The Best 79 Remove Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Remove jokes. There are some remove surgery jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these remove anesthetic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Remove Jokes and Puns

Don't know why this got removed the first time. I'll try again. When is it OK to have sex with your cousin?

[Twice removed]

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Tatoos of Elvis

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.

The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"

The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".

The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.

The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."

The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"

The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely Willie Nelson."

Two men are out on the street with only $3.00...

The first guy says "I want a beer but we don't have enough money." The second guy replies "I have an idea, I'm going to go buy a hotdog from the vender across the street remove it from the bun and put it in my pants. Then we will go to a bar, order a drink for each of us, drink them then I'll unzip and you'll start sucking on this hotdog so we will get kicked out and not have to pay." The first guy, although skeptical, goes along with it. After the first bar works perfectly they decide to try their luck at a few more bars, so after the 7th bar both guys are very drunk, the second guy says "Okay, I'm hungry I want that hotdog now." The first guy replies with "Hotdog? Oh yeah, I ate that 3 bars ago."

jokes about remove

How does Justin Bieber remove his condom after sex?

He farts.

My niece comes up with the best kid jokes. Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?

He wanted to to win the **Nobel Prize!**

A man takes his dog to a vet...

A man takes his dog to a vet because it has too much hair in its ears and is having trouble hearing. The vet suggests using nair hair removal cream to remove the large portion of hair from its ears.

So the man goes to a pharmacy and asks for some nair hair removal cream. Then at the counter, the pharmacist says, "ok if this is for your legs, don't wear any tight pants for a few days".

The man says, "its not for my legs".

The pharmacist then says, "ok if it's for your underarms, don't wear any tight shirts for a few days".

The man says, "its not for my underarms". The pharmacist then asks, "what is it for then?"

"It's for my schnauzer. "

Then don't ride your bike for a few days.

Remove joke, A man takes his dog to a vet...

What is the difference between one night stand, long relationship and marriage?

in one night stand you tear off the panties

in long relationship you gently remove the panties

in marriage you wash and dry the panties. then fold them and put them in the clothes cupboard.

I removed the shell from my pet snail...

because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

You can explore remove surgical reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean remove appendectomy dad jokes. There are also remove puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early

When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and panties."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves?"
"Yes, madam?"
"If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes the whole Emergency Room to remove it.

How do you turn a seal into a sea lion?

Remove an electron.

Why was Jesus such a bad carpenter?

He couldn't remove three nails to save his life

A wife is like a hand grenade...

remove the ring and your house is gone!

Remove joke, A wife is like a hand grenade...

I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster.

But it just made it more sluggish.

How do you make a Sea Lion?

You remove an electron from a Seal!

The doctors rushed quickly to remove the bullet which was lodged in his artery...

But it turns out it was all in vain

Capital letters...

...the difference between using chemicals to remove polish, and using chemicals to remove Polish.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.

Never remove the shells from racing snails

it makes them sluggish

Wives are like grenades...

Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

What's the difference between acetone and Hitler?

One is used to remove the polish, and the other is used to remove the Polish.

How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb?

How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes a whole emergency room to remove it.

Remove joke, How many gays does it take to put in a lightbulb?

What should you do before cooking the vegetables?

Remove the wheelchair

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

Why did EA remove gender restrictions in The Sims 4?

They're just doing their small part, because EA loves micro trans actions.

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people

I'm just
saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.

The Philippines is the only country in the world who turns its flag upside down during times of war

while French people remove the red and blue colour

I started flossing again recently to remove food from between my teeth

I never realized just how much blood I was eating

How do Buddhist monks send emails?

They remove all attachments.

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

What do Hitler and teenage girls have in common?

They both use chemicals to remove the polish.

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

Sieg Heil by Covergirl

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and no one panics.
Hitler does the same thing and everyone loses their minds.

Using chemicals to remove polish is fine...

But use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're suddenly Hitler!

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house

A poor farmer came to the Parliament house in New Delhi to meet with an officer. He kept his bicycle near the high walls of the building and proceeded to the entrance.

The security guard came running towards him and hurriedly asked him to remove the bicycle.

This is a very prestigious place. High profile men, ministers and judges come here

The farmer innocently replied, I know that. I have locked my cycle, nobody can take it

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

I'm 1/16th Cherokee...

Not by ancestry, but because I got into a terrible accident in my Jeep and the doctors were unable to remove all the shrapnel.

How do you make an art student's car go faster?

Just remove the huge Dominoes sign on top!

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

I used to have a a racing snail that kept losing.

I decided to remove its shell to try and speed it up, if anything it made it more sluggish.

I removed my snail's shell because I thought it would make him faster

It seems it only made him more sluggish.

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

I bought myself a new deodorant stick this morning.

The instructions say " remove cap and push up bottom ".

I can't walk very well at the moment, but every time I fart, the room smells incredible.

I bought a new deodorant yesterday.

The instructions say "Remove cap and push up bottom." Wouldn't it be better to put it under your arms?

I before E, except after C.

We ***feign agreeing***, but this ***foreign poltergeist*** of a rule is ***neither efficient*** nor smart- and ***therein*** lies the ***height*** of the issue. It's as if an ***ancient deity*** has influenced the ***zeitgeist*** of the people. We must remove the ***weight*** of this ***veil*** from ***their*** eyes, and ***forfeit*** the ***leisure*** of this ***weird*** and ***heinous*** rule from our ***science*** and ***leisure*** alike.

I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..

He's actually more sluggish now.

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00.

I purchased a deodorant stick today

Instructions say, Remove cap and push up bottom
I can hardly walk but the room smells lovely when I fart.

What does a wife and a hand grenade have in common?

Remove the ring and your house is gone

How do you turn Six into Nine?

Remove the S

A man woke up in the hospital...

Doctor: I'm really sorry, but we've had to remove your colon.

Me why?

I decided to remove my racing snail's shell to make him go faster.

But if anything, it just made him more sluggish.

Land O Lakes

Have you guys seen the new Land O Lakes butter packaging? They removed the Native American girl from their labels to be more politically correct.

Now that's the most American thing I've ever seen; remove the Indian and keep the land.

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

Gravity is one of the fundamental forces in the Universe. What do you get when you remove it?

Gravy!

Doctor: sorry but I had to remove your colon in the surgery..

Me why?

It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast

For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'

Bought a deodorant stick today.

Instructions say "remove cap & push up bottom"

I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[ Removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]

I think it's smart for Texans to remove books from libraries...

They're going to need more fuel for the fires after the Power Grid fails again

I was going in for surgery to remove a cyst in my hand yesterday, and I asked one of the nurses if I'd be able to play piano after recovery.

She said yes!

I replied: "That's great, I've never been able to play before!"

The eyeroll I got back made me think she was thinking back over the Hippocratic oath to determine whether she could smother me with a pillow or not.

I could never figure out why birthday cake gave me heartburn.

Apparently you're supposed to blow out and remove the candles first.

I had to remove the batteries from my monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a terrible headache and making me dizzy

Guide for Russian troops: How to identify Ukrainians

Sometimes Ukrainian saboteurs try to pass off as Russian troops. The easiest way to identify them is to remove their pants and examine their genitalia. All Ukrainians have balls of steel. Even women.

What's the similarity between a hand grenade and a wife?

If you remove the ring, the house is gone

Hated the view from my yard because of the tree...

So I called a tree guy to take it down. I asked him to remove the stump, and he said "Oh I can't, you have to call a stump guy."

So I call the stump guy, he takes out the stump, and I say "Aren't you gonna fill the hole?"

He said "Oh, no, you'll have to call a landscaper for that.

So I call the landscaper, and I'm in a rush for my flight and I tell him "Just make it look pretty."

I come back from vacation, and he's planted a tree.

Gravity is one of the fundamental forces in our universe but if you remove it you get gravy

also austria is not part of nato

I bought a new deodorant stick today. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom

I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely!

Doctor: I'm sorry, but we had to remove your colon.

Me Why?

How many bankers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to remove the bulb and drop it, the other to sell it before it crashes.

Vacuum cleaner salesman

a Vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on my door.
Before I spoke he tipped a bucket of dog shit over my carpet and said:
"If this vacuum doesn't remove every trace of it, I'll personally eat what's left."
I replied:
"I hope you're hungry because they cut off my electric this morning"

If I ever become famous, I'm gonna kiss another guy publicly just to remove homophones from my fan base.

John and Jon, that means you.

Be careful of woman who say you're a good catch.

They'll try to clean you and remove your spine.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the remove enhancement puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working remove eliminate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes