Following is our collection of rember puns and amnesia one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Remember jokes for adults, dirty commemorate jokes and clean photogenic dad gags for kids.
I M LIVID
I don't remember the rest.
Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget
He said "inflation"
maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
That's how the hurricane tricks you into coming outside.
As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him
Then I remember they feed off of attention.
EDIT 1: This blew up quick thanks guys :D
EDUT 2: When I typed edit 1 it had 500 upvotes now im waking up to 29K upvotes thanks eveyone :D
and you expected a beating but instead they just ruined the housing market?
I always thought they were going to hit me, not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
*Fans will remember that*
there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
Mom: did you hear about the actress that stabbed her husband?!?
Me: really? Who?
Mom: I can't remember her name, it was Reese something...
Me: Witherspoon?
Mom: no, with her knife
It was about a weak back.
Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Me, when I remember to floss once a month.
"Dad, are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
that nobody loves you on any other day of the year, and valentine's day shouldn't be any different.
Remember kids, 'Netflix and Chill' is only one "D" away from 'Netflix and Child.'
because they remember what the last fat man did to them
It's 90108 (for our lives to be over)
"The neighbors hate us."
"Why?"
"Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?"
"Yeah, that was really fun."
"And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife was crying in her husband's arms, and how everyone looked at us funny?"
"Yeah, I remember! I wondered what we'd done..."
"We were still holding our marshmallow sticks."
"What's wrong, dear?" she asks.
"Do you remember 20 years ago, when your father caught us having sex in the back of his police car?"
"I remember," she says.
"And when he told me to marry you right then, or he'd make sure I spent the next 20 years in jail?"
"Of course I remember," she says. "But why are you crying?"
"I would have gotten out today."
I replied, "You remember.. You were there.."
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
No one could remember her face.
His doctor asks him what he remembers.
- All i remember is getting on an elevator with a gorgeous woman and her husband. She had a beautiful cleavage and i couldn't stop staring at it. She then looked at me and told me "Can you please press one?".
Then the same fella followed me home from the pub and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
Things then got out of hand when he tapped on my window at 11.30 that night and said, "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio."
I thought, "That's it, I'm going to the Police."
I told the officer I was being stalked and he asked if I could tell him anything about the man.
I said, "Yes, he reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio."
Nobody's perfect.
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.
People will eventually get over it.
But he knew it was <3.
so please if you are drowning children, don't waste water.
The mom replies, "Listen, the way I remember that party you're lucky you don't bark."
Went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound
He said to me, before he passed- 'Quick! Get my medicine!'
But, I didn't get it :/
I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
Neither of us were counting sheep.
I said: 'dad, I'm over here'.
The mother says "Son, from what I remember about that party, you are lucky that you don't bark".
Funny thing is, I don't remember giving her permission to speak.
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
I was in a pub last Saturday night, drank a few, and noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of them chirped saying, "It's WALES, you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Ireland?"
That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
And one day one of the secretaries asked me to get Kofi Annan a gram of cocaine.
Of course, I called him immediately.
"Kofi" I said, "right now the only one I can think of is 'oceanic'"
And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."
He just said "That's a D, you idiot."
Edward, says her hands.
He kept saying "be positive", but it's hard without him.
Don't point that gun at me you idiot
"Have you heard of Murphy's law?"
"Yeah."
"What is it?"
"If something can go wrong, it will go wrong."
"Right. Have you heard of Cole's Law?"
"No, what is it?"
"Thinly sliced cabbage."
(I remember hearing this from my dad, and to this day it makes me giggle like an idiot.)
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
She decides to take a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to the DNA test results, this isn't our kid."
Husband: "Well, you don't remember, do you? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed our baby had pooped. You said: Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here."
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"
He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf
I thought to myself, "Well, this changes everything"
She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
"Honey, what's wrong?, she asked.
He replied, "Well do you remember when we were dating?"
"Yes"
"And do you remember the first time we had sex?"
She smiled and answered, "Of course."
"And you remember how your Dad caught us."
She laughed and replied, "Oh god, yeah!"
"And since I was 18 and you were 17 how he threatened to send me to jail for twenty years if I didn't marry you?"
"Uh huh. What of it?", she asked.
He let out a sad sigh, "I would have gotten out today..."
They don't make them any longer.
I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."
Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."
What fun that was...
"Now, remember the plan," Ivy tells Harley.
"Yeah, yeah, no problem!" She says, and walks into the bank. Ivy waits in the getaway car.
Time passes. Five minutes...ten...Ivy starts getting worried...fifteen...
Suddenly Harley comes rushing out of the bank, dragging a safe behind her all tied up in rope. Behing her, the guard comes running out with his pants down.
Ivy groans. "Harley, you idiot! I said to tie up the guard and blow the safe!
There is an abundance of remind jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 62 funniest jokes and remember puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any reminiscent witze you can hear about remember.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.