The Best 49 Repair Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Repair jokes. There are some repair install jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these repair computer repair puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Repair Jokes and Puns
Hitler and Stalin
Hitler and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if that's Hitler and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes.The man goes over to Hitler and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million Jews and 1 bike repair man" says Hitler. "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. Hitler says to Stalin "See? i told you no one would ask about the Jews"
Two blondes are at an CD store. One is buying a DVD.
Blonde 1: Oh, what's that DVD about?
Blonde 2: It's how to repair household items!
Blonde 1: What do you need to repair?
Blonde 2: My DVD player
Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe repair shop?
To get some soles!
my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force
Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing strip?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'
A skydiver jumps out of a plane...
He is flying through the air and is having a lot of fun.
Then he pulls the chord ... but nothing happens! The parachute wont open!
panicing he pulls the safety chord ... nothing happens again!
He is falling ever so fast, when suddenly a guy comes flying up from beneath him!
The skydiver yells "hey! Do you repair parachutes!?"
The guy yells back! "Nope, gas ovens..."
(english is not my first language, excuse my spelling please)
The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today...
I told them it wasn't pressing.
My telescope broke the other day and I was hoping the local observatory could repair it
They said they'd look into it.
Saw an ad for a used battery in the paper today:
"Slightly rusty, in need of repair but has potential"
A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin...
A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. Hitler says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. Hitler says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. Hitler turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.
When Transformers was filmed in Detroit
Michael Bay had to use CGI to repair buildings
Today I popped a G string while fingering a minor.
I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow.
You can explore repair restore reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean repair electronics dad jokes. There are also repair puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a stoner working at a repair shop?
High maintenance
Broken Window
Wife: You need to fix the bathroom window, then neighbor can see me every time I shower.
Husband; I know, he saw you and called me to tell me he's paying for the window repair.
I repaired my drums after my son broke it...
Now he has to deal with the repercussions.
A group of friends all live on the 200th floor of a building
One day they all come back from a trip and find out that the elevator to their floor has shut down and is under repair, so they're forced to take the long walk up the stairs.
To make the walk up a little more exciting, they decide to each tell a sad, terrifying, or depressing story every 20 floors. When they finally get to the top, the tenth friend gets to tell his story.
"I think I left the keys in the car."
Doubting wife!
My wife has absolutely no confidence in my ability to repair electrical items around the house.
Well, she's in for a shock!
I broke some letters off my keyboard last night
My mood just shifted, there was no escape. I honestly just lost control. I need to alt-er these episodes of mine, these repair bills are building up quite a tab.
Is this the right sub? Need help repairing my fence.
It seems everyone knows how to repost here.
On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.
He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"
PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."
General: "Do you know who this is?"
PFC: "No."
General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"
PFC: "Well, do you know who this is?"
General: "No."
PFC: "Good, goodbye!"
'When one door closes another one opens,' he said.
'That is great,' I replied, 'nevertheless I want you to repair the car before you sell it to me.'
All states should legalize marijuana and redirect the resulting tax revenues to road repair
We'll call the program "Operation Pot Holes."
I took my old computer to a computer repair shop
I asked the shop owner "My computer is too slow. What can I do ?"
Shop owner inspected the computer and said "It needs some hardware acceleration"
Me: How much acceleration would it need ?
Shop owner: 9.8 meter per second squared.
A restaurant owner visits a fridge repair shop...
...and asks, "do y'all do walk-ins?"
I told my brother, "I went to the GPS repair shop for the first time ever."
"How did you find it?" he asked.
I said, "With difficulty."
My phone stopped working!!! what do i do?
Then someone said put it in rice... BUT WHY?... The rice attracts asians which secretly repair your phone at night...
I'm thinking about changing my profession to mirror repair
It's a job I can really see myself doing.
Can I get some help repairing my broken fence posts?
I figure there are enough reposters here that it will only take a few minutes.
My daughters have decided to open a computer repair service together!
They're going to call it 2 Girls 1 CPU
I just saw a man repair his monocle with his bare hands.
It was a spectacle to behold.
How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?
Crazy Glue...
If I ever opened a car repair shop, I would call it "Auto-Correct".
Then I'd paint the floor with those red squiggly lines...
I'm repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,
but Snitches get stitches
Took too many melatonins and wrote down a few jokes, this was the only one that was still funny in the morning
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Doorbell repair guy, is now an alright time?"
A penguin is driving to the mall...
All of a sudden his engine starts running really rough, and smoke is coming from under the hood. Luckily, there's an auto repair shop right next to the mall, so he pulls in there. The mechanic says he'll be glad to take a look, but he won't be able to get to it for a couple hours. The penguin says fine, and walks across the street to the mall.
He kills time walking around the mall, does some window shopping, buys an ice cream cone, etc. Finally the two hours are up and he goes back to the mechanic.
The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?"
The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "No, that's just ice cream."
Italian Computer Repair shop
Everytime I try to use Microsoft's search engine on my Italian laptop, the computer explodes. I took it to my Italian Computer repair store. The Italian repairman said "What seems to be the problem? Please keep it brief" so I said "Bad-a-Bing, Bad-a-boom!"
Who collects the souls of people who die while fixing things?
The Grim Repair.
The optician just took my glasses from me to repair them. They said they can fix it in 5 minutes.
I can't see it happening.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop...
...and said, "make it sew."
If you are planning on opening a clock/watch repair shop, I've got the perfect name for it...
Uncertain Times
They say a fool and his money are easily parted, but...
Vacuum repair shops really are for broke suckers.
I've got a business...
What's you business?
A trampoline company in Prague.
How's it going?
It's not great, the Czech's keep bouncing...
What's your business?
We repair elevators in high rise buildings.
How's it going?
Meh, it's up and down.
What's your business?
...
Carry it on!
I used to work the front desk at this small car repair shop.
It was owned by a couple of guys, Jack and Jay. Both guys were really well known and liked around town but Jack never seemed to come into the shop.
People would come in frequently looking for Jack and I would tell them Jays here but Jacks off all day.
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
The Three "R's" of Reddit jokes:
Repair, reuse, recycle.
Foundation repair company with slogan
Crack Whores... "We fill any crack"
I'm going to start a quidditch ball repair shop, staffed entirely with ex-cons from Azkaban.
It'll be called Snitches Get Stitches .
How much does it cost to repair a roof?
None, its on the house.
My broken hard drive got sent back to china for repair.
I had to deport it.
Cable repair guy asked me what time it was
It's between 8am and 1pm
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the repair outlet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working repair geordi piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.