportedly Short Jokes
Short reportedly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reportedly humour may include short apparently jokes also.
- A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen. Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.
It was a brief case. - My grandfather died because the medical report said he had Type A blood. Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
- Alabama has reported more deaths than births for the first time in it's history Makes sense considering family get togethers have been restricted
- Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident. All involved were rushed to the ICU
- "I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!" He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
- Counterfeit $1 bills reportedly found in circulation Be on the lookout for hot singles in your area.
- Russia is reportedly seizing Apple's assets in Russia with the intent to make a new vehicle. They plan to call it the iVan.
- Trump reportedly asked to be added to Mount Rushmore Turns out granite isn't a dense enough material to represent him
- When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
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Reportedly One Liners
Which reportedly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reportedly? I can suggest the ones about supposedly and allegedly.
- "Plagiarism squad reporting for duty sir!" "Copy that"
- I had to report my stolen amazon package The police are still looking for a prime suspect
- Why was the student's report card wet? Because his grades were below C-level.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- There are multiple reports claiming that Kim Jong-Un is dead. Another Un bites the dust.
- What happened when the reporter fell into the water? She became an anchor...
- What did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs!
- Why did Thor file a police report? Because someone stole his thunder
- An airplane crashes onto an old cemetery The police reports over 3.500 dead people
- Local man reportedly addicted to brake fluid, Says he can stop whenever he wants.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!
- Professor: I'm going to have to report you for plagiarism. His words, not mine.
- How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs? None, reports say he fell
- Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline What would you like to report, Peter?
- Why was King Triton angry over Ariel's report card? Her grades were under the C.
Uproarious Reportedly Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about reportedly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean reporter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reportedly pranks.
A flight attendant sees a suspicious couple on board...
She decides to report it to the pilot immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! The female passenger looks pretty frightened and the man she is with looks dangerous!"
The pilot responds, "Patricia, I've told you before. This is Air Force One..."
Vladimir Putin was being briefed by one of his top generals.
"I've good news and bad news for you this morning, sir."
"Let's hear the good news," the president replied.
"Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all."
"That's excellent! Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! What's the bad the news?"
The general shifted in his seat and looked down at the table. "A large amount of our best weapons and munitions have just been captured, sir."
A boy excitedly reports to his miserly father...
"Papa!" the boy exclaims. "Instead of buying a bus ticket, I ran home behind the bus and saved a dollar!"
The father immediately slaps the child. "Spendthrift!" he screams. "You could have run home behind a taxi and saved twenty!"
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking
An American flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board and reports it to the captain.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human traficking! There is an extremely s**... female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened, almost like she has no idea what is going to happen next. The man she is with is a fat old slob and old enough to be her father. He's very s**..., very sullen and although he speaks English, it is impossible to make out what he's trying to say."
The captain sighed and replied, "look Susan, we've been through this many times before, this is Air Force One..."
A woman goes into a pharmacy
She says to the pharmacist, "I'd like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."
The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I'm going to call the police and report you."
The woman takes out something out of her pocket and hands it to him. It's a picture of her husband having s**... with the Pharmacist's wife.
"Oh, you should have told me you had a prescription."
s**... after Surgery
A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in s**....
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
A truck filled with Worcestershire sauce and a truck filled with quinoa crashed in front of the local charcuterie shop.
When asked by reporters what had happened a witness replied, "Well... it's kind of hard to say..."
Sheep
At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"
"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.
"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."
Russell Crowe & Sheryl Crow walk into a bar…
The bartender calls 911, "I need to report an attempted m**...!"
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
In celebration of my very first Cake Day, I'm reposting one of my own jokes:
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. One of them, suffering from Schistosomiasis, has a myocardial infarction.
A bystander witnesses the entire event and quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei.
The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?"
"It's hard to say."
I called the police to report a m**... in my front yard but they refused to respond
They said if I really wanted the crows gone I'd have to do it myself
The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.
A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with s**... people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."
A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman
"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.
"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."
The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."
The old lady smiled and nodded. "You're probably right."
