Repent Jokes
6 repent jokes and hilarious repent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about repent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Repent Jokes With Friends
Uproarious Repent Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What is a good repent joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
The Pope, Xi Jinping and Donald Trump are summoned by God
"OK", said God, "the world's gonna end in 20 years, go back and prepare your people".
The Pope prepared a great mass at St. Peter's Square and announced "Dear Catholics, I have good and bad news. Rejoice, for God is real, but also repent, for the end of the world is coming in 20 years".
Xi Jinping held a speech in front of the CCP. "Horrible news, comrades, not only is God real, he also told us the world is coming to an end in 20 years".
Trump tweeted "Great news everyone! God knows I'm important!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A p**... went to a priest...
feeling sad and regretful, she asked: "Father, I hate myself, I hate being a sinner, please tell me what is the first step to repent?"
he replied: "get your hand off my groin."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm a good muslim
I had one drink of alcohol on my 18th birthday, and have been getting s**... since to repent.
What did Eve have to do to repent for her countless sins?
Add 'em
Repentance..
A man woke up in the morning deeply repentant after a bitter fight with his wife the previous night. He noticed with dismay the crate of beer bottles that had caused the fight.
He took it outside and started smashing the empty bottles one by one onto the wall.
He smashed the first bottle swearing, "you are the reason I fight with my wife".
He smashed the second bottle, "you are the reason I don't love my children".
He smashed the third bottle, "you are the reason I don't have a decent job".
When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still sealed and was full. He hesitated for only a moment and said "you stand aside, I know you were not involved".
An elderly woman had just returned
to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled:
STOP! Acts 2:38! ( Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven. )
As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked:
Why did you just stand there? All the lady did was mention a scripture verse.
Scripture? replied the burglar. She said she had an axe and two 38's!
Share These Repent Jokes With Friends