I M LIVID
I don't remember the rest.
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
He said "inflation"
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
*Fans will remember that*
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife
It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two.
Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.
It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.
I was a complete mess.
I was broke and my body was ruined.
But fuck me, what a night.
Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking. Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?" One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!" So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?" And that's the last thing I remember.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Me, when I remember to floss once a month.
"Stop playing with that shotgun you little fucking cunt."
"Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'
because they remember what the last fat man did to them
It's 90108 (for our lives to be over)
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
I always thought they were gunna hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
No one could remember her face.
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."
I told the officer I was being stalked and he asked if I could tell him anything about the man.
I said, "Yes, he reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio."
Nobody's perfect.
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
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