Remote Jokes
126 remote jokes and hilarious remote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about remote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes about remote work, remote control, remote learning, remote April fool's pranks, remote sensing, remote control cars, remote meetings, Nevada, appliances, and the farthest you can go! Get ready for the guaranteed giggles.
Quick Jump To
- Short Remote Jokes
- Remote One Liners
- Remote Control Jokes
- Remote Work Jokes
- Universal Remote Jokes
- Remote Learning Jokes
- More Remote Jokes
Funniest Remote Short Jokes
Short remote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The remote humour may include short virtual jokes also.
- My coworkers laugh at my jokes in in-person meetings, but never in online meetings. When I asked them why, they said that my jokes weren't remotely funny.
- I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything"
- I bought a universal remote the other day and I thought to myself "Wow, this changes everything!"
- Working from home and told a joke on a zoom call. No laughed Turns out I'm not remotely funny.
- What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day? This changes everything!
Happy Father's Day! - It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely. - The man who invented the remote control has sadly died. His body was found down the back of the sofa.
- Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command? It goes without saying.
- It was a sad day when I discovered… my new Universal Remote Control does not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
- I remember the first time I saw a universal remote. I thought to myself, this changes everything!
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Remote One Liners
Which remote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with remote? I can suggest the ones about distant and relay.
- I told a joke over my zoom meeting It wasn't even remotely funny
- Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them? To a remote island...
- My remote control batteries died out today. So I gave them away, free of charge.
- I just retired. But I've been watching so much TV I consider myself a Remote Worker
- What’s a cat’s favorite button on a DVD remote? Paws.
- I'll never forget my dad's last words. "Honey, give me the TV remote."
- I just got a new universal remote Wow! This changes everything...
- How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote? Please respond quickly!
- What is the pinnacle of laziness? Having a remote control for your remote control.
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- I named my TV remote Waldo. For obvious reasons.
- What's a dogs favorite button on the remote? The paws button
- Why did the T.V. break up with the remote? She thought he was too controlling.
- The control for the air conditioner was so far away It was not even remotely close
- Last night, I had the worst nightmare ever It wasn't even remotely terrifying.
Remote Control Jokes
Here is a list of funny remote control jokes and even better remote control puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The man who invented the remote control has died They found him at home, between his couch cushions.
- The man who invented the TV remote control died... He's going to be buried between two couch cushions.
- I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It's nothing but period drama.
- I bought a universal remote today. I was disappointed to find out that it does not, in fact, control the universe. Not even remotely.
- did you hear about the remote control that went to jail. apparently he was charged with battery
- If war is the father of invention, and necessity is the mother of invention... Then laziness must be the drunk uncle with inventions like the remote control, la-z-boy, and the clapper.
- What did the air conditioner say to its remote control? You turn me on.
- Why do French people hate remote controls? They are too easy Toulouse.
- The inventor of the remote control died. But now nobody can find him...
- What did the police man say when he arrested the remote control that beat up his wife? 'I charge you with battery'
Remote Work Jokes
Here is a list of funny remote work jokes and even better remote work puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jokes from home I noticed that when I was in the office, people would always laugh at my jokes, but working from home, people never do. When I asked why, they said my jokes weren't remotely funny
- My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement... I just realized that I'm the only one who has to commute to work
- Why does the proctologist keep buying new TV remotes? Digging through the couch just feels like work.
- My dad is like a tv remote When I find him he's always dirty from the places he's been, doesn't work, and is gone again the next morning.
- A colleague was let go today...... ....after he updated his online status from 'Working Remotely' to 'Remotely Working'
- This old remote shutter release i found isn't working My camera won't take pictures with it but the neighbors car has been crushed.
- Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control
- My TV remote just suddenly stopped working the other day. I guess I must have really pressed its b**....
- I treat my remotes like I treat my wife If they stop working, I give them a s**... on the back
Universal Remote Jokes
Here is a list of funny universal remote jokes and even better universal remote puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a used universal remote at a flea market The volume down button was broken but it only cost a nickel.... I couldn't turn it down.
- My universal remote is finally here Now this changes everything
- I used to have for remotes for my TV then I bought a universal remote. Now I have five remotes.
Remote Learning Jokes
Here is a list of funny remote learning jokes and even better remote learning puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My parents have 4 TV remotes and I'm trying to figure out what they do. I'm remote learning.
Great Remote Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about remote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean local jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make remote pranks.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
Where do tv's go on vacation?
To remote Islands
A family of 16 got stranded on a remote island and started a new life there
I hear they really came into their own
Hostage Escape
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"
A man is following me around with a remote control.
I think he's toying with me.
The stranded man
A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years. The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? he asks.
That's my house, says the castaway.
What's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third hut?
Oh, that? sniffs the castaway. That's the church I used to go to
A man and wife are in bed, when...
...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...
Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"
Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"
A man counterfeits $18 bills...
...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet...
this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
After wandering for 10 years in the Desert, a man finally stumbles upon a remote brothel.
This was his return to syphilisation.
The worst moment in a child's life....
"Mum, the TV remote needs new batteries. Where can I find some?"
"Check the top drawer in my bedroom, there should be some in there."
My grandfather called and said his TV wouldn't change channels
I gave him remote support
A robber runs out of a store with a stolen TV.
The blonde cashier runs after him yelling, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
A couple of ten years is in bed
They haven't had s**... in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.
"Found the remote!"
The guy who invented the remote control just died....
... They found him between the couch cushions.
A cruise ship is sailing in the Caribbean..
The cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms wildly.
Captain, one passenger asks, who is that man over there?
I have no idea, the captain says, but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.
In j**... training
A man learns how to detonate and conceal explosives.
In order to test how good he is at concealing them, he decides to strap some to himself and walk around the camp. Now knowing they were attached to a remote detonator, he suddenly blows up.
After he dies he sees an old friend he left when going to train for j**....
"How did training go?" Asked his old friend.
"Not too sure, I think I bombed it."
Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.
And that's just to get the remote.
Knock Knock
A man is sitting at home watching TV when he hears a knock at the door. Begrudgingly, he hits pause on the remote and makes his way to the door. Once at the door, he hears a woman's voice from outside.
Woman: Knock knock!
Man: Who's there?
Woman: Cliffhanger.
Man: Cliffhanger who?
The man stood at the door for hours, anxiously awaiting a response, but there was none.
I am a television, and she is a remote control with no batteries...
She can't turn me on.
Why is it always hard to find the TV remote?
Because it's always in a remote location!
Why are tvs so expensive?
Because you can only get them in a remote location .
I told my wife I wanted a change and I was leaving for a remote area...
So I got up from the sofa and went to the coffee table where the remote was located.
How do you commit s**... using remote explosives?
See for yourself
A man went on a semi-guided hunting trip in the remote wilderness.
Before setting off on the first day the guide instructed him to shoot three times into the air if he should get lost. Sure enough, the man the man became lost and did as instructed. Nobody came. This continued over the course of the next four days. Finally, on the fifth day a search party located the lost man and just in the nick of time as he only had one arrow left.
Relationship Status
Just reached for my dog's paw and he pull it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote
So a p**... offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..
I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City
An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"
What's the difference between a g**... and a TV remote?
Men will actually search for a TV remote.
Have you ever heard of the remote petri culture?
They have different jeans then the rest.
Joe saw a s**... young exotic girl walking out from a bank, a remote control dropped from her mini skirt.
He picked it up and planed to give it back.
But the girl looked at him, her face turned red and seemed nervous and coy.
Joe understood it all of a sudden...
He smiled obscenely and pressed the button on the remote.
Then the bank exploded.
A remote walks into an electronics store
A remote walks into an electronics store and sees a pack of batteries with a sign over them saying "free batteries"
He gasps, walks angrily to the cashier and says "So you're telling me these batteries aren't gonna charge me?"
A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who had been stranded there for several years.
The captain goes to shore and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? He asks?
That's my house says the castaway.
what's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third?
Oh, that? That's the church I used to go to.
My father is a stubborn man who hates to see change
So why in the h**... is he always asking me to pass the TV remote?
African Safari
A young couple went on a safari to Africa, accompanied by the woman's mother.
On the second day, they got separated from their party and found themselves in a remote part of the jungle. Suddenly, a lion jumped out of the undergrowth and stood growling ferociously in front of the mother-in-law.
"Quick, George!" screamed his wife, "do something!"
"Not b**... likely," he replied, "that lion got himself into this mess, he can get himself out of it again."
I went to a psychic who said she was a remote viewer
I bet shes seen a lot of couch corners in her time
A dude is having a yard sale and is selling his TV
Customer: "Sweet I do need a new TV. How much?"
Seller: "5 dollars"
C: "What? Why is it so cheap?"
S: "Well it's stuck on full volume. The remote doesn't work"
C: "And you're just gonna sell it for $5 because you can't make it quieter?
S: "Yep"
C: "Wow. Can't turn that down"
I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"
I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."
Man in bed with his wife... Slides his hand slowly across her shoulders... across her waist.. under her neck... below her neck... under her back.. & suddenly STOPS! Wife: (in a romantic voice) "Why did you stop?"
Man: "Got the remote, you can go back to sleep."
A politician visited a small remote rural town and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the Town Mayor. "First, we have a clinic but no doctors."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said, "I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cell phone reception at all in our town.
Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.
When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.
Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping? The other woman laughed.
No, the woman answered But I asked my husband if he wanted to help me shop and he said no, I asked him if I could take the car and he replied that as long as I left him the TV, I could take whatever I wanted and get out of the house.
So I turned to the fashion channel and told him he had nothing to worry about.
Politicians these days.
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
We have two big needs, said the village headman. First, we have a hospital but no doctor.
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: I have sorted it out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?
We have no cellphone reception at all in our village.
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The s**... is the same but you get to use the remote.
My relationship status:
I just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away, so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.
Not even remotely.
(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk a**... laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
"I'll do whatever I can for my constituents"
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them.
"We have two big needs," said the village headman. "First, we have a hospital but no doctor."
The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while, and then said, "I have it sorted out. A doctor will arrive here tomorrow. What is your other need?"
"We have no cellphone reception at all in our village."
Though they couldn't be more different, explorers and couch potatoes have one thing in common.
They're both looking for the remote.
On a tour of some really remote islands...
A cruise ship passed by an archipelago. A sharp-eyed passenger spotted a ragged figure by a campfire who jumped up and started waving his arms wildly.
"Captain!" said the passenger, "I see someone over there....who is that?"
"I'm not sure," replied the captain, "but he goes nuts every year we pass by here..."
I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".
He is my **pal** n **drone**.
Made my first dad joke as a dad
I went to the doctor who asked me what the problem was.
Me: I have this pain in my a**...
Dr: Oh yeah, what's the problem
Me: We'll she's always hogging the remote to watch Grey's Anatomy
Dr: 😒
