Remarry Jokes
35 remarry jokes and hilarious remarry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about remarry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Remarry Short Jokes
Short remarry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The remarry humour may include short wife remarried jokes also.
- I'm seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife… But I'm pretty sure she'll figure out I'm just after my money.
- My wife asked me if she died would I re-marry? I said no, I'd just go and live with my brother.
I asked her if she'd re-marry if I died.
She said no, she would just go and live with my brother too - So did y'all hear oj simpson is going to get remarried? He's gonna take another stab at it.
- I was close to tears when my ex-wife told me she was getting remarried… I really do feel sorry for him…
- I did everything possible to try and convince my ex-wife to remarry me. But she figured out that I was only after my own money.
- Mad Man Wife: How would you feel if I die?
Husband: I will go mad with grief.
Wife (a bit glad): You wouldn't remarry, would you?
Husband: You never know. A mad man can do anything! - A woman told her friend: "I want to remarry my ex!" "But I thought you were sick of him?"
"Yes, but he's been so happy since we divorced and I can't stand it!" - A wife asks her husband, "what would he do if she died"? Husband: "I would go insane!"
Wife: "Would you remarry?"
Husband: "I don't know. You can't predict what an insane person would do." - My mom and dad were both ladders. Things were pretty great until they got divorced. It was rough at first until they both remarried and I got two new step ladders.
- Based on Trump's History, if elected, he is likely to get divorced and remarried while in the White House It will be "Marriage Apprentice" White House Edition
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Remarry One Liners
Which remarry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with remarry? I can suggest the ones about second marriage and new marriage.
- I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
- What do you do when your dishwasher breaks? Remarry
- What do German girls call getting divorced and remarried? A Herr transplant.
- What do you call a marathon runner whose Dad is remarried? A step-sister.
- You know what they say about re-marrying It's a wife changing experience
- Would you mind if your wife remarried if you died? Over my dead body.
- Did you hear about the widowed frog that got remarried? His first wife croaked!
- Being immortal as a man would s**... to get remarried. They keep getting more rights.
Hilarious Fun Remarry Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about remarry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean getting married jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make remarry pranks.
My wife asked me, If I die, will you re-marry?
I replied, I don't know love, I don't think about those sorts of things.
Well If you did, would she live in our house? she asked
I said, I don't know, I haven't thought about it!
Then she asked Would you let her wear my clothes?
I replied Nah she's not your size
Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.
Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.
Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.
Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.
Wife: Will you let her use my car?
Husband: Of course not
Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her
Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.
Wife: Will you give my shoes to her
Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.
If I die...
If I were to die first, would you remarry?" the wife asks.
"Well," says the husband, "I'm in good health, so why not?"
"Would she live in my house?"
"It's all paid up, so yes."
"Would she drive my car?"
"It's new, so yes."
"Would she use my golf clubs?"
"No. She's left-handed."
A jewel
Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted.
She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant.
But, Madam, you are not wearing any of those things.
True enough, said Mrs. Whembleton. If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry!
My wife wanted me to get a Vasectomy
Since we were both on our late 30 and we were not planning on having more children
I told her: but what if 10-15 years from now something happens to you And I remarry with a much younger woman? She would want children wouldn't she ?
Now I don't need a Vasectomy, the kick was hard enough to prevent further offspring
A very wealthy man on his deathbed
Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Islamist advantage:
When you divorce your wife and remarry, you can still keep the same photo on your desk
A husband asks his wife: If I died, would you marry again?
A husband asks his wife:
-
If I died, would you marry again?
-
Oh darling, of course I wouldn't. I'd go and live with my sister. And if I died, would you remarry?
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No, I think I'd go and live with your sister too.
Getting a portrait painted.
An elderly woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told
the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace,
emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.
But you are not wearing any of those things, replied the artist.
I know, she said. It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry.
Twist in the story.
Man to Wife :- what will you do after I die ?
Wife to man :- I won't remarry . I'll just go and stay with my sister till the end.
Wife to man :- what will you do if I die before you ?
Man to wife :- I also won't marry again. Instead I shall also go and stay with your sister.
Wife asks husband, if she dies will he remarry?
I don't know... yeah I probably would i guess.
What about the house? would you sell it?
No he says, I like our house.
What about our bed, would you buy a new one?
No I like our bed and would keep it.
Ok, the wife now asks, what about my golf clubs?
Would you let your new wife use them?
No way he says, she's left handed.
"What will happen to you if I die, dear?" asked a wife to her husband out of curiosity
"I will go crazy, dear." replied her husband.
Then the wife said,"Promise me that you will not remarry."
Husband replied, "Dear, a crazy man can do anything."
An old married couple is laying in bed one night
And the woman turns to the man and says, "we're both old so one of us is going to die soon, but if I die first are you going to remarry?"
The man says, "No no, I will never remarry you're the only one for me."
But the wife insists and she says, "no I want you to remarry if I die, but the next question is will you take down my pictures after you remarry."
The husband says, "How could I? I would want to keep your memory on until my dying days.
But the wife isn't satisfied and she asks one more question,
"Would you give her my golf clubs?"
And the husband says, "Of course not she's left handed."
A man dying of cancer asks his wife if she will re-marry...
Wife: I suppose I will
Husband: Do you think your next husband will drive my truck when I'm gone
Wife: Well, the truck is an asset to the family and helps get chores done so I think so yes.
Husband: That makes sense... what about my clothes? What will you do with them?
Wife: Well, I'd probably donate them to a church or goodwill I think. Maybe I'll keep a shirt or two for their sentimental value.
Husband: Yeah, of course donating them is probably best... what about my golf clubs? Do you think your next husband will use those?
Wife: Of course not, he's left handed.
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, why not?"
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
A wife asks her husband if she were to die, would he remarry?...
...and her husband says "yes I would remarry I like living a married life and spending time with someone else. The wife gets uncomfortable and proceeds to ask " well would you let her live in our house?" And the husband says "yes I'd let her live here there's nothing wrong with this house." That worried the wife more, so then she asks "well would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the husband says "yes I like my bed and I don't want to get rid of it I'd let her sleep in it." This only makes the wife more worried so she feels compelled to say "well at least promise me you will never let her use my golf clubs." The husband say "don't worry she will never use your clubs, she's left handed."
Joke my 95 year old grandpa told me.
Why husbands avoid questions!!
Why husbands avoid questions.......!
WIFE : What would you do if i died ? Would you get married
again ?
Husband : No....
Wife : Why not ? Don't you like being married ?
Husband : Of course i do.
Wife : Then why wouldn't you remarry ?
Husband : Ok, ok, i'd get married again....
Wife : Would you live in our house with your new Wife....?
Husband : Yes, it's a great house.
Wife : Would you let her drive my car ?
Husband: Yes, its almost new, dear.
Wife : Would you give her my jewelry ?
Husband : No.. I am sure she would want her own..
Wife : Would she wear my shoes..?
Husband : No, her size is '6'
Wife : --silence--
Husband : 'shiiit'...!!
My grandpa told me this one.
So an older couple is discussing the inevitable matter of death. The wife asks her husband, "If I die before you do, will you remarry?" To which the husband replies, "Well, I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so yes." The wife then asks, "What about the house? Will you live in the same house?" And the husband says, "Well, I suppose, I mean, it's already paid for." The wife, getting a little protective, asks, "And what about my car? Will she drive my car?" The husband says again, "Well, it's already paid for..."
The wife, annoyed at this point, shoots, "What about my golf clubs?!?" And the husband says, "Oh, no. She's left handed."
A couple are in bed...
Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"
"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."
"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"
"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."
"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"
"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."
"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"
"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."
"Would he use my golf clubs?"
"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"
