59+ Cheerful Rent Jokes | paying rent, not paying rent jokes

Laughable Rent Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

A man went to confession.

"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"

"Of course, my son."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

I complained to my local video rental store because they only have one movie to rent.

They said, take IT or leave IT.

Two conjoined twins walks into a pub

The bartender is amazed: "You're not from around here"
The siamese on the left side:"No, we're french, every summer, we come to the UK, rent a car and start a road trip"
"So, you really seem to like the country?"
"Not that much, but once a year, my brother can drive".

A Russian family moves to America...

...but they can't pay their rent, so the husband says to his wife, "You must go out and sell your body." The wife does and comes back two hours later. The husband asks, "How much did you make?" The wife replies, "50 dollars and 10 cents." The husband asks out of curiosity, "Who gave you the ten cents?" The wife says, "They ALL did."

Three guys meet in class after a superbowl sunday, still super hungover from the night before.

The first guy pipes up and says 'Fuck. i got so drunk last night I blew chunks.' The second guy cuts him off nearly immediately screaming 'oh yeah? I was so drunk I emptied my bank account at the s**... club after. I have no money to pay rent now.' The third guy laughs at both of them and said 'that's nothing. I was so wasted last night, I sold my car to a homeless guy for 50 cents.' Finally the first guy cuts them both off. 'You guys don't understand.....Chunks is my girlfriends golden retriever.'

Anne Frank showed a cunning and resolve that any Jew would have been proud of.

Two years rent free.

Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Timbuktu

Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about "Timbuktu".
The priest began:
"I was a father, all my life,
had no children, had no wife.
I read the Bible, through and through.
On my way to Timbuktu."
Then the Australian told his version:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went,
we met three ladies cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
so I booked one and Tim booked two!"

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he eventually gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but he eventually gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

[God-awful OC] What do you call someone who lets people rent wifi signals from them?

The lanlord!

You can explore rent accommodation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean rent condo dad jokes. There are also rent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev

from a company called You Crane.

Jesus has been living in my heart for years...

...and I still haven't received one rent check!

No wonder they call him king of the Jews...

Why should you always rent, rather than buy, a multimeter that measures ohms?

Because it's easier to follow the path of leased resistance.

How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Ten ants

A husband leaves his money in the attic...

His wife gets curious one day and asks why he leaves his money in the attic.

The husband replies, " So I can use it to pay rent in heaven."

A few years later the husband dies and the wife goes upstairs to see if the money is gone, and sure enough the money is still where he left it. The wife says to herself, " I knew he should have put it in the basement."

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.

The doorbell rang so the son went to open the door.

- How is it?
- I'm the house owner, I'm here to collect rent.
- Mom! It's the owner. Do you have money or should I go play outside again?

A man asks to rent a book about s**......

The librarian says, "No, you're not going to give it back!"

Jesus Christ turned water into wine and got worshiped by millions.

I turned w**... into cookies and now I have to wash dishes at an Olive Garden to pay rent.

A Chinese guy buys a well from a Jewish guy

The next day the Chinese walks up to the well; when the Jew runs up to him and shouts, "STOP! I sold you the well; not the water!"

The Chinese guy smirks and says "That's exactly why I'm here. How could you store your water in my well and not pay rent?!"

An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...

and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"

"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."

The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you think I'm a Jew? I'm actually Catholic."

The clerk says, "Catholic, eh? Tell me then, did God have a son?"

"Sure," the old Jew says, "Name of Jesus."

"And where was He born?"

"In Bethlehem, in a manger."

"And why was He born in a manger?" pressed the clerk.

"Because a s**... like you wouldn't rent him a room!"

The doorbell rings and the son walks to open the door.

- Who is it?
- It's the landlord, I'm here to collect rent.
- Mom! It's the landlord. Do you have money or should I go play outside again?

I just made this one up and it's really s**.... What do you call a resistor that can't afford rent?

Ohm-less

Wheel of Fortune

Me: I'd like to buy a vowel
Pat: Aren't you a millennial?
Me: *sigh* I'd like to rent a vowel

Ugh, I hate millenials...

Walking around here like they rent the place.

There was this guy who took his girlfriend to prom...

He waited in a really long line to get some tickets.

After he finally got them, he goes to rent a limo, there is also a really long line, but he finally rents the limo.

Then at the prom he goes to get some punch. There is no punchline

An 18 year old in America is allowed to buy an AR-15, vote, enlist in the army, buy cigarettes, get a lottery ticket, and die for their country...

...but god FORBID they try to rent a car.

To my high school teacher who said I'd never amount to anything...

Please use your psychic gift to tell me next week's winning lottery numbers. My mum will kick me out of her basement if I don't pay the rent I owe!

What do you call a haunted house, whose ghost could not pay the rent?

Repossessed

A man goes for confession ...

The priest says Tell me son why are you here

Well father , during the war , I hid a Jewish family in my attic and saved them from certain death. the man replied.

The priest taken aback replies , Well son this is a rather noble act that the lord would be proud of , why are you here at confession?

Well father , I charged them rent to stay in my attic. the man replied.

This is not right son , we should help others without asking anything in return , this is the true Christian way the priest replied.

The man replied , Well in that case should I tell them that the war is over ?

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

I checked my bank account and I found out that I have enough money to spend for the rest of my life.

Rent? Food? Bills. My account got them covered for the rest of my life. As long as I die on Tuesday.

I bought Pfizer years ago and was so excited to earn millions when they announced their COVID vaccine...

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

Finally Wheel of Fortune is modernizing to reach more millennials with new rules.

Instead of buying a vowel they have to rent it.

My housemates are full of s**....

Refusing to pay rent, making up excuses about hauntings.

I've lived here for hundreds of years. Not seen a single ghost.

Waiting and waiting and waiting...

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

The game monopoly is fin, but has some major out of date stuff.

There's free parking, a luxury tax, you can actually afford to pay rent, and rich people can actually go to jail.

A man went to confession (again)

"Forgive me, father", he said. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."

"Well, that is not a sin," said the priest

"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."

"That is not at all proper, but your lives were at risk, so you are forgiven."

"Thank you, father. But may I ask you another question?"

"Of course you can."

"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"

A guy asks a girl to the school dance

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.

He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:

\- How many kids do you have?

\- Twelve.

\- Where are they now?

The lawyer answered with sadness:

\- They are at the cemetery, with their mother.

That's how the lawyer rented a house!

Cr

How did Beethoven rent out his house?

He put it up Fur Elise

A man enters a Blockbuster and asks I want to rent Batman Forever

The clerk replies: I'm sorry but you must return it tomorrow

Millenials.

Walking around like they rent the place.

My ant farm has 9 ants.

One more and I'll have to start collecting rent.

Moving company: "You've got a lot of heavy furniture to haul. I suggest renting a moving truck."

Dad: "Why would I want to rent a truck that doesn't move?"

My landlord doubled my rent. I'm going to give up drinking for a month.

Sorry I missed punctuation there.

I'm going to give up, drinking for a month.

My daughter just walked into the living room and said

"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, and stereo, and iPhone, and iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother. Well, she didn't put it quite like that... she actually said... Dad, this is my new boyfriend, he supports the Lakers"

When Pablo Picasso was a young struggling artist, he was several months behind in the rent.

The landlord came by and told him that if he didn't come up with the money he would be evicted on Tuesday.

Picasso exclaimed, "Before you kick me out, just think, years from now people will look at this building and say the great Picasso lived there."

The landlord looked at him blankly and said, "And if you don't come up with the money they can start doing it Tuesday."

I told Alexa to rent "Everything, Everywhere, All at Once"

Now I have a billion-dollar credit card charge and 48 hours to watch everything, everywhere, all at once.

BREAKING: Jeff d**...'s former landlord arrested.

He used to charge an arm and a leg for rent.

Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in.

Now the landlord is asking for rent.

I'm sick and tired of these 18 yr old with attitude.

Everywhere I go they strut around acting like they rent the place.

2 newfies go fishing

So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.

The guy in the front says to his buddy:

" This is a great spot, we should mark it"

So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.

"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.

"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:

"We might not get the same boat next time"

I'm getting really sick of millennials attitudes lately