Repo Jokes
89 repo jokes and hilarious repo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about repo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Repo Short Jokes
Short repo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The repo humour may include short collateral jokes also.
- Why do I always feel a sense of deja vu on Repo street? I'm sure I've seen it or read it already on Repo St.
- What's better: Repo or Repost ? Repo just takes your car away.
Repost, and you lose your dignity. - Col Repo was promoted and awarded a new wardrobe with his new position in the military. That's right, somewhere out there is a cardboard box just full to the brim of General Repo's T's.
- Some typos on my registration caused my car to be repoed I've never been so carless in my life.
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Repo One Liners
Which repo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with repo? I can suggest the ones about mortgage and loan.
- Why is Gary Johnson not able to use Linux? He doesn't know what a repo is.
- What did the debtor say to the repo man? Leave me alone.
- How do you call a Latino working for car repo? Carlos(s)
- What is a nail that repos cars called? Tow-nail
- I hate being friends with the repo-guy He only comes around when he wants something.
Gather Around for Fun Repo Jokes and Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about repo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean brigade jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make repo pranks.
Sorry if this is a repost but I'm new here
Why are hurricanes named after women's?
Because they're wild and wet when they come but when they leave, they take the house and car.
Re-post but one of my all time favorites (somewhat altered)
One day a father and his two daughters, Petal and Fridge, were having a picnic. Petal curiously asks her father; "Daddy, why is my name Petal?" to which he replies; "Well honey on the day you were born a petal from a beautiful flower slowly fell through the air and landed right on your forehead. Your mother and I thought the name fit you perfectly." Then Fridge asks; "BRAW WAW AAWWW OOWWW AHH AAWA?"
Why was the student's report card wet?
Because his grades were below C-level.
Not sure if reposting but I thought this was funny.
So there are three girls in line for cucumbers. The first girl gets to the front of the line and says " I want a long and skinny cucumber". The second girl came up and said " I want a short and fat cucumber". The last girl came up and said " I just want a cucumber that's good for making a salad."
Report card day
Report card day:
The only day where double D's are a bad thing.
A reporter is interviewing Stevie Wonder
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
repost (pretty sure) suspiciously knowledgable wife
wife calls the husband at work. "can you send a mechanic to our house, the carburettor is flooded."
husband is taken aback and becomes suspicious. "how do you know that?" he asks.
"because the car is at the bottom of the pool".
Reportedly Wayne Rooney said to Roy Hodgson "I don't know if I'm better on the left, middle or right"
Hodgson responded "Shut up and pick a seat on the plane Wayne"
It was reported that listening to the band Queen links to giving you autism...
It's because of the high Mercury content.
A reporter interviewed a 103-year-old woman.
"And what is the best thing about being 103?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Reporters asked Harrison Ford's wife if she thought he was too old to fly
She said the c**... was so well handled it was like an artistic performance.
HEADLINE:
"Calista Flockhart to Call His Tough Luck 'Art'"
REPORT: Number 9 found dead, half eaten in home. 7 has been brought in for questioning.
When asked for comment, the Chief of Police said, "Due to overwhelming evidence, 7 is the prime suspect in this case."
A reporter from North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer...
A reporter from a North Korea's state-owned media asks a farmer, "Would you give your mansion to the supreme leader if you had one?"
The farmer answers, "Yes, of course I would!"
"If you had one million dollar, would you give it to the supreme leader, too?"
"Yes, absolutely!"
"How about five cows, would you give them to the supreme leader?"
The farmer hesitates, then answers, "No..."
The reporter is confused, "you would give a mansion and one million dollar to the supreme leader, why would you not give only five cows? Is it because you think cows can't match the highness of the supreme leader?"
"Well, yes... and also I really do have five cows..."
There have been reports of very heavy shelling......
At the peanut factory.
I know this is probably a repost and I'm sorry, but I had to write this joke again.
This joke again.
The Reporter of Puns!
There was once a reporter known for his unique puns. Every day for his newscast, he would share the news with a nice pun at the end. One day he recieved a story of ten people killed in a shooting. He delivered the story and at the end stated that there was no pun in ten dead.
A report found 9 out of 10 bishops write with a fountain pen.
Only God knows what the other one does with it.
A reporter is interveiwing the worlds oldest man.
She ask him "how have you manged to live so long?"
The man replies "it's simple, I never argue with people."
The reporter says "surely there's something more to it? Diet? Exercise? Something?"
The man thinks for a moment and then says "if you say so..."
Reports coming in of mass sheep rustling
Suspects on the lamb
A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics
He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
(Repost because I s**... up) You know how Muslims can't eat pork?
I mean if I couldn't eat bacon, I would want to fly a plane into a building.
(Yeah this joke bombed)
I used to repost stolen comedian jokes and try to pass them off as my own.
I still do but I used to too.
I was going to repost this really condescending joke I read, but...
you guys didn't get it last time, and probably wont get it this time either.
Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan
Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber
Coroner's Report
Coroner: Report complete.
Police: What was the cause of death?
Coroner: The cause of death was that I sliced him open and performed an autopsy.
A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man
... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."
These reports of a major snowstorm hitting the Northeast don't concern me.
It's all just flake news.
I reported my great grandfather to the ASPCA!
He told me that during his years as a pilot in WWII, he was involved in what he called "dogfighting". How cruel can you be?!
When the coroner's report came back, it stated my nine month old son had died due to neglect…
Nothing to do with me though, I was at the bar at the time…
A reporter wrote an article about gay conversion camps
It was shocking
See your report card
Johnny's father: Let me see your report card.
Johnny: I don't have it.
Johnny's father: Why not?
Johnny: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.
All these reposts are turning me into a bicycle.
I'm just two-tired to put up with them any longer.
A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
It was reported that Roger Daltrey, Pete Townshend, John Entwistle, and Keith Moon just released a number of canines from the local pound
It can now be said that The Who let the dogs out
A new report states that paedophiles need re-educating.
What a great idea, paedophiles going back to school.
Its not a repost
My friend and I came up with a joke and raced to see who could post it first. I just lost by 2 months.
A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood
She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"
Repost
A friend of mine posted a joke about an ostrich with a broken leg 2 years ago. so many people have reposted it since then that it's still running.
[Repost]A great dad joke that I had to share
Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay.
Dad: (Clenches fists)
Mom: Don't.....
Dad: (Sweats profusely)
Mom:.........
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Dad: Hi gay! I'm Dad!
Reposting a joke is like buying a piece of clothing...
you use other people's material to make yourself look good.
Reportedly the President said...
If I can employ an employee, why can't I hate a Haiti?
It has been reported that there is a hole in the ground.
We are currently looking into it.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "s**...?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, d**..., any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
If I had $1 for every repost in this sub...
I'd have the same dollar given to me over and over again.
I reported a cashier to her management for s**... harassing me
She was checking me out.
A report has concluded that paedophiles should be re-educated.
What a great idea, let's send paedophiles back to school.
I had to report my stolen amazon package
The police are still looking for a prime suspect
I'm sorry but i just had to do a repost...
this fence was killing me all day i just needed to fix it
How many reposters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
This is the first lightbulb, what do you mean?
It was reported vanilla ice was last off the quarantined plane.
Officials remarked it was necessary as he was the illest.
Who was the first reposter?
Moses.
(.....)
He could control sea.
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?"
USA: "Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why did you attack Syria now?"
USA: "Because we suspect they have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter: "Why didn't you attack North Korea then?"
USA: "Are you out of your mind? They really have Weapons of Mass Destruction"
Reporter 1: The cult members seem totally brainwashed, and still place their blind faith in a false savior offering hollow promises of salvation!
Reporter 2: And that concludes our report from the White House.
A reporter walks up to Jussie Smollett
Mr Jussie, how do you pronounce your last name? Is it SMOL-let or smol-LETT?
Jussie: Is that really all you wanted to ask me?
Yes, sir. It's the only thing we aren't 100% certain of, and the only answer we would believe.
It is being reported that black and ethnic minority groups are at higher risk to Coronavirus
As if this virus wasn't bad enough, it turns out it is racist too.
I'm not sure where to report this, but someone broke into my house during the lockdown and replaced all my pants, with smaller pants. Every single pair. I'm not sure what kind of sicko gets off on this...
But you need to take a good long look in the mirror, cuz you're going to get your just desserts, weight and see buddy I'm on the look out for you.
[Repost] carrots may be good for your eyes....
But whiskey will double your vision.
Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?
Well son, your mum really really loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter
Thanks Dad
You're welcome Alan
I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short...
I lost the case.
Reporter: "This local man is suffering with a disease that causes holes to suddenly appear on his body."
"Tonight, on the 6PM news, he opens up about his problem."
A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.
She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?
It was 1959 , says the pilot.
"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"
Pilot looks at his watch and says "Well, considering it's only 2025 now..."
A reporter asked trump what the letter J in Donald.J.Trump stands for ?
He replied " Jenius"
A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.
First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:
"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"
"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be closer to the railroad."
Reposting my favorite joke for cakeday!
So a string walks into a bar, bartender says "we don't serve your kind here." The string walks out, parts and ruffles his hair and walks back in. The bartender asks "Aren't you the same guy from earlier?". The string replies "I'm a FRAYED KNOT".
Reposters are the opposite of liars
Liars swear they made nothing up.
Reposters swear they made *everything* up.
Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments
The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he said.
"What are you taking?" she asked.
"Car, ma, for repo sting!"
A Reporter Asks Hillary Clinton if she Thinks Monica Will Vote for Her
A reporter asks Hillary Clinton if she thinks Monica will vote for her.
Well , Hillary replies, she already messed up one Clinton presidency, let's just hope she doesn't blow it again.
A report came on the news that a maniac was driving the wrong way down the motorway.
I thought I had better give my grandad, who was visiting me, a call and warn him.
He said, "There's not just one, there's hundreds of them."
Probably a repost, but I haven't seen it here...
A Jewish man dies and goes to Heaven.
When he gets there, he meets God, who tells him that he has to tell a good joke to be admitted.
The Jewish man tells him a joke about the Holocaust.
God looks puzzled, scratches his head, and says, "I don't get it."
The Jewish man says, "I guess you had to be there."
Why are reposts always upvoted more than original jokes?
You need to tell it to a redditor multiple times for them to get it.
Report: Tom Brady to retire.
Fans hoping for one more season reportedly deflated by the news.
I reported a hazard on the highway the other day.
There was a fork in the road
A reporter interviews a 2000-year-old man
Reporter: is it true you had over nine hundred wives in your life?
2000 y/o Man: Indeed
Reporter: out of all your wives, which one was your favorite?
2000 y/o Man: Hmmm… Shirley. Definitely Shirley.
Reporter: And what made Shirley so special?
2000 y/o Man: Her friend Tammy.
(A classic Mel Brooks/Carl Reiner joke)
Reposting this one because it didn't get enough upvotes last time.
1
It's being reported that KFC is giving away free chicken.
I'm just going to investigate and i'll keep you abreast.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year old woman.
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?", the reporter asks.
She simply answers, "No peer pressure."
Why was the report card wet?
Because the grades were below C level
How many reposters does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's hard to tell because they just keep putting the same bulb in over and over.
Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill?
Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.
A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman
"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.
"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."
The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."
The old lady smiled and nodded. "You're probably right."
Reports are coming in that Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity.
They should have got a calmer Chameleon, but apparently, they come and go.
