Rene Jokes

A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears.

Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't...

But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse!

Renes Descartes goes into a bar

The barkeeper asks him: "You want a beer?"

Descartes agrees and after that he drinks many more.

Later when he is quite drunk he grabs his keys and moves towards his car.

The barkeeper stops him from entering the car and asks him: "Do you really think, driving your state is a good idea?"

Descartes replies: "Yeah, you're right. I don't think..." and abruptly stops existing.

A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies I think not and disappears.

This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.

Isaac Newton, being the big pimp Mack daddy he is, goes to the bar.

There, he sees his good friend Rene DesCartes wallowing in self pity, crying over a whiskey.

"My dear friend," Newton says, "whatever is the matter?"

"Ah, Isaac, tis terrible! My wife has been cheating on me!" DesCartes bemoans, "We are separating and I fear I shall never love again!"

"Nonsense!" says Newton, "Join me and we shall go have a romp at the brothel! Surely some woman of ill repute will catch your fancy!"

DesCartes considers, but returns to his drink; "Sorry my dear friend, but I cannot find the passion within me. Will you stay here and keep me company?"

Newton sighs, knowing that his night is ruined, but knowing his friend is in need. "Of course I shall stay my friend; sometimes you need to put DesCartes before the whores."

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.

He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.

You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse

So a horse walks into a bar...

So a horse walks into a bar. The barkeep seems to know that the horse frequently goes to bars, and he asks the horse, "Aren't you an alcoholic by now?"

The horse replies, "I think not!" and disappears, seemingly into thin air.

See, the joke here is based on Rene Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think, therefore I am", however, explaining that part first would be putting Descartes before the horse.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar. . .

. . .and orders a beer. When he finishes is, the barkeep asks "Have another?" Descartes replies "I think not."

. . .and POOF. He vanishes.

So Rene points to Gorgias in the schoolyard and says, "you're a stupid solipsist...".

...and Gorgias says, "I know you are but what I am."

RenΓ© Descartes Walks Into A Bar

He orders a beer and drinks it. The bartender returns and asks if he wants a second one. Rene responds "I think not" and promptly disappears.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The Bartender says, "Hey, Rene, you want a scotch?" Descartes replies, "No, I think not."
And then he vanishes.

No dice.

Mr. Stark, I'm not feeling so good...

Rene Descartes get home from work.

Wife: You forgot groceries again!?

Descartes: I'm sorry honey, I wasn't thinking.

*Descartes slowly fades from existence*

Rene Descartes goes to a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger.

The waiter says, "Would you like fries with that, sir?"

Rene Descartes replies, "I think not," and ceases to exist.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar...

The bartender asks, "will you be having a drink tonight?"

Descartes replies, "I think not."

And POOF, he disappears.

Renee Descartes walks into a bar

Bartender: would you like a drink?
Descartes: I think not!
Descartes then vanishes from existence.

Rene Descartes walked in to a bar.

Barkeep asks " Do you want a drink?"

Descartes says "I think not," and poof. He's gone.

Renewing public sector is like moving a graveyard.

You won't get much help from those already there.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar

The bartender asks him if he'd like a drink. Descartes replies "I think not" and vanishes.

I think, therefore I am.

Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks
him if he would like another.
I think not, he says, and vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Rene De Carte Walks into A Bar

Rene De Carte walks into a bar.

The bartender asked if he wanted a drink.

De Carte responded with I think not

De Carte disappears.

Renewable energy?

I'm a big fan

Rene Descartes walks into an empty room...

After some time he remarks, Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

Why is Renee Zellweger sad?

She entered a Renee Zellweger lookalike contest, and lost.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar...

The bartender asks him: Would you like a beer?

Descartes replies: I think not and disappears.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar

The bartender offers Descartes a whiskey,
To which he replies "hmmm I don't think..."
And dissapers.

A server asked Rene Descartes if he would like another cup of coffee...

He replied, "I think not!" And disappeared.

Be careful what you think

After much thought, Rene Descartes had his eureka moment where he stated "I think, therefore I am". Feeling absolute euphoria over this revelation, he wanted to share it with someone.

Finding no one in the street, he went into a bar and said to the first person he saw "I think, therefore I am". Not understanding, the man said, that's great, but would you like to date my sister?

Looking at the man's sister, Descartes said with some disdain "I think Not", and immediately faded from existence with a tiny puff of smoke.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar

The bartender asked him if he wanted a drink to which he replied, I think not and instantly disappeared.

We have collected gags that can be used as Rene pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Rene, here are one liners and funny Rene pick up lines.

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