Remind Jokes

What are some Remind jokes?

If a girl says she will be ready in 5 minutes she will.

No need to remind her every 15 minutes about it

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A minute later I finished the message "-searching and resume building."

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

REMINDER: If you have promised your SO that you will love them 24/7

Today is 24/7

What's the worst thing to say to a hipster?

You remind me of someone

How to make girls feel safe in the hallways

I often find myself walking behind various girls while I'm going about my day and I'm always concerned I'm making them feel unsafe. So I like to remind myself not to walk like a rapist.

I find this works much better if I don't say it out loud.

Every 4th of July, America sends Britain a locket with a little tiny picture of the United States in it. They want to remind the crown that America is still...

(β€’_β€’)

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

(βŒβ– _β– )

In *da* pendent

That's a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying oh my god over and over.

Then he composes himself and says:

Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

I had sex with this girl that would constantly remind me of her age

I guess it's a German thing

People always tell me I'm funny

and I always have to remind them I'm Dad.

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

My son asked me to explain what coloring eggs had to do with the story of Easter...

"You see, son, we color Easter eggs to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins."

A border patrol official comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump...

"Sir, because of the trauma of being separated from their parents, three Brazilian children fell deeply sick last night." Trump looks absolutely devastated. He sinks back in his chair, murmuring "oh my god" to himself over and over. Then he composes himself and says: "Okay. Just remind me, how many are there in a brazillion?"

When I'm feeling down.

I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio

A man is charged with first-degree murder and is on the stand, being questioned by the prosecution.

Did you commit the crime?

No sir, I did not.

I remind you that you are under oath. Do you know the penalty for perjury?

Yes sir, and it's a darn sight less than the penalty for murder.

Hey Cutie, you remind me of my little toe you know that?

Why? Because Im cute?

No Because Im gonna bang you on the coffee table later on tonight. ;)

Newfie Joke

A Newfie was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table
later when I'm drunk."

Reminder to all Americans:

Remember to set your clock back by 75 years today.

Christmas lights remind me of my friends.

They all hang together, half of them don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright.

Next time somebody tries to argue using statistics....

Remind them that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Balloons remind me of my dad

They don't come back

The twin towers remind me of genders

There used to be two of them and people get offended when you talk about them

You remind me of my little toe

Why because I'm so cute and tiny?

No, I will probably get drunk later and bang you the coffee table.

A man goes to a bar every night at 5:30...

He sits down and orders 3 beers. One day, the bartender asks, "Hey man, what's with the 3 beers? Why not just order one glass?" The man says, "My brothers and I made an agreement that wherever we are in the world, at 5:30 every night, we'll 'share a beer,' to remind each other of our bond. 1 for each of us." The bartender is touched and gives them to him for free. One day, the bartender notices that the man only orders 2 and assuming that one of the brothers passed away, offers his condolences, to which the man laughs and says, "Nobody died, I just gave up beer. I'm on a diet."

I love Christmas lights!

... they remind me of politicians.

They all hang together, half the buggers don't work, and the ones that do aren't that bright!

A Texan and a West Virginian are on death row…

And both are due to be executed the same night. The Texan is due to be executed first, via electric chair.

"Sir, I'd like to remind you that if three attempts go by and you are still alive, you will be free to go. Any last words?"

"I apologize to the victim's family."

The executioner pulls the switch. Nothing happens. He does it again. Nothing. On the final attempt he pulls with all his might…still nothing.

"Well, you're free now, sir." After undoing the straps, the Texan skips away happily. Now it is the West Virginian's turn.

"Sir, I'd like to remind you that if three attempts go by and you are still alive, you will be free to go. Any last words?"

"You all know that the wall socket there is unplugged, right?"

Jews are so insecure...

they constantly remind us their country isreal.

If a man says he will fix it, he will.

There's no need to remind him every six months

Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself,

that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months.

In the wake of Trump meeting the "President of Virgin Islands", it remind me the two sides of Trump's brain: "left" and "right"...

In the left side, there's nothing right.

In the right side, there's nothing left.ο»Ώ

A man walks up to a girl in a bar and says

"You remind me of my little toe" .
She says, "Is that because I'm small and cute?"
He says, "No, its because I'm going to bang you on the table later"

My crush: You know, you remind me alot of my brother.

[Pulling out]

Me: Excuse me, what?

Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines



10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo.

9. I'm new in town. Can I have directions to your house?

8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me?

7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night!

6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met!

5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them.

4. Those must be space pants, because your legs are outta this world.

3. Hi, my name is Justin… Justin Credible.

2. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but can still make your Bedrock.

1. Is your name Visa, because you're everywhere I want to be.

So I was applying for Art school...

I made sure to remind them what happened when Hitler wasn't accepted to art school.

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

Me: "You remind me of the 20 letters in the alphabet"

Girl: "aren't there 26 letters in the alphabet?"
Me: "you're right, how could I forget. U R A Q T.
Girl: "aw, cute, but that's still only 25"
Me: "that's right, you can get the D later"

A third grade teacher addresses her class

..."alright class" she says, "before I let you go for spring break I want to remind you that I'm getting married this weekend and I'm no longer going to be Ms. Stevens I'm going to be Mrs. Prussy"

She writes M R S. P R U S S Y in big cursive letters on the blackboard and says "whomever remembers my new name when we come back from break gets a gold star for the day"

The ten days comes and goes and she's standing in front of her class early Monday morning and says"good morning class, I hope you all remembered that I got married over the break and my name isn't Ms. Stevens any more it's Mrs" And she writes M R S on the blackboard, turns around to a sea of blank faces.
Then one hand shoots up in the back

"oh! oh! Mrs. Crunt"

Seatbelt

The police, several ambulances and news crews arrived at a car crash. As the police were taking photos of the scene, one of them was being interviewed by a reporter. This was a terrible accident and he wanted to remind people to be cautious:

"Most of these people died because they didn't wear their seat belts. Look at this guy here, he didn't wear his seat belt and he flew through the windshield and his arms are nowhere to be found. Look at that girl there, she didn't wear her seat belt and she's missing her arms and legs. Look at that guy there, he didn't wear his seat belt and half of him is in the car while the other half on the street. Now let's check the other car. See, everyone had their seat belts on and they all look like they did when they were alive."

Why does Floyd Mayweather have "TGIF" written on his boxing shoes?

To remind him that "Toes Go in First."

Next time someone complains about millennials

Remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

"..A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news..'"

"This remind me of a hilarious joke. A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news, and worse news.'
'What are the bad news?' asks the patient.
'You only have 24 hours to live.' replies the doctor.
'Oh my, that's terrible! What could possibly be worse than that?!'
'Well, I've been trying to contact you since yesterday...!'
Haha! Always knocks em out!"

- The Joker on The Batman cartoon.

You remind me of Communism

no class at all

Alphabet Pick-up-line

Me: You remind of the 20 letters of the alphabet

Girl: There are 26 letters in the alphabet dumbass

Me: Oh, I forgot to mention, U R A Q T

Girl: That still only makes 25 . . .

Me: Don't worry, I will give you that D later

Historical wife

Two men are at the pub and it's 2 AM. One of them says it'd be in his best interest if he would leave now. "When I stay away for too long, my wife gets historical."

The other man replies: "That's not a bad idea actually. I can tell you've had enough beer. You're looking for the word 'hysterical'."

"No," replies the man, "I really meant historical. She will remind me of every little thing I ever did wrong in the past."

I think we're looking at the NSA spying thing the wrong way, there are potential positives.

Soon if you forget your email password you'll be able to ring the CIA and they'll remind you.

Whenever I complain about things I have a friend confined to a wheelchair that will bust my chops about how easy I have it.

But I always remind him that before he judges me he should walk a mile in my shoes.

When a man says that he will do something, he will do it.

no need to remind him every 6 months

This guy sites down next to a pretty young girl at a bar

This guy sites down next to a pretty young lady at a bar and they strike up a conversation. The conversation is going pretty well, so the guy says "you remind me of my little toe." The lady, who is a bit confused, responds "is that because I'm small and cute?" The guy responds "no, it's because I'm going to bang you on the coffee table when I get home."

The Spice Girls want to remind you to set your clocks back an hour tonight.

Because tonight is the night, when two becomes one.

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump

The Brazilian ambassador meets with Donald Trump, and offers him 50 Brazilian soldiers to help with the fight against terrorism. Trump says, That's fantastic!"

Later that day Trump calls his Chief of Staff and tells him about the offer of 50 Brazilian soldiers.

The Chief of Staff says, That's fantastic!"

Trump says, Yes, but remind me again, how many is a 'Brazilian?'"

Girl you remind me of my pinky toe...

...cuz I'm pretty sure I'm gonna bang you on my coffee table later.

I was staying at a fancy hotel....

...and it said in the Guest Services, "Dial *75 for Turn-Down Service". So, I dialed *75.

A woman answered the phone saying, "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last man on earth!"

It's nice that while I'm traveling, I can still get some things that remind me of home.

Does the telephone remind you of anything?

No, but it rings a bell

I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen has a massive crack in it.

Anti-vaxxers remind me of the show GLEE

Both haven't aged well

If you ask a man to do something, he'll do it...

You don't need to remind him every 6 months!

Going to a church potluck...

A man calls his friend to remind him about a church potluck tomorrow.

"Ok," he says, "My wife and I will bring the cheese, and you and your wife need to bring the bread."

His friend, who is kind of an anxious mess says, "Oh man, that's a lot to remember. I'm kind of freaking out. I don't know how I'm going to keep all of this information straight!"

"Woah woah woah," the first man says to his friend. "Take it easy, man! Just remember: cheese us loaves you."

Overweight gold diggers remind me of tech support

They're always trying to clear out your cookies and cache

A guy is relaxing on his chair watching TV when his wife comes up and smacks him over the head with a frying pan

A guy is relaxing on his chair watching TV when his wife comes up and smacks him over the head with a frying pan.



"What was that for?" he asked



"I was doing your laundry and found piece of paper in your pocket with the name 'Dorothy' on it"



"I was at the track. That was to remind me what horse to bet on"



The next night, she hits him over the head again while he's watching TV.



"What was that for?" he asked



"Your horse just called"

Sweetheart, you remind me the sea.

>Why? is it because of my beautiful blue eyes reminding you the ocean's water?

No

>I know, it's because of my curly hair, reminds you the waves.

Not really.

>So it's my perfume? reminds you that fresh air near the beach?

Nope.

>So what is it then?

You make me sick.

Christ, if I said I'll do it I'll do it

No need to remind me every six months...

I, a student, was sleeping in and thus missed my classes for the day. My dad woke me up to remind me that I was a student, and to act like it...

...so I went back to sleep.

Fireworks remind me of sex..

I'm always surprised when it lasts more than a few seconds.

- Congratulations, my boy! - Says the uncle to the nephew who is getting married the next day.

- I'm sure a couple of years from now, you will remind of this day as the happiest day of your life!
- But I'm only getting married tomorrow - responds the nephew.
- Yeah - explains uncle - That is exactly what I meant!

A couple gets married.

The husband puts a box under their bed and gets his wife to promise not to look in the box. After 30 years the wife finally looked, to find $1817.35 and 3 empty beer cans. That night at diner the wife tells her husband about looking in the box, and asks him why he had the 3 beer cans in there. The husband said "for very time I cheated on you, I put a can in there to remind me never to do it again." the wife very happy about however she understood that her husband was on the road a lot and the temptation was to great, and it was only 3 times so they hugged and made their peace. Later, when the couple was in bed the wife asked about the money in the box. The husband replies by saying "well very time the box filled up I got a deposit on the cans."

Everytime my SO refers to herself as a housewife...

I have to remind her she is just an apartmentfiancee.

A 3rd grade class is coming back from recess...

When they get into the classroom, teacher says:

'Alright, we have a new student today, so we'll start this class nice and easy with a small discussion - what did you do during recess?'

The new student looked very nervous, so the teacher decided to start with someone else.

'How about you start us off Tim.'

'I was blowing bubbles' said Tim.

'Very nice!' said the teacher. 'Jerry, how about you?'

'I was also blowing bubbles' said Jerry.

'Oh, nice!' said the teacher. 'Now, how about our new student-- oh I'm sorry, I believe I've forgotten your name. Would you remind me?'

'My name is Chris' he says, 'But for some reason, everyone keeps calling me Bubbles.'

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

My lights remind me of my uncle

Because I turned them both on

Why is there cotton on top of the pills inside a pill bottle?

To remind black people they picked cotton before they sold drugs.

Wife: "Get me a coat hanger, I don't want the baby anymore."

Hubby: "Are you crazy? It's too late for that! May I remind you our child has already been born?"

Wife: "It's not too late to let it play with the wall socket."

Sour patch kids remind me of my mom.

She was sour, sweet, then gone.

If a girl says she'll be done in 5 minutes she'll be done in 5 minutes

No need to remind her every 30 minutes

Two amish women are in a field harvesting potatoes.

One amish woman holds up two potatoes and sighs.

The other amish woman says "What's the matter?"

"These potatoes remind me of my husband's testicles." replied the first woman.

"Oh, that big?" said the second woman.

"No, that dirty."

Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

Next time someone compares Trump to Mussolini, remind them of the biggest difference.

Mussolini was well hung.

You remind me of my appendix...

You remind me of my appendix. I have no idea what you do, but I'd love to take you out.

I'm reminded of the story of a man who rode a bike made from trash scavenged at the local dump

he called it recycling.

A good-looking woman

A good-looking woman, maybe in her 60s, waked into a bar and sat at the counter next to a dapper gentleman, also in his 60s.
"You remind me of my third husband," she softly remarked.
Startled, he asked, "How many husbands have you had?"
"Two," she said, as a smile crossed her face.

Why is it tradition to color eggs for Easter?

It is to remind us that Jesus dyed for our sins.

Pump a little harder.

There was once a woman who worked a farm with her daughter. The woman tried to teach her daughter all about the ways of the farm. Her first task was churning butter.

The mother would always have to remind the girl to "pump a little harder". She would find herself telling her daughter to pump a little harder so often, that it became the girls nickname. "Dinnnertime pumpalittleharder", "wake up pumpalittleharder, time for school!" Stuff like that.

One day a weary traveler came to the farm looking foor shelter from the storm. The woman let him in and told him not to go into her daughter's room. The man went to bed and woke up before anyone else. He went to see this daughter the woman had mentioned. He liked what he saw and laid down next to her.

After about a half an hour, the woman is awake and sees that her daughter is not doing her chores. She called out to her "Pumpalittleharder!, Pumpalittleharder!"

From upstaris the women hears the girl yell "I'm trying mommy, I'm trying!"

How to make Remind jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Remind to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Remind? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Remind pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes