Following is our collection of funniest Remember jokes. There are some remember amnesia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these remember photogenic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I M LIVID
I don't remember the rest.
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
He said "inflation"
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."
Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."
What fun that was...
You can explore remember rember reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean remember commemorate dad jokes. There are also remember puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".
I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything"
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."
I told the officer I was being stalked and he asked if I could tell him anything about the man.
I said, "Yes, he reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio."
I said: 'dad, I'm over here'.
Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'
They don't make them any longer.
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
He said to me, before he passed- 'Quick! Get my medicine!'
But, I didn't get it :/
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
Me, when I remember to floss once a month.
The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."
"Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
But he knew it was <3.
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf
Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife
Don't point that gun at me you idiot
Nobody's perfect.
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.
No one could remember her face.
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
Neither of us were counting sheep.
It's 90108 (for our lives to be over)
Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
because they remember what the last fat man did to them
so please if you are drowning children, don't waste water.
And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.
Of course, I called him immediately.
"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
*Fans will remember that*
People will eventually get over it.
And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."
Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound
Edward, says her hands.
and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.
He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"
"Yes"
"And do you remember the first time we had sex?"
She smiled and answered, "Of course."
"And you remember how your Dad caught us."
She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"
"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"
"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.
He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."
It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
It was about a weak back.
Inflation
Holy smokes this blew up, THANK YOU all for the awards and the silver!!
Man, we were wild...
What year did Brokeback Mountain come out?
You aren't alone...
Did you know: A squirrel's brain actually increases in size during winter to remember where they buried their nuts.
...
The technical term for it is post-nut clarity
Interviewer: I meant do you have any questions about the job...
Wife: Honey, do you know what today is?
Husband: I believe it is our 50th wedding anniversary.
Wife: Thats right. Do you remember what we were doing right now 50 years ago?
Husband: We were sitting at this very table, eating breakfast naked.
Wife: Thats right. Want to do it again?
Husband: Sure.
*both remove clothes and sit back down*
Wife: Honey, my breasts are as hot as they were 50 years ago.
Husband: Yes they are, one is in your coffee and one is in your oatmeal.
Doctor: That's not how ADHD works.
Man: But I keep losing my Focus.
But now, they have security cameras everywhere
[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the remember remind jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working remember reminiscent piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.