The Best 79 Remain Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Remain jokes. There are some remain motionless jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these remain fundamental puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Remain Jokes and Puns

A muslim woman is getting arrested

The police officer handcuffs her

You have the right to remain silent he says.

She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.

Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!

I made a Epstein didn't kill himself joke on Facebook today.....

I laughed, my friends laughed, the people involved with Epstein who are now going remain anonymous and never be punished laughed. Good times

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

Remain joke, An Israeli Joke

What do you call a nine-sided polygon that wishes to remain anonymous?


Two men are in the woods hunting

one falls into a pit. His friend calls 911 on his cell phone. He tells the operator, "My friend fell into a pit. I think he might be dead!" The operator tells him, "Ok sir. Please remain calm. First, make sure he's dead." There's a pause, followed by a gun shot. Then the man comes back on the line and says, "Okay. Now what?"

An old russian joke

A love-stricken young man rings his beloved and tells her -- "My sweetest, I would like to tell you something special, something truly intimate, something that I wish to remain shared only between the three of us: you, me, and the KGB officer who eavesdrops on our phone line"...

So apparently Richard III will remain in that parking lot they found him in.

Because nobody can afford to pay his ticket.

Remain joke, So apparently Richard III will remain in that parking lot they found him in.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder

He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end"

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired...

An Emergency Call Centre operator has been fired in Bradford

It seems that a caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet my maker."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

What's the difference between chrome and chromium?

Chrome will heat my laptop to 1907 °C and still remain frozen.

You can explore remain circumstances reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean remain added dad jokes. There are also remain puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?


I think Adam Johnson should remain on FIFA 16

Because it means that kids will get to play with him for once

My friend tried to convince me that hard drugs should remain illegal...

...but his argument had no substance.

It remains a puzzle...

...why a bra is singular and panties are plural.

To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada!

Half of the US is moving here soon anyhow.

Remain joke, To the "Remain" crowd in Britain... come to Canada!

Why have all Remain voters suddenly gotten so salty?

They don't like the taste of being the minority!

How many remain voters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, but I have no confidence in Jeremy Corbyn

My remaining Scrabble tiles were PENSI, so I played the name of a long, hard body part ...

... SPINE.

Remains to be seen...

...if glass coffins become popular.

Four Chinese brothers....

...named Chu, Bu, Hu, and Fu decided to go to the United States of America. They had to Americanize their names in order to get a Visa... so Chu became CHUCK, Bu became BUCKS, HU became HUCK, and FU decided to remain in China...

Why don't creationists change lightbulbd?

They prefer to remain in the dark when it comes to anything scientificly proven to work.

GNU/Linux can't run Photoshop..

unless you offer it WINE.
Else you will remain stuck with a GIMPed system.

What advice did the family therapist give to Jerry Sandusky Jr.?

Always remain in-touch with the community.

All snakes wishing to remain in Ireland,

please raise your right hands.

Why did the French invent smokeless powder?

So they could remain hidden after shooting to allow more time for a retreat.

Someone replaced the police issued chap sticks with glue sticks.

Police remain tight lipped about the incident.

Chap sticks for police use stolen. Where found to be replaced by glue sticks.

Police remain tight lipped on the incident.

There once was a man with a wooden leg named Steve

Why Steve carried a wooden leg with him everywhere he went will remain a mystery, creep.

I want my remains spread over Disneyland...

Also, I don't want to be cremated.

What is the only right black people have?

To remain silent

If two people from Kentucky get divorced..

Do they still remain brother and sister?

What's the first question on the West Virginia Bar Exam?

If a husband and wife get divorced, do they still remain brother and sister?

A) Yes
B) No
C) They become cousins
D) None of the Above

Why do hard cheeses tend to shy away from political discussion?

They prefer to remain biparmesan

Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

What remained after the cheese factory exploded?

De brie

Two women who are best friends are talking.

"Martha, if I slept with your husband, would we remain friends?"


"So, we'll be enemies then?


"What would we be then?


Newton's 4th Law

A student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic

Putin decides to remain president for life...

...because too many people die during elections.

Even now, all this time later, we have to remain calm about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

How do cops say goodnight to their kids?


The secret to a happy life

Always stay gruntled, remain as combobulated as you can, and be just exactly the right amount of whelmed.

Remain Calm :)

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems that a caller dialled 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line

A brunette and a blonde visit a motel

Before they go in, brunette warns her friend "Don't fill in your own address. Pick some European country. They won't know the difference.".

In the form brunette states her country of origin as "Hungary" while the blonde, trying to remain inconspicuous, writes "Thirsty".

20 years ago I made a vow...

And all these years later she's ensuring I remain celibate.

Cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness.

Religion and politics remain the first two.

A mime was arrested after getting into a bar fight and breaking his left arm.

He still has the right to remain silent.

When two rednecks divorce

Do they still remain family?

How can you tell when you're going into cardiac arrest?

Your heart says: "You have the right to remain silent."

How do you get out of jury duty in the US?

Be black. The prosecutors never let you remain on the jury.

How does a 9 year old do his part?


The true jape will forever remain the type of cannabis flavored candy used for vocalizing ideas.

The real joke is always indica comments mints.

How many remainers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they prefer to leave it broken, and pay £50 Million pounds a day to someone to tell them it's working fine.

My gf said "I cheated on you as a test to see if you'd remain loyal or not"

So I put her in a coma, and she blinks at least once a day.

I think she's trying to tell me that I passed.

Homosexual people should have rights....

The rights to remain silent!

Just found out approximately 95% of all ocean critters remain undiscovered...

Fine then. Keep your sea crits.

What does the Fox say?

Ohhhh maaann. Want another joke? What does the pig say?... You have the right to remain silent.

I try to remain impartial in chariot races but I have to admit...

I'm with Hur.

How many racists does it take ti change a light globe?

None, they prefer to remain unenlightened.

What do you call it when a volcano that can only remain dormant

Eruptile dysfunction

A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.

Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon .
The man takes a deep, meditative breath and calmly replies, Nah, Imma stay .

Yo mamma

Yo mamma so fat she's required to wear a facemask in public because she's physically incapable of adhering to the social distancing guidelines set by the CDC to remain six feet away from people in public. Boom Roasted.

I'm a glass-is-half-full kind of guy

unless that glass contains urine, in which case I find it difficult to remain optimistic.

What animals say

The cow goes moo

The horse goes neigh

The dog goes woof

The pig goes "you have the right to remain silent"

I forget where I heard it but I didn't make this.

Did you hear my uncle died?

Oh no.

Yeah, he was a chef. He just pasta way so quickly. But hey, you cannoli do so much. His life will remain a pizza history.

i got tested for coronavirus

i got tested for coronavirus and the doctor told me to remain positive

A mother decides to do something about her noisy children.

A mother is raising several children. The problem is, at least one of them is always being loud and the others want things quiet.

She has two rooms at the end of the hallway of her house; one on the left side and one on the right side. She decides to designate one room for being noisy, and the other for complete quiet.

Which room can her children be noisy in?






The left room, because they have the right to remain silent.

Voting results have just been certified at my house

My wife will remain in charge for another four years

What remains stationary no matter how hard you push?

The envelope.

Gyms must remain open...

...the constitution guarantees freedom of the press

I want my remains scattered across the world

I also don't want to be cremated.


I bought a sex doll that was so realistic, it wanted to remain friends

Why can't engines remain government leaders?

Once the first revolution begins there's always thousands more.

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely agree Jim. "


I don't care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

20 Minutes

An old man and a young woman are stuck in an elevator and the building is on fire. The young woman asks, "Sir, I'm interested what would you do if you thought you only had 20 minutes to live?" "Well, I think I would screw anything that moved. Why what would you do?" asked the old man. "Well, under the circumstances," said the woman, "I think I would remain perfectly still."

I've been stealing garden ornaments from my next door neighbour...

Who shall remain Gnomeless

The Queen is laying in hospital with her children at her bedside.

The doctors remain optimistic but I worry my rule is coming to an end . She says.

But the Doctors say you have the omicron variant, do they not? Said Charles.

That's right , she replied.

And the Symptoms are minor are they not? He continued

It's true, but my body is weak and I grow tired .

Suddenly, Andrew interjects:
Minor you say? Can't you just pay them to disappear ?

Did you hear about the results of the recent Ent election?

The alder statesman will remain at the elm, despite losing the poplar vote.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the remain forever jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working remain eternally piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes