Remained Jokes
41 remained jokes and hilarious remained puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about remained that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Remained Short Jokes
Short remained jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The remained humour may include short remains jokes also.
- I have two conditions in my will... 1) I want my remains spread around Disney World
2) I do not want to be cremated - When I die, I have but 2 requests. The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.
The second, I don't want to be cremated. - After my dad died, I went to his favorite park to scatter his remains A park employee came running, yelling "STOP! You cant do that here!"
I said "Why not?"
He said "You have to cremate him first!" - When I die, I want my remains scattered over Disney World. Also, I don't want to be cremated.
- I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- When I die, I want my friends to do two things: 1) Scatter my remains on my ex's front lawn. 2) Also, I don't want to be cremated.
- When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
- Two women who are best friends are talking. "Martha, if I slept with your husband, would we remain friends?"
"No."
"So, we'll be enemies then?
"No."
"What would we be then?
"Even." - Around 80% of all Asians that move to America get cataracts. The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus, or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.
- Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing... Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.
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Remained One Liners
Which remained one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with remained? I can suggest the ones about stayed and continued.
- Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
- The fly remained undecided during the debate. He was..
On the Pence - Why would glass coffins be popular? Remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins become a thing? ... Remains to be seen.
- Will transparent coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
- Remains to be seen... ...if glass coffins become popular.
- Glass coffins - will they catch on? Remains to be seen!
- Will clear acrylic coffins become popular one day? Remains to be seen
- Will glass coffins be the next years big thing? Remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins be popular in future? Remains to be seen.
- Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen.
- Will glass coffins ever be used? Remains to be seen...
- Glass coffins will they be popular? Remains to be seen!
- Will transparent coffins ever catch on? Remains to be seen
- What happens when you visit the mausoleum? Remains to be seen
Comical Remained Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about remained you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lasted jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make remained pranks.
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
One soldier
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention.The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.
The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one c**... left, and quickly do the math.
The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.
The Frenchman, not wanting to be seen as less noble than the Englishman, says "Vive la France!" and jumps to his death.
The ukrainian stands up, straightens his vyshyvanka, says "Slava Ukraini!" and throws the Russian out.
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their a**..., the results were pretty interesting...
30% of women think their a**... is too fat,
10% of women think their a**... is too skinny,
The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.
A Butcher is Selling Meat and Has One Chicken Left
A butcher is selling meat at his shop and is down to his last chicken.
A woman comes into the store and approaches the butcher. She asks the butcher for a chicken.
The butcher goes into the freezer and pulls out his only remaining chicken. He returns and puts it on the counter.
The woman takes a look at the chicken and asks the butcher if he has any larger chicken.
The butcher takes the chicken and puts it back in the freezer. He waits a minute, pulls the same chicken back out of the freezer, and returns. He puts it in front of the woman and says this is a bigger chicken.
Great! Says the woman, I'll take them both!
I need a funny punchline...
My bf is going on a trip and I thought it'd be fun to give him a joke and tell the punchline when he gets home. Only thing is we were on a time crunch and I just said the first thing that came to mind which was:
What do you call a sheep with 3 legs?
I have absolutely no idea so if anyone can think of a punchline for this please help me.
An original joke for you as thanks:
Why was the caribou wearing a disguise?
He wanted to remain anonymoose.
A muslim woman is getting arrested
The police officer handcuffs her
You have the right to remain silent he says.
She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.
Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!
A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.
A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."
I'm about to go to a f**... for the first time, and I still have no idea what to expect.
Remains to be seen.
