Report Card Jokes
83 report card jokes and hilarious report card puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about report card that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Report Card Short Jokes
Short report card jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The report card humour may include short test scores jokes also.
- When my first wife lost her credit card, I didn't report it. Because whoever found it was spending less than she was.
- My mom didn't like my report card. I told her okay. She said she wanted more A's.
So I told her "okaaaaay". - My son handed me his report card and I asked him, Why is this wet? He said, My grades are below C level.
- Why didn't the man report his credit card stolen? Because the thief was spending less than his wife.
- So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago... ...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!
- My dad beat my brother when he showed him his report card. So, I gave my report card to my mother. Let her take the beating.
- A man had his credit card stolen... However, he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
- I had my credit card stolen. About two years ago now. I never reported it though. On my first statement, I found that the thieves were charging less than my wife was.
- My dad rewards me when I earn a good report card, but any C s are punished with unbearable dad-jokes. He likes to call it the carrot and schtick method of parenting.
- See your report card Johnny's father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don't have it.
Johnny's father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
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Report Card One Liners
Which report card one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with report card? I can suggest the ones about grader and teacher grading.
- What did the pirate get on his report card? Seven Cs!
- Why was King Triton angry over Ariel's report card? Her grades were under the C.
- Why was the eel upset with her report card? She wanted mor-ays.
- Report card day Report card day:
The only day where double D's are a bad thing. - Why did the pirate's mother ground him? His report card had 7 C's
- Why was the lesbian mad when she got her report card? Cause she got a D
- What did the Canadian boy get on his report card? An Eh+
- What do you call a group of Bees? A good report card!
- Why is my report card like an onion? When I open it, I cry
- Why did the fish have bad report cards? Because all his grades were under the "C."
- My report card last semester was so thiccc... It had three C's
- Police: why didn't you report your stolen credit card? Because it wasn't mine...
- My Grades Make my report card into a bulletproof vest because my grades are solid
Report Card Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about report card you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean school exam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make report card pranks.
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.
Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.
The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.
The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."
The new man asked, "What happened?"
"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
The Guinness Book of World Records is actually Chuck Norris' elementary school report card.
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school.
Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Nina’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."
A man noticed that his credit card had been stolen but didn't report it.
The thief was spending less then his wife.
A Jewish boy comes home with his report card.
His parents take a look and see:
English: A
Science: A
History: A
Math: F
They tell him he's grounded until they see improvement, but when the next report card comes he gets an F in math yet again! After thinking hard about what to do this time, they decide they must send him to Catholic school.
After just one term at Catholic school he comes home with an A in Math! The father asks, "Son, what made this time so different?"
He replies, "Well when I saw that kid nailed to the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A mom is driving her 6 year old daughter to her friend's house when...
the daughter asks "Mom, how old are you?
The mother replies "That's not a polite question to ask a lady, dear."
Undaunted, the daughter asks "Okay, but how much do you weight?"
Again the mother replies "Honey, that's a very impolite question!"
Persistently, the daughter asks "Okay mom, one last question. Why did you and daddy get a divorce?"
"That is a very rude questions!" Says the mom, exacerbated, "That's enough from you, young lady!"
Later, the daughter tells her friend about the conversation she had with her mom and the friend has a suggestion:
"Take a look at her driver's license," says the friend, "It's like a report card for adults. It has all that stuff on it!"
Later that night, the daughter says to her mom "I know how old you are. You are 34! And you weigh 140 pounds!"
"How in the world did you know that?" The mother says, shocked.
"I also know why daddy divorced you!" says the daughter, triumphantly.
"And why's that?!" says the mother.
"You got an F in s**..."
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family...
There is this Jewish boy who was born into a nice family. He was a very smart boy, but he never did well in school because he lacked motivation. His parents tried everything: meeting with his teachers, one on one tutoring, etc.; however, nothing seemed to help. Eventually, they decided to send him to a private school, thinking a different environment would him good. Unfortunately, there are not many Jewish private schools, so they had to settle on sending him to a Catholic school. Surprisingly, this worked. The parents got his first report card and were astounded: all A's. The parents wondered what brought about the change. They said to their son "You made all A's! Even in math! (previously his worst subject) what changed?" The son replied "When I walked in on the first day and saw the Jewish guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they were serious."
A dad and his son...
...talk about the son's first car. The father strikes a deal with his son, "Cut your hair, improve your grades to a B- average, study up on the bible, and then I'll buy you a car." The son, seeing no other option, agrees. Two months later the dad checks in on the son to see him with long hair, reading the bible, and a positive report card. The dad says "son, I'm glad you're studying the bible and raised your grade, but why haven't you cut your hair?" The son replies "well dad, as I read through the bible, it says Moses had long hair, Abraham had long hair, and there is even evidence that Jesus had long hair." Then the dad says "yeah, but notice how they walked everywhere".
A little Jewish boy in Catholic school
There was once a little Jewish boy who for the life of him was terrible at math. His parents had tried everything and nothing seemed to be working, so as their last resort they decided to send him to the local Catholic school because it had the best math program in the area.
The first day, and every day after, the little boy came home and went straight upstairs and did all his homework. When they finally received his report card he had straight A's. They were baffled an very curious about what the school did that worked so well, so they asked him "Son, what did this school do differently that helped you learn so well"
the son replied "Well, "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
"
A son has just gotten his report card, it's not good....
"Hello father, here's my report card....", the son says.
"All Cs!" His father is furious. "Son, if you don't improve your grades by next term I will disown you....if you don't get As, I don't want you to call me father any more!"
.....next term comes and goes.....the son gets his report card.....that night he goes home....and right before he goes to bed his father asks about his new report card....
The son replies:
"I'm very tired, let's talk tomorrow. Goodnight uncle!"
(This joke was given to me by a friend in China)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... Education
Two boys get their report cards and notice that they both got Fs from their s**... education teacher.
"I can't believe we failed s**... ed," says the first boy. "My dad's gonna kill me."
"I know," says the other. "I'm so mad I could kick Mrs. Wilson in the nuts!"
Life of Riley.
A man says to his friend: 'I used to live the life of Riley; fast cars, beautiful women and holidays in the Carribean.'
His friend asks: 'What happened?'
His reply: 'Riley reported his credit card missing.'
Nic Cage was a straight A highschool student
but he slacked off one semester.
When he got his report card, he shouted "Bs! Not the Bs!"
Once my credit card got stolen and I never reported it.
The thief spent less than my wife.
What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card?
You can't C me!
Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark? Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? Johnny: Your name on this report card.
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Police: Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?
Man: The thief was spending less than my wife.
Police: Then why are you reporting it now?
Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!
My credit card was stolen yesterday but not sure if I should report it...
My credit card was stolen yesterday but not sure if I should report it. The thief is spending a lot less than my wife normally does.
The Asian father reads his son's report card, where he finds a "B".
"B is for Burger King, where YOU'LL WORK FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I remember one time I brought my report card home and said 'Hey Dad, I got a B in Reading!"
He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
There was once a Jewish boy who was terrible at math
...his parents had tried everything: private tutors, online lessons, and after school programs, to no avail. Finally, they gave in, and sent him to one of the best math-oriented schools in the city, which happened to be Christian.
At the end of the first semester, the boy showed his parents his report card, and they were amazed. He had gotten all A's in everything, even math!
"How'd you do it?" His dad asked him.
"What did that school teach you that made you so good at math?" Inquired his mom.
"Well, when I walked in," the boy responded, "there was a guy nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business!"
I also finally got an A on my report card,
but it's from the schools' nurse and it stands for AIDS.
Made up my own joke today! Comment what you think: What did the crab get on his report card?
I dont know, but it was Under dah C!
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math.
A father who is very much concerned about his son's bad grades in math decides to register him at a catholic school. After his first term there, the son brings home his report card: He's getting "A"s in math. The father is, of course, pleased, but wants to know: "Why are your math grades suddenly so good?" "You know", the son explains, "when I walked into the classroom the first day, and I saw that guy on the wall nailed to a plus sign, I knew one thing: This place means business!
A guy stole my wallet a few years ago. I noticed some unusual charges on my credit card statement.
I didn't report it because he was spending less than my wife.
Report Card
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in class. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.
A kid was doing horribly in math class..
He always brought home an F or C- on his report card. His parents decided to put him in a private catholic school to help him improve. All of a sudden his grades improved drastically. He had an A+ on every report card for Math. His parents finally asked, "Son, what changed? How did you improve so much in your Math class?" He responded, "Well, when I walked in to class on the first day I saw a picture of a man nailed to a plus sign, so I knew they meant business."
A young kid was smart, but was failing math.
He simply refused to apply himself. The parents tried everything to no avail. Finally, in desperation, they put him into a private Catholic school. When they got his first report card they were delighted to see he got an A in math. They asked him what had finally motivated him. He said "When I first walked into the school and saw that guy on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew these guys were serious."
A man noticed his credit card has been stolen
But he never reported it. The thief was still spending considerably less than his wife.
I did terribly in my quantum physics class, but still got an "A"
and I also got an "F"
I'm not opening my report card.
When I brought home my first straight A report card,
my mom said something that brought tears to my eyes. She said: "Timmy, your dad and I are getting a divorce."
The real threat
Police officer: Sir, I don't understand. You lost the credit card a year ago, why are you reporting it now?
Guy: The thief wasn't spending nearly as much as my wife used to…
Police officer: But why report it now?
Guy: I think the thief's wife got hold of it now.
I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education...
I'm one of the few pirates that went to school to get an education, and I just recently got my report card in the mail. It was tough, especially with the extra class I took for zero period, but I finally got what I worked so hard for!
*I got all Seven C's*
"Dread it. Run from it. Destiny still arrives"
This is what future dads will be saying when they break out the belt after seeing their kids report card
Just found out my wife's credit card was stolen! They are spending it all on jewellery and casinos!
But I wouldn't report it because they are spending less than my wife.
I hate being a pirate in school.
Everytime I get back my report card, it has seven seas in it...
My parents are so Asian they spanked me after I came home with a B- in my report card full of straight As
The worst part was that it was my blood type
Why don't American schools give Fs on report cards anymore?
Because they've already paid enough respects to their students.
My VISA card was stolen two months ago, but I don't want to report it.
The guy who took it is using it less than my wife.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I brought home my report card to proudly show I had received a 'B' in Reading. ..
... but my Mom said, "you numbskull, that's a 'D' !
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its not easy being an Asian..
My dad saw my report card today and start yelling at me because there's an F on it...
The F was actually F for female as in gender...
My sister got an F on HER report card today.
How do you even get an f in gender, like is there something wrong with her? Should i get her help?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dad, why haven't you reported to the police that mom credit card was stolen?
Shut up boy!
That thief spends way less than your mother
The cost level has quadrupled
OC: Why didn't you report the credit card loss immediately?
Montu: After the card was stolen, I saw that the thief was spending less than my wife.
OC: Why are you coming to report now?
Montu: Now it seems that the card has fallen into the hands of the thief's wife, the cost has quadrupled.
What did captain kirk's music teach put on his report card?
He's having trouble with the trebles
Credit card company called me to report suspicious activity...
I asked what kind of suspicious activity and they said someone made a payment.