JokoJokes

Reluctantly Jokes

58 reluctantly jokes and hilarious reluctantly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about reluctantly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Reluctantly Short Jokes

Short reluctantly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The reluctantly humour may include short hesitant jokes also.

  1. A wife says to her husband put ketchup on the shopping list . He reluctantly agrees. I can't read it anymore he replies
  2. Yesterday, my wife finally told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. Reluctantly, I had to put my foot down.
  3. Self service in the OR Near the end of my operation, I suddenly woke up and demanded the right to close my incision.
    Reluctantly, the surgeon handed me the needle and said, "Suture self.
  4. I asked my dermatologist why she waits a month to diagnose a skin disorder she replied she's reluctant to make a rash decision
  5. What are the 5 elements? Air
    Earth
    Fire
    Water
    Surprise
    (Credit goes to my wife who reluctantly told me this joke she came up with after I asked her why she was giggling to herself)
  6. Why was everyone so reluctant to talk about the elephant in the room? Because it was irrelephant.
  7. Mr. Tickle proposed to the girl of his dreams… But Tess was reluctant to take his surname. …but Tess was reluctant to take his surname.
  8. Why was the beef farmer reluctant to ship his meat by airplane? Because the steaks would be too high.
  9. Why did the Native American feel so reluctant about booking a hotel room? He had his reservations.
  10. My friend has this ugly old flooring in his kitchen he's been reluctant to replace. I asked him why he's so reluctant when the flooring is obviously beneath him.

Share These Reluctantly Jokes With Friends




Reluctantly One Liners

Which reluctantly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with reluctantly? I can suggest the ones about sheepishly and kicking and screaming.

  1. What do you call a reluctant potato? A hesitater
  2. For sale: Vacuum Cleaner £30 Reluctant sale, but it is just collecting dust.
  3. What species of ant is most hesitant? The reluct ant.
  4. What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things? A Hesi-tater
  5. As the capacitor said to the inductor... Why the reluctance?
  6. What do you call a reluctant horse? A neigh-sayer.
  7. What number did the reluctant German guy put in his calculator? 99999999999999999
  8. What's the one phrase g**... will be reluctant to say now? "Shoot it in my mouth"

Reluctantly joke, What's the one phrase g**... will be reluctant to say now?

Amusing & Witty Reluctantly Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about reluctantly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gladly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make reluctantly pranks.

Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.


They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

A whale tale

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."

So an old Nun goes to the gynecologist...

...for her normal check up. The doctor checks her out, and tells her the bad news. "Sister, I hate to tell you this, but you've got c**...." With a look of panic on her face, she says "That's impossible, I've never been with anyone! Can you look again?" Reluctantly, the doctor agrees to have another look. After a second check, the doctor looks up and says, "Sorry sister, they're not c**.... They're fruit flies, your cherry's gone bad!"

An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...

After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!

Nescafe and the Pope

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."

Polish Moose Hunt

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.
However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the c**.... After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"
Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

A Kentucky Fried Chicken lobbyist meets with the Pope.

He offers a donation of ten million dollars to the church if the Pope agrees to change the words in the Lord's Prayer from give us this day our daily bread to give us this day our daily chicken
The Pope apologizes and says he is not interested.
100 million dollars , says the KFC rep.
Again the Pope shakes his head and explains that these words are sacred.
One billion dollars. This is our final offer.
After some consideration of the sum of the donation that the church is about to receive, the Pope reluctantly agrees to the deal. He then returned to the Vatican and called a meeting of all the Cardinals.
I have good news and bad news, the Pontiff said. The good news is, I have managed to secure a donation of one billion dollars to our church. The bad news is, we've lost the Wonder Bread account.

A guy and his wife are in bed late at night...

... when they hear a knock on the door. The guy goes to the door and answers it and there's a man standing there who says, Hey, guy, can you give me a push?
The guy who answered the door says, no, get lost , and slams the door shut.
He goes back to his bed and his wife asks him what that was all about. He tells her there was this guy at the door wanting a push, and he said no.
She says, Go out there and give him a push. He's probably having car trouble. If you were in need of a push, wouldn't you want someone to get up and help you out?
Reluctantly, he gets out of bed, throws on some shoes and pants and goes out the door. He goes all the way out to the street but doesn't see the man. Out loud, he says, Hey buddy, you still need a push?
The other man says, Yeah .
So the first guy says, Well, where are ya?
The second man says, I'm over here…on the swing.

So I saw these two guys fighting with a woman over her purse.

Being my first time in downtown New York, I didn't know if I should help out or intervene. Reluctantly I decided to lend a hand. Between the three of us, it didn't take us long to get the purse away from her.
~Garrison Keillor

A couple of whales.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."

At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".

Does it hurt anymore?

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"

The priest, laywer, and engineer

By chance, a priest, a laywer, and an engineer find themselves in line to be guillotined. They demand that the priest steps up, and he reluctantly does so. They put his head in the guillotine and pull the rope, but to everyone's surprise, nothing happens. The priest declares that he was saved by divine intervention, and they let him go.
They then make the lawyer step up to the guillotine. They pull the rope and again, nothing happens. The lawyer reminds them that he cannot be executed twice for the same crime, and so they reluctantly let him go.
Then they make the engineer step up, and they put his head in the guillotine. The engineer says, "Oh wait, *here's* your problem.."

A genie gives a man three wishes...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

A blonde woman dyes her hair red....

A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

Doctor doctor...

...I feel like a tree.
Doctor: *arms folded/quizzical look on his face* Ok. Stand up straight please and raise your arms slowly.
Me: *reluctantly does as asked*
Doctor: Ahhh I see, don't worry. It looks like you're branching out.

The first Jewish President of the United States is elected.

The night before the inauguration he calls his mother.
"Mom, I'd love for you to come visit and stay with me during the inauguration and for a few days."
"Oh I don't know, airfare is so expensive these days."
"Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!"
"Oh, but you know, cab fare is ridiculous."
"Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here."
"But accommodations, especially during the inau---"
"MOM!! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!"
She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend.
"Who was that?"
"My son."
*gasp* "The doctor??"
"No, the other one."

A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......

The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"

A man walks up to a night club and tries to enter.

The bouncer turns him away saying he needs to wear a tie or something around his neck.
The man walks back to his car and comes back a few minutes later with some jumper cables around his neck.
The bouncer reluctantly lets him in saying, "alright, but don't start anything"

A young man on his first date.

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have s**... when the girl stopped. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**.... The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl. Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…

Man comes home furious from work

And the wife asks what has happened
Angrily the man replies - I wont ever work there if my boss doesn't take his words back!
The wife asks - What so terrible did he say?

Reluctantly the man answers - YOU'RE FIRED!

After talking with his girlfriend Kim, Steve reluctantly decided it was best to ask for her father's permission to get married.

"So," said Kim's father, "you want to be my son-in-law, do you?"
Not particularly, " Steve responded, "but if I want to marry your daughter I haven't much choice, have I?"

"Doctor I haven't f**... in 5 years."

A woman goes to the doctor and she reluctantly tells him, "Doctor I haven't f**... in 5 years."
The doctor looks puzzled for a moment and he writes her a prescription. "Pick this up at your local pharmacy, and come back in a week."
A week later she comes back and says, "Doc I don't think those pills helped at all, and worse now everything stinks to high heavens!"
"Good!" he says. "We've unplugged your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing."

A young blonde, on vacation in Louisiana, wanted a pair of alligator shoes...

but was reluctant to pay high New Orleans prices.
She stomped out of the store and headed for the swamp.
Later, as the shopkeeper drove home, he spotted the blonde standing waist-deep in a bayou, shotgun in hand, with a huge alligator closing in.
She took aim and shot the creature between the eyes.
The shopkeeper watched in amazement as she struggled to haul the carcass onto an embankment where several other dead alligators were lined up.
Oh, no! the blonde shouted in dismay.
This one isn't wearing any shoes either!

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.

Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby.

A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs, fell on the ground & rolled around in pain.
She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor. Reluctantly he agreed. She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside. She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great, but I still think my thumb is broken"

I think Jobs are too snoopy when it comes to our private s**... lives

Whenever it has the spot on the application that says s**...: , as a young man, I'm always just slightly caught off guard. I reluctantly put my number of times there.
Sometimes it provides me with the choice of M or F online. I always select the F for few. Hopefully one day I'll be able to put M for many
As an aside, for some reason, the people I meet during the interview always seem confused at first

The Pope, Billy Graham, and o**... Roberts were in a three-way plane c**... over the Pacific Ocean.

They all died and went to heaven together. "Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter. "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back..."Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "l**..., this is St. Peter. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a few of days. What d'ya say?" Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. However, two days later... St. Peter got a call. "Pete, this is l**.... Hey, you gotta come get these guys. This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning.

3 farmers.

3 farmers were sitting at the local cafe drinking coffee. The subject of the lottery and what they would do if they won came up.
"I think I would take some time off and go on a cruise. I've always wanted to go on a cruise." Said the first farmer.
"First thing I would do is buy a fancy sports car. I've always wanted a fast car." said the second farmer.
The third farmer was sitting quietly, fidgeting a little. "Come on, what would you do with your millions?" Asked the other two farmers.
Reluctantly the third farmer answered "I reckon I would just go on farming like I have been until the money runs out"

A woman drags her husband to the doctor,

He's been complaining for weeks about a sore stomach. The doc gives the man a full workover and deduces he is missing a vital enzyme mainly found in dog food. Reluctantly they agree to put him on the pet food diet to save his life.
A week later the doc sees her walking the street and asks how he's doing. "He's dead" She replies. The doc is understandably upset "How, dog food is not toxic?" She wipes a tear and says "He was hit by a car in the middle of the road l**... his g**..."

I woke up last night from a noise somewhere in the house.

My wife turned to me and whispered "It must be a thief. Go downstairs and check."
Reluctantly, i went downstairs. I checked every room but couldn't find the thief.
I knew this sneaky guy was hiding somewhere but where?
Then i remembered- i don't have a wife.

I tried having my mother's phone disconnected, but customer service told me that since the account was in my dad's name, he'd have to be the one to put in the request.....

The fact that he'd been dead for 40 years didn't sway the rep. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right?
Well, yes, she said reluctantly. But that would ruin his credit.

A woman playing golf hits a nearby man...

She rushes over to the man who is on the ground, rolling around screaming in pain with his hands between his legs.
She profusely apologizes and offers to relieve his pain since she is a doctor and reluctantly he agrees. She gently moves his hands to his sides and unzips his pants and puts her hands inside. She massages him tenderly for a few minutes and asks: "How does it feel?"
He replies: "It feels great but I still think my thumb is broken".

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo

He pestered his parents for days.
Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when
one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**...." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.

So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.

A substitute teacher enters the class and asks:

"What do we call it when a muscle moves in our body involuntarily?"
No answer comes from the students. After waiting for a while the teacher decides to move on with another topic, but he sees a reluctant hand rising from the back row. The teacher tells him to answer. The kid replies:
"A tick, sir"
"Very good, son! What is your name?"
"Tavit"

Help

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

A guy is record shopping at a local music store…

and goes up to the clerk and says I'm looking for that classic 90s Seattle grunge sound on vinyl if you carry it. Clerk says reluctantly, I'm sorry the only styles we carry are children's, Christian, classical, or folk. The man looks puzzled and becomes a tad irate. He responds back saying, You mean to tell me that the only categories you carry here are children's, Christian, classical, or folk? The cashier looks at the guy and says, Well yeah, there's no alternative.

Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery

Oh it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time.
Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no Police like Holmes.

My doctor sent me for a prostate exam to the nearest hospital. I went, reluctantly, got called in the office and patiently suffered through the very personal examination.

When the examining surgeon left, a nurse came in and asked a question that sent shivers down my soul: Who the heck was that?

Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one

It's 10 pm and a rich businessman, Mr. Bestetti, is working at his home office when his wife enters the room shouting: "I have talked with our priest, he told me everything! You cheat on me by going to the s**...! I am going to go to the lawyer and get a divorce, and you'll give me half of everything, even of our offshore secret bank account!"
To this the husband replies: "No, darling. I actually only go to the club when I have worked for long hours with a foreign businessman. At the end of the day he is tired, doesn't know what to do, so I accompany him and leave him there."
The wife doesn't seem convinced, so she asks to go to the s**... with her husband and check. The husband reluctantly agrees.
At the entrance, the bouncer greets them: "Good evening Mr. Bestetti!" The husband quickly explains to his wife: "This bouncer is actually the brother of one of my employees, I found him this job, that's why he knows me and greets me so kindly."
In the hall, a waitress also greets them and says: "I will give you your favourite table, Mr Bestetti, right in front of the stage." The wife starts shouting, but Mr Bestetti silences her: "I am a very important businessman. The waitress is just showing me respect and giving me a special table."
Inside, another waitress approaches them, brings a cigar to Mr Bestetti and says: "Here's your favourite cigar, Mr Bestetti." The wife is getting quite angry, but he immediately clarifies: "She also works at the tobacconist near my office during the day, that's why she knows which cigars I prefer."
Meanwhile, a group of girls is dancing and on the stage. At the end, the nicest girl remains on her own on the stage and starts removing all of her clothes. At the end she gets her underwear off, holds it up and asks the audience: "To whom shall I gif them?" To which the audience responds in a chorus: "To Mr Bestetti!"
The wife gets mad and starts shouting to her husband. "Cheater! b**...! You were lying to me all along!" she says, before storming out of the building and jumping in a taxi.
Mr Bestetti follows her quickly and manages to enter the same taxi, but she keeps screaming and also repeatedly hitting him with her purse.
After a while, the taxi driver turns back and says: "Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old, ugly and spiteful one!

Reluctantly joke, Mr Bestetti, we have carried a lot of prostitutes here, but I don't remember ever seeing such an old