Repair Jokes
129 repair jokes and hilarious repair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about repair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Enjoy fun and funny repair jokes to entertain and make you laugh. Check out our collection of jokes about repair shops, auto repair, computer repair, appliance repair, hernia repair, home repair, and shoe repair. Whether you need to get something fixed, renovated, or restored, these jokes will help lighten the mood!
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Funniest Repair Short Jokes
Short repair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The repair humour may include short damage jokes also.
- What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns? One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'
- Is this the right sub? Need help repairing my fence. It seems everyone knows how to repost here.
- My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it They said they'd look into it.
- I'm going to start a quidditch ball repair shop, staffed entirely with ex-cons from Azkaban. It'll be called Snitches Get Stitches .
- If I ever opened a car repair shop, I would call it "Auto-Correct". Then I'd paint the floor with those red squiggly lines...
- After 5 years of repair work, I was happy to read that The Big Ben is working again. Thanks to everyone that…worked around the clock.
- The optician just took my glasses from me to repair them. They said they can fix it in 5 minutes. I can't see it happening.
- A Boy Scout decided to start a business fixing horns on cars and trucks… He called it "Beep Repaired."
- Broken Window Wife: You need to fix the bathroom window, then neighbor can see me every time I shower.
Husband; I know, he saw you and called me to tell me he's paying for the window repair. - I have a quantum mechanic... He both repairs and doesn't repair my car at the same time, and I can never be certain of what the charge will be.
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Repair One Liners
Which repair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with repair? I can suggest the ones about maintenance and fixing.
- I repaired my drum after my son broke it... Now he has to deal with the repercussions.
- Knock Knock! - Who's there?
- Doorbell repair guy. - I sent my hearing aids in for repairs three weeks ago I haven't heard anything since
- A week ago I sent my hearing aid to be repaired... I haven't heard anything since.
- What kind of bird fixes stuff? A repair-a-keet.
- Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe repair shop? To get some soles!
- Why did Walter White go to the auto repair shop? Because he was Braking Bad.
- How much does it cost to repair a roof? None, its on the house.
- Who collects the souls of people who die while fixing things? The Grim Repair.
- Cable repair guy asked me what time it was It's between 8am and 1pm
- When Transformers was filmed in Detroit Michael Bay had to use CGI to repair buildings
- A restaurant owner visits a fridge repair shop... ...and asks, "do y'all do walk-ins?"
- I just saw a man repair his monocle with his bare hands. It was a spectacle to behold.
- What comes after a pterodactyl? a repair-odactyl.
- What does the mechanic say after he's fixed your car's horn? Beep repaired.
Repair Shop Jokes
Here is a list of funny repair shop jokes and even better repair shop puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If you are planning on opening a clock/watch repair shop, I've got the perfect name for it... Uncertain Times
- They say a fool and his money are easily parted, but... Vacuum repair shops really are for broke suckers.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop... ...and said, "make it sew."
- I told my brother, "I went to the GPS repair shop for the first time ever." "How did you find it?" he asked.
I said, "With difficulty." - Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts? Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.
- If Mustangs meet on the streets, and Ferrari's meet in the track, where do Jeeps meet? The repair shop.
- Batman has retired and now runs a small shoe repair shop. They call him the Dark Knight of the Sole.
- If my last name were Plate, I'd open a computer repair shop... and call it Plate Tech Tonics.
- Captain Picard makes his own outfits. One day his sewing machine broke down so he took it to a repair shop and said...
- A man takes his computer to a repair shop, claiming that the CD drive wasn't working... The technician asks him, "When did it break?"
"Sometime between this morning and four years ago."
Car Repair Jokes
Here is a list of funny car repair jokes and even better car repair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- 'When one door closes another one opens,' he said. 'That is great,' I replied, 'nevertheless I want you to repair the car before you sell it to me.'
- What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn? Beep repaired...
- One day, Chuck Norris was hit by a car He then rushed the car to the nearest garage and paid for it's repair.
- A tree fell on our car during the recent Hurricane, and my dad won't get it repaired. He even named the damage. Harvey Dent
- Who repairs cars in Turkey? The Ottoman.
- After Scar was kicked out of the animal kingdom, he got a job fixing car horns at an auto mechanic. Beep repaired
- My car horn hasn't worked in a while... I ended up having a boy scout from my church fix it and all he said was "Beep repaired."
- I get a lot of people telling me how to repair my used car. I guess you could call them 'Car Beraters'.
- My car horn hasn't worked for a long time. Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, "Beep repaired!"
- How does the Ultimate Warrior repair his car? With parts unknown.
Repair Mechanisms Jokes
Here is a list of funny repair mechanisms jokes and even better repair mechanisms puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The pirate mechanic repaired my s**...-bot. Thar, she blows.
Home Repair Jokes
Here is a list of funny home repair jokes and even better home repair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did You hear about the new Home Repair show for Gay men? Its called Holmes on Holmes.
- What kind of home repairs are dogs good at? Roofing.
- I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair I'll call it Plum and Plumber
- My wife told me I am horrible at home-repairs. Welp, All I can say is that she is in for a shock....
- I stole a dog from the car repairing shop. But on the ride home, he made a brake for it.
- i've been doing home repairs. since i started using black caulk, i haven't gone back.
- Hey guys, it's sad to say that I come from a broken home. We're hoping to repair the staircase soon.
Computer Repair Jokes
Here is a list of funny computer repair jokes and even better computer repair puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughters have decided to open a computer repair service together! They're going to call it 2 Girls 1 CPU
Repair Jokes to Giggle and Enjoy A Night of Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about repair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean backup jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make repair pranks.
h**... and Stalin
h**... and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if that's h**... and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes.The man goes over to h**... and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million Jews and 1 bike repair man" says h**.... "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. h**... says to Stalin "See? i told you no one would ask about the Jews"
Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD.
Blonde 1: Oh, what's that DVD about?
Blonde 2: It's how to repair household items!
Blonde 1: What do you need to repair?
Blonde 2: My DVD player
my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force
Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing s**...?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'
A skydiver jumps out of a plane...
He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)
The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...
I told them it wasn't pressing.
Saw an ad for a used battery in the paper today:
"Slightly rusty, in need of repair but has potential"
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin...
A man walks into a bar and sees h**... and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. h**... says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. h**... says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. h**... turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.
Some days, I love being an elevator repair man...
but I hate the days when people ask me if it has "it's ups and downs."
Today I popped a G string while f**... a minor.
I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow.
I repaired my watch with some old parts.
It's got a second-hand second hand.
What do you call a s**... working at a repair shop?
High maintenance
I'm great at fixing Bluetooth headsets...
... I just repair them.
A group of friends all live on the 200th floor of a building
One day they all come back from a trip and find out that the elevator to their floor has shut down and is under repair, so they're forced to take the long walk up the stairs.
To make the walk up a little more exciting, they decide to each tell a sad, terrifying, or depressing story every 20 floors. When they finally get to the top, the tenth friend gets to tell his story.
"I think I left the keys in the car."
Doubting wife!
My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.
Well, she's in for a shock!
I broke some letters off my keyboard last night
My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.
Being an ac repair man is a cool job
You just arent freon hot days
What did Reaper need when he lost his face?
A Repair.
Gonna start a roof repair business
It's called Loose Shingles In Your Area
On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.
He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"
PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."
General: "Do you know who this is?"
PFC: "No."
General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"
PFC: "Well, do you know who this is?"
General: "No."
PFC: "Good, goodbye!"
All states should legalize m**... and redirect the resulting tax revenues to road repair
We'll call the program "Operation p**... Holes."
What did Jesus get as a present when he was resurrected?
Hole repair kit.
Penguin is having some car trouble so he drops it off at the auto repair shop
Mechanic tells him it might take a while, so the penguin goes down the street to the ice cream shop to pass the time.
When he returns to the repair shop, the mechanic comes out and says, "It looks like you just blew a seal."
The penguin gets an initial horrified look on his face and then laughs, replying "oh, no, haha, that's just ice cream on my chin."
What happened to the Guns 'n Roses tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?
Its axle rose.
I took my old computer to a computer repair shop
I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"
Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"
Me: How much acceleration would it need ?
Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.
My phone stopped working!!! what do i do?
Then someone said put it in rice... BUT WHY?... The rice attracts asians which secretly repair your phone at night...
I'm thinking about changing my profession to mirror repair
It's a job I can really see myself doing.
Do you know what the it's like in the life of an elevator repair man?
It has it's ups and downs.
My dog got into my sock drawer today...
I had to re-pair all my socks.
Why did the Nice Guy need to repair his basement?
It was m'oldy
A man comes home to find his door lock is not working properly
He promptly unscrews the hinges, picks up the door and takes it to the market to repair the lock.
The locksmith asks *"If the door's here...what if someone walks into your house?"*
Confused, he replies *"How would anyone get in when I have the door?"*
Can I get some help repairing my broken fence posts?
I figure there are enough reposters here that it will only take a few minutes.
Italian Computer repair store
Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop it explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it short" so I said "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"
How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?
Crazy Glue...
I thought I wouldn't be able to repair the broken desk I set my Apple tablet on, but it's fixed!
iStand corrected
My little sister joke
A s**... man took his door to a door repair services to fix it.
His friends asked he if wasn't afraid that someone might break into the house and rob them.
He said, I am not afraid because I still have the keys.
A friend of mine asked if it is possible to repair a torn wetsuit.
It seams sew.
What do repaired fences and Reddit have in common?
They're both full of reposts.
Send my hearing aids up for repair
Haven't heard of them since
I'm repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,
but Snitches get stitches
Took too many melatonins and wrote down a few jokes, this was the only one that was still funny in the morning
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Doorbell repair guy, is now an alright time?"
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
Italian Computer Repair shop
Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"
I've got a business...
What's you business?
A trampoline company in Prague.
How's it going?
It's not great, the Czech's keep bouncing...
What's your business?
We repair elevators in high rise buildings.
How's it going?
Meh, it's up and down.
What's your business?
...
Carry it on!
I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.
It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.
People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them Jays here but Jacks off all day.
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
The Three "R's" of Reddit jokes:
Repair, reuse, recycle.
Foundation repair company with slogan
Crack w**...... "We fill any crack"
My broken hard drive got sent back to china for repair.
I had to deport it.
Bus
A woman got a problem with her closet door - it was falling every time a bus passed by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet to wait for a bus to pass.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the h**... are you doing here!"
Repairman:"Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
As a repair man, I once installed a motor too powerful in a moving stairway.
It escalated very quickly.
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
A man takes his grandfather clock in to be repaired….
The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the cigarette aside, looks at the clock and says……….Ve haf vays to make you tock.
