Remote Jokes
119 remote jokes and hilarious remote puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about remote that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh out loud with these hilarious jokes about remote work, remote control, remote learning, remote April fool's pranks, remote sensing, remote control cars, remote meetings, Nevada, appliances, and the farthest you can go! Get ready for the guaranteed giggles.
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Funniest Remote Short Jokes
Short remote jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The remote humour may include short virtual jokes also.
- I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything"
- Working from home and told a joke on a zoom call. No laughed Turns out I'm not remotely funny.
- What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day? This changes everything!
Happy Father's Day! - It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely. - The man who invented the remote control has sadly died. His body was found down the back of the sofa.
- Why will button controlled remotes always be better than voice command? It goes without saying.
- Jokes from home I noticed that when I was in the office, people would always laugh at my jokes, but working from home, people never do. When I asked why, they said my jokes weren't remotely funny
- My wife work remotely from our bedroom. My kids study remotely from their rooms. I work remotely from basement... I just realized that I'm the only one who has to commute to work
- My parents have 4 TV remotes and I'm trying to figure out what they do. I'm remote learning.
- My classmates laugh at my jokes in in-person classes, but never in online classes. When I asked them why, they told me that my jokes weren't remotely funny.
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Remote One Liners
Which remote one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with remote? I can suggest the ones about distant and relay.
- I told a joke over my zoom meeting It wasn't even remotely funny
- Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them? To a remote island...
- My remote control batteries died out today. So I gave them away, free of charge.
- I just retired. But I've been watching so much TV I consider myself a Remote Worker
- What’s a cat’s favorite button on a DVD remote? Paws.
- I'll never forget my dad's last words. "Honey, give me the TV remote."
- I just got a new universal remote Wow! This changes everything...
- How do you fight off four burglars with nothing but a TV remote? Please respond quickly!
- What is the pinnacle of laziness? Having a remote control for your remote control.
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- I named my TV remote Waldo. For obvious reasons.
- What's a dogs favorite button on the remote? The paws button
- Why did the T.V. break up with the remote? She thought he was too controlling.
- The control for the air conditioner was so far away It was not even remotely close
- Last night, I had the worst nightmare ever It wasn't even remotely terrifying.
Remote Control Jokes
Here is a list of funny remote control jokes and even better remote control puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It's nothing but period drama.
- did you hear about the remote control that went to jail. apparently he was charged with battery
- If war is the father of invention, and necessity is the mother of invention... Then laziness must be the drunk uncle with inventions like the remote control, la-z-boy, and the clapper.
- What did the air conditioner say to its remote control? You turn me on.
- What did the police man say when he arrested the remote control that beat up his wife? 'I charge you with battery'
- I am a television, and she is a remote control with no batteries... She can't turn me on.
- Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work? A Remote control
- A man is following me around with a remote control. I think he's toying with me.
- Tragedy, irony, but funny. The man who invented the remote control passed away recently, they found him at home in between the couch cushions.
- I have a degree in the design and mechanics of television controllers I don't know what I'm going to do with this remote knowledge.
Remote Work Jokes
Here is a list of funny remote work jokes and even better remote work puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why does the proctologist keep buying new TV remotes? Digging through the couch just feels like work.
- My dad is like a tv remote When I find him he's always dirty from the places he's been, doesn't work, and is gone again the next morning.
- A colleague was let go today...... ....after he updated his online status from 'Working Remotely' to 'Remotely Working'
- This old remote shutter release i found isn't working My camera won't take pictures with it but the neighbors car has been crushed.
Universal Remote Jokes
Here is a list of funny universal remote jokes and even better universal remote puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a used universal remote at a flea market The volume down button was broken but it only cost a nickel.... I couldn't turn it down.
- I used to have for remotes for my TV then I bought a universal remote. Now I have five remotes.
Great Remote Jokes to Share, Laugh and Enjoy with Friends
What funny jokes about remote you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean local jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make remote pranks.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bicycle
A m**... was walking with the tribe chief in a remote part of Africa explaining to him the wonders of modern society. As they were walking, they see movements in the bushes near them.
Fearing that it might be lions, the chief stood still while the curious m**... went to see what lies behind the bushes. To his amazement he sees a man and a woman going at it. He retreats and joins the chief.
"Lets go. It's just a guy riding a bicycle"
Having never seen a bicycle before, the chief excitedly went behind the bushes. After seeing for himself what the m**... had seen, he pulled out his spear and killed the man.
"Why did you do that?" the m**... asked.
to which the chief answered, "He was riding my bicycle."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Army Captains Are Funny
A new Army Captain is assigned to an outfit in a remote post located in the Afghan desert.
During his first inspection he noticed a camel hitch up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was there. Nervously, the Sergeant replied, sir, as you know, there are two hundred and fifty men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges, that's why we have the camel."
"I can't say I condone this, but I understand their urges. The camel can stay", the Captain conceded.
One month passes and the Captain starts having 'urges' of his own. Crazed with desire, he tells the Sergeant to bring the camel over to his tent. Setting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain climbs and has wild, passionate s**... with the camel.
When he finishes, he turns to the Sergeant and asks, "is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."
Where do tv's go on vacation?
To remote Islands
A family of 16 got stranded on a remote island and started a new life there
I hear they really came into their own
The scientist
a scientist went to a remote island with a dog in order to teach his speaking.
Three years later, the scientist returns, and is asked about his experiment; he replied "woof, woof, woof"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is flying on the same plane as Brooklyn Decker...
...and it crashes in the ocean near a remote island. The man and Brooklyn Decker swim to shore and are the only survivors. They immediately find food and build shelter. With nothing else to do, they begin having s**....
They are having s**... multiple times a day for over two weeks, until one day Brooklyn finds the man standing on the beach alone. She approaches him and asks "What's wrong? Is it me? Is it the s**...?" The man replies, "No, it's not you and the s**... is great... It's just, well... Do you mind if I do something?" Brooklyn replies, "No, whatever you want, I just want you to be happy."
The man then takes off his hat and puts it on Brooklyn's head, tucking her hair up into it. Then he rubs mud on her face in the shape of a beard and says...
"DUDE! I HAVE BEEN HAVING s**... WITH BROOKLYN DECKER FOR THE LAST TWO WEEKS!"
Hostage Escape
A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.
Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the redhead escapes.
When they realize what has happened, the terrorists come back to where the blonde is still standing. They raise their rifles, and thinking quickly, the blonde points and yells, "Fire!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the remote controller say to the tv?
I know he turns you on but man, that guy just pushes my b**...!
It was dark so I had to feel around for the hole with my finger, I didn't wanna just randomly jam it in anywhere
I hate it when the keyless remote battery dies.
A man and wife are in bed, when...
...when the man slides his hand slowly across her shoulders, across her waist, under her neck, under her back, & suddenly stops...
Wife: " ( In a romantic voice) Why did u stop?"
Man: "(Whispering) I found the remote. You can go back to sleep"
A man counterfeits $18 bills...
...and needs to get rid of them, so he takes a trip through rural Iowa. Coming to a small general store at a remote crossroads, he goes in and asks the old man behind the counter if he would please break his bill. The old man replies, "Sure, would you like 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
NASA's New Horizons probe has shown that Pluto is a remote, hostile, and barren planet...
this means it's now the front-runner to be awarded the next Fifa World Cup.
Why did the remote go to jail?
It was charged with battery.
After wandering for 10 years in the Desert, a man finally stumbles upon a remote brothel.
This was his return to syphilisation.
The worst moment in a child's life....
"Mum, the TV remote needs new batteries. Where can I find some?"
"Check the top drawer in my bedroom, there should be some in there."
What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?
You can't play football with the remote.
My grandfather called and said his TV wouldn't change channels
I gave him remote support
What do you call a hot fudge sunday stuck on a remote island?
Desserted.
A robber runs out of a store with a stolen TV.
The blonde cashier runs after him yelling, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of ten years is in bed
They haven't had s**... in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.
"Found the remote!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In j**... training
A man learns how to detonate and conceal explosives.
In order to test how good he is at concealing them, he decides to strap some to himself and walk around the camp. Now knowing they were attached to a remote detonator, he suddenly blows up.
After he dies he sees an old friend he left when going to train for j**....
"How did training go?" Asked his old friend.
"Not too sure, I think I bombed it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do French people hate remote controls?
They are too easy Toulouse.
How did the TV know what the remote was thinking?
It red its mind.
Watching TV is a nightmare nowadays. Violence, fighting, cursing, swearing.
And that's just to get the remote.
Knock Knock
A man is sitting at home watching TV when he hears a knock at the door. Begrudgingly, he hits pause on the remote and makes his way to the door. Once at the door, he hears a woman's voice from outside.
Woman: Knock knock!
Man: Who's there?
Woman: Cliffhanger.
Man: Cliffhanger who?
The man stood at the door for hours, anxiously awaiting a response, but there was none.
Why is it always hard to find the TV remote?
Because it's always in a remote location!
Why are tvs so expensive?
Because you can only get them in a remote location .
I told my wife I wanted a change and I was leaving for a remote area...
So I got up from the sofa and went to the coffee table where the remote was located.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you commit s**... using remote explosives?
See for yourself
A man went on a semi-guided hunting trip in the remote wilderness.
Before setting off on the first day the guide instructed him to shoot three times into the air if he should get lost. Sure enough, the man the man became lost and did as instructed. Nobody came. This continued over the course of the next four days. Finally, on the fifth day a search party located the lost man and just in the nick of time as he only had one arrow left.
Shipwrecked
There was a shipwreck and just three men and one woman survived. It's was remote island and no hope for rescue so they decided to make the best of it and built a small settlement on the island. For survival of humanity they decided that there would take turns having the woman as their wife one week each.
This went on for some months and everyone was happy with the arrangement until suddenly she died.
First month was quite unbearable.
Second month was absolutely horrible.
On the third month they decided to bury her.
I just noticed I had the remote on my hand the whole time I was looking for
My will to live
Breaking News! Self-aware remote control helicopters have just been invented.
They're flying of the shelves!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two trolling thieves stole my TV remote the other day...
Now they just pass and change the channels, those bas****s
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The tribespeople wanted to be left alone; the m**... thought they needed Jesus and went to the remote island even when specifically warned not to; So they killed him.
Thoughts and prayers.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a p**... offered me to do anything for 500 bucks..
I asked her to complete the remote helicopter mission in the GTA Vice City
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq
During inspection, he notices a camel t**... outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."
A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has s**... with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a g**... and a TV remote?
Men will actually search for a TV remote.
Have you ever heard of the remote petri culture?
They have different jeans then the rest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Joe saw a s**... young exotic girl walking out from a bank, a remote control dropped from her mini skirt.
He picked it up and planed to give it back.
But the girl looked at him, her face turned red and seemed nervous and coy.
Joe understood it all of a sudden...
He smiled obscenely and pressed the button on the remote.
Then the bank exploded.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've invented a new yoga position, called "the taco".
**To do it, you roll over onto the remote for your adjustable bed while you're asleep.**
A remote walks into an electronics store
A remote walks into an electronics store and sees a pack of batteries with a sign over them saying "free batteries"
He gasps, walks angrily to the cashier and says "So you're telling me these batteries aren't gonna charge me?"
A ship sailing past a remote island spots a man who had been stranded there for several years.
The captain goes to shore and notices three huts.
What's the first hut for? He asks?
That's my house says the castaway.
what's the second hut for?
That's my church.
And the third?
Oh, that? That's the church I used to go to.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My father is a stubborn man who hates to see change
So why in the h**... is he always asking me to pass the TV remote?
I went to a psychic who said she was a remote viewer
I bet shes seen a lot of couch corners in her time
I was on the phone to a woman from the babestation channel. I said "Can you hide behind the couch?" Confused, she asked "Why?"
I said "Because my wife is coming downstairs and I can't find the remote."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man in bed with his wife... Slides his hand slowly across her shoulders... across her waist.. under her neck... below her neck... under her back.. & suddenly STOPS! Wife: (in a romantic voice) "Why did you stop?"
Man: "Got the remote, you can go back to sleep."
Two friends met at the neighborhood supermarket.
When they got to the checkout one of the ladies started rummaging through her purse for her wallet, she took out a few things, including a TV remote.
Do you always take the remote with you when you go shopping? The other woman laughed.
No, the woman answered But I asked my husband if he wanted to help me shop and he said no, I asked him if I could take the car and he replied that as long as I left him the TV, I could take whatever I wanted and get out of the house.
So I turned to the fashion channel and told him he had nothing to worry about.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The s**... is the same but you get to use the remote.
My relationship status:
I just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away, so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.
Not even remotely.
(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk a**... laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his c**..., while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
Though they couldn't be more different, explorers and couch potatoes have one thing in common.
They're both looking for the remote.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My TV remote just suddenly stopped working the other day.
I guess I must have really pressed its b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I became best friends with my artificially intelligent remote control quadcopter named "ROTOR".
He is my **pal** n **drone**.
