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Replace Jokes

119 replace jokes and hilarious replace puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about replace that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Replace Short Jokes

Short replace jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The replace humour may include short swap jokes also.

  1. Accordion to a recent survey, 7 out of 10 people don't notice when a word in a sentence is replaced by a musical instrument.
  2. A coworker named Celcius recently retired from my company, so they hired a guy called Kelvin to replace him. He's the new temp.
  3. Accordion to scientific studies, 90% .. of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
  4. I bought a sweater that kept giving me static shock Thankfully the store replaced it with another, free of charge.
  5. If you ever feel useless...
    Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...

    the Taliban
  6. I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
  7. Simply by replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87%... ...of what little joy you had left in your life
  8. That's a nice shamrock you've got there. It would be a shame if someone replaced the -rock with an e.
  9. Levar Burton cannot replace Mayim Bialik as the host of the show... Because Captain Picard would never willingly put a member of his crew in Jeopardy.
  10. I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…

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Replace One Liners

Which replace one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with replace? I can suggest the ones about substitute and changer.

  1. What is going to replace ObamaCare? Don.T.Care
  2. My phone just replaced the word "killed" with "kilt." Well plaid, phone... Well plaid.
  3. My child will not eat fish, what can I replace it with? A cat.
    Cats love fish.
  4. I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue. She's not speaking to me
  5. Who will replace Kim Jon Un after he dies Kim Jon dos
  6. If you lose your hearing,... is it ear replaceable?
  7. Hey gurl are you an integral? Because I'd gladly replace my x with u.
  8. I dropped my Nokia today. Now I'm upset because I have to replace my floor.
  9. I spent all day replacing the muffler on my car It was exhausting
  10. How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones.
  11. Someone took my spine and replaced it with theirs. I want to get my own back.
  12. In light of Google becoming Alphabet, Gmail will be replaced with "Alpha Mail."
  13. The local wig shop got broken into last night They've had to replace all the locks
  14. I replaced my dad's shaving cream with mayonnaise... He shouted "what the Hellman!"
  15. Who's the coolest man in the hospital? The hip replacement guy.

Replace joke, Who's the coolest man in the hospital?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about replace can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of replace puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Giggle-Inducing Replace Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about replace you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean exchange jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make replace prank.

Did you hear about that baby that was born without one of his eye-lids? they used part of his f**... to replace it.

He'll be alright, just a little c**...-eyed.

If cars were replaced by horses, what would replace gas stations?

Grass stations

You're American when...

(if you're not American, feel free to replace it with whatever you are)
After drinking a ton of liquids you go to the bathroom. You're American before you enter the restroom, and you're American after you exit the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
European

A husband and wife are in a car c**...

They are both badly injured, but recover soon enough. However, the wife's face was badly injured during the c**... and she needs a skin graft to replace the skin on her cheeks.
The doctor says "The good news is, we know just the place to find the skin for your cheeks." He turns to the husband and says, "The bad news, however, is that the skin needs to come from your buttocks."
The husband quickly agrees. The wife says, "Honey, are you sure?" He says, "Of course, you're my wife, I would do anything for you!"
And so, the operation occurs. The wife's face is as restored as can be.
A while later, the wife says "Honey, how can I ever thank you for this?"
"You don't need to. I get all the satisfaction I need when my dear mother-in-law kisses your cheek."

Man runs over a cat

Yesterday the lady next door received a buzz from the front door. When she opened the door there was a man there.
With a saddened look the man says "Lady, I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat."
Without hesitation the man tells the lady that he would like to replace the cat.
The lady looks up at the man and replies "Thats all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?"

Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously the fuel's gone bad. We need to drain the tank and refill." The mechanical engineer scoffs; "you're both wrong. Sounds to me like a valve lifter is froze. We're gonna need to rip the block apart."
After another moment of silence the three look back at the computer engineer who says; "maybe if we get out of the car and get back in?"

A man out of work...

...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

A man who recently lost his eye goes into the doctor...

Patient: "Doctor, is there anything we can do to replace my eye?"
Doctor: "Well, we could transplant a donor eye.."
Patient: "Really? Would I be able to see again?!"
Doctor: "No, but it's just for looks anyway!"

The flag planted on the moon is now completely white, since it has been bleached by decades of cosmic radiation...

The US should replace the flag sometime soon, we don't want people to think the French were the first to complete a lunar landing!

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

My girlfriend wants to replace the beige outlets in my house with white ones.

And then she gets mad when I tell her to stop promoting w**....

Whoever said technology would replace all paper obviously hasn't tried wiping their but with an IPad.

When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster...

Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

What replaces Steam, the gaming platform, in China?

pollution.

How many nice guys does it take to replace a light bulb?

Nice guys don't replace light bulbs: they'll just stand around complimenting it, hoping to get it s**....

An elderly couple sits in church

The old lady leans over and whispers, "I just let out a really big silent f**..., what should I do? "
The old man says, "you should replace the batteries in your hearing aid. "

My son was born without eyelids...

The Dr suggested a new procedure using his f**... after circumcision to replace his missing lids. The only possible complication was that he would be a little c**...-eyed.

TIFU By having one night stand

It broke and I don't have another to replace it with

How many insufferable pedants does it take to change a lightbulb?

Technically, you don't "change" a lightbulb. Lightbulbs don't change. You have to *remove* the lightbulb and *replace* it with a *different* lightbulb.

So a man had his eye lids burned off in a fire and the doctors used a new procedure to replace them with his f**...

He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.

A monkey at a zoo passes away, and no monkeys are left to replace it

A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, he is pretending to be a monkey, and after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling and screaming for help, the Lion approaches him and the man prepares for the end. The lion opens its mouth and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"

Harriet Tubman will replace Andrew Jackson on the new $20 bill...

Unfortunately those bills will only be worth $12 now.

How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.

Kate Winslet will never be able to love a new iPhone...

...nothing in the world could ever replace the love she had for Jack.

I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together.

It was a big waist of time.

Women are just like computers...

They are always freezing for no reason and you need to replace them about every 3-5 years.

An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.

He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.

If we replace all "Chuck Norris" jokes with Kim Jung Un....

We could write the North Korean Official Website.

I was gonna tell you all a joke about how I had to replace the wood holding up my fence...

But I was afraid it is only a repost.

What jobs will AI not replace?

Steve

So I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's chamber with m**...

He's a High priest now

Conservatives want to repeal Obamacare

and replace it with a single prayer healthcare plan

I can't wait for an AI to reach 10% of the capabilities of the average human.

Then we can replace all of Congress with a single AI.

Republicans might be worried that the "repeal and replace" failed...

But it's okay; burns are covered by the Affordable Care Act.

What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny.

Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.
And in between yours father?
The key to heaven son.
Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.

A man walks into a store that has a broken neon sign

A man walks into a store and says,"hey, you should fix your neon sign out front, the letter E is burnt out".
The storekeeper replies, "I can't replace the letter, it would ruin the joke!"
"What joke?" Asks the man.
"Stop me if you've heard it before," says the shopkeep, "because it's an old E, but it's a good E."

It is during our darkest moments...

That we need to replace the batteries of the flashlight

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49

Let's replace the glass ceiling for women

With something much easier for them to clean

Technology...

Two guys... Hey do you think that someday technology will replace paper?... Well I think it will be quite hard to wipe with a tablet...

Today I pitched a new web software to Apple to replace safari...

it raised a few iBrowse :(

A woman tells her husband she was diagnosed with cancer.

Her husband tells he's very sad and sorry for her. Once they get to bed, the wife asks:
'Honey, when I'll be... dead, will you marry someone else?' The husband thinks for a while. 'No.'
'Why not? Don't you like being married?' 'If you want me to, then yes.' 'Will she sleep in my part of the bed?' she asks mournfully. 'I guess she will.' answers the husband. 'Will you replace all my photos?' 'Of course not, I'll keep the ones I love most.' 'Will she drive my car?' 'No, she doesn't have a driver's licence.'

The CIA found evidence that o**... Bin Laden had downloaded a lot of videos about how to crochet

Turns out he was trying to replace all those lost afghans

I was born with a missing eyelid. The doctors used my f**... to replace it.

Which is why to this day I see the world a little cockeyed.

Yesterday when the lady answered the door there was a man there.

And the man said to the lady I'm terribly sorry, I just ran over your cat.
Then the man said, I'd like to replace your cat.
The lady said, that's alright with me, but how are you at catching mice?

I invented a robot to remove the cartridge from my gaming console and replace it with another.

It was a game changer!

I've always wanted to replace the Mediterranean with orange soda

I guess it's always been my biggest Fanta Sea.

Scott Baio is Boycotting d**...'s Sporting Goods Because of the Ban on AR-15s

d**...'s had to find a cashier to replace him on short notice

I accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat the other day.

So, immediately, I went and knocked on her door, and I said, "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am; I think I've killed your cat. To make amends for this tragic mistake, I'll replace him if you'd like."
She said, "That's very noble of you, but how are you at catching mice?"

When I was young, my pet canary died

So my mother bought another one to replace it, exactly the same, hoping that I wouldn't notice.
But I noticed.
And I killed that one too.

In the future, if technology makes it possible to replace human limbs

And its common enough that you can buy them in stores, will midgets go to small arms dealers?

A guy knocks on an old ladies door

He says excuse me, I think I've killed your cat I just ran over it in the street but I'd like to offer to replace it. She looks at him and says how good are you at catching mice?

Don't date a calculus teacher

They're gonna replace u

I decided not to replace my rear mirror.

I haven't looked back since.

An old woman hears a knock on her door and opens it to see a man standing there, hat in hand.

I'm terribly sorry but I ran over your cat with my car.
The old woman breaks down in tears and starts crying uncontrollably.
The man says I know it won't be the same but I'd really like to replace your cat.
The woman stops crying for a moment, looks up, and says I don't know........ how are you at catching mice?

A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He's the new temp.

Whoever said technology will replace paper

..has obviously never tried to wipe their a**... with an iPad!

A zookeeper lost a pair of mongoose to a storm and needed to replace them. He began writing an email to his supplier...

Dear sir, please send me two mongooses at once.
That didn't sound right, so he tried again.
Dear sir, please send me two mongeese at once.
That still didn't sound right, so he gave it one last attempt:
Dear sir, please send me one mongoose. And while you're at it- send me another mongoose.
(In memory of my dad who told that joke at every family gathering for 30 years.)

An old married couple are in church one Sunday…

when the woman turns to her husband and says, I've just let out a really long, silent f**.... What should I do? .
The husband turned to her and says, Replace the battery in your hearing aid.

Surgery

Doctor: now normally we replace it with a glass ball, but for you we have one made out of cedar. Would you like that instead?
Patient: wood eye? Of course!

Why is it difficult to replace Alex Trebek?

Because most people don't want to put their life in Jeopardy.

If we want Congress to agree we should just replace the people with horses

Sure the neighs would carry every vote. But hay, at least the housing market would be stable.
I'll show myself out

I ran over my neighbor's cat the ither day..

And I felt really bad about it so I told her that I will replace her cat. She said "that's all well and good but how are you at catching mice?"

How many americans does it take to replace a light bulb?

One Mexican.

A wife calls her husband.

"The plumber is gonna come in 7, to fix the clogged sink."
"Oh no. You think he's still angry at me from the last time?"
"What happened last time?"
"He said he's here to replace the toilet. So I p**... on him"

Someone replaced all of the b**... in the elevator in my apartment building...

It was wrong on so many levels...

Technology will never replace human beings!

Lab-grown meat just isn't the same.

Dead Rooster

A man was driving down a quiet country road when a rooster wandered into his path. The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied. "The hens are around back."

If you ever feel useless... Just remember that

If you ever feel useless...
Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, Trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with...
the Taliban

Replace joke, If you ever feel useless... Just remember that

jokes about replace

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these replace jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.